If ever anyone was deservedly cursed with an atrocious goat-stench from armpits, or if limping gout did justly gnaw one, 'tis thy rival, who occupies himself with your love, and who has stumbled by the marvel of fate on both these ills. For as oft as he swives, so oft is he taken vengeance on by both; she he prostrates by his stink, he is slain by his gout.

LXXII.

Dicebas quondam solum te nosse Catullum, Lesbia, nec prae me velle tenere Iovem.

Dilexi tum te non tantum ut volgus amicam, Sed pater ut gnatos diligit et generos.

Nunc te cognovi: quare etsi inpensius uror, 5 Multo mi tamen es vilior et levior.

Qui potisest? inquis. quod amantem iniuria talis Cogit amare magis, sed bene velle minus.

LXXII.

TO LESBIA THE FALSE.

Wont thou to vaunt whilme of knowing only Catullus (Lesbia!) nor to prefer Jupiter's self to myself.

Then, too, I loved thee well, not as vulgar wretch his mistress But as a father his sons loves and his sons by the law.

Now have I learnt thee aright; wherefor though burn I the hotter, 5 Lighter and viler by far thou unto me hast become.

"How can this be?" dost ask: 'tis that such injury ever Forces the hotter to love, also the less well to will.

Once thou didst profess to know but Catullus, Lesbia, nor wouldst hold Jove before me. I loved thee then, not only as a churl his mistress, but as a father loves his own sons and sons-in-law. Now I do know thee: wherefore if more strongly I burn, thou art nevertheless to me far viler and of lighter thought. How may this be? thou askest. Because such wrongs drive a lover to greater pa.s.sion, but to less wishes of welfare.

LXXIII.

Desine de quoquam quicquam bene velle mereri Aut aliquem fieri posse putare pium.

Omnia sunt ingrata, nihil fecisse benigne _Prodest_, immo etiam taedet obestque magis Vt mihi, quem nemo gravius nec acerbius urget, 5 Quam modo qui me unum atque unic.u.m amic.u.m habuit.

LXXIII.

OF AN INGRATE.

Cease thou of any to hope desired boon of well-willing, Or deem any shall prove pious and true to his dues.

Waxes the world ingrate, no deed benevolent profits, Nay full oft it irks even offending the more: Such is my case whom none maltreats more grievously bitter, 5 Than does the man that me held one and only to friend.

Cease thou to wish to merit well from anyone in aught, or to think any can become honourable. All are ingrate, naught benign doth avail to aught, but rather it doth irk and prove the greater ill: so with me, whom none doth o'erpress more heavily nor more bitterly than he who a little while ago held me his one and only friend.

LXXIIII.

Gellius audierat patruom obiurgare solere, Siquis delicias diceret aut faceret.

Hoc ne ipsi accideret, patrui perdepsuit ipsam Vxorem et patruom reddidit Harpocratem.

Quod voluit fecit: nam, quamvis inrumet ipsum 5 Nunc patruom, verb.u.m non faciet patruos.

LXXIIII.

OF GELLIUS.

Wont was Gellius hear his uncle rich in reproaches, When any ventured aught wanton in word or in deed.

Lest to him chance such befall, his uncle's consort seduced he, And of his uncle himself fashioned an Harpocrates.

Whatso he willed did he; and nowdays albe his uncle 5 ---- he, no word ever that uncle shall speak.

Gellius had heard that his uncle was wont to be wroth, if any spake of or practised love-sportings. That this should not happen to him, he kneaded up his uncle's wife herself, and made of his uncle a G.o.d of silence. Whatever he wished, he did; for now, even if he irrumate his uncle's self, not a word will that uncle murmur.

LXXVII.

Rufe mihi frustra ac nequiquam credite amico (Frustra? immo magno c.u.m pretio atque malo), Sicine subrepsti mei, atque intestina perurens Ei misero eripuisti omnia nostra bona?

Eripuisti, heu heu nostrae crudele venenum 5 Vitae, heu heu nostrae pestis amicitiae.

Sed nunc id doleo, quod purae pura puellae Savia conminxit spurca saliva tua.

Verum id non inpune feres: nam te omnia saecla Noscent, et qui sis fama loquetur a.n.u.s. 10

LXXVII.

TO RUFUS, THE TRAITOR FRIEND.

Rufus, trusted as friend by me, so fruitlessly, vainly, (Vainly? nay to my bane and at a ruinous price!) Hast thou cajoled me thus, and enfiring innermost vitals, Ravished the whole of our good own'd by wretchedest me?

Ravished; (alas and alas!) of our life thou cruellest cruel 5 Venom, (alas and alas!) plague of our friendship and pest.

Yet must I now lament that lips so pure of the purest Damsel, thy slaver foul soiled with filthiest kiss.

But ne'er hope to escape scot free; for thee shall all ages Know, and what thing thou be, Fame, the old crone, shall declare. 10

O Rufus, credited by me as a friend, wrongly and for naught, (wrongly? nay, at an ill and grievous price) hast thou thus stolen upon me, and a-burning my innermost bowels, s.n.a.t.c.hed from wretched me all our good? Thou hast s.n.a.t.c.hed it, alas, alas, thou cruel venom of our life! alas, alas, thou plague of our amity. But now 'tis grief, that thy swinish slaver has soiled the pure love-kisses of our pure girl. But in truth thou shalt not come off with impunity; for every age shall know thee, and Fame the aged, shall denounce what thou art.

LXXVIII.

Gallus habet fratres, quorumst lepidissima coniunx Alterius, lepidus filius alterius.

Gallus h.o.m.ost bellus: nam dulces iungit amores, c.u.m puero ut bello bella puella cubet.

Gallus h.o.m.ost stultus nec se videt esse maritum, 5 Qui patruos patrui monstret adulterium.

LXXVIII.

OF GALLUS.

Gallus hath brothers in pair, this owning most beautiful consort, While unto that is given also a beautiful son.

Gallus is charming as man; for sweet loves ever conjoins he, So that the charming lad sleep wi' the charmer his la.s.s.

Gallus is foolish wight, nor self regards he as husband, 5 When being uncle how nuncle to cuckold he show.

Gallus has brothers, one of whom has a most charming spouse, the other a charming son. Gallus is a nice fellow! for pandering to their sweet loves, he beds together the nice lad and the nice aunt. Gallus is a foolish fellow not to see that he is himself a husband who as an uncle shews how to cuckold an uncle.

LXXVIIII.

Lesbius est pulcher: quid ni? quem Lesbia malit Quam te c.u.m tota gente, Catulle, tua.

Sed tamen hic pulcher vendat c.u.m gente Catullum, Si tria notorum savia reppererit.

LXXVIIII.

OF LESBIUS.

Lesbius is beauty-man: why not? when Lesbia wills him Better, Catullus, than thee backed by the whole of thy clan.

Yet may that beauty-man sell all his clan with Catullus, An of three noted names greeting salute he can gain.

Lesbius is handsome: why not so? when Lesbia prefers him to thee, Catullus, and to thy whole tribe. Yet this handsome one may sell Catullus and his tribe if from three men of note he can gain kisses of salute.

Lx.x.x.