=HUSBAND= The next thing to a wife. From Eng. _hussy_, woman, and _bond_, tie. Tied to a woman.

=HYDRANT= From Grk. _hudros_, water, and Eng. _ante_, to give up.

Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).

=HYPOCRITE= A horse dealer. From Grk. _hippos_, horse, and _kroteo_, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.

Home is where the mortgage is.

I

Aim at a chorus-girl and you may hit a star.--_Stage-Door Secrets_.

=ICE= A substance frequently a.s.sociated with a tumble in winter, a tumbler in summer, and a skate the year around.

=ICEMAN= A cool proposition who has Axe-cess to the best families, makes his Weigh in every home and can take his Pick in the kitchen, if he leaves his Chips in the street. "How'd You Like to be The Iceman?"

=IDIOT= From Eng. _idea_, and _out_. One who is just out of ideas.

=IDLE= Useless.

=IDOLIZE= To make useless.

=IMPECUNIOUS= To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. _in_, and Lat. _pecco_, to sin, poverty being the greatest of all sins.

=IMPERIOUS= From Eng. _imp_, devil and _aerial_, airy. Airy as the devil.

=INCANDESCENT LIGHT=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

From Lat. _incendo_, to burn, and Eng. _cent_, meaning money. An invention for burning money.

=INCOME= The reliable offspring of a wise investment. From Lat.

_in_ and _coma_, meaning sleep. Money which works while you sleep.

=INDEPENDENCE= Self government. Good enough for a Cuban, but too good for a Filipino.

=INDIGESTION= A distressing stomach trouble that is sometimes temporarily relieved by kicking the cat or whipping the children.

=INDIVIDUALITY= A harmless trait possessed by one's self. The same trait in others is downright idiocy.

=INDORSE= To write on the back of; the best indorsed man in town being the Sandwich-Man.

=INFANT= A disturber of the peace.

=INFANTRY= A defender of the peace.

=INHABITANT= A native of any village, town or city. =OLDEST INHABITANT= The Champion Liar.

=INTUITION= A fict.i.tious quality in females--really Suspicion.

=IRRITANT= Something which irritates. =COUNTER IRRITANT= A woman shopping.