"I love myself, yes ... but next to myself it's you ... for tonight."

I laid a hand on his arm.

"Let me go ... please?" I begged.

"So appealing. So beautiful," he said and he picked me up in his arms.

I lay on the bed . supine . indifferent almost. Violation had become commonplace. My body was no longer my own. I was weary, tired of reiterating my hatred.

I murmured: "If only I could send time back. If only I could go back to the time when I was in Paris. I could go home ... instead of coming here ..."

"You would have missed the greatest experience of your life."

"The greatest degradation."

Then I lost my indifference and shouted at him . my hatred and contempt.

He did not heed me. He just turned to me and showed me once more that I was his to command.

It was morning. I was awakened by the sound of footsteps and voices. I sat up in bed. My robe was lying on the floor where he had thrown it.

Someone was coming into the room.

It was the Baron and with him . Bertrand.

I saw then that this was the final scene of a farce . comedy. tragedy. whatever he meant it to be. This was the climax towards which he had been working.

"Mademoiselle Collison is here," he was saying.

"She has been here for three nights ... with me. Well, Bertrand, there is no need for me to say more. I wish you a felicitous life together. I can assure you, Kate is a most desirable woman. Many will envy you. I myself for one.

And another time, Bertrand, don't be a fool. Do as I tell you. You must not think because I have given you some independence you can flout me. "

That moment remains in my memory forever. There was a sudden stillness in the room. It was as though we were all inanimate outlines in a picture.

Bertrand stared at me first in amazement and then in growing understanding. Horror . disbelief. realization . disgust. I saw all those emotions in his face.

His lips formed my name: "Kate ..."

I raised myself holding the coverlet about me.

I cried out: "I was brought here ... drugged ... forced ..."

Bertrand continued to stare at me. Then he turned to the Baron who stood there smiling evilly . like the demon-gargoyle on Notre Dame.

He nodded slowly in affirmation.

"She fought like a wild cat," he said.

"But I think we came to an ... understanding."

Bertrand's face was distorted. I thought he was going to weep. Then suddenly his expression changed. There was nothing but hatred. He sprang at the Baron but that wicked man was waiting for him. Bertrand was at his throat but the Baron picked him up and threw him from him.

Bertrand went down and slid across the floor.

"Get up," said the Baron.

"You are making a fool of yourself ... and before Kate. Kate, your clothes will be brought up to you. Dress and take a little food." He laid an envelope on the table.

"Here is the payment for the portrait as we arranged, and here also are the tickets you will need. You may leave in an hour's time. The carriage will take you to the station. All the connections have been checked. I presume you will want to go straight to England for a rest before you take up your next commission. Bertrand can conduct you as far as he wishes."

With that he turned away and left us.

Bertrand had picked himself up. He was shaken by the fall but not so much as he had been by what he had seen and heard.

I was sorry for him. I could see that his humiliation was almost as deep as my own; and I knew in that moment that I could never marry him. I could never marry anyone after this.

He stood looking at me.

"Kate," he said.

"He ... is a monster," I said.

"I want to go home."

He nodded.

"I want to leave this place at the earliest possible moment."

The woman came in with my clothes and hot water. Bertrand left us.

"I'll bring you some petit dejeuner," said the woman, cosy as ever.

"No, thanks," I said.

"I want nothing more here. I want to leave at once."

She did not answer but set down the hot water. I washed hastily and dressed. It seemed strange to be in my own clothes again.

I even found the pins for my hair on the table with the mirror and I laughed a little hysterically to think how precisely everything had been taken-care of.

Dressed, I felt myself again a different person from the one in the furred robe and cloud of hair. Peering closely at my face I detected a difference there. What was it a look of worldliness? Eve must have looked like that after having eaten the forbidden fruit.

I descended the short spiral staircase. The great iron-studded door was open.

I found my way out of the tower and down to the room where it seemed so long ago I had partaken of pot aufeu and drugged wine.

Bertrand was outside with the carriage. There was no sign of the Baron. I supposed he had gone back to the castle. The little adventure which had ruined my life and brought him the satisfaction he had needed, was over.

I said: "Let us go. Let us get away from this place."

So we went together.

Bertrand said very little during the journey. I thought it would never end. We had left Rouen and were approaching the coast.

I said to him: "There is no need for you to cross the Channel. I don't need an escort in my own country."

He nodded again.

When we reached Calais, there was an hour to wait for the packet-boat.

I said: "Don't stay, Bertrand."

"I will see you safely on board," he replied.

He sat looking over the sea. Then he did talk a little.

He said: "I'll kill him."

"It would change nothing."

"It would be a blessing for mankind."

I 7 I.

"Bertrand, don't talk like that. It would be a double tragedy if you gave way to revenge."

I was thinking: You would never do it. You could not. He would never allow it and he is the one who calls the tune.

Bertrand took my hand and pressed it. I tried not to show how I shrank from his touch.

Everything was changed. I believed I would never be able to shut out of my mind the images which crowded into it, and Rollo de Centeville dominated them all.

I did not think Bertrand wanted to marry me now. I had seen that look of revulsion in his eyes when he had looked at me in that bed. It was not that he did not believe I had been tricked and forced against my will . he believed all that without a doubt. He saw me as the victim I had been; but at the same time he could not forget that, as the Baron said, I had been his mistress.

I could never marry Bertrand. Everything between us had been over since that moment he came into the bedroom.

So for once Rollo would not have his way. The object had been to make Bertrand eat his words. He would marry one of the Baron's castoff mistresses . so he had thought. He was fooled at last, for there would be no marriage.

I was glad to be alone.

His last words were: "I will write. We will work out something ..."

I smiled at him. I knew it was over.

I leaned over the rail looking at the swirling water and I was filled with an angry resentment. I thought of that Kate Collison who had crossed the Channel not long ago setting out on a dangerous adventure.

And dangerous it had certainly been, for I had come within the orbit of that strange man, the barbarian who had changed my life.

Fury seized me. He had dared use me because he wished to show that he must be obeyed. Bertrand must obey him. It had nothing to do with his desire for me, which I had believed must have been great for him to go to such lengths to satisfy it.

That was the ultimate humiliation. That was what angered me deep down more than anything else that had happened to me.

Away in the distance I could see the white cliffs. The sight had a healing effect on me. I was going home.

Nicole