39.

As the summer season ripened, her belly gradually got bigger and fuller. Slowly, her body also changed. As this was her first child, there was always a fine tightening within her swollen chest, but she felt the pressure gradually started getting worse.

Ercella took a deep breath and exhaled. However, when her stuffiness didnt disappear, she became irritated and frowned.

Its time to eat, Young Madam.

Ercella nodded, telling the servant that she knew. Ercella went down to the dining hall and sat in her seat. But she couldnt find it in her to lift the cutlery. It was strange. She was clearly hungry, but she felt disgust creeping up and retched on the spot as soon as she saw the food in front of her.

Although it occasionally happened, it was so bad today that she felt embarrassed by her rudeness and rushed out of her seat. Nevertheless, when nausea did not disappear, Ercella sat down on a chair.

Harsen, who followed after her, patted Ercella on the back and asked her if she was okay, but she couldnt answer. After that day, meals were served separately to her room. The servants explained that it was the consideration of the Duke. Feeling comfortable with it, Ercella was relieved and accepted the offer.

Then one night, she suddenly got scared and anxious. She kept on fretting. Even though she was an adult, she didnt forget that she was still young and a vague fear of whether she could be a good mother rose within Ercella.

That night, she cried out of distress. As her sobs gradually increased, Harsen woke up. He asked her what happened, but Ercella could only cry. Instead of pressing for answers, he only comforted her.

As the days went by, her insides felt worse and she got more nauseous. The doctor attributed it to her fragile heart and encouraged Ercella to relax and take light walks. Ercella followed his advice, yet, her nerves got more and more sensitive. She was often frustrated with Harsen but then got embarrassed and apologized. He didnt mind, but Ercella still felt guilty.

Youre getting thinner. You should eat something.

I have no appetite.

Harsen sighed as Ercella curled up under the blanket, pointing to the baby in her belly while refusing. She wanted to eat whatever he suggested, but she really couldnt eat anything. Her stomach churned just looking at her favorite food.

Whenever Ercella told Harsen or her servants what she wanted to eat, theyd deliver the food right away, but she couldnt have much of it.

You heard the doctor. He said you should try to eat more

Hmm.

Knowing that his words went in one ear and out the other, Harsen gave up and didnt remind her anymore. Suddenly, Ercella wondered if she was making too much of a fuss.

Other women go through this too, but I feel like Im the only one having a hard time and bothering everyone around me. At this rate, she got worried that people might turn their backs on her. Ercella never had to worry about things like this. Everyone liked her. Why am I suddenly acting like this?

In her anxiety, Ercella clung to Harsens arms. She increased the frequency of her walks. It didnt have much effect, but it helped calm her mind somewhat. Nevertheless, her mood swings became worse, her nerves were on edge, and she wasnt excited to see Harsen anymore.

She kept feeling sorry for him, but couldnt shake the feeling of being alone even when he was by her side. Harsen was frustrated in his own way because he didnt know what the problem was. When asked why, she would only say, I dont know.

Ercella truly didnt know. Why am I being like this? Her mood fluctuated often, and she became short-tempered. Harsen was worried, so he called in a doctor to see her every chance he got.

You should relax a little.

The doctor said that some women do feel like this and that Ercella should correct her mindset while thinking only about her child. When she showed signs of depression, the doctor urged her to only think about good things because depression wasnt good for the baby.

Ercella recalled only good things like he advised: talking all night with her sister when they were younger, dancing in the ballroom with her brother and the Marquis, hanging out with her friends, thinking about her loving parents.

When she thought about those memories piece by piece, a smile rose to her lips, but Ercella also felt sad because she missed her family dearly. Ercella began writing to them.

The Marquess got worried when she received the letter, and soon visited the duchy. Although it was a sudden visit, the Duke politely brought the Marquess in, perhaps because he could not disrespect her by sending her back.

Ercella burst into tears at the sight of her mother, who she hadnt seen in a long time, and sobbed in her arms. The Marquess reassured her that this would soon pass. Ercella asked the Marquess earnestly if she could come to Bernhardt every day, but her mother looked slightly troubled, Your father he has collapsed.

She added: Its been two days since then and hes still bedridden.

Ercella trembled and carried her heavy body to visit her father immediately. After hearing that the Marquis had collapsed, the Duke allowed Ercella to leave. She was miserable when she saw her father lying prone and groaning in pain.

He has a few months at the most, the doctor said.

Thats when her fathers impending death really struck her. He really did not have much time left. Tears of grief welled up in Ercellas eyes.

Ercella begged her mother to let her stay at the marquisate until her fathers passing, but the Marquess sent her back with a bitter smile.

* * *

Time trickled on and Ercella was used to her heavy body by now. She suddenly woke up from her slumber and Harsen wasnt there. Anxiety rushed in; she left their room and frantically searched for him. Her steps got faster as she wandered the dark hallway in tears.

Then, suddenly, someone carefully grabbed her shoulder from behind. When she confirmed his identity, Ercella immediately approached Harsen and hugged him, Where did you go?

Out for a minute to get some fresh air.

Ercella glanced up at him. Harsen was looking at her with a rather complicated look. Suddenly, a faint stream of light emanating from behind him caught her eye. It was leaking through the cracks of a door. Anxiety rose to her spine when she realized that it was the Dukes office.

She rubbed her face in Harsens arms, trying to erase her unknown fears. He patted her back, Im sorry. Ill be right back.

His voice was a bit hoarse, which was uncharacteristic of him. Her body slowly began to stiffen.

Wh-what do you mean?

Harsen couldnt respond readily and stayed put for a while. When Ercella urged him, he finally answered.

There was a war in Linus, south of Lenart. Harsen was informed that he will partake in the war. Ercella did not stop him. No more like she could not stop him even if she wanted to. Harsen was the heir to a family of soldiers and a knight of this country. In the event of a war, it was only natural for him to go.

He will succeed the family in the future, so Harsen had to raise his position to match Bernhardts status. There was no other way to do that other than through merit. The Bernhardt pride would not allow Harsen to hold a key position with his familys influence alone.

Ercella understood. She knew that even before she married him. A small-scale war was still going on. It wasnt unexpected that Harsen would be deployed someday. Despite all that, she chose Harsen. So it would be contradictory to feel regret. At the time, Ercella was unaware: there was a world of difference between what she believed she would feel and what she experienced in person.

Months had passed since Harsen left.

I gained weight.

No, youre still slim.

When Ercella grumbled while standing in front of the mirror, Marien comforted her. Despite Mariens words, Ercella did not like her reflection in the mirror. At some point, her weak appetite got better and her body began to gain a little weight. The doctor was pleased and proclaimed that it was better than being scrawny, but Ercella could hardly agree.

I look ugly.

Youre beautiful.

Ercella found her changed appearance unfamiliar. People around her reassured Ercella that it was okay to gain more weight but Ercella didnt want to.

Youll be back to your old self after you give birth, so dont worry about it.

Ercella nodded in understanding. However, she could not ignore something once she took notice of it. Above all, she was worried about Harsen who was still on the battlefield.

What if he doesnt like me?

She was worried that he might not like her now that she was fat and ugly. In their early days, Ercella felt like Harsen liked her quite a bit. But she couldnt tell if it was simply due to her appearance or for another reason. What if its the former? Her beauty had faded so would she be of worth to him?

Would he embrace me?

Her heart sank as if it were tied to a rock.

Hes a rotten bastard on the battlefield. Did you think hes never played with a common whore there?

Like Casaro said, maybe he is holding another woman there. Ercella burst into tears when she imagined that.

Maybe he isnt. But even as she tried to think rationally, the words kept running through her mind. Even though it was a political marriage, the thought of her husband holding another woman made Ercellas eyes well up with hot tears.

She was depressed again and decided to take a walk around the back garden. It was no good if she kept thinking bad thoughts and negatively influenced the child.

Ercella prayed Harsen would return as soon as possible. And, as she had wished, he returned within a few months of his expedition.

It was raining hard that day.

The Duke had died.

* * * .

The whole thing was surreal. To think that seemingly invincible man had been ailing for a while and had died. Turns out his wound was deeper than she had thought previously. Usually, when the father-in-law died, the family would hold a funeral and have a period of mourning, but the current situation was special.

The death of Duke Berhardt, who was the family head while his successor was on the battlefield, was quite dangerous. Unsurprisingly, after hearing the news, Count Pasen, Harsens uncle, came to the manor for a visit.

That child, Harsen, hes only nineteen. Its too early for him to assume the position as family head.

The count insisted on acting as the proxy head until Harsen matured, claiming that Harsen was too young to succeed to the title. Though too young to head the family, Harsen was still an adult. Although the counts argument was somewhat absurd, there was one reason why he could not be deterred.

Harsen was not here.

The Dukes loyal vassals stopped the count by making Ercella the proxy head. Had it not been an emergency, they would never have accepted her as a member of the family, but they had no better alternative than Ercella.

Oh dear, youre still young. Besides, youre pregnant. The Duchesss work is just too much for you in this situation. All you have to do is agree to it since youre the proxy now-

Count.

The counts face contorted instantly when she deliberately called him by his formal title to draw a line, but Ercella didnt care. Under normal circumstances, she wouldve deliberated on how to deal with the count, but right now she was exhausted and a nervous wreck, so she couldnt afford to even look into the counts eyes.

If you want to be officially recognized as the proxy head, get my husbands approval after he returns. Its no use trying to convince me.

You foolish thing! Think about whose hands you must hold! Do you think a man who was driven to the battlefield by the Kings order will survive?!

Kings order..?

Ercellas pupils shook noticeably at the news. He didnt go voluntarily but upon the Kings order. When Ercella showed signs of agitation, Count Pasen sneered cynically, Did you he would go unharmed after refusing the proposal of the Kings beloved princess? Your family couldve avoided any serious retaliation, but in the end, this is how you will die. That childs decision to choose you was foolish!

Ercella looked at Wendelman Contar standing behind the count. He nodded quietly, confirming that it was true. So all of this was the Kings will.

Harsen was a knight of the King, so he had no justification to reject a royal command. Ercella felt dejected that she did not know something that the uncle who had never visited them and even one of the vassals knew. Her head was throbbing, and her stomach began aching. Now that Ercella caught the bait, the count clicked his tongue and looked at her pitifully, See? Its hard for you, too. Just hand over the position to me and-

Harsen will return.

That child will die. How long are you going to last? You cant even hold your father-in-laws funeral!

Harsen wasnt there so naturally the Dukes funeral would be postponed. Ercella faced the count who gave her a venomous glare. The count spat out every word, That child is still young.

Hes an adult. If Im incapable of managing the family, then I can receive assistance from my parents, so dont worry.

Will people be happy about Visarides influence over Bernhardt?

Thats

Certainly, the Bernhardts would vehemently refuse the Visarides help since the Bernhardts insisted on their political neutrality. They had never cast aside their suspicions of Lianne and Beth being Visaride spies.

There was no knowing what repercussions may arise from the Visarides reckless intervention in other families affairs; there was no choice but to watch over the situation. Once her father was ill, the situation had gotten beyond Caron.

Ercella resented her situation. The count even brought soldiers to the capital and surrounded the mansion. Thanks to this, the count and duchys knights were having a serious confrontation.

He said it was the Kings order.

It was indeed strange that things in the duchy had gotten this bad, but the Royal family did not intervene. The King never intended to help the knight who fell from his grace.

Ercella was worried whether Harsen would return safely. A messenger from him was yet to arrive. Count Pasen left the room telling her to think carefully about it. As soon as the tension eased, his son, Jerome Pasen, came by.

You must be the Visaride.

Ercellas brows furrowed at his disrespectful words and actions. He smirked regardless.

Did you say his name was Harsen? Hes such an esteemed person that I never got to see his face. My father said that even he had only seen Harsen once or twice. But my father told me theres nothing special about him. I heard hes spoiled, rude, and arrogant.

Your point?

Arent I better than him?

Ercella read the insidious lust on the mans face. He grinned, displaying it without filtration as if he never meant to hide it.

What if he dies? Youll end up as a widow with a child. Even if your family retrieves you, you will remain labeled. A woman who chose the wrong man and ruined her own life.

.

At any rate, youll roll in the mud, so why not stick to me?

Ercella looked at Baron Wendelman Contar. He just stood there bearing no intentions of getting involved in this.

Both Count Pasen and Jerome Pasen were of Bernhardt descent anyway. She found it all futile. Here, Ercella was still a stranger.

Why arent you saying anything?

Not worth the hassle, Ercella replied.

What?

You are just so arrogant and rude. Its funny that youd dare be so greedy as to covet me.

You dare, wench-

Someone who cant even voice their complaints to my husband or my brother dares to act this way towards me.

She was seemingly addressing Jerome but understanding the meaning behind her words, Wendelman sent the infuriated Jerome out. The baron bowed his head as if apologizing for just sitting on the fence. However, Ercella was not relieved.

Ercella realized that she was exhausted. Her belly grew day by day and so did her worries. As she was, she could not delay Dukes funeral indefinitely.

However, to avoid future gossip, it was necessary for Harsen, the successor, to hold the funeral himself. If Harsen dies, or if the family is taken over by the Count, what will happen to me? Her eyes darkened.

He will come, She said to herself in a gloomy mood. Time went by and it became difficult to ignore the counts demands.

Why dont we hold the funeral now? I think my brother is already rotting away in his coffin.

Even the vassals who previously were strongly opposed to Count Pasen expressed their discomfiture. They all looked at Ercella.

Ercella bit her inner lip. It was getting harder and harder to hold on. The count smiled amusedly, noticing her pale complexion.

The creepy, screeching sound of old hinges rang through the stillness. The door opened and the sound of heavy footsteps made everyone around her gasp in unison.

Its been a while, Uncle.

The air froze at the sound of his low voice. An apathetic pair of eyes turned to Count Pasen. The count, who demanded to be the familys proxy, shut his mouth as if it never happened when the true heir returned. The counts countenance was stained with dismay.

Harsen.

But the count could not remain silent for long when he saw the figure dragged by Harsen. It was Jerome Pasen.

No To be exact, it was the cold, lifeless body of Jerome Pasen. Harsen dragged it like an inanimate object and threw it in front of the count. As the body fell with a thud, the count looked at his son in horror.

I think you enjoyed yourself too much in my absence.

.

Kindly leave. Harsens voice was the dullest shes ever heard. There was nothing in it. No anger, no hatred, no betrayal he just spoke casually.

The count eventually lost his temper.

Harsen, this child is your flesh and blood. Even if youre not close Why! Why!

Ah. Harsen let out a dry exclamation like someone who just had an epiphany. Are you saying this beast or bastard, whom Ive never met before, was my flesh and blood?

.

I only view people like him as filthy swine, greedy for others possessions.

Harsen!

The count trembled and clenched his teeth. The veins on the whites of his eyes showed how angry he was.

My eyes must be deceiving me then. A child of a human is a human being, and a child of a beast is a beast. To me, uncle looks like a beast.

How could you? He was your brother.

So?

The count was dumbfounded at Harsens nonchalance.

Thats why hes dangerous1, said Harsen with a chilling smile.

I will turn a blind eye this time, Uncle.

The counts gaze stayed on the mans expressionless face but slowly lowered. A well-forged blade gleamed eerily in Harsens hand. Upon seeing it, the Count, who was holding Jeromes body, slowly fell to his knees, I was wrong.

.

I I brazenly got greedy for a moment. Forgive me.

Harsen answered briefly, Go back and wait for your dismissal.

Unwittingly, the situation was resolved. Ercella looked at the dead body lying in front of the count. As she traced his spilled blood, her eyes stopped at the tip of the sword Harsen was holding. Red blood was trickling down the blade.

A person was killed. In front of her. It was so surreal that Ercella felt as if she were dreaming. She felt like everything was really a dream. Even Harsen. Thats probably why she didnt faint even after losing consciousness 2.

* * *

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FootnotesJerome is a potential threat to Harsen because hes his brother/cousin.From what I understood, losing her consciousness here means being in a dreamlike state.