"Jove!" I said delightedly, placing the comb in her outstretched hand and pressing it--the hand, I mean, dash it! "I _do_, don't you know! I trust you all in all!"

CHAPTER x.x.x

THE JUDGE FIXES "FOXY GRANDPA"

"But tell you, sir, he is _not_ my son!" The judge was bending over the desk 'phone as I looked in a half hour later. His voice rose in a crescendo of rage: "Wha--what's _that_? Do I want to speak with him?

Certainly _not_, sir--and I _won't_!... Um, yes--John W. Billings--yes, that's his name.... Stuff and nonsense, sir! He's up-stairs now in his room.... Says what?"--the judge's eyes rolled frowningly upward as he listened; then he licked his lips and bent again, speaking with pa.s.sionate incisiveness: "Why, dammit, man, I've just this minute been talking to him--just left him, y'understand.... _Certainly_ your man's an impostor--_you_ ought to know that!... Yes, this is Judge Billings, himself.... Eh? Oh, that's all _right_, but now let me tell you something"--he cleared his throat and gathered his voice in cold, deliberate accents: "You let me be annoyed again from your precinct, and I can promise _you_ that.... Um, well that's all right then.... 'Bye!"

He banged the receiver to the hook and faced about, muttering things to himself.

"Well, upon my word! Of all the--excuse me, Lightnut!" He wiped his forehead, his glance abstracted and scowling. "Somebody is putting this fool up to this--somebody trying to annoy me!" He uttered a short laugh that was more of a snort. "There's some fool lunatic down in New York that they've arrested and he's got a bug that he's my son! This is the second offense. Caused me to lose two hours from my office yesterday in the city and upset me for the whole day! And me so busy! busy!"--his hands lifted toward the papers on the table--"so busy I can hardly"--another snort, and he relighted his cigar, puffing savagely--"looks like there's just one fool thing after another interrupting me or absorbing my time!"

"Jolly shame, you know!" I responded, dropping sympathetically into a chair. I pushed the papers to one side so I could rest my elbow on the table edge; besides, I saw they were fretting him--could tell by his glances, you know.

For another thing, I had got hold of a devilish shrewd idea I wanted to break to him--about this chap who was pretending to be his son. I remembered that the old rascal who had invaded my rooms had tried to make me believe that _I_ was his bosom friend.

"Oh, I say, you know," I began, declining a cigar and selecting a cigarette from my case, "I've an idea!"

And I faced him impressively.

"You've _what_?"--he straightened forward, with a kind of twisted smile--interested, you know--"whatever makes you think _that_, my boy?"

I waited, sending a long, thin smoke funnel upward. Kept him expectant, you see, and gave me time to get hold of the corners of the jolly thing myself. Catch the point? So devilish important when you have to lift an idea, don't you know.

"Rather fancy your chap's the same one I know of," I drawled, "an oldish duffer--white mutton-chops--beefy sort of face--sunburn line and baldish--all that sort of thing!"

"Well, by-y-y George!"--he slapped his hand down--"I should say that _was_ a real idea! And you say you know this crazy fool?"

"Crazy? He's not crazy!" I exclaimed indignantly, thinking of her pajamas. "And he's no more _fool_ than I am!"

He fell back with a grunt. "Oh, well, I _know_--but--"

He coughed. By Jove, he seemed disappointed, somehow!

I proceeded calmly: "Real truth is, the beggar's a notorious criminal, known to the police as Foxy Grandpa--pretends all sorts of things about people, don't you know."

"My dear Lightnut,"--he was staring at me, mouth distended--"why--how the devil do _you_ know this?"

I inhaled deliberately. "Awfully simple, don't you know," I responded quietly; and I let him wait till I had blown six rings. "Fact is, _I'm_ the one sent him to jail!"

"You!"--his laugh was frankly amused, incredulous.

"Oh, yes!"--carelessly--"found the fellow thieving in my rooms the other night and called in police--oh, they recognized him in a minute!"

He looked floored. "Well, what do you think of that?" he murmured slowly. Then his face flushed and he sat erect. "And so _that's_ all the crazier the ruffian is--_that's_ the kind of smart Alex that's been trying to get gay with me--with _me_!" He started up, snorting like a war-horse--"Huh! Well, _two_ can play at that game, and"--his eyes twinkled wrathfully--"I'll show him who's got the best hand! I'll just--"

The rest trailed off in a mutter. He had dropped beside the telephone again, his cigar crushed firmly in the corner of his mouth, his gray mustache bristling aggressively. I tried to trace the family resemblance to Frances, but clashed if I could see a single point. And while I was thinking of this, he got his number.

"Yes, yes," I heard, "I _do_ want to speak to him personally--this is Judge Billings!"--a moment, and then: "Morning, Commissioner--this is Billings.... Fine, thank you!... Oh, no! No bad effects at all--takes more than that to throw a seasoned old diner like my--.... What say?"--a cackling chuckle--"yes, I knew the dinner would loosen _him_ up! Had his promise before we left the table; Soakem heard him--so did Benedict....

Yes--_oh_, yes; he's got it--had it with me, you know, _in case_!...

No-o-o, of course not; not a single line or sc.r.a.p!"--a lower drop of tone--"just in a plain, blank envelope--best way always, you know....

Yes, that gives us a safe margin in the Senate now, not even counting upon what they do in committee--and Soakem'll take care of that end....

Yes, he went back to Albany this morning--he says the bill's safely deader'n Hector _now_.... Er, by the way, Commissioner,"--the judge cleared his throat and his voice sobered: "Little favor I want to ask--h'm! I'm being greatly annoyed by some low vagabond confined at one of the stations.... _Yes_, I really mean it!--Captain Clutchem's precinct, you know--and this ruffian insists to them that he's my son.... No, _indeed_, I'm not joking at all.... All right, you may laugh, but I fail to appreciate the funny side, myself--especially now, you know, when I'm up to my neck in this merger case.... How's that?

What do I want _done_? Oh, I wouldn't venture to say as to _that_! I leave that to _you_!... _I_ know.... Yes, I understand all that, but ...

wait--wait just a minute! Now you listen--"

The judge concentrated more intensely over the instrument.

"You know what you asked me to do when I saw you last night--and I refused"--another voice drop--"with the mayor, you know? Well--now listen--you make a.s.surance that this scoundrel will not bother me for thirty days and--well, I give you my word that I'll do all I can to bring things the way you want.... Good!... What'll you do with him? Why, what in Sam Hill do _I_ care what you do with him?... Oh, but _say_, Commissioner--yes, I do care, too!"--a laugh here like a jolly fiend--"I _shouldn't_ like for him to be put away off in some nice, damp, dark cell to cool off--he! he! he!--y'understand?"

He got so mixed up in his chuckling and coughing that he couldn't get out another word for a moment. Then--

"Oh, no! _Cer_-tainly not; nor one too hot and airless, as you say--he!

he! he! And don't put him--don't put him--" the judge was gasping for air now--"don't put him on bread and water, or anything of that kind, nor in a cell with rude, rough men who would tame his playful spirit--he! he! he!--oh, _don't_ do that!... What say? I didn't quite catch--" And then, dash it, it seemed he _did_ catch it, for he began waving his arm and pounding the desk. "Oh--oh, no, that would be _too_ bad--really!... Eh? Oh, well, you know best--it's up to you now!...

'Bye, and many thanks, Commissioner! Eh? All right, to-morrow then at one at the Lawyers' Club--you can go over again the points of what you want with the mayor. 'Bye!"

And with good humor perfectly restored, he faced me, wabbling like a jolly jellyfish.

"'S greatest joke ever heard of in my life!" he chortled.

"Oh, I say, how did you find Jack?" I asked, for that was the thing I had begun to think of.

His face collapsed so dashed sudden, I was afraid it would break. And from being a peppery red, he changed to a devilish sickly yellow.

"Awful!" he said jerkily. "Something awful!" And he groaned like a jolly horse in pain. "Went up there, you know, but--" his hands lifted and dropped; he shook his head--"didn't seem to know me at all--was sitting there in his pajamas examining with a magnifying gla.s.s some leaves he had pulled at the window. Seems obsessed with some crazy patter of talk I couldn't understand--poor fellow!" The judge sighed. "Only thing he seemed to want me to do for him was to promise to wear his pajamas to-night--pajamas seem to be the focus of his malady this time."

I swallowed pretty hard and looked down.

"I promised," continued the judge gloomily. "And I'll do it--oh, yes, anything to humor him! He's to put them outside his door to-night--it's his own whim, you know." He went on moodily: "He won't allow any luncheon sent up; says if not too much trouble, would be grateful for two and one-half ounces of unleavened bread and clabber--what the devil's _clabber_?"

I had never heard of it--knew, of course, no one had!

"Well," he said with a deep breath, "we'll just have to do the best we can. Of course, under the circ.u.mstances, it's best for him to keep his apartment--Oh, say, would you like to go up?"

"Oh--er--think not!" I stammered. "Don't believe I--"

"You're right! You're right!" He pursed his lips: "Too pitiful a sight--only sadden you!" He began gathering up the papers behind my arm, though I murmured that they were not in my way at all. The cathedral chimes in the hall had played the half hour. The judge strolled over to the French windows that opened upon the loggia.

"I say, Lightnut, have you ever noticed the view from out here?" he asked briskly. "Fine, you know! Nice to sit here and watch the boats--have you your cigarettes? _Oh_, yes! Try _this_ chair! Now, if you'll excuse me I'll be with you in--"

"Luncheon is served!" intoned a human machine.

"Ah-h!" The judge's tone evinced satisfaction. "My dear Lightnut," his hand upon my arm, "do you know I look upon you as so nearly one of us--?"

"Thank you, judge!" I said feelingly. By Jove, it was devilish comfy to have her father so jolly friendly about it!