15 "A. word to the wise," &c. Get honest "Tom Whipcord" to take you by his hand on Valentine's night to the "noctes"

muster of the _Sporting Annals_ gents. You will know me by a brace of "bleeding hearts" in my plaited neckerchief, and a blue bunch of ribbons in my sinister side, as big as the Herald newspaper, the gifts of my lady-love.

~282~~the approving smile of the lovers of mirth, and the patrons of life's merriments. We had intended to have drawn aside the curtain of the theatre and the castle, and have shown forth to the gaze of the public the unhallowed mysteries which are sometimes performed there; but reflection whispered, that morality might find more cause to blush at the recital than her attendants would benefit by the exposure; and is is lamentably true, that some persons would cheerfully forfeit all claim to respectability of character for the honour of appearing in print, depicted in their true colours, as systematic and profligate seducers.

To disappoint this infamous ambition, more than from any fear of the threatened consequences, we have left the sable colonel and his dark satellites to grope on through the murky ways of waywardness and intrigue, without staining our pages with a full relation of their heartless conduct, since to have revived the now forgotten tales might have given additional pain to some beauteous victims whose fair names have dropped into Lethe's waters, like early spring flowers nipped by the lingering hand of slow-paced winter; or, in other instances, have disturbed the repose of an unsuspecting husband, or have stung the aged heart of a doting parent--evils we could not have avoided, had we determined upon rehearsing the love scenes and intrigues of certain well-known Cheltenham amateurs.

Adieu, merry Chelts! we're for quitting our quarters; Adieu to the chase, to thy walks and thy waters, To thy hunt, ball, and theatre, and card tables too, And to all thy gay fair ones, a long, long adieu!

Blackmantle and Transit, the Spy and his friend, Through Gloucester and Bristol, to Bath onward bend.

To show how amused they have been in your streets, They give you, at parting, this man of sweetmeats;

A character, famous as Mackey, the dandy, The London importer of h.o.r.ehound and candy; The cheapest of doctors, whose nostrums dispense A cure for all ills that affect taste or sense,

I doubt not quite as good as one half your M.D.'s, Though sweet is the physic and simple the fees; This, at least, you'll admit, as we dart from your view That our vignette presents you with a sweet adieu!

A VISIT TO GLOUCESTER AND BERKELEY.

Sketches on the Mood--Singular Introduction to an old Friend--A t.i.the Cause tried--A strange a.s.semblage of Witnesses--Traits of Character--Effects of the Farmers'

Success--An odd Cavalcade--Rejoicings at Berkeley.

~284~~The road from Cheltenham to Gloucester affords a good view of the Cotswold and Stroudwater Hills, diversified by the vales of Evesham, Gloucester, and Berkeley, bounded on the east by the Severn, and presenting in many situations a very rich picturesque appearance. We are not of the dull race who dwell on musty records and ancient inscriptions, or travel through a county to collect the precise date when the first stone of some now moss-crowned ruin was embedded in the antique clay beneath. Let the dead sleep in peace; we are not _anti-queer-ones_ enough to wish the mouldering reliques of our ancestors arrayed in chronological order before our eyes, nor do we mean to risk our merry lives in exploring the monastic piles and subterranean vaults and pa.s.sages of other times. No; our office is with the living, with the enriched Gothic of modern courts, and the finished Corinthian capitals of society, ill.u.s.trating, as we proceed, with choice specimens of the rustic and the grotesque; now laughing over our wine with the Tuscan baccha.n.a.l, or singing a soft tale of love in the ear of some chaste daughter of the composite order; ~285~~trifling perhaps a little harmless badinage with a simple Ionic, or cracking a college joke with a learned Doric; never troubling our heads, or those of our readers, about the origin or derivation of these orders, whether they came from early Greece or more accomplished Home; or be their progenitors of Saxon, Norman, Danish, or of Anglo-Saxon character, we care not; 'tis ours to depict them as they at present appear, leaving to the profound topographers and compilers of county histories all that relates to the black letter lore of long forgotten days.

Gloucester is proverbial for its dulness, and from the dirty appearance of the streets and houses, was, by my friend Transit, denominated the black city; a designation he maintained to be strictly correct, since it has a cathedral, a bishop, and a black choir of canonicals, and was from earliest times the residence of a black brotherhood of monks, whose black deeds are recorded in the black letter pages of English history; to which was added another confirmatory circ.u.mstance, that upon our entrance it happened the a.s.sizes for the county had just commenced, and the black gowns of Banco Regis, and of the law, were preparing to try the blacks of Gloucestershire, out of which arose a black joke, that will long be remembered by the inhabitants of Berkeley, and the tenantry of the sable colonel.

We had made our domicile at the Ham Inn, by the recommendation of our Cheltenham host, where we met with excellent accommodations, and what, beside, we could never have antic.i.p.ated to have met with in such a place, one of the richest scenes that had yet presented itself in the course of our eccentric tour.

The unusual bustle that prevailed in every department of the inn, together with a concatenation of sounds now resembling singing and speaking, and the occasional sc.r.a.ping of some ill-toned violins above our heads, induced us to make a few inquisitive ~286~~remarks to mine host of the Ham, that quickly put us in possession of the following facts.

It appeared, that a suit respecting the right of the vicar of Berkeley to the great t.i.thes of that town had been long pending in the court of Chancery, in which the reverend was opposed to his former friend, the colonel, the churchwardens of Berkeley, and the whole of the surrounding tenantry. Now this cause was, by direction of the Lord Chancellor, to be tried at these a.s.sizes, and, in consequence, the law agents had been most industrious in bringing together, by subpoena, all the ancient authorities of the county, the aged, the blind, and the halt, to give evidence against their worthy pastor; and as it is most conducive to success in law, the keeping witnesses secure from tampering, and in good-humour with the cause, the legal advisers had prepared such festive cheer at the Bam, for those of the popular interest, as would have done honour to the colonel's banquet at the castle. Such was the information we obtained from our host, to whose kind introduction of us to the lawyers we were afterwards indebted for a very pleasant evening's amus.e.m.e.nt.

We were ushered into the room by one of the legal agents as two gentlemen from London, who, being strangers in the place, were desirous of being permitted to spend their evening among such a jovial society.

The uproarious mirth, and rude welcome, with which this communication was received by the company, added to the clouds of smoke which enveloped their chairman, prevented our immediate recognition of him; but great and pleasant indeed was our surprise to find the most n.o.ble, the very learned head of the table, to be no other than our old Eton _con._ little d.i.c.k Gradus, to whose lot it had fallen to conduct this action, and defend the interests of the agriculturalists against the mercenary encroachments of the church militant. This was indeed no common cause; and the greatest difficulty ~287~~our friend Gradus had to encounter was the restricting within due bounds of moderation the over-zealous feelings of his witnesses. It was quite clear a parson's t.i.thes, if left to the generosity of his parishioners, would produce but a small modic.u.m of his reverence's income. The jovial farmer chuckled with delight at the prospect of being able to curtail the demands of his canonical adversary. "Measter Carrington," said he, "may be a very good zort of a preacher, but I knows he has no zort of business with t.i.thing my property; and if zo be as the gentleman judge will let me, gad zooks!

but I will prove my words, better than he did the old earl's marriage, when he made such a fool of himsel' before the peers in parliament."

"That's your zort, measter Tiller," resounded from all the voices round the table. "Let the clergy zow for themselves, and grow for themselves, as the varmers do; what a d.i.c.kens should we work all the week for the good of their bodies, when they only devote one hour in the whole seven days for the benefit of our zouls?" "That's right, Measter Coppinger,"

said some one next to the speaker; "you are one hundred years of age, and pray how many times have you heard the parson preach?" "I never zeed him in his pulpit in the whole courze of my life; but then you know that were my fault, I might if I would; but I'ze been a main close attendant upon the church for all that: during the old earl's lifetime, I was a sort of deputy huntsman, and then the parson often followed me; and when I got too old to ride, I was made a.s.sistant gamekeeper, and then I very often followed the parson; so you zee I'ze a true churchman, every inch of me; only I don't like poaching, and when his reverence wants me to help him sack his t.i.thes, old Jack Coppinger will tell him to his head, he may e'en carry the bag himself." "A toast from the chair! Let's hear the lawyer' zentiments on this zubject," said another; with which request Gradus complied, by giving, "May he who ~288~~ploughs and plants the soil reap all its fruits!" "Ay, Measter Gradus, that is as it should be," reiterated a farmer on his right, "zo I'll give you, 'The varmers against the parsons,' and there's old Tom Sykes yonder, the thatcher, he will give you a zong about the 't.i.the pig and the tenth child,' a main good stave, I do azzure you." A request which the old thatcher most readily complied with, to the great delight of all present; for independent of his dialect, which was of the true rich west-country character, there was considerable wit and humour in the song, and an archness of manner in the performer, that greatly increased the good-humour of the society. In this way the evening was spent very pleasantly; and as the cause was to come on the first thing on the ensuing morning, Transit and myself determined to await the issue, antic.i.p.ating that, if our merry-hearted companions, the rustics, should be successful, there would be no lack of merriment, and some exhibition of good sport both for the pen and pencil.

We had strayed after breakfast to view the cathedral, which is very well worthy the attention of the curious, and certainly contains some very ancient relics of the great and the good of earliest times. On our return, the deafening shouts of the mult.i.tude, who were congregated outside the Sessions House, proclaimed a favourable verdict for the farmers, who, in the excess of their joy at having beaten their reverend adversary, gave loose to the most unrestrained expressions of exultation: a messenger was immediately despatched to Berkeley to convey, express, the glad tidings; and the head farmers of the parish, with whom were the church-wardens, determined to commemorate their victory by roasting a bullock whole on the brow of the hill which overlooked their vicar's residence, and for the preparation of which festivity they also sent their instructions. The next grand point was, how to ~289~~convey the witnesses, who were very numerous, to the scene of action, a distance of eighteen miles. To have despatched them in post-chaises, could they have found a sufficient number in Gloucester, was neither in accordance with economy, nor with the wishes of the parties themselves, who were very anxious to have a grand procession, and enjoy themselves as they went along in smoking, singing, drinking, and proclaiming their triumph to their neighbours and friends. Mine hostess of the Ram, with every female in her establishment, had been, from the moment the verdict was given to the departure of the group, busily engaged in making large blue favours, of the colonel's colour, to decorate the hats of the visitors, until Mr. Boots arrived with the dismaying intelligence, that not another yard of riband, of the colour required, could be obtained in all the city of Gloucester. With equal industry and perseverance the host himself had put in requisition every species of conveyance that he could muster, which was calculated to suit the views of the parties, and form a grand cavalcade; without much attention to the peculiar elegance of the vehicles, to be sure, but with every arrangement for social comfort. It had been decided that my friend Transit and myself should accompany Richard Gradus, Esq. the solicitor to the fortunate defendants, in a post coach in front, preceded by four of mine host's best horses, with postillions decorated with blue favours, and streamers flying from the four corners of the carriage; and now came the marshalling of the procession to follow.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page289]

One of the colonel's hay vans had been supplied with seats, lengthwise, in which the first division of farmers placed themselves, not, however, forgetting to take in a good supply of ale and pipes with them; next in order was one of the old-fashioned double-bodied stages, which had not been cleaned, or out of the coach-yard, for twenty years before, and both in the ~290~~inside and on the roof of which the more humble rustics and farmers' labourers were accommodated: this vehicle was drawn by four cart horses, of the roughest description; the rear of the whole being brought up by a long black funeral hea.r.s.e, with three horses, unicorn fashion, on the roof of which the men sate sidewise, while the interior was, by Gradus's orders, well filled with casks of the best Gloucester ale. About a dozen of the farmers, on horseback, rode by the side of the vehicles; and in this order, with the accompaniment of a bugle in the hay van, and a couple of blind fiddlers sc.r.a.ping on the centre of the roof of the hea.r.s.e, did we sally forth in most grotesque order, amid the joyous acclamations of the mult.i.tude, on our way to Berkeley, every countenance portraying exultation and good-humour, and every where upon the road meeting with a corresponding welcome. A more humorous or whimsical procession cannot well be imagined, men, animals, and vehicles being perfectly unique. By the time we had reached our destination, the potent effects of the Gloucester ale, added to the smoking and vociferous expressions of joy that attended us throughout, had left very few of our rustic friends without the visible and outward signs of their inward devotions to the jolly G.o.d. On our arrival near to Berkeley, we were met by crowds of the joyous inhabitants, and proceeded onward to the spot selected for the festive scene, where we found the bullock already roasting on the top of the hill, and where also they had pitched a tent, and brought some small cannon, with which they fired a _feu de joie_ on our arrival, taking special care to point their artillery in the direction of the vicar's residence. On the opposite side of the road was the church; and it is not a little singular, that the steeple, belfry, and tower are completely detached from the body of the building. The vicar, dreading the riotous joy of his parishioners upon ~291~~this occasion, had locked up the church, and issued his mandate to the wardens to prevent a merry peal; but these persons insisting that as the church was detached from the belfry, the vicar had no authority over it, they directed the ringers to give them a triple bob major, which canonical music was merrily repeated at intervals, to the great dismay of the parson, who, over and above the loss he was likely to sustain in his future interests, had by this defect suffered under a legal expenditure of some thousands of pounds. The colonel did not show, perhaps from prudential motives of respect to his old friend, but his agents were well instructed in their duty, and there was no lack of a plentiful supply of provision and ale for his tenantry to make right merry with. Thus ended our trip to Berkeley, where, after taking a view of the castle on the following morning, and surveying the delightful scenery with which that most ancient building is surrounded, we bade adieu to our friend Gradus, and mounted the Cheltenham coach, as it pa.s.sed through, on our way to Bristol.

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A DAY IN BRISTOL.

A Glance at the Bristolians--Their Pursuits and Characteristics--The London Mail--A Walk to the Hot Wells and Clifton--Blackmantle and Transit start for the Territories of King Bladud.

~292~~The worthy Bristolians must not feel offended if we pa.s.s them by rather briefly; had ours been a tour of business, connected with commercial pursuit instead of a search after whim and character, we should no doubt have found materials enough to have filled a dozen chapters; but such pursuits are foreign to the eccentric volumes of the English Spy, whose sole aim is humour, localized, and embracing characteristic scenes. Such is the above sketch, which struck Transit and myself, as we took a stroll down Bridge-street while our breakfast was preparing at the White Hart; it was a bit of true life, and cannot fail to please: but, after all, Bristol resembles London so closely, at least the ~293~~eastern part of the metropolis, that although we saw much that would have been worthy the attention of the antiquary and the curious in their several churches and museums, or might, with great advantage, have been transferred to the note book of the topographer, yet we met with none of that peculiar whimsical character that distinguishes the more fashionable places of resort. The sole object of the Bristolians is trade, and every face you meet with has a ledger-like countenance, closely resembling the calculating citizen of London, whose every thought is directed to the acc.u.mulation of wealth, by increased sales of merchandize, or the overreaching his neighbour in taking the first advantage of the market.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page293]

The arrival of the London mail, which comes in about ten o'clock in the morning, afforded Transit another opportunity of picking up what little of character there was to be found. At Bristol there is always a great anxiety to obtain the London news and price current; so much so, that the leading merchants and others a.s.semble in front of the Post-office, which also joins the Exchange, to wait the arrival of the mail (see Plate), and receive the letters of advice which are to regulate their concerns. It is but justice to add, there is no place in the kingdom of the same distance to which the conveyance is quicker, and the facility of delivery more promptly attended to. After breakfast we took a stroll round the docks, and then bent our steps towards the heights, and along the delightful walk which leads to the Hot Wells and Clifton.

To attempt a just description of the magnificent and romantic scenery which surrounds Clifton, as it is viewed from the Downs, would occupy more s.p.a.ce than our limits will allow us to devote to the beauties of landscape; and would, besides, interfere with an intention which Transit and myself have in view at some future period of our lives, namely, the making a topographical and characteristic tour through the United Kingdoms, which being divided into counties, ~294~~and embracing not only the historical and the picturesque, will be enlivened by all the humorous vagaries, eccentric characters, and peculiar sports of each, written in a colloquial style; and embracing the lingual localisms, proverbs, and provincialisms of the inhabitants: thus producing a humorous but most correct view of the present state of society and manners. The materials for such a work have gradually presented themselves during the progress of the present eccentric volumes; but, as our object here has been good-humoured satire joined to comic sketches of existing persons and scenes, more in the way of anecdote than history, we hope to meet with the same kind friends in a more extended work, among those who have journeyed onwards with us through two years--pleasantly we must suppose, by their continued support; and profitably, we are gratefully bound to acknowledge, to all parties interested. An early dinner at Clifton, and a pleasant walk back by the terrace-road, brought us once more into the busy streets of Bristol, where after sauntering away the time until five o'clock, we mounted a Bath coach, and started forwards with a fresh impetus, and much promise of amus.e.m.e.nt, to explore the territories of King Bladud.

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SKETCHES IN BATH.

~235~~

First View of the elegant City--Meeting with Old Blackstrap --Domicile at the Castle Tavern--Matthew and Mrs. Temple worthy Characters--Sportsmans Hall--Bath Heroes of the Turf the Ring, and the Chace--Portraits and Peculiarities drawn from the Life.

May I ne'er flutter in the thoughtless train With fashion's elves, the giddy, and the vain; May I ne'er stroll again with Milsom swells To Tully's shop, or lounge with pump-room belles; May I no more to Sidney Gardens stray, If, Bath, I wrong thee in my hum'rous lay.

Court of King Blad', where crescents circling rise Above each other till they reach the skies; And hills o'er-topping with their verdant green The Abbey Church, are in the distance seen:

~296~~Where inns invite ye, and where lodgings smile A ready welcome to some Grecian pile; Where chairmen wait ye, ready to attend And box ye up upon your latter end; Where summer breezes on Hygeia wait, And cards and fashion hold their courts of state. Hither we're come to Bath, to spy and tell What reigning follies mark the beau and belle; What stars eccentric move within thy sphere, Or who's the greatest lion of the year. "Have at ye all," we satirists give no quarter; Yet shall our mirth prove grateful as Bath water.

The distant appearance, or first glimpse of the city of Bath, is enough to impress a stranger with the most favourable opinions of the place.

The regularity of the streets, and the tasteful character of the architecture of the princ.i.p.al buildings, are certainly superior to that of any other place of public resort in England; added to which, there is an attention to cleanliness apparent in the costume of the lower cla.s.ses that is not so conspicuous in other places. "Blest source of health!

seated on rising ground, With friendly hills by nature guarded round; From eastern blasts and sultry south secure, The Air's balsamic, and the soil is pure." Surrounded by delightful scenery, and guarded from the piercing north winds by the hilly barriers of nature, the spot seems above all others best calculated to restore the health of the valetudinarian, whose const.i.tution has become shattered and infirm by a course of fashionable dissipation, or a lengthened residence in the pestilential climates of the Indies. "Sweet Bath! the liveliest city of the land; Where health and pleasure ramble hand in hand, Where smiling belles their earliest visit pay, And faded maids their lingering blooms delay. Delightful scenes of elegance and ease! Realms of the gay, where every sport can please." ~297~~Thus sings the Bath poet, Bayly; who, if he is somewhat too servile an imitation of Moore in his style, has certainly more of originality in his matter than generally distinguishes poems of such a local nature. One of the greatest characters in the city of Bath was the worthy host of our hotel, the Castle; at whose door stood the rubicund visage of our Cheltenham friend, Blackstrap, ready to give us a hearty welcome, and introduce us to Matthew Temple, who making one of his best bows, led the way into the coffee-room, not forgetting to a.s.sure us that Mistress Temple, who was one of the best women in the world, would take the greatest care that we had every attention paid to our commands and comforts; and, in good truth, honest Matthew was right, for a more comely, good-humoured, attentive, kind hostess exists not in the three kingdoms of his Gracious Majesty George the Fourth. In short, Mrs. Temple is the major-domo of the Castle, while honest Matthew, conscious of his own inability to direct the active operations of the garrison within doors, beats up for recruits without; attends to all the stable duty and the commissariat, keeps a sharp look-out for new arrivals by coach, and a still sharper one that no customer departs without paying his bill; and thus having made his daily bow to the inns and the outs, honest Matthew retires at night to take his gla.s.s of grog with the choice spirits who frequent Sportsman's Hall, a snug little smoking room on the left of the gateway, where the heroes of the turf and the lads of the fancy nightly a.s.semble to relate their sporting anecdotes, sing a merry chaunt, book the long odds, and blow a friendly cloud in social intercourse and good fellowship.

I do not know that it matters much at what end of Bath society I commence my sketches; and experience has taught me, that the more fashionable frivolities of high life seldom present the same opportunity for the ~298~~study of character, which is to be found in the merry, open-hearted, mirthful meetings of the medium cla.s.ses and the lower orders. The pleasure we had felt in Blackstrap's society at Cheltenham, induced us to engage him to dine in the coffee-room, with our early friends Heartly and Eglantine, both of whom being then at Bath, we had invited to meet us, in the expectation that d.i.c.k Gradus, having arranged his legal affairs at Berkeley, would, by the dinner hour, arrive to join such a rare a.s.semblage of old Eton _cons_--a gratification we had the pleasure to experience; and never did the festive board resound with more pleasant reminiscences from old friends: the social hour fled gaily, and every fresh gla.s.s brought its attendant joke. Heartly and Eglantine had, we found, been sufficiently long in Bath to become very able instructors to Transit and myself in all that related to the haute cla.s.s, and old Barnaby Blackstrap was an equally able guide to every description of society, from the mediums down to the strange collections of vagrant oddities which are to be found in the back Janes and suburbs of the city of Bath. It has been well said, in a spirited reply to the Reverend Mr. Ek--r--s--l's illiberal satire, ent.i.tled "The Bath Man,"

that "London has its divisions of good and bad sets as well as Bath; nay, every little set has its lower set; Bank looks down contemptuously upon wealth; those who are asked to Carlton Palace cut the muligatawny set; the ancient aristocracy call law-lords and _parvenues_ a bad set; and so downward through the whole scale of society, from Almack's to a sixpenny hop, 'still in the lowest deep a lower deep,' and human pride will ever find consolation that there is something to be found beneath it. Plain men, accustomed to form their notions of good and evil on more solid foundations than grades of fashionable distinctions, will not consent to stigmatize as bad any cla.s.s of society because there may happen to ~299~~be a cla.s.s above it." And what better apology could we desire for our eccentric rambles through every grade of Bath society?

with us every set has its attractions, and I have known my friend Transit cut a n.o.bleman and half a dozen honourables for the delightful gratification of enjoying the eccentricities of a beggars' club, and being enabled to sketch from the life the varied exhibition of pa.s.sion and character which such a meeting would afford him. It will not, therefore, create any surprise in my readers, that our first evening in Bath should have been devoted to the social pipe; the pleasant account Blackstrap gave us of the sporting party, in Matthew Temple's snuggery, induced us to adjourn thither in the evening, where we might enjoy life, smoke our cigars, join a little chaffing about the turf and the ring, sip our punch and grog, enjoy a good chaunt, and collect a little character for the pages of the English Spy. To such as are fond of these amus.e.m.e.nts, most heartily do I recommend a visit to the Sporting Parlour at the Castle, where they will not fail to recognise many of the jovial characters represented in the opposite page; and as old Time pays no respect to worth and mellow-hearted mortals, but in his turn will mow down my old friend Matthew and his merry companions, I am desirous to perpetuate their memory by a song, which will include all of note who upon this occasion joined the festive scene.

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SPORTSMAN'S HALL.

A SCENE AT THE CASTLE.

~300~~