We had a pinata for the kids, red, white & blue martinis for the adults, a bonfire and a whole lot of fantastic food made by yours truly. I even built a make-shift tiki bar for the occasion. Jake joked around and told me I could forget social work and go into party planning or catering instead.

It was about an hour before the guests were to arrive. I was in the kitchen dipping strawberries into white chocolate and blue sugar when Jake came in and s.n.a.t.c.hed one of the freshly dipped strawberries and shoved it into his mouth before I could protest.

"Hey!" I yelled. I tried to swat his hand but I was too late. "No eating until the guests arrive!"

"I needed to make sure they were good before you tried to serve them," he said with a smirk.

He didn't know it, but he was messing with the wrong person. GLL Challenge #16 was to start a food fight, and I just so happened to have a great weapon sitting on the counter right next to me: a bowl of white fluff salad that was going to go over the red and blue Jell-O. He was still chewing the strawberry and smirking at me when I picked up a spoonful of fluff and flung it at him like a slingshot. I had better aim than I thought and hit him right on his chin. Go me!

He looked startled at first, then surprised, but then his expression turned mischievous as he grabbed the spoon from my hand. I backed away from the fluff bowl in fear.

"Jake," I begged. "I spent an hour on my hair and makeup. Please don't."

He aimed it for my chest and a big glob of white fluff landed right in the middle of my cleavage and sunk down into my tank top.

"That was a three-pointer!" he yelled. "And the crowd roars."

"Okay, you got me. But let's play nice now. I really did spend a long time on my hair."

"Oh no," he said, shaking his head. "You can't start a food fight and wimp out on me."

He slung another spoonful and this time caught my shoulder, missing my hair by less than an inch.

"Seriously, Jake! Watch the hair!"

Before I could even clean up my shoulder, he hit me on my chest again. That was when I got p.i.s.sed. I took the ponytail holder off my wrist and, very carefully, pulled my hair up, not taking my eyes off Jake for a second. I lunged for the spoon but I slipped on a bit of fluff and, like a total chick-flick cliche, went crashing into him, knocking us both to the floor. Jennifer Lopez would have been proud.

"OmiG.o.d!" I squealed, scanning his face and head for injuries. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? I'm so sorry!" I sat up, which was a bad move because it meant I was sitting right on top of him. And in my thin yoga pants I could feel everything. d.a.m.n!

Adam walked in the back door and saw us on the floor.

"What the h.e.l.l?" he asked.

If my face wasn't already red from the food fight, it was definitely red after being caught in a compromising position by my brother. I was mortified, but Jake just laughed.

"Your sister started it," he said.

"Whatever," Adam said looking annoyed. "Just clean it up and get your s.h.i.t together. People are going to be here soon."

When Adam walked out of the kitchen, Jake grinned at me. I tried to get up, but he put a hand on each of my hips to keep me in place. He pulled me down even closer to him and I could tell he was having as hard a time being in this position as I was. Pun intended.

"Your face is so red right now," he said with a grin. "Are you sure you want to get off me? Or would you rather get off on me?"

I gasped at his nerve. Then I bit my lip. He had a point. I did not want to get up.

"Since you're the one who doesn't want this," he said, "I'd really appreciate it if you stopped throwing yourself at me. Or on me."

I laughed, knowing he was only messing with me, and he smiled back.

I tried to get up again and this time he let me.

"Rain check?" he called out as I walked out of the kitchen.

Jake spent a lot of time at the party behind the bar making the martinis. You'd think he'd hate making drinks when he wasn't at work, but he loved it. I could tell he had a lot of fun. I could also tell things hadn't changed much since I'd worked at The Bar. A few girls he worked with showed up, and every single one of them flirted shamelessly with him. What is it about someone else wanting something that made me want it even more?

Allison's in-laws picked up the kids at about nine. That was when the real party started. Jake's martinis were a bit too tasty because I'm pretty sure I had at least two too many. By the time everyone left around 2am, I had enough liquid courage in me to do something I'd been meaning to do for a while.

"Jake," I whispered.

He was gathering the alcohol from the bar to bring back in the house. "Yeah?" he whispered back.

"I have a really good idea."

"What's that?"

"We should go skinny-dipping in someone else's pool."

"Why can't we just skinny-dip in our own pool?"

"Because that's boring."

"Whose pool should we use?"

"I was thinking the neighbor with the two boys would be a good one. You know how much she loves skinny-dipping."

He smiled and nodded. "You're right. That does sound like a great idea."

"I'll go get us some towels."

Jake and I walked next door in nothing but our towels. In my head, I had imagined a quiet, romantic game of cat and mouse, with steam coming from the water and maybe a kiss or two. But Jake ran into their backyard, threw his towel to the wind and did a cannonball into the deep end. I laughed hysterically as I tended to do when I was drunk. I barely had time to jump in before I saw a light come on in one of the second floor windows. We both scrambled to get out of the pool and grabbed our towels before we took off running.

We didn't get busted by the neighbor, but were not so lucky when it came to being busted by Adam. He was putting food away in the kitchen when we came barging in, dripping from head to toe and wearing nothing but towels.

"Seriously?" he said. "What is with you two? You're acting like teenagers!"

That made us laugh even harder.

It was approaching three, but I didn't feel tired yet. I was on a roll with my GLL Challenges and didn't feel like stopping.

"I think I'm gonna go dry off, put on my pajamas and sleep outside tonight," I told them (GLL Challenge #19 Sleep outside overnight). "It's so nice out. You guys wanna come with me? The fire is still going and we could make s'mores."

"I have to get some sleep," Adam said. "I have to be back at work by ten."

I looked at Jake. A sober me would have known that inviting Jake to spend the night with me wasn't a good idea, but the non-sober me was very naughty and had a habit of putting her hands up in the air and saying, "I just don't give a f.u.c.k." It's the reason I didn't drink often.

"I don't know if I want to sleep outside," he said. "But I'll make s'mores with you."

I'm not sure what all happened after that, but I woke up to the sound of the alarm on my cell phone going off at 6am. I must have set it to wake me up in time to watch the sunrise, GLL Challenge #14.

I was on one of the chaise lounges by the pool. I didn't know who did it, either me or Jake, but one of us had pulled another chair right up against mine and that was where Jake was starting to wake up from the sound of my alarm. We were both covered up by a quilt my mom had made years ago.

"What happened?" I asked him. I felt very groggy after only two hours of sleep and I thought I might still be a little drunk, too. I noticed a bottle of water and a bottle of Tylenol sitting on the plastic end table next to my chair. Thank you, Magic Hangover Genie. I swallowed two pills and handed both bottles to Jake, who gladly accepted them.

"Nothing," he told me. "You pa.s.sed out as soon as you sat down." He took two pills and then stretched his arms and neck.

"I thought you didn't want to sleep outside."

"I wasn't gonna leave you out here by yourself."

"Did you bring the blanket?"

He nodded.

"And the water and pills?"

He nodded again.

"Oh," was all I said. Sometimes it was hard to believe anyone could be as nice as Jake. I knew bringing a blanket to a sleeping person was something a lot of people would have done, but having been with a man who wasn't very nice to me for so long, I just wasn't used to it. But I could definitely get used to it. "Thanks."

"No big deal."

"Want to watch the sunrise with me before we go inside?" I asked.

"I know a place where can get a better view," he said. "Let's go for a ride."

We grabbed the blanket and got into his Jeep. I knew where we were going, but I acted surprised when he pulled into my lot, our lot, with not a minute to spare.

I tucked my legs under me, covered us both up with the quilt, and leaned my head on his shoulder from the pa.s.senger seat. As we watched the stars vanish and the pink sun light up the sky, I truly realized how deeply I'd missed him these last few years. It felt more important than ever that I didn't lose him as my friend. I wanted to tell him then how much I'd missed him and how glad I was that he was a part of my life again. I should have. But I didn't.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

A few days later I slept until 11am like the slacker I was. I did what I did every morning (or afternoon) when I woke up. I went downstairs for coffee. But when I walked into the kitchen I nearly screamed out loud.

There was a girl in the kitchen. She had her back to me and was standing on her tiptoes on one of our barstools, reaching into the top shelf of a cupboard. She had long, dark, wavy hair and was wearing what looked like a men's light blue b.u.t.ton-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and no pants. Either she was wearing no underwear at all, or she had on a thong because her bare b.u.t.t cheeks were sticking out from under the shirt. From the back she was perfection. It was as if a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader was standing in my kitchen.

She turned to look at me when she heard me come in and when she did, the front of her shirt opened to reveal some side-b.o.o.b. No, she was not wearing a bra under her shirt. And yes, her face was just as perfect as her b.u.t.t. Lucky b.i.t.c.h.

"Hi!" she said in a way-too-perky voice. She probably really was a cheerleader. "You must be Adam's little sister!"

Being called a "little sister" by someone who was probably a decade younger than me was a bit condescending and annoying, but I was so glad she was with my brother and not Jake that I let her comment slide and breathed a big sigh of relief. Not that I wanted to see my brother's s.e.xual conquests naked in my kitchen and, trust me, he would hear about it later, but it was a billion times better than seeing Jake's s.e.xual conquests, even if they were fully dressed in ugly, baggy clothes with dirty hair and no makeup. Because even that would suck. Seeing that Jake hooked up with a girl this hot in the same house where I was sleeping a bedroom away, would kill me. Just because I had stopped our sequel from happening, didn't mean I was ready to see him with someone else.

"Jake's told me so much about you!" she continued as she hopped off the stool (she was wearing a thong thank you, G.o.d!) and held out her hand, which opened the shirt even more and revealed her perfectly perky C-cups.

Before I even knew what was happening, Jake stood up from behind the kitchen island and set his camera down on it.

"Good morning, Rox," he said, smiling like nothing was wrong with this scenario at all, "Or is it afternoon yet?"

I was so confused. Why was there a mostly naked girl in my kitchen? Where was my brother? Why was Jake hiding behind the island? What did I walk in on? Who the h.e.l.l was this girl?

"I'm Carmen, by the way," Miss Perky-In-Every-Way said, as if she read my mind.

Carmen! Carmen was the girl Adam asked Jake about that one night! Carmen must be one of Jake's flings one that began way before I arrived in Michigan and was apparently still going on.

I knew I wasn't Jake's girlfriend, but I never imagined I was merely a fling within a fling!

I'm so stupid! What was I thinking getting involved with him again? He's still the same different-DNA-on-the-sheets-every-week guy he's always been. I can't believe I was so effing stupid to think he ever cared about me!

I knew all along things would not end well. Jake was a dead-end road! He didn't do relationships. I was never going to be anything more to him than a convenient live-in lay so it was a good thing I put an end to it. Ugh, why do I have to be so stupid sometimes?

I didn't say anything in the kitchen. I was speechless. I kept looking from one to the other, waiting for some logical explanation that had nothing to do with s.e.x an explanation I knew would not be coming, because there was no other explanation for this.

As irrational and childish as it was, I had the urge to pick up his camera and smash it on the floor. I wanted to throw something, and break something, and hurt something he cared about it because I felt so hurt inside.

I didn't shake the hand she held out. She eventually dropped it and used it to close her shirt. Then she also looked back and forth between Jake and me. She looked confused. I bet.

Confrontations were not my style. Even if I could've a.s.sembled some comprehensive thoughts and formed complete sentences at that time (and I couldn't), I wouldn't have started anything with either of them. As I turned around and walked out of the kitchen, I held my chin high, so as not to look like the desolate loser I felt like.

Once I was out of the kitchen and safe from their view, I ran up the stairs, into my room and closed the door before the tears began to fall.

Why did I ever think it was a good idea to come here? I was looking for a fresh start but all I did was move backwards! I've been here a month, and I'm no closer to a so-called better life than I was when I got here. I have no job, no life, and no purpose. I'm like a waste of s.p.a.ce on the couch. In fact, if Jake and Adam threw a piece of leather over me, I could BE the couch!

I'd only met with Violet twice, but didn't seem to be making a difference to her since she had just been caught stealing lip-gloss from CVS. I couldn't go to school for another year. I was too embarra.s.sed to get a job because the only job I knew how to do was one that I was ashamed of. I never saw my brother because of his work. My BFF had a life of her own. And the cherry on top of this s.h.i.t-sundae was that I'd had s.e.x unprotected s.e.x with the biggest player in Ann Arbor who had just made a fool of me in my own house! One thing I probably had was an STD. One thing I definitely did not have was a future here in Ann Arbor, and there was no reason for me to be here. No reason at all.

I pulled a weekender bag out of my closet and started mindlessly throwing things into it as tears fell freely down my face and burned my cheeks. As much as I would love to go back home to NYC, I knew I couldn't afford it. There was only one place I could think to go Florida. Maybe my dad could pull some strings and get me a late acceptance into the MSW program at his school ... if they even had an MSW program. I knew my parents would let me stay at their condo until I could get on my feet and get my own place. I wouldn't mind being a barmaid on a beach. For some reason, serving drinks on a beach seemed a lot more sophisticated and respectable than serving drinks to a bunch of drunk and arrogant college kids in Ann Arbor. Yes, I could totally do this. I could move and get a real fresh start, not just an opportunity to remake mistakes all over again. Not a re-do, but a clean slate.

"Rox?" Jake tapped on the door.

No. He couldn't see me crying. He couldn't know how hurt I was about the cheerleader in the kitchen. I couldn't let him see how much I cared. He could never know. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice steady.

"I can't talk right now, Jake," I said. "I'm not dressed."

"It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

Don't remind me, a.s.shole! What a jerk thing to say right now!

I took another deep breath to keep my voice from wavering. "Please get away from my room, Jake. I do not wish to speak with you."

"You do not wish to speak with me?" he mocked me. "Why are you talking like a robot? Are you okay? You know that wasn't what it looked like."

If I wasn't so upset I would have laughed out loud at that overused line. "I'm fine," I said in my calm robot voice. "Please let me be alone right now."