It hurt too much to cry.

The man with the loud voice stood next to her. She shaded her eyes against the low sun behind him.

You okay, maam?

I think so, said Samantha. For having just lost my home.

From behind her came Hanks voice. You can stay with me.

Samantha swiveled her head, her heart lifting ridiculously high"sleeping in his bed, touching him, being with him"before it dropped again. No, thanks.

We can talk about it, said Hank. After you get a good nights rest. At my place.

She shut her eyes, opening them again only reluctantly. Youre too bossy.

He is, growled the tall man who was obviously both the boss and in a terrible mood. Samantha supposed if shed just had to fight an entire blocks worth of fire, shed be grumpy too.

Youre fired, Coffee, said the man. You are so d.a.m.n fired. Sorry, maam.

Oh, dont be, said Samantha, waving a hand. I fire him all the time, too.

You cant fire me, Chief, said Hank cheerfully. I just saved her life. He pointed at Samantha.

Ah. So thats how shed gotten out. She should have known. Anchor! Did he get out? Wheres Guss cat?

The chief paid her no attention. You broke every rule in the book, Coffee, and considering that youve personally worked on rewriting most of the policies in that book, thats pretty shocking. Well take this up in the after-action report but you blatantly disregarded the safety of our department, our citizens, and yourself.

Samantha's jaw dropped. You broke a rule?

Hank nodded. Yep. A bunch of em.

All of them. In order to get you to safety, maam.

Samantha could see the chief almost biting his lip not to insult a member of the community. It was okay, though, she could take the criticism. It was my fault, sir. I ran across the street to try to save my neighbors cat. She pressed her fingers to her lips. Oh, Anchor. He was Guss girlfriends cat. I wish I saved him, too, said Hank, looking even brighter.

You did?

The chief said in a low voice, You saved a cat?

Yep. You think the media has that yet?

Groaning, the chief said, A cat. Ill never be able to fire you. Ever. d.a.m.n you to h.e.l.l, Coffee. He stalked away, his gait stiff.

Hank dropped into a cross-legged position next to her on the gra.s.s. Well, I guess we handled that.

Samantha tried to speak, but ended up coughing instead.

Hanks lightness disappeared. We need Bonnie back here. Why didnt she transport you to the hospital already?

I told her Im not going. Tell me about the rules you broke.

A smile played across his lips, and that muscle jumped in his jaw. Samantha's fingers ached to reach out and touch it"but she couldnt. How could she trust herself to touch him and then let him go again?

What didnt I do wrong? I disobeyed my chief to stay out of the way. I went through a fire line without protective equipment. I scaled a building up a drain pipe because the stairs were too dangerous, and then, when I couldnt get you down that way, I took you out the dangerous way, wrapped in blankets. When we got back through the flames again, your blanket was on fire, and I beat it out with my hands.

You did? She noticed for the first time that both his hands were bandaged. Hank.

He held them out as if surprised by them. Theyre fine. You know what? I prayed. The whole way down your steps, I prayed, and Samantha, Im not a religious man. I havent prayed since my grandmother got sick a few years ago and we thought we were going to lose her. What I did could have killed you. His voice wobbled, and his eyes squinted, as if the sun had gotten suddenly brighter. I could have killed you instead of saving you. I cant believe I did that.

I guess this means your prayers work.

They dont.

Samantha stayed quiet. It was his moment to speak. Shed had her moment, when shed closed his bedroom door. Shed said all she needed to say by not looking at him every time they worked with her students, when she was the only one in cla.s.s who didnt touch him. She couldnt. Shed been using Wally to demonstrate the moves, and if he wasnt there, shed been describing them verbally, praying her students didnt notice the way her knees shook when Hank got too close to her.

Hank continued, If my prayers worked, you never would have gotten on the back of Vicentes motorcycle that night. If my prayers were any good, I would have figured out the words to make you stay with me, where you belonged.

Where she belonged How could the words feel so right? And yet If my prayers worked, he said, you would have been in my bed every night all these years. You wouldnt have hurt yourself with the things you did, and I wouldnt have wasted so much time looking for a woman who was anything like you. Trouble, theres no one like you anywhere in the whole world. I could hire a flock of monks or a battalion of priests to pray around the clock, and Id never run across someone I loved the way I love you.

Oh. The word was a breath.

You cant be with me because you dont want to give up your dreams. If you give up your dreams, you let down your mother, do I have that right?

It sounded small, almost silly, when he put it so simply. But it wasnt small or simple at all. It was who she was. She had to do more than just exist.

He dug in the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out an envelope. Water bill, he said. Itll do. Hey, Bonnie! You got a pen?

The medic looked up from where she was bandaging a little girls arm. She gave a long-arm toss and threw Hank the pen that was in her shirt front pocket.

Here, he said, thrusting the pen and paper at her. Write them down.

What?

Your dreams. All of them. Write em down for me.

Hank But something started to grow inside her, a green tendril of hope uncurling, slowly.

Write.

She made a list. She handed the folded envelope to him.

He read it, tiny wrinkles creasing at the corners of his eyes. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Yes. He nodded with each word.

What? You think all of thats possible?

Looking at the paper, Hank said, Climbing the side of a volcano? Bungee-jumping in New Zealand? Riding the Trans-Siberian railway? You think we cant do all this? Have I mentioned that not only do I get four days off a week, but I have two months of vacation a year and I can get trades for up to four more months? And they pay me well for this gig, not sure if you knew that. Ill order my pa.s.sport online as soon as I get home and pull these bandages off.

What about the other things? Samantha's heart beat so hard she was sure he would hear it, even over the chaos around them.

She saw his Adams apple bob as he swallowed. Have a baby. That one I cant quite manage on my own. He looked directly into her eyes, and the warm coffee of them melted her heart. Maybe youd be able to help me with that someday.

Someday, maybe, she said, breathless. Thats a someday-maybe list.

He nodded, looking back down at the envelope. I like the getting married one, too. Again, Id need help with that.

Im actually kind of good with helping people, Samantha said. Not as good as you are, but I need to know this, though.

Samantha nodded, the green tendril of hope inside her quaking.

Are you brave enough to choose someone safe?

That was the question. That was what shed been trying to answer, and she hadnt even known how to put it into words.

Safety.

It was the most dangerous thing of all. To risk her heart on someone who was steady. In place. Someone who wasnt going anywhere, or at least, not going anywhere without her.

Samantha had never been so terrified in all her life.

But she knew the answer.

Yes. I think Im exactly that brave.

The paper fluttered out of his hands, and he was kissing her then, his mouth firm and hot on hers, and Samantha was kissing him back. She tasted salt and ash, and she didnt know whose tears were in her mouth"it just mattered that his arms were around her, and she could finally, finally come home. And stay there.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE.

THE ATTACKER BARRELED out of a side door, his prey the small, bird-like woman who perched nervously in the folding chair. She screamed when he knocked her to the ground, and the group watching the attack gasped collectively.

Samantha, watching closely, couldnt help noticing that the people in the audience who were having the hardest time werent the family members of the women who were graduating, but the ten firefighters whod come to watch Hank demonstrate what he did on his days off. Each one of them was wound so tight that Samantha wouldnt risk touching any of them"they might explode like that gas line had last month. When Wally had tested Kelly, theyd started the fight with her pinned against the wall in exactly the position shed been pinned when she was raped in the bathroom of her bar. Pre-scripted, he said the same ugly words to her that the man had said then. Standing in the audience, Kellys sisters bounced on the b.a.l.l.s of their toes as if they wanted to elbow their way in and fight for her. But they understood that Kelly had to fight her own way out.

The firefighters might have understood that mentally, but physically, at a base level, it was obvious they hated this. To a man, they were twitching. One had let out an outraged bellow when the first student had been knocked over by her attacker. Tox had his hands balled at his sides, and Coin kept moving toward the mat, only drawing back when his girlfriend Lexie took his hand. These were men who ran toward the problem. They were men who, when something blew up, turned around and hurled their bodies at the fire to put it out instead of running away like average people. When someone was threatened, they moved to help without even thinking, and watching women have to fight their way out of an attack, alone, was almost killing them. Samantha had already seen a couple brush away angry, emotional tears.

Tears were normal during a graduation. Emotions were high, for everyone involved.

Especially for Linda McCracken, who hadnt managed yet to win a fight. In all cases, Hank or Wally had to stop because she gave up, curling into a ball on the floor, refusing to fight back. Samantha was going to let her graduate with the rest of the cla.s.s tonight because she deserved it, but shed keep working with her after this until Linda had successfully used the power of her body to stop a full-strength attack.

Hank didnt hold back, even though just that morning, hed confessed to Samantha that he could barely bear to fight her anymore. Its like beating up a child. Im not sure I can be that guy anymore. Even though shes paying you, and youre paying me.

Maybe if you would cash a single check Ive made out to you, you could make that complaint. But until you do Hed smiled but persisted. Tonight will be the last time I fight her. If she doesnt win, then sh.e.l.l have to train with Wally. I cant take it anymore.

Youre helping her, reminded Samantha.

Hed shaken his head. I know that, mentally. But physically, I cant do it to her anymore. Tonights the last time.

Now, Samantha could tell that Hank wasnt holding back on the mat. He had Linda pinned to the ground, and she was stuck. She was thrashing too much"how many times had Samantha gone over that with her? Linda was wasting her precious physical and mental energy fighting that way and she was getting nowhere.

Fight smart, not hard. Samantha willed Linda to remember. Smart, not hard.

Then Linda stilled, gathering herself. A head b.u.t.t"a hard one, followed by an elbow jab, thrown from the ground. Then Linda burst into a flurry of short, very sharp kicks, kicks that would have broken Hanks leg if he werent wearing the suit. Hank must have known it too, because he slowed.

Her teeth bared, Linda screamed the most important two words Samantha taught: Stop. No! Linda scrambled to her feet, but so did Hank. He caught her arm roughly, yanking her to him, but Linda"without seeming to think"drew her knee up, hitting him in the groin. With a groan that was probably pretty real, Hank dropped. Linda raced to stand at his head, something shed never been able to do before.

No means no! she yelled.

All around her, the audience roared, Down and out!

Hank was down, Linda was out, running off the mat, toward Samantha.

Samantha wrapped her arms around the small, shaking woman. You did it. You really did it.

Linda hiccupped a sob and nodded. I did. I did.

Hank took off his helmet and came toward them. Linda launched herself at him, but this time in a hug. Thank you. Thank you, she said.

Samantha heard more sniffling from the crowd and knew hers werent the only tears flowing.

From next to her, a woman said, Yeah, well, he did pretty good, too.

Maureen, Hanks grandmother, had sidled up next to Samantha. She stood knitting in place, a striped green sock dangling from two circular needles.

He did, agreed Samantha.

I never taught him to attack women.

I think you taught him the opposite.

So this" Maureen flapped the sock at the crowd. This is what you do now? Instead of drinking?

This is my addiction. This and Hank.

Huh. I used to smoke before I took up knitting. Maybe sometimes we just have to switch a bad one for a good one. My first husband was no good so I got a better one, just for one example.

I like your style.

Hank came up behind them. Maureen threw a fake jab with her elbow backward. I can take you, young man.

You know I can teach you, too, if you want to learn, said Samantha.

Id be scared of that. Gramma doesnt need help in beating anyone up. She never has. Hank caught Maureen's elbow lightly and then slipped an arm around them both. How are my two favorite women?

Maureen peeked her head around Hanks chest at Samantha. Id say were tolerable.