Jenny We'll soon be having a fine chivaree.

Albert Arabella, my child, your error is extreme. I am Squire Albert, who cherishes you, who loves you--

Arabella My G.o.d, you're going to sing!

Albert Oh, very well. I will sing, and if it's your wish, I will dance, too.

Worthy (opening his paper) A letter, Scratch.

Scratch Ah heaven, what an adventure. The music maestro learns the scale.

Arabella There, mark your time--to take part, you start there. Quickly, come on--one, two, three. (beating time on Albert's head and stamping her feet angrily) Go, go, barbaric musician. Ignorant by nature. Leave off baaing. What raucous frog in the midst of his weedy pond gave you your first singing lesson? Do you give a concert or are you braying or croaking?

Albert I told you already, with no intent to annoy, I do not have the honor to be a musician.

Arabella Why then, stupid know-nothing, do you come to interrupt a concert when your very presence causes a bad turn of events and discord? Did one ever see a donkey try to play clarinet and mix his songs with those of the tender nightingale? Never did a black crow of ill omen trouble the strains of an agreeable warbler--and never in the woods did a sinister owl sing in concert. You are nothing but a sot and never will be anything else in your whole life.

Scratch My master will sing his part nicely. I am his guarantee.

Arabella >From this night forth, he must demonstrate his knowledge in a serenade. He must make song, quick, lively, and tender--which will carry me off!

Jenny (to Scratch) Do you understand?

Scratch I begin to understand. It's what they call a fugue.

Arabella Right.

Scratch A fugue--in music is a powerful morsel which costs a lot. (aside) We don't have much--

Arabella We will take care of that. Let nothing else concern you.

Worthy You will see I am a good performer. And I know how to sing like an open book.

Arabella (leaving, singing) An old tomcat--

Albert Jenny, follow her--see if it is possible to find some remedy for this terrible misfortune.

Jenny My poor mistress! Ah, my heart is so overcome. I believe that I am going to become mad, too.

(Arabella exits, followed by Jenny and Albert.)

Worthy (standing aside, opening the letter) They've gone in. Let's read. "You will be surprised by the part I am taking, but the slavery in which I find myself becomes harder each day, and I believe it permits me to dare anything. You, on your part, try to deliver me from the tyranny of a man I hate as much as I love you." What do you say, I beg you, about all you've seen of this madness?

Scratch I admire the resources of feminine wit when it is ignited by the imp of love.

Worthy Scratch, this night, without more delay, we must devise some brilliant scheme which will allow us to free her from such a hard yoke.

Scratch You intend to carry her off?

Worthy That would be the quickest and safest way.

Scratch Agreed. But, doing you a good turn, I fear that--

Worthy What do you fear?

Scratch Justice. The law.

Worthy We've got to marry her.

Scratch That's understood. You will be married, and I will be hanged.

Worthy I've got an idea for a plan--you know Lovelace?

Scratch Certainly.

Worthy We can take refuge with such a friend. His country house is not far off. It's with Lovelace, that I intend to choose an exile in leaving these parts. There, braving the scorn and rage of the jealous would-be husband--we will prepare, in this place, and we will manage to marry, and make love--

(Enter Albert.)

Albert Oh, sir, forgive the boredom which possesses me; I came back to find some remedy. This is your man?

Worthy Yes, he is.

Albert Please tell him to employ himself in aiding me today.

Worthy And what can he do for you? Speak!

Albert He deigned, earlier, to inform me of his medical knowledge. He has a thousand secret cures for many illnesses. Perhaps, he has one for weak-mindedness?

Scratch Yes, yes, I have more than one--of those salutary effects. But you treated me in a manner, rather--

Albert Ah, sir--

Scratch To refuse to give a chap the time of day--

Albert Forgive my error.

Scratch Nowhere in my life did anyone ever treat me so--not even in Barbary.

Albert (piteously) Oh, can you see a thing, so charming, put an end to her days, without giving aid? (to Worthy) Sir, speak for me.

Worthy Scratch, I beg you, try to cure the evil this pretty lady is suffering from.

Scratch For you, once again, I sacrifice my resentment. Yes, I will cure her-- and radically.

Albert What--you can--?

Scratch Go in. I am going to search my book for the most appropriate cure. You will soon see me in operation.