OCTOBER 1985.

10/1/85.

Margaret Heckler whose messy divorce has put her in bad odor with the First Lady grimaces beside President Reagan as he announces that she has agreed to leave her post as Health and Human Services Secretary to become amba.s.sador to Ireland. He explains that he "wouldn't have been so eager" to make her an amba.s.sador "if she hadn't done such a good job" in the Cabinet. So why is he removing her from a job she's ostensibly great at and forcing her to take one she doesn't want? No one asks.

10/2/85.

Rock Hudson dies of AIDS. Shirley (wife of Pat) Boone rushes into his home, grabs his legs and speaks in tongues for a half hour in a futile effort to resurrect him.

10/6/85.

The New York Times Magazine runs a cover story on "THE MIND OF THE PRESIDENT," in which it is pointed out that though Reagan "likes to say ... that he is a 'voracious reader' and 'history buff' ... neither he nor his friends, when asked, could think of particular history books he had read or historians he liked." Says a White House aide, "You have to treat him as if you were the director and he was the actor, and you tell him what to say and what not to say, and only then does he say the right thing." runs a cover story on "THE MIND OF THE PRESIDENT," in which it is pointed out that though Reagan "likes to say ... that he is a 'voracious reader' and 'history buff' ... neither he nor his friends, when asked, could think of particular history books he had read or historians he liked." Says a White House aide, "You have to treat him as if you were the director and he was the actor, and you tell him what to say and what not to say, and only then does he say the right thing."

10/6/85.

Arbor House takes out an ad for The Lost Writings of George Orwell. The Lost Writings of George Orwell. He is described as the author of He is described as the author of Animal House Animal House.

10/7/85.

Palestinian terrorists hijack the Mediterranean cruise liner Achille Lauro. Before they surrender two days later, they kill wheelchair-bound New Yorker Leon Klinghoffer and throw him overboard. Denying the crime later, leader Mohammed Abul Abbas says, "If someone really died, which I doubt, then for sure it was a matter of a heart attack and the responsibility of the captain." An autopsy performed after his body washes ash.o.r.e shows he was shot in the head.

10/7/85.

"You don't have many suspects who are innocent of a crime. That's contradictory. If a person is innocent of a crime, then he is not a suspect ... Miranda only helps guilty defendants. Most innocent people are glad to talk to the police. They want to establish their innocence so that they're no longer a suspect."

--Ed Meese, chief law enforcement officer of the nation 10/8/85.

President Reagan welcomes Singapore president Lee Kuan Yew and his wife, Mrs. Lee, to the White House. "It gives me great pleasure," he says, "to welcome Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew and Mrs. Yew to Singapore."

10/8/85.

Sylvester Stallone has dinner at the White House. "It's always flattering to have the highest person in the land admire your work," he says of the President's incessant nattering about Rambo. Also in attendance is first-teacher-in-s.p.a.ce-to-be Christa McAuliffe. "He told us a lot of stories about when he was in films," she says of her host. "He also said maybe I could take some papers to grade with me in s.p.a.ce."

10/10/85.

On a trip to Chicago to promote his tax reform program, President Reagan stuns reporters by suggesting that PLO leader Ya.s.ser Arafat could try the captured Achille Lauro hijackers. He is quickly sent out with a retraction.

10/11/85.

President Reagan shows up in the White House briefing room with National Security Adviser Robert McFarlane, who will answer questions about the capture of the hijackers. And, since Reagan is again sporting a bandage, he begrudgingly admits he has had yet another skin cancer removed from his nose. "And now," he says, "I can stand before you proudly and say, 'My nose is clean.'"

10/12/85.

Richard M. Nixon is chosen to arbitrate a dispute between baseball owners and umpires. "The game will not survive," he says, "unless people continue to have confidence in qualified, competent umpires." His efforts are successful.

10/17/85.

Richard M. Nixon's comeback continues as he addresses a dinner for black GOP businessmen in New York. "I don't think the American people are ready for him to sit down at the dining room table," observes Democratic pollster Harrison Hickman, but "now they're willing to send him a sandwich out in the kitchen."

10/24/85.

Houston mayoral candidate Louie Welch speaking into what he thinks is a dead microphone suggests that one method of AIDS control would be to "shoot the queers." He apologizes, but adds, "I don't think I had the gay vote anyway."

10/31/85.

"We would not deploy ... until we sit down with the other nations of the world, and those that have nuclear a.r.s.enals, and see if we cannot come to an agreement on which there will be deployment only if there is elimination of nuclear weapons."

--President Reagan, apparently thinking he's saying something comprehensible about the arms race NOVEMBER 1985.

11/5/85.

Larry Speakes dismisses President Reagan's incoherent rambling about SDI deployment as "presidential imprecision," explaining that he meant to use the word "sharing" instead of "deployment." Oh.

11/6/85.

At a dinner honoring one of the Justice Department's most rigid right-wing ideologues, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) says, "It may be said of Brad Reynolds, and President Reagan, decades from today, that they did more to free the nation of policies of prejudice than any other policy-maker since Abraham Lincoln."

Adds Ed Meese, "Brad Reynolds has proved to be nothing less than the most powerful advocate of civil rights in our time." Then George Will's wife, Madeleine, fills in some details from Brad's past: "As a Cub Scout he blew up his Cub Scout leader's outhouse. His interest in incendiaries continued into adolescence, when he threw a bomb into a librarian's car in high school. So when his critics call him a 'bomb thrower,' they are more accurate than they know."

11/7/85.

President Reagan has lunch with six Soviet specialists in preparation for his upcoming summit in Geneva. A partic.i.p.ant reports that though the President was "very affable" and seemed to be listening very intently, he asked no questions.

11/9/85.

Toasting Princess Diana on her first visit to the United States, President Reagan refers to her as "Princess David." Observes a BBC correspondent, "President Reagan greeted the Prince and Princess wearing a plaid jacket that was remarkably similar to the carpet at Balmoral Castle."

11/13/85.

"He's just so programmed. We tried to tell him what was in the bill but he doesn't understand. Everyone, including Republicans, were just shaking their heads."

--Rep. Mary Rose Oskar (D-OH) on President Reagan's reaction to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings balanced budget bill 11/15/85.

Soviet spokesman Georgi Arbatov says that while President Reagan prepared for the summit by watching taped interviews, Mikhail Gorbachev has more traditional methods of study. "He doesn't need 10-minute video clips," Arbatov says. "He has a concentration span." He claims not to know if Gorbachev watched any of Reagan's old movies, adding, "They are B-rated anyway." Responds Reagan keenly sensitive to underappreciation of his acting achievements "Well, he's never seen Kings Row Kings Row."

11/17/85.

Donald Regan explains why the Geneva activities of Nancy Reagan and Raisa Gorbachev will be of special interest to female readers. "They're not ... going to understand throw-weights," he says, "or what is happening in Afghanistan, or what is happening in human rights. Some women will, but most ... would rather read the human interest stuff." The President, meanwhile, is reported to be upset by suggestions that Raisa is more attractive than his Nancy.

11/19/85.

President Reagan who has explained his failure to meet with previous Soviet leaders because "they kept dying on me" demonstrates his youthfulness by lunging out without an overcoat to greet Mikhail Gorbachev at the start of their two-day summit. The two spend almost three hours alone with their interpreters, though a "news blackout" makes their alleged rapport difficult to confirm. The President reportedly urges the Soviet leader to "do one thing for me. Tell Arbatov they weren't all B-movies."

Meanwhile, Nancy Reagan and Raisa Gorbachev have tea. "I found her a very nice lady," says the First Lady afterward. And what did they discuss? "Big city living as against not big city living."

11/26/85.

President Reagan tells reporters that his 688-acre ranch to which the rambunctious Lucky is being exiled from the White House is "dog heaven." When reporters attempt to shift the topic to an upcoming tax bill, the President says, "I'm concentrating on dog heaven." Upon landing in California, Lucky bids the public farewell by taking a dump on the tarmac.

11/26/85.

Random House pays $3 million for historian Edmund Morris's authorized biography of Ronald Reagan, for which he will receive unprecedented access for the remainder of the President's second term. The book misses its projected 1991 publication date, due to Morris's difficulty in getting a handle on his preternaturally opaque subject. When it is finally published in 1999, Dutch: A Memoir of Ronald Reagan Dutch: A Memoir of Ronald Reagan becomes the most controversial presidential biography to date, not because of any details revealed, but rather because Morris has told the tale of Reagan's life by inserting himself as an imaginary character observing it. While this is merely a creative device that gives him a way of telling the story, and while there is something cosmically appropriate about Reagan's biography containing a strain of fiction (though not a single fact about his subject is anything less than 100% accurate), the brazen unorthodoxy of Morris' method has many scholars and pundits up in arms. Despite the kerfuffle of the moment, the book is as hundreds of swooning critics recognize utterly brilliant. It is the best biography of Ronald Reagan ever written, and only a fool would expect a better one to come along. becomes the most controversial presidential biography to date, not because of any details revealed, but rather because Morris has told the tale of Reagan's life by inserting himself as an imaginary character observing it. While this is merely a creative device that gives him a way of telling the story, and while there is something cosmically appropriate about Reagan's biography containing a strain of fiction (though not a single fact about his subject is anything less than 100% accurate), the brazen unorthodoxy of Morris' method has many scholars and pundits up in arms. Despite the kerfuffle of the moment, the book is as hundreds of swooning critics recognize utterly brilliant. It is the best biography of Ronald Reagan ever written, and only a fool would expect a better one to come along.

DECEMBER 1985.

12/1/85.

President Reagan is honored by friends in the entertainment industry at a black-tie event at an NBC studio, where he reveals that his "dream Cabinet" would have included Secretary of State John Wayne, Defense Secretary Clint Eastwood and Treasury Secretary Jack Benny.

12/3/85.

"Fly away, fly away, fly away home. Dan Rather reporting from New York. Thank you for joining us. Good night."

--The increasingly bizarre CBS anchor signing off following a report on duck-hunting 12/4/85.

President Reagan says he told Mikhail Gorbachev to "just think how easy his task and mine might be if suddenly there was a threat to this world from some other species from another planet." Should such an event occur, suggests the President of whom it can accurately be said that he's watched too many movies "we would find out once and for all that we really are all human beings here on this Earth together."

12/4/85.

John Poindexter becomes President Reagan's fourth national security adviser when Robert McFarlane resigns apparently because of tension with Don Regan, who is widely believed to have spread rumors about his alleged lack of marital fidelity.

12/6/85.

After a year of the First Lady being dragged around by Lucky, the role of the White House dog is recast with a smaller actor as President Reagan gives Nancy an early Christmas present: a year-old King Charles spaniel. "'Oh, honey,'" Larry Speakes quotes Nancy as saying, "'Thank you, thank you, thank you.'"

This bristly, nervous, unhappy-looking animal she names him Rex not only shares his predecessor's insistence on leash control, but brings the additional unpleasantness of incessant barking. He is later rumored to have bitten the President more than once. Still, having already used up their quota on pet returns, the Reagans are stuck with him.

12/11/85.

George Bush partic.i.p.ates in a dinner honoring the memory of Manchester Union Leader Manchester Union Leader editor William Loeb, whose loathing for Bush was no secret. Bush goes so far as to read selections from Loeb's vitriolic attacks ("a spoon-fed little rich kid," "incompetent liberal masquerading as a conservative") aloud. editor William Loeb, whose loathing for Bush was no secret. Bush goes so far as to read selections from Loeb's vitriolic attacks ("a spoon-fed little rich kid," "incompetent liberal masquerading as a conservative") aloud.

12/12/85.

New York Times: REAGAN WIDENS USE OF LIE TESTING ON TOP ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS 12/15/85.

60 Minutes interviews Berkeley professor Michael Rogin, who posits the theory that the President who talked to Gorbachev about an invasion from outer s.p.a.ce honestly can't tell the difference between movies and reality. The evolution of a Reagan anecdote is traced from the point where he credits it as a movie scene to the point where he tells it as if it really happened. Viewer response proves this to be one of the least popular segments in the program's 17-year history. interviews Berkeley professor Michael Rogin, who posits the theory that the President who talked to Gorbachev about an invasion from outer s.p.a.ce honestly can't tell the difference between movies and reality. The evolution of a Reagan anecdote is traced from the point where he credits it as a movie scene to the point where he tells it as if it really happened. Viewer response proves this to be one of the least popular segments in the program's 17-year history.

12/19/85.

"The minute in this government I am told that I'm not trusted is the day that I leave."

--George Shultz announcing that he would resign before he'd take a lie detector test 12/24/85.

Washington Post: REAGAN UNAWARE OF SWEEP OF POLYGRAPH ORDER 12/31/85.

Singer Rick Nelson dies in a plane crash.

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JANUARY 1986.

1/7/86.

At his 33rd press conference President Reagan calls the Vienna airport "Vietnam International," and declares Libyan leader Qaddafi to be "not only a barbarian but he's flaky."

1/12/86.

Asked by reporter Gabe Pressman about his "wish list" for improving the quality of life in New York, real estate mogul Donald Trump thinks the big problem is street peddlers. "I see trucks pulling up at 6:30 in the morning, and people bringing carts off these trucks right onto Fifth Avenue," says Trump, who seems to think he owns the street just because he built a big ugly building there. "I don't think the politicians really understand how upset the public is when they see a man selling hot dogs and dumping the catsup and mustard all over the sidewalk ... How come the law goes after everybody else, but the law doesn't go after the people that are selling nonsense on the street, not paying taxes, ruining the environment, ruining the city, ruining the great streets of the city of New York?"

1/23/86.

In the tradition of his 1984 accusation that Mondale had slandered the memory of the murdered Marines, Vice President Bush accuses Mario Cuomo of "pitting one American against another" by raising the question of ethnic bigotry in national politics. "Worst of all," Bush claims, "he's telling us to be ashamed to stand up and be proud of this great land." Cuomo, who of course had said nothing of the kind, observes, "There are few things more amusing in the world of politics than watching moderate Republicans charging to the right in pursuit of greater glory."

1/24/86.

Vice President Bush addresses the first meeting of the Liberty Federation, the benign new name for the odious Moral Majority. "America is in crying need of the moral vision you have brought to our political life," he gushes to Jerry Falwell. "What great goals you have!"

1/24/86.

Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard dies of a stroke.

1/27/86.

The launch of the Challenger s.p.a.ce shuttle is delayed for the sixth time in six days. Engineers for Morton Thiokol, which builds the solid rocket boosters, express serious concern about whether the critical O-ring seals will hold in the abnormally low Florida temperatures, but their objections are overruled and lift-off is scheduled for the next morning, with Christa McAuliffe's students prepared to watch in cla.s.s.

1/28/86.

In a bitter early-morning confrontation at the White House, Tip O'Neill attacks President Reagan to his face for spreading "a bunch of baloney" about the reasons for joblessness. "I thought you would have grown in five years," he shouts, adding, "I never did believe your story about the Chicago welfare queen." Then something happens and their attention is refocused elsewhere.

1/28/86.

a.s.sessing the impact of the explosion of the Challenger on President Reagan's scheduled State of the Union message, which winds up being delayed a week, Michael Reagan observes, "That'll be a tough act for Dad to follow."

1/30/86.

Columnist George Will, repelled by Vice President Bush's grotesque pandering to the far right, writes, "The unpleasant sound emitting from Bush as he traipses from one conservative gathering to another is a thin, tinny 'arf' the sound of a lapdog." Says an unnamed Bush aide, "We have to reconsider a strategy that results in major news media figures across the ideological spectrum questioning his character."

FEBRUARY 1986.

2/6/86.

President Reagan turns 75, prompting not just the familiar joke about the "36th anniversary of my 39th birthday" but the additional insight that 75 is "only 24 Celsius."

2/11/86.

With Ferdinand Marcos apparently having stolen his election, President Reagan looks on the bright side, claiming to be "encouraged" by evidence of a "two-party system in the Philippines," even if only one is allowed to win. Observes Rep. Stephen Solarz (D-NY), "The suggestion that the opposition should accept with equanimity the fact that the election has been stolen const.i.tutes prima facie evidence that they are smoking hashish in the White House."