The would-be poet, Ch-s L-h,{54} Comes saunt'ring with his graces three, The little gay coquettes.

After, view the Cyprian corps Of well-known traders, many score, From Bang to Angel M-tz, A heedless, giddy, laughing crew, Who'd seem as if they never knew Of want or fell despair; Yet if unveil'd the heart might be, You'd find the demon, Misery, Had ta'en possession there.

Think not that satire will excuse, Ye frail, though fair; or that the muse Will silent pa.s.s ye by: To you a chapter she'll devote, Where all of fashionable note

53 Lady Sarah Saville, afterwards Lady Monson, now Countess of Warwick, a most beautiful, amiable, and accomplished woman. By constant "Harry" is meant her present earl.

54 See Amatory Poems by Ch-os L-h. We could indulge our readers with a curious account of the demolition of the Paphian car at Covent Garden theatre, but the story is somewhat musty.

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Shall find their history.

"Vice to be hated, needs but be seen;"

And thus shall ev'ry Paphian queen Be held to public view; And though protected by a throne, The gallant and his Miss be shown In colours just and true.

The countess of ten thousand see,{55} The dear delightful Savante B-, Who once was sold and bought: The magic-lantern well displays The scenes of long forgotten days, And gives new birth to thought.

Nay, start not, here we'll not relate The break-neck story gossips prate Within the Em'rald Isle: No spirit gray, or black, or brown, We'll conjure up, with hideous frown, To chase the dimpled smile.

In fleeting numbers, as we pa.s.s, We find these shadows in our gla.s.s, We move, and they're no more.

But see where chief of folly's train,

55 The beautiful and accomplished countess is a lovely daughter of Hibernia; her maiden name was P-r, and her father an Irish magistrate of high respectability. Her first matrimonial alliance with Captain F-r proved unfortunate; an early separation was the consequence, which was effected through the intervention of a kind friend, Captain J-s of the 11th. Shortly afterwards her fine person and superior endowments of mind made an impression upon the earl that nothing but the entire possession of the lady could allay.

The affair of Lord A- and Mrs. B- is too well known to need repet.i.tion--it could not succeed a second time. Abelard F- having paid the debt of nature, there was no impediment but a visit to the temple of Hymen, on which point the lady was determined; and the yielding suitor, wounded to the vital part, most readily complied. It is due to the countess to admit, that since her present elevation, her conduct has been exemplary and highly praiseworthy.

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Conceited, simple, rash, and vain, Comes lib'ral master G-e,{56} A dandy, half-fledged exquisite, Who paid nine thousand pounds a night To female Giovanni.

Reader, I think I hear you say, "What pleasure had he for his pay?"

Upon my word, not any; For soon as V-t-s got the cash, She set off with a splendid dash From Op'ra to Paris; Left Cl-t and this simple fool,{67} Who no doubt's been an easy tool, To spend it with Charles H-s.

See, Carolina comes in view, A Lamb, from merry Melbourne's ewe, Who scaped the fatal knife.

H-ll-d's blue stocking rib appears, Who makes amends in latter years For early cause of strife.

Catullus George, the red-hair'd bard, Whose rhymes, pedantic, crude, and hard, He calls translations, Follows the fair; a nibbling mouse From Westminster, by Cam Hobhouse Expell'd his station.

Now twilight, with his veil of gray, The stars of fashion frights away The carriage homeward rolls along To music-party, cards and song,

56 A very singular adventure, which occurred in 1823. The enamoured swain, after settling an annuity of seven hundred pounds per annum upon the fair inconstant, had the mortification to find himself abandoned on the very night the deeds were completed, the lady having made a precipitate retreat, with a more favoured lover, to Paris. The affair soon became known, and some friends interfered, when the deeds were cancelled.

57 Captain citizen Cl-t, an exquisite of the first order, for a long time the favourite of the reigning sultana.

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And many a gay delight.

The Goths of Ess.e.x-street may groan,{58} Turn up their eyes, and inward moan, They dare not here intrude; Dare not attack the rich and great, The t.i.tled vicious of the state, The dissolute and lewd.

Vice only is, in some folks' eyes, Immoral, when in rags she lies, By poverty subdued; But deck her forth in gaudy vest, With courtly state and t.i.tled crest, She's every thing that's good.

"Doth Kalpho break the Sabbath-day?

Why, Kalpho hath no funds to pay; How dare he trespa.s.s then?

How dare he eat, or drink, or sleep, Or shave, or wash, or laugh, or weep, Or look like other men?"

My lord his concerts gives, 'tis true, The Speaker holds his levee too, And Fashion cards and dices; But these are trifles to the sin Of selling apples, joints, or gin--

58 The present times have very properly been stigmatized as the age of cant. The increase of the puritans, the smooth-faced evangelical, and the lank-haired sectarian, with their pious love-meetings and bible a.s.sociations, have at last roused the slumbering spirit of the const.i.tuted authorities, who are now making the most vigorous efforts to impede the progress of these anti-national and hypocritical fanatics, who, mistaking the true dictates of religion and benevolence, have, in their inflamed zeal, endeavoured to extirpate every species of innocent recreation, and have laid formidable siege to honest-hearted mirth and rustic revelry. "I am no prophet, nor the son of one; "but if ever the n.o.ble inst.i.tutions of my country suffer any revolutionary change, it is my humble opinion it will result from these sainted a.s.sociations, from these pious opposers of our national characteristics, and the n.o.blest inst.i.tution of our country, the foundation stone of our honour and glory, the established church of England. There is (in my opinion) more mischief to be apprehended to the state from the humbug of piety than from all the violence of froth, political demagogues, or the open-mouthed howl of the most hungry radicals. Let it be understood I speak not against toleration in its most extended sense, but war only with hypocrisy and fanaticism, with those of whom Juvenal has written--"_Qui aurios simulant el baechemalia vivinit_."

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Low, execrable vices.

Cease, persecutors, mock reclaimers, Ye jaundiced few, ye legal maimers Of the lone, poor, and meek; Ye moral fishers for stray gudgeons, Ye sainted host of old curmudgeons, Who ne'er the wealthy seek!

If moralists ye would appear, Attack vice in its highest sphere, The cause of all the strife; The spring and source from whence does flow Pollution o'er the plains below, Through all degrees of life.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page197]

THE OPERA.

The Man of Fashion--Fop's Alley--Modern roue and Frequenters--Characteristic Sketches in High Life--Blue Stocking Illuminati--Motives and Mariners--Meeting with the Honourable Lillyman Lionise--Dinner at Long's--Visit to the Opera--Joined by Bob Transit--A Peep into the Green Room-- Secrets behind the Curtain--n.o.ble Amateurs and Foreign Curiosities--Notes and Anecdotes by Horatio Heartly.

~198~~ The Opera, to the man of fashion, is the only tolerable place of public amus.e.m.e.nt in which the varied orders of society are permitted to partic.i.p.ate. Here, lolling at his ease, in a snug box on the first circle, in dignified security from the vulgar gaze, he surveys the congregated ma.s.s who fill the arena of the house, deigns occasionally a condescending nod of recognition to some less fortunate _roue_, or younger brother of a t.i.tled family, who is forcing his way through the well-united phalanx of vulgar faces that guard the entrance to _Fop's Alley_; or, if he should be in a state of single blessedness, inclines his head a little forward to cast round an inquiring glance, a sort of preliminary overture, to some fascinating daughter of fashion, whose attention he wishes to engage for an amorous interchange of significant looks and melting expressions during the last act of the opera. For the first, he would not be thought so _outre_ as to witness it--the attempt would require a sacrifice of the dessert and Madeira, and completely revolutionize ~199~~ the regularity of his dinner arrangement. The divertiss.e.m.e.nt he surveys from the side wings of the stage, to which privilege he is ent.i.tled as an annual subscriber; trifles a little badinage with some well-known operatic intriguant, or favourite danseusej approves the finished movements of the male artistes, inquires of the manager or committee the forthcoming novelties, strolls into the green room to make his selection of a well-turned ankle or a graceful shape, and, having made an appointment for some non play night, makes one of the distinguished group of operatic cognoscenti who form the circle of taste in the centre of the stage on the fall of the curtain.

This is one, and, perhaps, the most conspicuous portrait of an opera frequenter; but there are a variety of characters in the same school all equally worthy of a descriptive notice, and each differing in contour and force of chiaroscuro as much as the one thousand and one family maps which annually cover the walls of the Royal Academy, to the exclusion of meritorious performances in a more elevated branch of art. The Dowager d.u.c.h.ess of A------ retains her box to dispose of her unmarried daughters, and enjoy the gratification of meeting in public the once flattering groups of n.o.ble expectants who formerly paid their ready homage to her charms and courted her approving smile; but then her ducal spouse was high in favour, and in office, and now these "summer flies o' the court" are equally steady in their devotion to his successor, and can scarcely find memory or opportunity to recognise the relict of their late ministerial patron. Lord E------ and the Marchioness of R.------ subscribe for a box between them, enjoying the proprietorship in alternate weeks. During the Marchesa's periods of occupation you will perceive Lady H., and the whole of the blue stocking illuminati, irradiating from this point, like the tributary stars round some major planet, forming ~200~~ a grand constellation of attraction.

Here new novels, juvenile poets, and romantic tourists receive their fiat, and here too the characters of one half the fashionable world undergo the fiery ordeal of scrutinization, and are censured or applauded more in accordance with the prevailing on dits of the day, or the fabrications of the club, than with any regard to feeling, truth, or decorum. The following week-, how changed the scene!--the venerable head of the highly-respected Lord E------ graces the corner, like a Corinthian capital finely chiseled by the divine hand of Praxiteles; the busy tongue of scandal is dormant for a term, and in her place the Solons of the land, in solemn thoughtfulness, attend the sage injunctions of their learned chief. Too enfeebled by age and previous exertion to undergo the fatigues of parliamentary duty, the baron here receives the visits of his former colleagues, and s.n.a.t.c.hing half an hour from his favourite recreation, gives a decided turn to the politics of a party by the cogency of his reasoning and the brilliancy of his arguments. The Earl of F------has a grand box on the ground tier, for the double purpose of admiring the chaste evolutions of the sylphic daughters of Terpsich.o.r.e, and of being observed himself by all the followers of the cameleon-like, capricious G.o.ddess, Fashion.

The G------B-----, the wealthy commoner, Fortune's favoured child, retains a box in the best situation, if not on purpose, yet in fact, to annoy all those within hearing, by the noisy humour of his Baccha.n.a.lian friends, who reel in at the end of the first act of the opera, full primed with the choicest treasures of his well stocked bins, to quiz the young and modest, insult the aged and respectable, and annihilate the antic.i.p.ated pleasures of the scientific and devotees of harmony, by the coa.r.s.eness of their attempts at wit, the overpowering clamour of their conversation, and ~201~~ the loud laugh and vain pretence to taste and critic skill.

The ministerialists may be easily traced by their affectation of consequence, and a certain air of authority joined to a demi-official royal livery, which always distinguishes the corps politique, and is equally shared by their highly plumed female partners. The opposition are equally discernible by outward and visible signs, such as an a.s.sumed nonchalance, or apparent independence of carriage, that but ill suits the ambitious views of the wearer, and sits as uneasily upon them as their measures would do upon the shoulders of the nation. Added to which, you will never see them alone; never view them enjoying the pa.s.sing scene, happy in the society of their accomplished wives and daughters, but always, like restless and perturbed spirits, congregating together in conclave, upon some new measure wherewith to sow division in the nation, and shake the council of the state. And yet to both these parties a box at the opera is as indispensable as to the finished courtezan, who here spreads her seductive lures to catch the eye, and inveigle the heart of the inexperienced and unwary.

But what has all this to do with the opera? or where will this romantic correspondent of mine terminate his satirical sketch? I think I hear you exclaim. A great deal more, Mr. Collegian, than your philosophy can imagine: you know, I am nothing if not characteristic; and this, I a.s.sure you, is a true portrait of the place and its frequenters. I dare say, you would have expected my young imagination to have been encompa.s.sed with delight, amid the mirth-inspiring compositions of Corelli, Mozart, or Rossini, warbled forth by that enchanting siren, De Begnis, the scientific Pasta, the modest Caradori, or the astonishing Catalani:--Heaven enlighten your unsuspicious mind! Attention to the merits of the ~202~~ performance is the last thing any fashionable of the present day would think of devoting his time to. No, no, my dear Bernard, the opera is a sort of high 'Change, where the court circle and people of ton meet to speculate in various ways, and often drive as hard a bargain for some purpose of interest or aggrandis.e.m.e.nt, as the plebeian host of all nations, who form the busy group in the grand civic temple of commerce on Cornbill. You know, I have (as the phrase is), just come out, and of course am led about like a university lion, by the more experienced votaries of ton. An accident threw the honourable Lillyman Lionise into my way the other morning; it was the first time we had met since we were at Eton: he was sauntering away the tedious hour in the Arcade, in search of a specific for ennui, was pleased to compliment me on possessing the universal panacea, linked arms immediately, complained of being devilishly cut over night, proposed an adjournment to Long's--a light dinner--maintenon cutlets--some of the Queensberry hock{1} (a century and a half old)--ice-punch-six whin's from an odoriferous hookah--one cup of renovating fluid (impregnated with the Parisian aromatic {2}); and then, having reembellished our persons, sported{3} a figure at the opera. In the grand entrance, we enlisted Bob Transit, between whom and the honourable, I congratulated myself on being in a fair way to be enlightened. Bob knows every body--the exquisite was not so general in his information; but then he occasionally furnished some little anecdote of the surrounding elegantes, relative to affairs de l'amour, or pointed out the superlative of the haut cla.s.s, without which much of the interesting would have escaped my notice.

1 The late Duke of Queensberry's famous old hock, which since his decease was sold by auction.

2 A Parisian preparation, which gives a peculiar high flavour and sparkling effect to coffee.

3 An Oxford phrase.

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In this society, I made my first appearance in the green room; a little, narrow, pink saloon at the back of the stage, where the dancers congregate and practise before an immense looking-gla.s.s previous to their appearance in public.

To a fellow of warm imagination and vigorous const.i.tution, such a scene is calculated to create sensations that must send the circling current into rapid motion, and animate the heart with thrilling raptures of delight. Before the mirror, in all the grace of youthful loveliness and perfect symmetry of form, the divine little fairy sprite, the all-conquering Andalusian Venus, Mercandotti, was exhibiting her soft, plump, love-inspiring person in pirouette: before her stood the now happy swain, the elegant H------ B-, on whose shoulder rested the Earl of Fe-, admiring with equal ecstasy the finished movements of his accomplished protegee{4}; on the right hand of the earl stood the single duke of D--------------e, quizzing the little daughter of Terpsich.o.r.e through his eye-gla.s.s; on the opposite of the circle was seen the n.o.ble

4 It was very generally circulated, and for some time believed, that the charming little Andalusian Venus was the natural daughter of the Earl of F-e: a report which had not a shadow of truth in its foundation, but arose entirely out of the continued interest the earl took in the welfare of the lady from the time of her infancy, at which early period she was exhibited on the stage of the princ.i.p.al theatre in Cadiz as an infant prodigy; and being afterwards carried round (as is the custom in Spain) to receive the personal approval and trifling presents of the grandees, excited such general admiration as a beautiful child, that the Earl of F- e, then Lord M- and a general officer in the service of Spain, adopted the child, and liberally advanced funds for her future maintenance and instruction, extending his bounty and protection up to the moment of her fortunate marriage with her present husband. It is due to the lady to add, that in every instance her conduct has been marked by the strictest sense of propriety, and that too in situations where, it is said, every attraction was offered to have induced a very opposite course.

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musical amateur B-----h, supported by the director De R-s on one hand, and the communicative manager, John Ebers, of Bond-street, on the other; in a snug corner on the right hand of the mirror was seated one of his majesty's most honourable privy council, the Earl of W-----d, with a double Dollond's operatic magnifier in his hand, studying nature from this most delightful of all miniature models. "A most perfect divinity," whispered the exquisite. "A glorious fine study," said Transit,--and, pulling out his card-case and pencil, retired to one corner of the room, to make a mem., as he called it, of the scene.

(See Plate.) "Who the deuce is that eccentric-looking creature with the Marquis of Hertford?" said I. "Hush," replied the exquisite, "for heaven's sake, don't expose yourself! Not to know the superlative roue of the age, the all-accomplished Petersham, would set you down for a barbarian at once." "And who," said I, "is the amiable fair bending before the admiring Worter?" "An old and very dear acquaintance of the Earl of F-e, Mademoiselle n.o.blet, who, it is said, displays much cool philosophy at the inconstancy of her once enamoured swain, consoling herself for his loss, in the enjoyment of a splendid annuity." A host of other bewitching forms led my young fancy captive by turns, as my eye travelled round the magic circle of delight: some were, I found, of that yielding spirit, which can pity the young heart's fond desire; with others had secured honourable protection: and if his companion's report was to be credited, there were very few among the enchanting spirits before yet with whom that happiness which springs from virtuous pure affection was to be antic.i.p.ated. If was no place to moralize, but, to you who know my buoyancy of spirit, and susceptibility of mind, I must confess, the reflection produced a momentary pang of the keenest misery.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page205]

THE ROYAL SALOON.

Visit of Heartly, Lionise, and Transit--Description of the Place--Sketches of Character--The Gambling Parsons--Horse Chaunting, a true Anecdote--Bang and her Friends--Moll Raffle and the Marquis W.--The Play Man--The Touter--The Half-pay Officer--Charles Rattle, Esq.--Life of a modern Roue-B------ the Tailor--The Subject--Jarvey and Brooks the Dissector-- "Kill him when you want him"