"Do you think so?" I asked.

C.

L.

-L.

"Oh yes. You seem to have seen something in him when we didn't... until you pointed it out."

"I'm glad you think so."

"There is an expression in his eyes which is almost benign."

"We all have many sides to our characters," I reminded her.

"And it takes certain people to bring them out," she agreed.

"Why, you have made William look quite an attractive child."

"He is an attractive child."

"He is better since you came. Sometimes, Kate, I think you have an effect on us all. You are not a witch or something, are you?"

"No indeed. Only a painter."

"A very good painter. You must agree to that?"

"If I didn't think so, how could I convince other people that I was?"

"You are very wise, Kate. I am sure Rollo thinks so."

I turned away. I was always uncomfortable when she talked of him. I remembered that mischievous streak from the past which I had discovered when she came to my room dressed as a maid. That spirit of mischief still lingered. Was she trying to tell me that she knew her husband had been my lover still was and that this child who was beginning to look too like him for the resemblance to be coincidental was his?

They were uneasy days.

I must go. I must. And the answer was always the same: Where? How? And Kendal must not be put at risk.

Because he understood my feelings so well Rollo found work for me to do. He had been searching through the castle library, he told me, and he had found some old manuscripts which were in need of restoration.

He would show them to me if I could come to the castle the following afternoon while the boys were at their lessons.

I did wonder whether there were, in fact, any manuscripts or whether he just wanted to talk to me. I found him in the library. It was an impressive room lined with bookshelves, as I had imagined it would be, of course, but the books were on various subjects and most of them beautifully bound.

"This is my sanctum," he said.

"Do you like it?"

I said it was delightful and impressive at the same time.

He took my hand and pressed it to his lips.

"We go on in the same old way, Kate," he said.

"Don't you want to change it?"

"Yes. I want to go from here really because that is what I feel I should do."

"We want to change it for the better," he said tersely, 'not for the worse. "

"Have you brought me here to show me old manuscripts, or to talk of impossibilities?"

"To talk possibilities and to look at manuscripts. But first let us talk. How long will it be before you realize that we can't go on like this?"

"We can," I contradicted, 'until I can get away. If it were not for Kendal, I would risk trying to get to England. I am beginning to think that that is what I must do. I have talked about it to Kendal. "

"What does he say?"

"He doesn't want to leave, of course."

A slow smile spread across his face.

"He is such a wise boy," he said.

"You have charmed him with your attentions."

"Naturally my own son likes me."

"You have not made yourself so charming to poor little William."

"I said my own son, I can't account for bastards;' " You are a cruel, hard man. "

"Not to you, Kate ... never to you."

"Once ..." I began.

"That was necessary arid it was the beginning of love, wasn't it?"

"No, pure lust for reveng^' Oh, that ..."

"Which failed."

"It was highly successful because it showed me that there was one woman in the world who could satisfy me."

"You! Everything comes back to you. Please show me the manuscripts."

"In due course. First we talk. I'm tired of this ... subterfuge."

"There is no subterfuge C'n my part."

"When you pretend that tyson is not my son!"

"How could I do otherwise! I have an idea that your wife already suspects."

"What does she suspect?"

"That Kendal is your soil-' " Then she is correct in that. "

"That I am your ..."

"Mistress?" he said.

"Well, let us hope that she will soon be correct in that too."

"Please do not talk in that way."

"But if the first of her suspicions is true, then the second must be."

"I don't agree."

"Oh, Kate, let us make it so. It is a pity to cheat people of their assumptions."

"You haven't changed, have you? I believe that the Princesse ... resents my being here-' " She has said she is delighted that you are here. The picture other son gives her a great deal of pleasure. She says the boy is better since you have been here. He likes playing with our boy and he is losing that hang-dog look of his. When he was having his portrait painted I almost liked him. "

I said: "Even if it were possible, a woman would have to think very hard before throwing in her lot with a man like you."

"Now, Kate, be honest. Do you think I don't know your feelings towards me? Your lips tell lies when they speak, but sometimes they are more honest. Could you let them speak the truth regarding me ... for once?"

"I hope I always speak the truth."

"Not on one all-important matter, and that is your feelings for me."

"I prefer not to discuss the subject. I have in any case told you many times how I feel about your actions and it is not really very complimentary."

"That's why I say your lips lie. Think back, Kate, to everything that has happened to us. You know that you love me. You can't leave me.

You're trying all the time to get back to that room in the tower. It's not very far from here, you know. It's undisturbed by the war. We could go there. We could recapture that night. "

I faced him angrily. I thought: It is lust, pure lust that he feels for me. He wants me because I don't want him. He hasn't changed since that night and is as capable of rape now as he was then. Even his affection for Kendal is nothing more than pride . pride of possession.

My instincts were warning me. I should be wary of him, wary of my own feelings for him. What it was I felt for him I was not sure, but it was not love.

When I had seen him crippled because of what he had done for Kendal, I think I had come near to loving him. I had nursed him with care and tenderness, and perhaps because of the terrible dangers through which we had lived, my feelings towards him had changed. Now he was in his own domain; he had come through the siege of Paris, though not entirely unscathed; he suffered certain pain from his leg, I knew; he would never walk as he had before; but all that did not stop him from doing everything that he wanted to. Here, in the background of his Norman castle, he was the barbarian again, the strong ruthless man who, when he felt a wish, let nothing stand in the way of its gratification.

I said to him: "Please understand that I came to see the manuscripts.

If you are not going to show them to me, I shall go. "

"My dear vehement Kate, of course I am going to show you the manuscripts. Then you won't have to answer my questions truthfully, will you? You should never be afraid to face the truth, you know."

"It is you who will not face the truth."

"But I do. I agree with your opinion of me. But you won't face what it really is. Do you think I don't know that if I took you now ... as I did that night... you would not inwardly rejoice? But I want it to be different now. I want you to come to me willingly. That's what I've set my heart on. I've become sentimental. What I want most of all is to marry you."

"It is easy to make such a proposal," I reminded him, 'when you know it is impossible to carry it out. "

"It won't always be impossible."

"Why don't_>ioa face the truth? You are married. Yours is no ordinary marriage because your wife is a Princesse. You married her for her royal blood, remember? But the children did not come and the blue blood can't be used. That's not a good enough excuse for annulling a marriage, and she would never agree to it. Therefore how can your proposal to another woman be of any substance at all?"

I saw that cold look in his eyes which made them look like ice.

"You're wrong, Kate. You accept defeat too easily. I'll tell you this: one day it will come to pass. "

I was afraid then . afraid of him, as not long ago I had been afraid of his wife.

"Shall I see the manuscripts?" I said as coolly as I could.

"But certainly," he replied.

We pored over them together. They were fascinating. They had been in the castle for centuries, and he believed they had been presented to the family by a monk who had given up his calling and come out into the world. He had worked at the castle and made the manuscripts while he was there.

"Fifteenth century, would you say?" asked Rollo, "I think they might even be a little earlier. Oh, it would be a wonderful job. My father used to love this kind of work ..." I heard my voice tremble a little as I mentioned my father, for I was thinking of how he had found this life so unendurable without his sight that he had decided to leave it. Then my thoughts switched to Marie-Claude who had at one time had the same idea. How cruel life could be sometimes!

Rollo was watching me intently.

"You have such an expressive face," he said.

"So many emotions flit across it. You are sad now, thinking of your father. My dear Kate, it is your mouth rather than your eyes which betrays you to me. That is why I know that beneath that facade of resentment which you show me, you love me ... you really do."

I looked down at the manuscripts.

"It would be difficult to get the paints I should need to restore them."

"We can try."

"It is always difficult at any time. These people mixed their own colours and no artist used the same."

"We can try together. We can go and visit the artist about whom I told you. He has lived near here since he was a young man. He is a good artist. I found him and brought him here to work for me. He may well have some of the paints you require. You will be occupied and if you are working you will be content and push aside this ridiculous notion that you ought to be somewhere else."

Then he drew me to him and kissed me gently. I knew that he was right. In spite of everything he was dominating my thoughts. If that was falling in love, then that was what I was doing.

The weeks were slipping past. I was absorbed by the work on the manuscripts, so I was at the castle every morning. While I was working Kendal was taking lessons with William and every day seemed very like another. Spring had come. There was still trouble in Paris, and I was no nearer returning there than I had been when I first arrived here.

It was easier to move about the country now, though, and with the coming of May what was known as the Treaty of Frankfurt was signed.

There was peace at last. The French grumbled about the terms which had been imposed on them, for they had to hand over Alsace and a great part of Lorraine to the Germans as well as paying a huge money indemnity.

Soon, I thought, I shall have to go to Paris.