Laughing, Samantha handed over her not-so-healthy smoothie.

Ahhh. Now tell me about the kiss. Have there been more?

Samantha shook her head. Strictly business.

Why?

It felt good to trust her sister with this, to lean on her. Maybe it was the emotional whiplash of firing and rehiring him in the s.p.a.ce of seven seconds or something, but I needed him as an attacker.

And youre scared it might be more than just business?

Samantha scanned the very light freckles across Graces nose, knowing she had the same kind across her own. What if I dontwhat if I cant stay?

Her voice suddenly tight, Grace said, When?

No, as far as I know, Im not going anywhere. But The world was big. Samantha had seen so little of it. Her mother had seen even less.

You dont want to hurt him again.

Samantha just nodded, feeling sick to her stomach.

But you want to kiss him again.

Sighing, Samantha leaned on her elbows. Have you seen him? Of course I do. And hes wonderful. The other day he brought me six extension cords.

And thatsthe wonderful part?

He noticed the extension cords in my apartment werent surge protectors, so he brought me better ones.

Grace twisted in her chair.

What? Samantha knew her sister was trying not to say something.

What would you have said if Id given you six extension cords?

Huh. If Grace had tried to upgrade something in her apartment, she would have accused her sister of meddling. I would have called you bossy.

So why dont you think that about him?

I do, a little. I was a tiny bit annoyed that he thought I wouldnt buy the cords for myself.

But you hadnt.

Samantha said, I concede that I hadnt. Dont ask if Ive installed them yet because you dont want to know.

Grace shook her head, but her smile bordered on admiring. Youre the most stubborn person in the world.

Not stubborn. More bull-headed. And not that much sense. Samantha sighed. But I still want to kiss him, and Im really trying to get over that.

Or you could just go for it.

Surprised, Samantha said, Youre the one whos supposed to talk me out of it.

Why?

Because hes bossy. He thinks he can fix people, and as you can attest, thats not my favorite trait in a person. Because he and I are oil and water. Hes already figured out his dream, and hes living it, right here in the same small town he grew up in. Im still chasing my dream, and Im not going to stay here forever.

Then have right now.

It was the last thing she expected to hear from her sister, the cautious one. Are you serious?

Grace nodded. Grab right now. Its all we have. Dont worry about whats going to happen tomorrow.

What if I hurt him?

Tilting her head to the side, Grace said, You know youre talking about a grown man, right?

But I hurt him once When he was a boy. You were both practically children. You were pretending to be grown up, thats what we all did at that age. Im pretty darn sure Hank has made his own decisions for a long time now, and if it makes you feel better, then just be honest with him.

And tell him what? That Id like to kiss him"

Thats all you want?

Thats all Im going to admit to my sister, said Samantha, kicking Graces sneaker lightly with her own. I should just kiss him and tell him that Im going to leave at some point and that I cant be held liable for his heart?

Why not? Its honest.

Should I get him to put it in writing? To get it notarized. To make it all legal?

How does he make you feel?

Kissing him had felt like drinking a gla.s.s of wine and wanting the rest of the bottle. One gulp, and shed wanted all of him. Maybe that was why it felt so dangerous. Shed had the one sip, and now he was all she could think about, day and night. He makes me feel like Im addicted to him or something. Thats a bad thing in addict-world.

Love is bad?

Well, no, its a good thing, butwhat? This isnt love. I cant believe you said that. What Samantha couldnt believe was that for one second, shed gone along with the word without kneeing it and wrestling it to the ground.

Grace just smiled. Keep me posted. Im not going to ask. But tell me about it when you want to. Okay?

Jeez.

What?

Its like youre my friend or something.

Grace grinned, and Samantha felt happiness flood her. Sorry, said Grace. Should I pinch you?

Yeah, that might help.

Her sister reached across the table and pinched her wrist.

Ow. Samantha rubbed it. Thats better.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

THERE WERE EIGHT women in the new cla.s.s, and Hank knew all but two of them. It was a small town"he shouldnt have been surprised that Dot Rilo from the post office had signed up with her best friend, Kayla. They never did anything without each other.

Gina and Tina and Kelly were there, too, which was a little more surprising. The three sisters were joint owners of the Wooden Duck, all in their early thirties. Theyd inherited the bar from their dad, but all of them had worked there since they were of age to serve liquor. If anyone could handle themselves around ill-intentioned men, he would have thought it would have been them. Somehow, seeing them laughing together, their giggles sounding a little nervous, made the purpose of the cla.s.s even more real.

Linda McCracken was there, too, and Hank was glad. He knew her from having responded to her house regularly when her husband was dying of prostate cancer. In the six months it had taken him to die, hed gotten thinner and thinner, and Linda had wasted away along with him. It got to the point that when she would call 911 to get him back to the hospital, Hank would take a precious fifteen seconds to run to the kitchen to throw together whatever theyd eaten for dinner"pot roast piled on a plate with some leftover asparagus, or some chili tossed into a bowl"and while the medics packaged Len up, Hank would heat the food in her microwave while hiding her car keys. No, hed say. No driving to the hospital until after youve eaten that. It got to the point where Linda didnt even try to talk him out of it. Shed sit obediently at the table, eating whatever it was with a blank expression. She moved slower every day. The afternoon the ambulance had taken Len away code three, the day Hank had known her husband wouldnt ever come back to the house, Hank didnt make her eat. They hadnt let her drive, either, taking her themselves. Shed finally cried that day. Shed cried the whole way.

He hadnt seen her in more than a year, probably. She smiled to see him, and hugged him. Shed lost even more weight. There was no way she could weigh more than ninety pounds, even with her big sneakers on.

The two women he didnt know"both of whom looked like soccer-moms"looked sideways at each other and carefully avoided eye contact with both him and Wally.

It felt weird to be instantly sized up as a potential a.s.sailant, as Samantha had done when introducing them. Hank had been tall since his first real growth spurt at fourteen, but hed never felt as hulking as he did now. He tried to school his features into a neutral blandness.

He tried to think about kittens and puppies. Puffy puffs ofsoft puffiness.

And even still, Hank felt menacing in his skin.

Samantha was good at her job. After the first couple of minutes, during which she took them all on a little tour of her gym, the corner of the community center where shed dragged out the large blue mats, she directed everyone to sit in a small circle in the middle of the mat. Relieved, Hank sat next to Wally, and they both hunched forward. Linda sat on his left, and he noticed that her hands were shaking slightly in her lap. He wanted so badly to lean over and put his arm around her shoulders for a quick squeeze, the way he had many times before, but the tension she radiated was crystalline, and he was afraid he might break her. He settled on resolving to make the slowest movements possible while he was near her.

How that would work when he was pinning her down, he had no idea. Use all his strength on Linda? No way. He wouldnt be able to do that. Hank was sure that when he and Wally met with Samantha afterward, shed agree with his a.s.sessment.

Samantha explained what the women would learn in the three-day course, using language that was clear and encouraging. She took the helmet of one of the mens body suits and put it on her own head. The women laughed, but the free-floating tension had coalesced, and now hovered thickly in the circle.

Hank tried harder to think of puppies and cotton b.a.l.l.s.

Samantha took off the helmet and pa.s.sed it around, saying, Look. Feel this. See how thick this is? Theres no blow that you can land to this that will damage the person inside it. In this cla.s.s, youll learn to use your powerful words and voice. Also, your body will learn how to hit the person wearing that helmet so hard that in real life, if he wasnt wearing a body suit, hed be stopped and youd be safe.

Hank felt the tremor in Lindas hands as she pa.s.sed him the helmet. He tried to catch Samantha's eye. Linda wasnt ready for this. Maybe it wasnt such a great idea for her to be here.

But if Samantha noticed Lindas nerves, she didnt let on.

Some of you may be wondering if youre up for this.

Gina elbowed Kelly in the ribs with a grin.

But I have to tell you, we all think that when we start learning this stuff. Some parts of this cla.s.s might be scary, and some might be painful, but Im pretty sure youre going to be surprised to learn how much fun this is going to be, too. Now. Samantha smiled at the sisters, and something deep inside Hank twisted. Now, Im going to tell you why I do this. Then were going to go around the circle and tell each other why were here.

Linda gave an almost silent moan, just under her breath.

Samantha went on, Your reason for being here might be awful. Your reason might be the most painful thing you ever went through. Whatever that reason is, its safe to share here. If you cant, I understand. I really do. But Id encourage you to share as much as you feel you can. Nothing will leave this room. Okay, me first. Samantha glanced at Hank, and for the first time, he could see that she was nervous, too. No one else in the room could tell, he would be willing to bet. But there it was, that tiny little catch in her breath that sometimes happened between her words.

Samantha twisted her fingers together. What happened to me was a long time ago, and sometimes it feels as fresh as if it happened yesterday. I She cleared her throat. I was working at a pizza joint in Reno, and I was closing. The night manager and I were friends, and wed had a couple of beers each. He was doing the money, I was mopping. When we were done with the duties, we went outside for a smoke.

Hank hadnt ever considered the idea that maybe she had a good reason for teaching this cla.s.s.

He was a freaking idiot.

Then he asked me if I wanted to have s.e.x with him. When I said no, he informed me that in fact, I did. He forced me, physically, behind the dumpster where we stored the extra fryer oil, and he raped me.

Hanks hands were clenched into fists. He rubbed them against his thighs, but it didnt help. How could something like that have happened to her? Hank wanted to find out the guys name, find him on Facebook and track him down. Then he wanted to pull him out of his house and push him behind a dumpster and have his own way with him, a way that would have nothing to do with s.e.x and everything to do with knuckles smashing the guys face in.

Then he offered me a raise. I said that I quit. And he laughed. Her voice did that little catch thing again on the last word. That was maybe the worst part. That he laughed at me while I was driving off. For months"no, years"I imagined other ways that could have gone down. I could have learned how to fight, and I could have gone back and beaten him up. I could have found someone to do it for me.

Hank barely kept himself from shouting that he volunteered. At the same time, he wanted to apologize for his entire gender and slink away, out of the community center, and hide somewhere dark and deep so that he wouldnt accidentally scare a woman anywhere, ever.

I thought of a million different things I wanted to say to him, and none of them were exactly right. I spent years thinking about him. Then I took a cla.s.s much like this one, and I finally learned what I needed to know how to say. I learned how to say NO, how to keep saying it, how to yell and scream and rage and fight and punch and kick. I finally learned that no one could take care of me better than I could of myself. That was when I finally started sleeping through the night. Her voice was soft now, and encouraging. Okay. Going around to my right, how about you, Gina? Tell us why youre here and what you hope to learn.

Gina said in a tight voice that she was there for her sister Kelly. Tina said the same thing. Then Kelly, with a sister hanging on to each hand, said in a voice that was strangely strong for the words they carried, I was raped at knifepoint in the womens bathroom of our bar last year. What I hope to learn from this cla.s.s is how to get over that.

Not how to cut the son of a b.i.t.c.h who might try to touch her in the future. Not how to beat someone up, not how to protect someone else. Kelly wanted to know how to get over it. The horror Hank felt was deep and sickening.

Samantha nodded. No one gets over all of it, thats the sad part. The really good part, though, is that with the right tools, we can move past it, into a better, stronger place. Youre going to love this, Kelly. I cant wait for you to learn these tools. Samantha's voice was warm, and some of the tension in Kellys face relaxed.

This was what Samantha was meant to do. This was her pa.s.sion, her reason, her thing. And d.a.m.n, there was nothing as s.e.xy in the whole world as watching the woman you loved do exactly what she was best at.

Oh, man.

Hank loved her.

Okay, yeah, hed had maybe a hint that it was coming"his history with her, instead of inoculating him, had made him perhaps a little more susceptible, hed known that. But he thought he would have had a little more time to fight it off.

Hank hadnt fought it off, not at all. And the realization made him feel like he was invincible, even though the opposite had just been proven. Samantha met his eyes and though her face showed nothing but attentive concern to the women she was working with, something behind her gaze warmed as their eyes locked.

Something for him.

Pull it together, Coffee. There was only one thing that was important in this moment, and it was listening to the next woman talking. But something remained inside his chest, a warmth that was intoxicating, like whiskey poured straight into his veins.

Linda McCracken was still tucked into herself next to him, her legs pulled up to her chest. Samanthas voice was soft. Your turn, Linda. Can you tell us why youre here?

She shook her pale head and put her chin on her knees. I dont think so, she said in a small voice.

Are you sure? Im totally willing to go to the next person, but something tells me that you need to say something. Samantha scooted forward so that she was sitting right in front of Linda, a foot away. In a low voice, meant just for Linda, she said, You can whisper it to me if you want. Then I can tell the cla.s.s, or we can keep it just between us, whichever youd like.

There was a pause during which it felt like the whole cla.s.s was holding its collective breath. Hank knew he was.

Then Linda nodded. Samantha leaned forward and Linda put her lips next to Samantha's ear. Hank was closer than anyone else, but Linda kept her whisper so low he didnt catch a single word.

Samantha gave Linda a brief, fierce hug. She scooted back to her place and said without preamble, Linda would like you to know that she was raped when she was young. Her husband made her feel safe. Now that hes gone, shes back to being scared in her home. Samantha looked directly at Linda. After this cla.s.s, you wont be scared anymore. I try not to promise things, but Im going to promise you this. You will not be scared, and Im going to see to that.