'I'm holding up,' I said.

'She's one tough little cookie,' Lonnie observed. 'How much longer d'you think she can keep it up?'

'I have no idea,' I said. 'How much longer can I?'

Lonnie laughed and patted me on the shoulder.

'Oh, you're only getting warmed up.'

'There's no way we can put her on the bus,' I said. 'She'd cause a crash.'

'So what's the alternative?'

'I hold her until she calms down, then Tush and I will bring her home. You all right with that, Tush?'

'Sure,' Tush said.

Lonnie nodded. 'All righty, then. Do I take it that I have custody of Millie tonight?'

I grinned through the strain. 'I think that might be wise,' I said. 'Better to be safe than sorry.'

Lonnie stood. 'Maybe I should have my lawyer draw up some sort of agreement,' he said. 'I think you're taking advantage of my good nature. You just a.s.sume I'll take her any time you feel like swanning off. It's not good enough.'

'You're such a prima donna,' I said.

'I'll remember you said that, you b.i.t.c.h,' Lonnie said. 'See you later.'

It took Milandra an hour to run out of steam. Her bellows fell off into dull moans, and then to a sort of intermittent whimpering. From where I sat I could see the child's struggles mirrored in Tush's face the poor girl seemed to feel every wave of pain Milandra experienced. I admired her for it. Such profound empathy is rare, even among childcare workers.

When Milandra had been silent for five minutes, I felt her sag against me and knew exhaustion had finally taken her. 'Honey, I'm going to let go,' I said. 'But first I want you to promise that you're not going to attack either me or Tush, and that you're not going to run away, or try to smash the room up. Do we have a deal?'

There was no response.

'I know you're tired, sweetie, but you're going to have to answer me, or I'm going to keep holding on to you. I don't want to, but I won't have a choice.'

'I'll be good,' Milandra whimpered. 'I won't try 'n' hurt n.o.body. I promise.'

I released my arms, and the little girl slid on to the floor and stayed there. I staggered up and nearly fell over: my legs had gone to sleep. Using the wall I made it to a chair and sat there, ma.s.saging the blood back into circulation. Tush went over to Milandra and stroked her head, talking gently to her. 'You feel better, baby girl?' she asked.

'I feel sick,' Milandra said.

'You think you're going to be sick?'

'Yeah!'

Milandra rolled over and threw up a brightly complexioned mixture of semi-digested Colour Cake and juice on to the floor. She continued to retch for a few minutes, then seemed to be a little better, so Tush brought her down to the bean bags and made her comfortable, putting a blanket over her.

'She's worn herself out,' Tush said, as we cleaned up the vomit.

'Her and us too,' I said.

'What the h.e.l.l set her off?' Tush asked. 'I mean, I've never seen her happier. It was one of the nicest moments we've had since I've been here. Then I don't know what happened. It was like she turned into a different child, like something else took over.'

'I don't know,' I said. We went into the kitchen and emptied the bucket of disinfectant-laced water. 'I've worked with kids before who didn't believe they deserved to be happy. They railed against it, caused things to go wrong in their lives every time situations looked like improving. I wonder if that's what Milandra does. Today it was as if the idea that she was loved was just too much for her to cope with.'

Tush wrung out the mop. 'But why? Isn't being loved a good thing?'

I thought about that. 'Want some coffee?'

'Please.'

I put on the kettle and spooned some grounds into the cafetiere. 'When people love you, particularly if you love them back, they can hurt you you make yourself vulnerable. If you think everybody hates you, well, it's no big deal when they let you down. For a kid who really fears rejection, being hated might be a lot easier.'

Tush looked glumly at the kettle as it started to steam. 'She's so young to be thinking in that way.'

'I don't reckon any of it's conscious. But I think that is one very confused and unhappy little girl.'

Tush sighed deeply. 'So what do we do about it?'

'Well,' I said, 'when she wakes up, we take her home and have a very long and frank discussion with her parents.'

'Oh, good,' Tush said. 'I love confrontation.'

When the coffee was made I rang Milandra's home, and spoke to her grandmother, explaining as briefly as I could what had happened and that we would be dropping the child home as soon as she was fit to travel.

It was another two hours before we were all in Tush's Volkswagen Golf. Milandra had woken up and asked for a drink of water, then meekly said she would like to go home, please. She sat in the back seat, gazing out of the window, treating Tush and me as if we were not there.

Tush knew the way to Milandra's which was just as well, because I had only a vague recollection, and was too tired to think deeply about it. We were there within forty minutes. The child looked so drained when we parked outside the detached bungalow, one of ten on a tree-lined street, that I asked her if she'd like me to carry her. To my great surprise, she nodded. I scooped her up in my arms and took her to the front door.

Our ring was answered by a very beautiful blond woman dressed in a crisp white shirt and designer jeans. I would have put her at around my own age thirty-five years old. She had concern writ large across her sculpted face. 'I'm Felicity, Landra's mother,' she said, holding out her arms for the little girl. 'Please come in.'

We followed her into a tastefully decorated hallway and through to the living room.

'She's had quite an afternoon, I'm afraid,' I said. 'Gave us something of a scare.'

Milandra wrapped her arms around her mother's neck, her head resting on her shoulder.

'I'm so sorry,' Felicity said. 'She's always been very highly strung.'

'My concern is that she could have hurt Mitzi badly,' I said. 'Does she fly into these blind rages at home?'

'Almost every day,' Felicity said, laughing nervously. 'Sometimes she scares me, too. I don't know what gets into her.'

'She's a very clever girl,' Tush said. 'She can read well above the standard for her age, and her levels of numeracy are excellent. She should be at school. It's her behaviour that's stopping her.'

'What should I do?' Felicity said. 'My mother says we over-indulge her. That we should spank her.'

'I'm not suggesting that for a second,' I said, 'but maybe you do need to set some clear boundaries and stick with them. Milandra must see that violence and aggression are unacceptable ways of expressing herself.'

As I said this, a door opened behind me and a tall, extremely handsome man came out, wearing what looked to be an expensive suit, his top b.u.t.ton open and his silk tie hanging loose.

'Tony, these are the workers from Landra's creche,' Felicity said.

The man walked straight up to me and came very close. We would have been nose to nose had I been taller, but I found myself peering at his ample chest. I had to raise my head to look him in the eye.

'You have trouble handling my daughter, Mr Dunphy?'

'No,' I said, hardly believing what I was hearing. 'I think I handled her quite well actually.'

'I heard she broke things, attacked other children,' Tony continued. He p.r.o.nounced every word very precisely. 'You cannot keep your charges under control.'

'I don't think it's appropriate for two of the adults in your daughter's life to be having a conversation like this while she's upset,' I said.

'Because I'm coming close to the truth,' Tony said. 'This makes you uncomfortable.'

'You're making me feel uncomfortable, all right,' I said. 'Come on, Tush.'

'Your job is not an honourable one for a man to do,' Tony said, as I walked towards the door. 'In my country, only one kind of man works with children.'

I spun around, trying to keep anger in check. I had heard this opinion countless times in my career, but I was tired, sore and utterly p.i.s.sed off by this man's antagonistic att.i.tude.

'Tell me,' I said, 'what kind of man works with children in your country.'

'We call him okunrin abokunrinl,' Tony said, smiling like a crocodile might smile at a tapir that has wandered too close to the wrong watering-hole.

'Tony, stop right now,' Felicity said. 'These people are our guests.'

'That's quite all right,' I said. 'And what does that mean?'

'I'm sure you are a resourceful man,' my host said. 'Why don't you find out?'

Tush took my arm. 'Come on, Shane. I think we should go.'

'Yes, your lady would like to leave, now,' Tony said.

He took Milandra from Felicity's arms and kissed her. 'You have been a naughty girl, have you, precious?'

Milandra nodded and cuddled into her father.

'You are a fierce warrior, are you not?' he said.

Sickened, I let Tush lead me out.

Tush said nothing when we got into the car, but she drove like a woman possessed down the narrow country roads, not slowing down until we were two villages away.

'That f.u.c.king horrible, horrible man!' she said, tears starting to stream down her cheeks as she finally let the frustration and unfairness of the experience come to the fore.

'He's a keeper all right,' I said.

She looked at me in disbelief, then burst out laughing. 'I thought he was going to kill you,' she said.

'He's a bit scary,' I agreed. 'Easy to see where Milandra gets it from.'

'What did he call you?'

'I can't remember, to be honest, but I know what it means.'

'Oh?'

'It'd be Yoruba for "eunuch" or "h.o.m.os.e.xual" or "lady-boy" or something of that nature.'

'Because you work with kids.'

'Yup. I've heard it a million times before, and in several languages, actually.'

'Do you know what's kind of a pity?' Tush asked.

'What?'

'That Lonnie wasn't there. I'd have loved to see what Tony and Lonnie would have made of one another.'

It was my turn to laugh. Indeed, Lonnie's reaction to Tony's absurd machismo would have been priceless.

'You like him a lot, don't you?' I asked Tush.

'He's great, yeah.'

'Don't you start acting tough on me!' I said. 'It's not a bad thing to have feelings for someone.'

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye, tapping the steering wheel with her fingers as if it were a bongo drum. 'Yeah. I do like him. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He's funny and cute and brainy, and he's great with the kids.'

'So,' I said, 'are you going to tell him?'

'I don't know how,' she said. 'He's a bit older than me and he has so much experience, and I just feel so ... so young and stupid when I'm around him.'

'Jesus, you're a right f.u.c.king pair,' I said.

I could have told her that she was, in all likelihood, twice as worldly wise as Lonnie, that their age was irrelevant and that he was just as mad about her as she was about him, but I kept my mouth shut. Nature would, I hoped, take its course. In the meantime, all I wanted was a gla.s.s of whiskey, something to eat and a good night's sleep. The rest of the world's problems would just have to wait.

25.

I woke up the next day feeling as if I hadn't slept a wink, although I had actually turned in for the night at just before nine. I made some scrambled eggs and poured a gla.s.s of juice and took it out to the garden. It was already shaping up to be a lovely day, and the birdsong was a welcome alternative to the bad news that dominated on the radio.