'They look s.e.xy though,' he adds, looking a little embarra.s.sed.

'Really?' I brighten, clicking my heels together like Dorothy.

'You know, if he offers for you to stay the night here, you should go for it!' Before I can splutter a response Elliot continues. 'I'm not being funny but you'll be a lot more comfortable here and you know, it's cool ...' He nods back at the room, conveying the words, If you two want to get it on, without actually saying them.

I'm stunned. Having Elliot presume that a little hanky-panky is in the offing makes me feel strangely fluttery inside. Could it be true? Could I really pull a stud like Joel?

'I don't think that's what he has in mind,' I say, reminding myself that Joel is actually more interested in seeing me get together with Elliot.

'I do. Why wouldn't he?'

The more pertinent question is, Why wouldn't you, Elliot? but I don't ask it.

'Urgh!' I shudder. 'I'm perishing, shall we go back inside?'

Elliot grabs my toweling lapels together. 'All I'm saying is: please don't feel you have to hang out with me just because ...' he falters. 'Just because that's what you came here to do. Maybe this is what The California Club had planned for you all along.'

'Are you trying to get rid of me?' I narrow my eyes.

'NO! G.o.d, if you knew how much I've been looking forward to your visit!' He looks pained. 'I just don't want you to, you know ... miss out.'

'Miss out on what?' I raise an eyebrow. I can't believe he's trying to get me a s.e.x life.

Elliot sighs heavily. 'If you've met someone, I ... oh I don't know! I wasn't expecting to have this conversation.' He shakes his head. 'I just feel like there's this vibe between you two, which is fine, of course why wouldn't it be?'

The last question seems to be directed to himself. I've never seen Elliot get in such a tangle. He's usually so articulate. Just how many tequilas has he downed?

He huffs a breath. 'So.'

'So?' I smile, wishing I could read his mind.

'You just seem ...' he begins again.

'Yes?' Oh please tell me! I feel different too but I don't know what it is.

His eyes search my face as if he's trying to identify a familiar feature in a stranger's face.

'Animal, vegetable or mineral?' I prompt.

He rolls his eyes.

'Just get inside!' he groans, pushing me back in to the warmth.

As the boys make macho smalltalk, I try to make sense of the jumble of feelings I'm experiencing. How could I not want to lie beneath the stars with Elliot? It's what I've been dreaming of since our roles were a.s.signed. And yet, now that I'm here, all cozied up in this room, I can't imagine leaving Joel and his happy band of hormones. I look at him, seen for the first time without his baseball hat. His hair is as black as mine but shorn like an Army-enlisted Elvis, his eyes are so dark you can't distinguish the iris from the pupil and yet they shine beguilingly like glossy ebony. Next to his robust geometric form, Elliot looks so much softer and sweeter he definitely has the more gentle spirit and that's what has always drawn me to him. But tonight, I seem to be hankering for something stronger.

'Do you want red or white with your dinner, Lara?' Joel asks, wrapping me the dark velvet cloak of his stare.

How can I make that decision? Joel is of course the red: bold and sultry, I'm drawn to his power and naughtiness but my heart just melts at my pet Pinot Grigio Elliot aromatic, golden and true.

'You choose!' I slur, pa.s.sing the buck.

All I know is that right now the notion of not concluding the evening kissing someone seems utterly, utterly unthinkable.

Chapter 23.

'So what happened?' I'm on the phone to Zo, the following morning.

'Well, when it came to it, Joel invited us both to stay over: "There's plenty of room - two big beds. You wouldn't mind sharing with each other, would you? Old buddies?"'

Zo gasps at his daring. 'What did you say?'

"'Fine by me!" I was quite piddled by that point.'

'And Elliot?'

I sigh. 'He was all, "I've got to get back to Camp Lane but Lara, you should stay!"'

'Oh no!'

'He even said: "Make the most of the facilities!"'

'Nooooo!'

'I know! They're both trying to hook me up with the other man!'

Like I would have had the energy either way I'd been slipping in and out of consciousness for the previous half-hour so by that point all I wanted to do was crawl into a pit. It became a case of 'If the nearest one happens to be the cleanest, softest, comfiest one, so be it.' As the boys went off on a tangent discussing driving conditions in Yosemite, I stumbled over to the nearest bed, threw back the covers, and pulled the sheet over my head. I seem to remember Joel offering to call for a camp bed for Elliot and then suggesting he meet us for breakfast but that's it.

'The last word I said to Elliot was "Waffles!''' I tell Zo.

'So did you get any?'

'I haven't been down to breakfast yet-'

'No!' Zo screeches. 'Did you get any action with Joel?'

'Unless he's got a very light touch and I've suddenly become a heavy sleeper, no.'

'Oh Lara!'

'Oh don't!'

'What a wasted opportunity two guys and nothing,' Zo tuts.

I don't want to dwell on my failures so I swiftly change the subject: 'By the way, Joel put Boris's dress in to be dry-cleaned late last night so as soon as I get it back I'll FedEx it to him.'

'You may as well just bring it with you when you come to me there's only a few hours in it.'

'If you're sure?'

'Oh yes, Boris was an absolute darling when I went in. As a matter of fact he now thinks he owes me a favor we got talking and he was telling me all about his grandson and the various problems he's been having at school and when I asked him to be more specific I started thinking he might have dyspraxia. His family thought he was hyperactive because he could never sit still and he was always shrieking but they never wanted to take him to a doctor because they were afraid of what they might say. Boris got straight on the phone to his daughter and I got my office to fax over some information and now they're really excited that they may have found out what his trouble is.'

'Wow! Nurse Harriott, that's amazing what gave the game away?'

'Just little things like it's still not obvious whether he's left-or right-handed, he doesn't like wearing new clothes, gets defensive of being touched, frequently spills drinks a lot of the key symptoms,' Zo breezes. 'And when I told them it's statistically likely that one child in every cla.s.s of thirty is p.r.o.ne to this, they didn't feel so alone.'

'Well done you!'

'It felt pretty good to be able to help, I must confess. At the diner I'm still getting used to the fact that people only interact with me because I can get them stuff from the kitchen!'

'How's it going there?'

'Oh not so bad, Todd's a treasure but the closer we get to Oscar night, the more bitter the wannabe girls become!'

'Sounds like they make excellent cautionary tales,' I suggest.

'Yes they do. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm on an early tomorrow so I should be done around Ipm.'

'Why don't I meet you back at your apartment, just in case there's any delay getting back from here?'

'Oh. Well. If you want ...' Zo sounds unsure.

'It makes more sense.'

'Right, I'll give you the address.'

I jot it down.

'Where is that exactly?'

'Oh it's this hip new area, you'll see.'

'So what are your plans for today?' I ask.

'Working and then taking a Stars' Homes tour around Beverly Hills to see how the other half live. You?'

'Well, first on the list is shopping for a new outfit - my suitcase has gone AWOL again.'

'Oh no! What are you wearing now?'

'Joel's lent me a T-shirt and the pair of tracksuit bottoms he normally wears to go jogging.'

'Is that where he is now?'

'I think so. I woke up and he was gone.'

'Shoes?'

'I'm wearing the hotel slippers as flip-flops till we get to the shop.'

'Ingenious!'

'I know,' I beam as I wiggle my toes with pride. My only concern now is my face I feel there's this unwritten rule that you can't wear make-up in the wilderness so I've tried to go easy on the eyeshadow and lippie but still feel like I'm going to be ambushed and scrubbed down with coal tar soap.

'Is it still snowing?'

'I haven't dared to look yet.'

'What exactly are you supposed to do in a national park anyway?'

'I don't know. I think Elliot's giving his first bear talk. Other than that, I'll leave it up to the boys.'

'Hark at you with your love triangle!' Zo laughs, then gets serious. 'Listen, don't mess up this opportunity you've only got tonight to do the right thing.'

'Which is?'

'I can't decide,' Zo muses. 'I mean, Elliot is your true love but Joel sounds a super hot and you might never get another chance with him.'

'I might never get another night alone with Elliot I still can't believe he's getting married.'

'Well you know what I'd do.'

'I can't sleep with both of them!'

'Lara!' Zo sounds outraged.

'What?'

'What kind of girl do you take me for?'

'Sorry.'

'But you've got a point there.'

'Have I?'

'I think you need a bit of compare and contrast. You should at least kiss both of them.'

'Zo. I've spent the last ten years trying to kiss Elliot and I only succeeded once.'

'Well, I think it's about time you got an update, just to be sure he can still make you feel all woozy.'