Fifteen minutes later, we exited the bar and were greeted by the frigid February air. My teeth were chattering as we walked to the next bar on Brittany's list. Cameron's friends had ordered pitchers of beer at the last bar and declined to join us. I was relieved; the last thing I wanted was to have Taylor clawing my eyes out for flirting with Cameron.

Cameron must have noticed my shivering because he quickly pulled me to his side. His body heat warmed me, and I grinned at him gratefully. I wasn't sure if it was Cameron's presence or the alcohol, but I'd become someone I didn't recognize. For the past couple of hours, my weight and what I was going to eat hadn't crossed my mind once. I missed the simplicity of not being obsessed with my appearance.

Cameron insisted on paying my cover charge when we arrived at the next bar. The pub was overcrowded, and we could only find a spot for our group in the back recesses of the bar. After Brittany forced us all to do the obligatory shot of Southern Comfort, she dragged Kurt into a corner to make out. Dan was holding Jessica up, and I doubted she would be able to stay much longer. Todd and Danielle had gone in search of the bathroom, and I guessed they'd be a while, based on the number of people in the bar. I was grateful for the chance to continue talking to Cameron alone.

"Are you enjoying your birthday?" Cameron asked in my ear.

"I am now."

Gently, he twirled me around to face him. Taking my drink out of my hands, he set it on the high-top table next to us. His left arm encircled my waist and he slipped his right hand behind my neck. I closed my eyes in antic.i.p.ation.

His lips covered mine and our mouths moved in a gentle rhythm. His embrace tightened and I was crushed against the firm planes of his chiseled chest. I could feel every inch of hardened muscle, and it incited my desire. I gripped the back of his head and dragged my fingers through his hair. Shivers ran up and down my back as his hands caressed me in time with our kiss. I parted my lips and allowed his tongue to slip inside my mouth. Our tongues caressed, and he deepened the kiss.

His kiss floored me. It surpa.s.sed my expectations in every way and kept me wanting more of him. I felt swept away and I wanted to cry out when he pulled away. It wasn't until I regained my senses I realized I had been close to devouring him in the midst of a crowded bar.

"Wow," I muttered, surprised I was able to form a coherent sentence. "You must really want me to sign up for a credit card."

Chuckling, Cameron twirled me around to face the rest of the bar. "I think your friend has been trying to get your attention."

Danielle was calling out my name and waving her hands frantically. Jessica was slumped against the wall, without any shoes on and sandwiched between Todd and Dan. Groaning, I pushed my way toward the group. Danielle's expression was apologetic at my approach.

"I'm sorry to cut out early, but I have to get my sister back home before she pa.s.ses out in a pile of her own puke in the middle of the bar."

"Will she be okay? Maybe we should all head out." I grimaced when I saw Jessica smile drunkenly at Dan and attempt to kiss him. I was poised to intervene, but I saw him holding her gently away from his lips. The effects of the alcohol were beginning to hit me hard, too, and I wanted to avoid making a fool out of myself in front of Cameron.

"I'll take care of Jess, she needs to rehydrate and sleep it off. But you absolutely can't leave early. It's your birthday." Danielle was insistent. Motioning to Brittany, who was dirty dancing with Kurt in the corner of the bar, she added, "Also, Brittany will kill me if you go home with us."

"Okay," I said reluctantly. I was the good girl who took care of everyone. It was strange to hang up my duties for the night.

"Besides, you'd be out of your mind to leave that delicious man," she chided. Cameron was standing where I'd left him and had his hands shoved into his jeans pockets. He grinned when he saw me watching him and lifted an eyebrow in my direction. My lips were swollen, and I could still taste his kiss. Danielle was right: I'd be crazy to leave him so soon.

Danielle was giggling when I faced her again. "Just keep in mind that my room is next to yours and the walls are very thin."

I playfully shoved her shoulder. "Call my cell if Jessica needs anything. Do you have cash for a cab?"

"Yes, and stop worrying. You only turn twenty-one once." She kissed my cheek and headed toward Jessica.

I returned to Cameron after I said goodbye to Jessica, Todd, and Dan. With Brittany and I already paired off, the guys no longer saw the point of staying at the bar. They bought me an Irish Car Bomb before they left, which I quickly handed over to Cameron.

"Please drink this," I insisted. "I will face plant soon if I don't stop drinking."

"But it's your twenty-first, it's like a twisted rite of pa.s.sage to drink until the point of unconsciousness," he teased.

"Why? Is that what your twenty-first birthday was like?"

"Worse. I woke up with a tattoo."

I was pleasantly surprised by the revelation, figuring he was too preppy to have an edgy side. The more I was getting to know him, the more my crush was growing. My damaged psyche questioned why a good-looking, funny, and nice guy like Cameron would be attracted to me. His ex-girlfriend was beautiful; she was most likely a size zero and had a gorgeous face. I was fat and ordinary.

But I wouldn't allow myself to succ.u.mb to my hang-ups. Even if it was just for one night, I'd have fun and enjoy spending time with Cameron. The chemistry between us could be fleeting, and I didn't want to waste time thinking up all the reasons he shouldn't like me.

"So, are you going to show me the tattoo?"

He closed the s.p.a.ce between us and brushed his cheek against mine. His breath was warm as he whispered into my ear. "That's my party trick for later."

The rest of the night felt ethereal. I felt like I was existing on an entirely different plane from everyone else, and the only other person I could see was Cameron. His eyes were captivating, and they held me prisoner for the entire time we stood together, talking. Each time we touched, I melted, dissolving into nothingness and becoming only sensation. Cameron didn't paw at me; instead, he was affectionate in a natural way, making every excuse to touch me. He held my hand for most of the night, tracing small circles over my knuckles. Each caress made me envision what else he could do to me using his fingers.

The night came to an end too swiftly. Brittany had her arm laced through mine when we were ushered out of the final bar on our pub crawl. Cameron and Kurt were behind us, bonding over their shared love of the New York Giants. Brittany and I were struggling to walk, both of us equally intoxicated.

Brittany stage whispered, "He's so freaking s.e.xy, Kayla, you should totally go home with him."

I dared a look behind me and was met by a pair of glittering blue eyes. Cameron winked my way as he continued his conversation with Kurt. I hissed, "I'm not going home with him, I barely know him."

"That didn't stop you from letting him perform mouth-to-mouth on you in the bar."

"Like you should talk," I reminded her.

Brittany giggled in response and spun around to face Kurt. She ran behind him and hopped on his back. He carried her down the road to the intersection where we were going to wait for the cab to pick us up.

"Do you want a ride back to the dorm?" Cameron asked me while Kurt and Brittany charged in front of us. "I haven't been drinking for hours."

My feet throbbed and my head was beginning to pound, and the thought of being chauffeured home by him was tempting. However, through the alcohol induced haze, I understood it would probably be best to stay with Brittany and take the taxi home. I may have been ready to kiss him senseless, but I didn't want to wake up with regrets the next morning by allowing things to go farther than I felt comfortable with.

"Thanks for the offer, but I should probably head back with my friends," I said softly.

"I was going to drive you all back," he elaborated.

"We already called a cab. Anyway, if you drove us home, I'd feel obligated to invite you up. Call me old-fashioned, but that's pretty quick, considering we haven't gone on a date yet."

"This night turned out much better than I expected. I thought I'd be at the bar all night, whining to my friends about the girl who never called me," he said.

We stopped walking and I began to shift from foot to foot to stave off the bitter cold. I shoved my hands into the pockets of his wool coat and smiled up at him. "Thanks for a memorable birthday."

The wind picked up and my hair was blown into my face. He smoothed my hair back and cupped my chin. His lips grazed mine, and I sighed in contentment. He drew back and then planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Will you call me this time?" The husky timbre of his voice was stirring up l.u.s.tful images of the two of us in my head. I conceived of things he could do to my body to help me forget how much I loathed it.

"Do you want to take my number just in case I lose my nerve?"

He pulled out his cell phone and I relayed my number to him. Smirking, he quipped, "This is your actual number, right, Bella Swan?"

"Yes," I said, and I blushed. I hoped he would call but didn't want to say it. The night brought out a side of me that had been dormant for a long time. I'd begun referring to that period as the before: Before my dad died and broke my heart, before I transformed into the calorie-counting maniac who abused her body for skinniness.

When the taxi pulled up, I disentangled from his arms. I kissed his cheek, lingering for a second too long. I breathed in his scent, already addicted to the subtle masculine aroma. As I took a step backward, I hoped his smell lingered on my skin, reminding me of the incredible night I'd had. Cameron escorted me into the cab and leaned over for a quick peck once I was crammed into the backseat with Brittany and Kurt.

Brittany kissed her palm and blew it in his direction. "Bye lover boy!" she exclaimed. Her dark curls fell forward, concealing her face, and she began to laugh hysterically. I had a hunch I wasn't going to live the night down anytime soon.

When the door closed, I studied Cameron through the smudged windows of the cab. He stayed at the curb, watching us disappear from view. I was frightened by the intensity of my feelings, and I couldn't help but speculate about when the other shoe would drop. He was too perfect, our time together too incredible, for it to turn into something more than a casual flirtation.

Chapter Eight.

When I was a little girl, I would play a game that involved me spinning around in circles for as long as possible. When I'd finally fall, I'd press my head against the ground and revel in the dizzying sensation. Waking up the next morning to a spinning room after a night of drunken debauchery was decidedly less appealing.

As I climbed out of bed, nausea snuck up on me and I made a beeline for the bathroom. The mixed drinks and shots stung my throat as the contents of my stomach emptied into the toilet. Once my stomach settled, I leaned my head against the chilly tiled walls. I hated that my first thought was I'd liberated myself from the exorbitant number of calories I'd ingested the night before.

I flushed the toilet and splashed ice-cold water on my face. My eyes darted up to the mirror and I inspected the damage. Mirrors had been my enemy for a long time now. I despised my reflection. My face was puffy, and my eyes glittered with moisture. Last night's mascara had blackened under my eyes and my lips were dry and cracked.

As I fled from my reflection, Danielle was emerging from her room. She rubbed at her weary eyes and gave me a wan smile. "You sound just like Jess last night. I was holding back her hair for an hour. After I finally got some water into her, she pa.s.sed out."

We could make out Jessica's snores through her door. She sounded like a drunken sailor. Brittany's door was firmly shut, and I was glad I lived across the hall and not next door. Kurt had slept over and, according to Brittany, he was a shouter during s.e.x. Since the couple had seemed to be reenacting a scene from Taxicab Confessions on the way home, I could only imagine what happened once they were removed from a public place.

Brittany got a kick out of telling me about her s.e.xual exploits. She considered herself my teacher due to my inexperience. I'd slept with my high school boyfriend, Grant, once on prom night and one other time before we broke up and left for college. Losing my virginity was anticlimactic, and the two times I slept with Grant were forgettable. We weren't attuned to each other's bodies, and s.e.x had been awkward. I decided to sleep with Grant because I felt like it was time to get rid of my virginity, not because I loved him. I suspected Grant was in the same mindset, and it made our breakup decidedly painless.

During my time at college, I hadn't felt a strong desire to sleep with anyone. There wasn't enough of a spark with anyone to consider taking things to such an intimate physical level. What happened with Cameron was a fluke. His confidence and s.e.xiness didn't just ignite a spark-it had me ready to burst into flames.

Danielle bypa.s.sed me and opened our refrigerator. Downing a bottle of water in a couple of gulps, she heaved a huge sigh. Her long blond hair was mussed and she looked about as hung-over as I was feeling. Reaching into the fridge, she pulled out another water bottle and pa.s.sed it to me. I pressed the bottle against my temples to ease my worsening headache.

"You should eat something; it'll make you feel better. Want me to make you some toast?"

I shook my head emphatically. "I don't think I can keep anything down."

Danielle shrugged. "Well, don't keep me in suspense. What happened with Cameron last night?"

I bit my lip as I thought about the night before. When I relived it, I kept returning to our first kiss. It had electrified my body and filled me with a deep longing. The connection couldn't have been completely one-sided; Cameron's desire had been unmistakable since the second he saw me at the bar.

"We hung out and went to a few more bars. He was a lot of fun and very sweet. I gave him my number, but who knows if he'll actually call." The crack in my voice betrayed me. Pretending I didn't like Cameron wasn't going to fool anyone. I yawned and stretched. "I think I'm going to veg out in front of the TV today and try to recover from last night."

I returned to my room and bundled up in my burgundy comforter. I was shivering, and I felt iciness circulating through my veins. My stomach growled, but I disregarded the noise. Instead, I turned on my small TV set and tried to divert my attention from my bodily needs.

I dozed for a couple of hours. Finally, I rallied enough to get out of bed and go in search of my cell phone. It had been left off the charger all night and had probably died hours before. I found it in my purse and attempted to turn it on without any success. But after a few minutes plugged into the wall charger, it came to life.

I held my breath when I saw a text from an unknown number: I had a great time tonight and wanted to make sure you got home safely. Cameron The message was time stamped three in the morning. I swooned slightly as I imagined him going back home and still having me on his mind. I wrote several drafts of a reply text before I was satisfied. I had fun too. Thanks for checking up on me. I've been spending the day recovering from last night.

Ten minutes later, my cell phone rang. I dove for it, but hesitated a second before answering. "h.e.l.lo."

"Hi, it's Cameron." His voice was rich and smooth. b.u.t.terflies fluttered in a frenzy within my belly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got run over by a truck," I confessed. "I'm obviously a lightweight when it comes to drinking."

"I'm guessing you're not feeling up to meeting for a drink then," he teased. "Are you free for coffee?"

I had forgotten the rules of dating. Would it look bad if I agreed? Was I supposed to pretend I was busy and give him more of a chase? It was evident he wanted to see me again as much as I needed to see him, so I decided to avoid the games.

"Coffee sounds good. Where do you want to meet?"

We settled on getting together at the Starbucks in town. Since we were meeting in an hour, I had to rush to shower and decide on what to wear. As I hurried into the hallway, Brittany was coming out of the bathroom.

"Hey," she said sleepily. It was close to three in the afternoon and Brittany appeared ready to go back to bed already.

"Rough morning?"

"Ugh, I didn't get to sleep until six. I thought alcohol was supposed to kill a guy's s.e.x drive, not turn him into an insatiable beast," Brittany complained. Once again, I was thankful for being a heavy sleeper. "Don't mind me if I'm walking a little funny today."

I shook my head in disbelief and smiled. "As charming as it is to hear about your s.e.x life, I have to run. I'm meeting Cameron for coffee."

Brittany waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "He can't get enough of you, huh? Maybe he'll help you get rid of that pesky v-card."

"Too bad I'm not a virgin."

"It's been three years, Kayla. I think you're considered a virgin again after that long," Brittany said drily. "Was he a good kisser?"

"An amazing kisser. It makes me wonder if a boy has ever kissed me properly."

Playfully, Brittany pulled on a strand of my long hair. "You're so cute sometimes. I want all the details of your date later."

My indecision over what to wear made me ten minutes late to meet Cameron. My black dress the night before had left little to the imagination, but in the light of day, I didn't have the same confidence. The desire to cover up my body was too ingrained into my consciousness. The gray sweater I chose was pretty, but oversized. It would hide my flaws from him. The outfit was completed with a pair of jeans and boots.

Despite the cold, Cameron was standing outside the Starbucks when I arrived. His smile was warm when I hopped out of my car and approached him. He nodded toward my car. "I like your Jeep."

I appreciated the compliment. I loved my car. In the summer, I had the top off as much as the weather permitted. I'd speed down the highway with the wind flying through my hair, drowning out my mother's voice in my head telling me how much I'd never measure up. My father had gone with me to pick it out a few months before he died, and my Jeep made me feel like we were still connected somehow.

"You look like you're freezing," I told him. "You didn't have to wait out here for me."

"I'm just glad you're here," he said, and he kissed the top of my head. "I was beginning to worry you were going to stand me up."

The idea seemed laughable. Cameron wasn't the type of guy girls stood up. "Not a chance."

He took me by the hand and led me into the Starbucks. I liked how comfortable I felt holding hands with him. It gave me the sense we'd known each other for much longer than we had.

My thoughts of Cameron were momentarily halted when the aroma of pastries and coffee a.s.saulted my nostrils. My eyes were drawn to the display cabinet, stocked full with cookies, m.u.f.fins, and cupcakes. My mouth began to water and my stomach rumbled in protest. It was after four o'clock and the only thing I'd eaten for the day was a handful of saltine crackers.

Cameron was talking. "Do you want to grab us a table and I'll order?" My head bobbed up and down mechanically. "What would you like?"

I wanted to drown in food, eat until I couldn't stand another bite. However, if I wanted to keep losing weight, I would have to call on my willpower to help me avoid the fatty treats. "A green tea with one Splenda."

Green tea had no calories and was said to have fat-burning qualities. These were the types of things I discovered online as I became obsessed with losing weight. Sometimes at night, instead of doing my homework, I would scour the online forums for weight-loss tips and tricks. I'd started eating more low-calorie bread products since I found they kept me fuller, for longer, than fruits and veggies. I'd also taken to chewing gum, since I read mindless chewing could cut down on the cravings for food.

The worst part of starving myself was the side effects. Exercise was unimaginable because of my low energy level, and I'd begun carrying around a bottle of pain relievers to treat the headaches I was p.r.o.ne to.

After double-checking to make sure I didn't want anything else, Cameron went to stand in line. I watched him remove his jacket while he waited to order. His t-shirt gave me a glimpse of his well-developed biceps. He wasn't beefy like Kurt, but instead had just the right amount of definition. I dreamed up a visual of what he looked like shirtless, and it made me smile. My curiosity was also piqued over where he could be hiding a tattoo.