The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with the woman guest of honor, and you are a.s.signed your place in the procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.

Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room, cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the chair of your partner and a.s.sist her to seat herself. In some old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company is seated.

During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care, although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion, and personal criticisms.

There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the gla.s.s or shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your gla.s.ses, but do not drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do no harm.

The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding good-night, always a.s.sure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you have enjoyed.

Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.

Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a man brings his with him from his first table.

Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests a.s.semble at the restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests a.s.semble in one of the smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.

_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages, to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.

Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book reserved for the Bachelor as Host.

CHAPTER VIII.

A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.

Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful study of that clever _brochure_, ent.i.tled Don't, which would refresh the memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. The American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. One can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The French have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation.

Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a gla.s.s to your lips. Grease stains around the edge of a goblet or winegla.s.s are silent but telltale witnesses of careless habits.

The napkin is an embarra.s.sing article to many men. Its place is on the lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck.

When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it, unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.

Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small round b.a.l.l.s. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other, prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful.

I pa.s.s over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer and drink them therefrom.

The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten cla.s.sification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat until others are served has pa.s.sed away with many old-time fallacies.

One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be, and make at least a feint at it.

Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his gla.s.s with his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at formal dinners.

When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate, the p.r.o.ngs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had sufficient to eat.

Dinners are generally served _a la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard, and the dishes are pa.s.sed around by the servants on silver trays. Very large _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.

Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.

The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The servants pa.s.s the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's nose at table is disgusting.

The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs, but in cities the lighter meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands, which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.

BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES.

_Eggs._--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg gla.s.ses for boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp knife and eat it in the sh.e.l.l with a small egg spoon.

_Sugar._--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.

_b.u.t.ter._--b.u.t.ter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is pa.s.sed around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear it. b.u.t.ter plates--i. e., the small round silver or china affairs--have given place to bread and b.u.t.ter plates, which are of china and are somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The b.u.t.ter plate of a few years ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish from our tables. It is needless to add that b.u.t.ter is never served at dinner.

_Radishes._--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and b.u.t.ter plate and eat them with a little salt.

_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon.

Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.

_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) at a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.

DINNER.

The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams, according to season, soup, fish, _entree_, roast and vegetables, game and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served, except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hotes_.

_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purpose before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as pepper and salt, will be pa.s.sed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.

_Oyster c.o.c.ktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from c.o.c.ktail gla.s.ses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.

_Soup_.--At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, and use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially if the soup is thick or a _puree_. This will avoid the dripping of that liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the inside of it for this purpose.

_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.

_Cuc.u.mbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or saucers for cuc.u.mbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.

_Sherry_ is served with fish.

_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table in small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at formal dinners they are pa.s.sed around after the fish. Celery is eaten with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entree_ raw, the stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a fork.

_Entrees_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_, _croquettes_, and sweetbreads.

_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in lieu of an _entree_.

_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an _entree_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten with a fork.

_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the p.r.o.ngs. The stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except at the risk of a severe headache.

_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. They should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted b.u.t.ter. The center of the artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork, and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the mouth with the fork.

_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret gla.s.ses. The champagne stem gla.s.ses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fish to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast, _claret_ with the _entree_, and _Burgundy_ with the game.

_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.