BEING AN EXCELLENT NEW ANACREONTIC, AND WRITTEN BY CAPTAIN DRINKWATER OF THE HORSE-GRENADIERS.

Julia first met me with bright sparkling eye; Next Sally so sober, yet so very sly, Margery, matchless at grin and grimace; Then Susan so simple, with innocent face.

Betty was breathless when told of a fray, And Judy in sooth would have her own way: Of Nelly 'tis needless ought for to tell, On ev'ry occasion she bore off the belle.

There was rattling, laughing, roaring young Kate, Who many did think was perturbed in her pate: Of Kathlane so cunning, and Mollys a score, Och, I could sing till I tired you sore.

Let this little sample the truth only tell, That, ah! I have lov'd too long and too well!"

"_Olet lucernam_, good master Heaviside! methinks it smells somewhat rather too strong of the lamp. Nay, nay, come n.o.ble Captain, I say, cheer up man! never mind, my brave boy, for in faith I like your chronicle, master Heaviside, pa.s.sing well; and the very first open day, to speak the _vox parliamentaria_, that is to express, that the first day that the Duke shall dine abroad----hah, hah, which, 'fore Jupiter, egad he does this very day--aye, good--very good,

DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!

this very day, by my halidam, we shall have it! By the ma.s.s he who gainsays it wets not his lips with a cup of hermitage! Nay more, down goes my gauntlet; Captain--there is my hand for you! A fig, I say, for your black rods, your white rods, and your green rods! I would fain flagellate them all with their own proper _insignia_ of office; aye, marry, I say, a plague upon them all, master Heaviside! I am a man somewhat gifted with authority, as you are, Captain, fully aware, being no less than grand Seneschal of yonder ancient castle; and by the ma.s.s, indubitably, with due and meet discretion, we shall have _viva voce_ this very day your much to be lauded Anacreontic, and that too without a single repugnant '_perhaps_,' against which vague, dubious, and most distrustful adverb, that sage and circ.u.mspect Lady Let.i.tia doth so continently and cautiously enter her solemn protest. But my good Sir, time and place--place and time? methinks as I don't toss off drams in a morning, that songs sound sweeter heard in the evening. Oh, ever time and place are to be taken into account, my good Captain, for

DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!

as the venerable Archimedes enforces it--hem; and I shall----But come, Captain, for once I will give a gratuitous prescription--take my nostrum--sing, or hear it sang, Captain Harry Heaviside's new Chronicle, which be sure to wash down with the potation of two honest quarts of old bottled Chateau-Margut, or good Burgundy, for I am not squeamish, which shall answer just quite as well;--swallow the dose, charily, charily, but without shaking the bottle!"

The equestrians soon approached the castle on their return to dinner, and the first bell was now heard pealing over battlement and tower, duly giving warning note; hence from a smart trot they hastened to a brisk gallop.

"Ahem," said Sir Patricius, "see, n.o.ble Captain, how strong and l.u.s.tily the smoke mounts up from the kitchen chimney, _bonum signum, bonum signum_, by Bacchus and Ceres a most propitious omen! Ahem, spur on, my gallant chevalier!"

The two worthies now reached the lordly castle; and entering the embattled porch, Captain Heaviside observed in a whisper to Sir Patricius: "A d----d bore to be sure it is, all this dressing for dinner, my good Sir Patricius. But no matter, it is some consolation, however, that we shall have an excellent feed; and I am resolved to do it justice, exercise and the mountain air having sharpened a natural good appet.i.te."

"But," rejoined Sir Patricius, "hark, again this accursed bell, how it frights the castle from its propriety.

'Ring out the alarum-bell, blow winds come, crack, At least we'll die with harness on our back.'

But never mind, we shall be ready before the bell rings a third time."

The man of physic and the man of war having thus spoken, they wended their way to their respective toilettes, which were quickly despatched.

Here then we leave them to pay their attentions to the d.u.c.h.ess and the ladies, and enjoy all the good cheer at the ducal _salle a manger_.

Meanwhile, in our next chapter, we shall return to the Duke, and escort His Grace to the vice-regal abode at Dublin castle.

CHAPTER V.

----Al llegar a las puertas de la villa que era cercada, salio regimiento del pueblo a recebirle, tocaron las campanas, y todos los vecinos dieron muestras de general alegria, y con mucha pompa le llevaron a la iglesia mayor a dar gracias a Dios, y luego con algunas ceremonias le entregaron las llaves del pueblo, y le admitieron por Gobernador de la insula.

DON QUIXOTE, tome IV. ch. 45.

TRANSLATION.

When he approached the town gates (for it was walled) the officers came out to welcome him, the bells rang, and all the inhabitants made show of a general gladness; and they carried him in great pomp to the high church, to give G.o.d thanks; and shortly after some ceremonies they delivered him the keys, and admitted him as Governor of the island.

DON QUIXOTE, book IV. ch. 45.

The Duke of Tyrconnel took his departure, as was observed in the last chapter, at an early hour; the roads were in excellent order for travelling, the morning appeared settled and serene, and an enlivening sun shone forth propitiously on his journey.

The vice-regal carriage had just reached the town of Ballyshannon, when one of the fine animals (a leader) which drew the vehicle lost a fore shoe, which caused the cavalcade to stop. This interruption to the journey afforded an opportunity to the Duke, of which he availed himself, of visiting the venerable ruins of Ashrow Abbey, which were at that point of time n.o.ble and imposing even in decay. The beautifully pointed gothic arches, and the gilded ceilings in the vaults of the cloisters, called forth and attracted the attention and admiration of His Grace. When the Duke had returned to his inn from the inspection of these venerable monastic remains, a large party of hors.e.m.e.n were discerned trotting onward at a round and rapid pace. The Duke was stationed in a small gallery, or balcony, surmounting the door of the inn, when a tumultuous congratulatory roar from the equestrians, and addressed to His Grace, resounded on all sides, and the well-known Irish welcome of "_Cead millia failtha_," (that is "a hundred thousand hearty welcomes,") saluted the ducal ear. His Grace took off his hat, which he most gracefully waved, and graciously bowed. He then addressed them, and was pleased to say, "My good friends, I feel truly grateful for this warm burst of loyalty; but I request to ask whither, and in such rapid haste, ye are all proceeding?

'Go ye in peace, or go ye in war?'

There is surely no fair now going on in these parts of the country; there is no wake, no saint's patron-day recorded in the calendar; there is no racing, no hurling-match, no rural sport that I know of; and therefore I feel at a loss how to account for thus a.s.sembling in numbers, and I must needs doubt whether the motive be justifiable."

The troop of peasants, to the number of twelve or fifteen persons, were mounted on horseback; most of the horses carried double, in accordance to an old strange Irish usage, and which custom prevails in many parts of Ireland even at the point of time in which we now address our readers. The peasants replied, in respondence to the queries of the Duke, to this effect: "So may it please your Lordship's n.o.ble Reverence, we are men of the mountains, just going up for a bit to town, to procure a little law," [i. e. being duly interpreted, means _litigation_.]

"Then," rejoined the Duke, "if such be your intention, my serious and friendly advice to you all, my good men of the mountains, is simply this, that you do all at the present immediately return back to your respective districts, and peaceably retire to your native hills and homes; avoid law, strife, and litigation; return to the tranquil heights of the lofty Tyraugh, and there enjoy, undisturbed by the factious or the turbulent, that peace and tranquillity which is shed around your happy cottages, beyond the turmoil of the world, and there dwell, and likewise cultivate the Christian virtues of peace and brotherly love.

Forget and forgive the past; bear and forbear! And if I wore the sacerdotal garb, I could not in so few words, perhaps, advert more to the present purpose which has, be it what it may, conjured up some bad blood, as I have strong reasons to apprehend. This line of conduct, my countrymen, you must be sensible, it is your bounden duty to pursue; attend to your farms, cherish your families, and look to yourselves; obey your magistrates, and attend to your religious duties; and last, though not least, honour and reverence your n.o.ble king. I feel it inc.u.mbent on me to tell you such ought to be your line of conduct, and to this effect, too, will all your Clergy to a man p.r.o.nounce to you, whether parson, priest, or prelate!"

This speech allayed the threatened storm; and as if the wind had changed to a different point, gently impelling a vessel in a contrary course, thus suddenly were the litigious intentions of the "men of the mountains" changed. They thanked his Lordship's "glorious Honour for his kind condescension, and solemnly protested that they would forego _the bit of law_ which they had intended, and willingly abide by his Lordship's most worshipful advice." Reining round their steeds, they proceeded upon their return home in a trot more rapid even than that in which they had approached; and giving three loud distinct cheers of "_Cead millia failtha_," were soon out of sight.

The book of wisdom saith "a soft answer turneth away wrath;" and it is no less true, that a generous act, or even a kind expression, makes an indelible impression upon the grateful heart of an Irishman!

While the Duke was engaged in the foregoing expostulation with "the men of the mountains," the farrier, as he called himself, was meantime actively employed, in which his tongue was as prompt as his hand was ready, in performing, as he conceived it, the proud destiny of replacing the fore shoe on the n.o.ble leader, in lieu of that which had been lost; and thus from his anvil he addressed the Duke's valet: "Och then, plaze your honour, master Brushwell, may be it isn't I who understands, any how, in a jiffy to whip on a shoe upon any poor beast in the four bordering counties; and a great sin and shame in me it would be if I didn't exart myself for one of the true ould Irish stock? In troth in a jiffy I will knock off the job, and by J---- it shall be properly well done! for oh, _naboclish_, sure enough may be Tom Hob isn't the boy, after all, for quickly knocking off a job for a parson he loves; and in troth he may say with the ould ballad--

'Tom's heart, like his iron, is hissingly hot, Though his iron should cool, his heart it shall not!'"

In these remote days the peaceful methods of life, the arts of agriculture and husbandry, were but imperfectly known; and the practice of farriery was rudely and ignorantly performed; then veterinary professors did not exist, [the foregoing incident of the lost horse-shoe has led to this short digression,] and farriery was clumsily practised, save, perchance in the forge of some farrier of heavy dragoons. The arts of war, meanwhile, were but too successfully carried on, while the happy arts of peace slumbered in the shade, and neglected agriculture sunk depressed beneath the warlike tone and temper of the times. The sickle and the ploughshare, the attributes and implements of husbandry, were destined to be neglected, else otherwise to be trans.m.u.ted into the spear and falchion of war.

But we resume our narrative.--The first day and night of the Duke's departure he dined and slept at the hospitable abode of Castle-Caldwell, the n.o.ble and magnificent mansion of the Baronet of the same name, which delightful residence derived its name from the owner. The promontories that raised their peninsular summits above and around the beautiful and expanded lake of Lough Erne, were all brilliantly illuminated by bonfires made by the peasantry. The beacon-flame also blazed from the crowned summit of every surrounding hill and mountain. These bright testimonies of gladness burst forth to hail the Duke's welcome arrival.

In furtherance of which the furze, fern, heath, and tall sword-gra.s.s, on hill and rock, were all set into one universal conflagration, the brilliant coruscations of which flashed, flamed, and undulated upon the expanded waters of Lough Erne; while bonfires were seen to burn and blaze upon the cloud-crested heights of the Tyraugh mountains.

Meanwhile, in sympathy with the scene, the great promontory of Ross-a-Goul brightly bore the beacon blaze upon his lofty brow, which flamed forth and flashed volcano-like above the adjacent woods and groves, illuminating every islet, rock, and indented sh.o.r.e, and reflecting its ruddy light in brilliance upon the dark waves of Ross-Moor, which seemed emulous to flash back their radiance on Ross-Goul.

The town of Churchill manifested similar demonstrations of joy and gratulation upon the arrival of the popular viceroy. It is time, however, to return to the hospitable board of the worthy host, who, with his n.o.ble and distinguished guests, sat down to a magnificent dinner at the good, early, rational, but now antiquated hour of four o'clock, which was the healthy custom in these times remote. Among many surrounding n.o.bles and gentry present at this splendid banquet, we must not pa.s.s by un.o.bserved two notable characters who were seated at the Baronet's table: the one was the Lord Viscount Glandarah, and the other was the Rev. Doctor Dismal Drew, L.L.D., a quondam Fellow of Trinity College, Dublin,[16] and who had been collated to the valuable living of ----, the advowson of which was in the gift of the University of Dublin.

These two worthies formed a remarkable and striking contrast to each other.

[16] "Anno 1590.--The Monastery of All-Hallows was granted by the citizens for the site of an university.

"----1591.--Trinity College founded by Queen Elizabeth. Opened 1593. Received a new charter and statutes 1637."--_Annals of the City of Dublin._

Lord Glandarah, imitating the profitable example of the wise Ulysses, who

----"Multorum providus urbes Et mores, hominum inspexit,"

had visited foreign countries and courts, where he had resided during a very long period, even from his early youth. It was whispered, and it was also believed, that he was at heart _un bon Catholique_. However, whether the a.s.sertion was true or false, certain it is that his Lordship took his seat in the Irish House of Peers; so that his case was completely _in foro conscientiae_, and with which n.o.body had any right to intermeddle, it being a matter between him and a higher power than any court upon earth, temporal or spiritual.

His Lordship was an accomplished and polished n.o.bleman; he had seen, and with no un.o.bserving eye, the different nations and courts of Europe; had examined their laws, their governments, and establishments; he had been so long resident upon the continent, (even from his earliest years,) that from his foreign intonation of voice, and speaking, as he did, broken English, he might readily have pa.s.sed for a German or a Frenchman. Lord Glandarah was personally known by the Duke of Tyrconnel, who, upon this interview, heartily shook hands; and the former warmly congratulated the latter upon his promotion to the viceroyship of Ireland: "Gad save my soul, _mon tres-excellent_ Duke, I am _absolument_ delighted; _je suis ravis entirement a vous revoir_. I am _tout_ delighted! _Jamais, jamais si bien heureux! Un verre de vin: a votre tres bonne sante, et aussi la de votre tres amiable et accomplie Madame la d.u.c.h.esse. Nous aurons une pet.i.t Cour de Versailes a la Chateau de Dublin. Sans doute et comme certainement nous verrons! Tres joli, tres joli! Sir Jacques Colville, j'ai l'honneur de saluer votre sante._"

Lord Glandarah was attired in a court dress of green Genoa velvet, richly embroidered with gold; and the old aristocratic peer was so orthodox that even his hunting wig, when he rode on horseback, had _une pet.i.te bourse_ attached to it, and the peruke was surmounted by a small c.o.c.ked hat, trimmed with broad gold lace, with an appendant feather; and these he considered as indispensable appanages of _un gentilhomme comme il faut_! or, as Horace has expressed it, "_h.o.m.o factus ad unguem_"--a finished gentleman, even to the paring of his nail! Compared with Doctor Dismal Drew, he was "Hyperion to a satyr." Doctor Drew was in stature six feet by two, without diminution or subtraction, but awfully

"Measured by cubit, length, and breadth, and height."

The Doctor's head was of a portentous size, which induced his cotemporaries, while a student in college, to bestow on him the epithet or sobriquet of "the bull-headed (??? ??fa???) student;" and most certain it is, that the exterior exceeded in dimensions every other head within the precincts of that learned corporation. He was extremely near-sighted, and always wore either goggles or spectacles made of green gla.s.s, which, as our readers may fairly suspect, did not by any means add to his personal appearance or attraction, whatever they might have abducted. He was however, be the truth spoken, an excellent scholar, philosopher, and moreover this same "learned Theban" was a mathematician to boot. His manners were unpolished--nay, repulsive. His gait in the street or drawing-room was so strange and inhuman-like, that it was only ideally to be compared to the floundering motion of a wounded walrus standing on its hind legs, then dragging its heavy weight along. At table the movement of his arms was so exceedingly annoying to his neighbours that it invariably caused them to keep a most circ.u.mspect and respectful distance. His voice, when he spoke, which was only when he wanted to be helped to some piquant viand, was harsh and stentorian, and might not unaptly be compared to the discordant cadence of a cracked ba.s.soon. He was learned--he abounded in anecdote; and if he chose to be at the trouble, he could be witty. But no; during dinner, and even when the cloth was removed, solemn as the grave he sat doggedly pinioned to his chair, silently sipping drop by drop his Burgundy. He seemed to be apprehensive that the time he would occupy in conversation would interfere with the time allotted for the act of deglut.i.tion; therefore he sat taciturn, as if the use of his tongue was inevitably and irretrievably to destroy the powers of his palate!

Doctor Drew was by no means deficient in dry and sarcastic humour; and many anecdotes may be still found savoury in the college-courts and dinner-hall of this quondam queer-fellow of old _alma mater_; however we will trespa.s.s on the reader's attention only with one anecdote:--