TEN.

I t was, of course, a perfectly stupid idea.

But as Lizzie kissed Lane back, it was as if she were fun- neling two years of anger, frustration, and pain directly into him. And damn him to hell, he tasted of bourbon and desperation and raw sex"

and she liked it.

She missed it.

And didnt that just make her more mad. She wanted to say that this was horrible. Against her will. A violation.

None of that was true. She was the one who thrust her tongue into his mouth, and she was the one whose fingers bit into his shoulders, and she was the one, God help her, who brought their bodies up close together.

So that she felt his erection.

His body hadnt changed in the time theyd been apart, all hard muscle and long limbs. And he kissed the same as he had before, rough and hungry in spite of the fact that hed been raised a gentleman. And the heat was just as hot.

And then, to make things even worse? Memories of them being to- { 89 }.

gether, skin to skin, straining, rocking, egged her on, burying all the hurt and sense of betrayal under an avalanche of erotic recollections.

For a split second, she realized that she was going to have sex with him then and there.

Yeah. Cuz that would show him she meant business.

Real Gloria Steinem moment.

Instead, something got knocked over on the table and a clatter broke the silence; then a splash draped her hip and upper thigh in a shock of cold water. Jumping up, she shoved him away with such force, he tripped and fell back, landing on the tile floor.

With a slash of her forearm, she wiped her mouth off. What the hell are you doing!

Dumb question. More like what was she doing.

He was up on his feet a heartbeat later. Ive wanted to kiss you since I came back.

The feeling is not mutual"

Bullshit. He reached for his glass and took a swig. You still want me"

Get out!

Youre kicking me out of my own conservatory?

Either you leave or I do, she snapped, and these flowers are not going to get into those bowls themselves. Unless you want half your tables empty at your Derby party?

I dont care what they look like. Or about the damn party. Or any of this" As he waved his hand around, it might have been more con- vincing if he hadnt had a ration of his familys bourbon in that glass of his. Ive left this behind, Lizzie. Im really done with it.

Motrin. Thats what she needed.

Less being around him, more pain relief in a bottle.

I give up, she muttered. You win. Ill go.

As she turned away, he caught her and spun her around, dragging her against that body of his. It was then that she noticed how much older hed gotten since shed seen him last. His face was leaner, his stare more cynical, and the crows- feet were deeper at the corners of his eyes.

{ 90 }.

Unfortunately, it only made him look more handsome.

None of the crap with Chantal is what you think, he said darkly.

Even if only half of it was"

You dont understand"

I was in love with you. As her voice cracked, she pushed away from him. I didnt think we were going to get married necessarily, but not because you were heading to the altar with someone else. Who was pregnant" and got that way while you were with me.

Id ended it with her, Lizzie. Before I came back here that April, I told her it was over.

That didnt stick, though, did it"

She was three months along when I found out, Lizzie. Do the math with me. The night before I came home for Mothers birthday at the end of March was the last time I was with Chantal. You and I . . . we got together that May, and it was at the end of June that I found out about the pregnancy. If you remember, I didnt leave Easterly that entire time.

You knew where I was every night and day because I was with you. He stared down at her. Three months along. Not two months, not one month. Three, Lizzie.

She put her hands to her face, fighting the logic. Please stop doing that.

Doing what?

Saying my name. It gives you the illusion of credibility.

Im not lying. And Ive wanted to tell you this for nearly two years.

He cursed again. Theres more, but I dont want to get into it. It doesnt affect whats between you and me.

Before she was aware of making a conscious decision to sit down, she discovered she was in the rolling seat shed been using. Staring at her hands, she flexed her fingers, feeling the stiffness in the joints" and for some reason, she thought of Chantals perfectly manicured tips and smooth, unmarked palms. Talk about your opposites. The hands she was looking at were a workmans, with scratches on the backs from er- rant rose thorns and dirt under the nails that she would get out only when she was home tonight. There were freckles, too, from digging in { 91 }.

the sun without gloves on"and absolutely, positively no million- dollar diamonds.

I married Chantal at the courthouse after you left me, he said starkly. It wasnt the babys fault, and having grown up without par- ents, I wasnt going to do the same to any kid I had" regardless of how I felt about its mother. But then I just had to get out of town. Chantal didnt get that the marriage was in name only so I went up north to New York and stayed with a buddy of mine from U.Va. It was shortly after that that Chantal called to tell me shed lost the pregnancy.

The bitterness in his voice made the words so low that she could barely understand them.

She doesnt love me, either, he muttered. Didnt then, doesnt now.

How can you be so sure, Lizzie heard herself say.

Trust me on that one.

She seemed pretty excited to have you back.

I didnt come here for her and I made that clear. And that woman is capable of getting attached only to a meal ticket.

I thought she had her own money.

Nothing compared to mine.

Yes, she imagined that was true. There were European countries with lesser annual revenue than the Bradfords had.

Youre the love of my life, whether youre with me or not. When she looked up in shock, he just shrugged. I cant change what happened and I know theres no going back . . . all I ask is that you dont fall for appearances, okay? Youve had ten years around this family, but Ive been with them and the people who surround them all my life. Thats why youre the one I want. Youre real. Youre not capable of being what they are and thats a very, very good thing.

She waited for him to say something else, and when he didnt, she looked back down at her hands.

For some reason, her heart was pounding, sure as if she were too close to the edge of a cliff. Then again, she supposed that was the truth"because his words were getting into her brain and shuffling her mental decks.

{ 92 }.

In ways that didnt really help her.

I am so terrified of you, she whispered.

Why?

Because she wanted to believe what he was saying with the desper- ation of an addict.

Dont be, he said when she didnt reply. I never meant for any of this to happen. And Ive wanted to make it right for so long.

It seemed appropriate that they were surrounded by all the flower bowls that she had been filling. The evidence of her work, of her sole purpose in being on the estate, was a reminder of the divide that would always put distance between them.

And then she took pains to recall that photograph and article in the Charlemont Herald about the marriage, two grand Southern legacies joining in a feudal arrangement. And she remembered the days and nights right after shed found out about Chantal, all those hours of suf- fering until shed felt like she were dying.

Although he was right about one thing. Pride had mandated that she continue working at Easterly, and so she had been on the estate every day but Sunday for essentially the last twenty- four months. Lane had not come back. For two years . . . he had not come back to see Chantal.

Not much of a marriage.

Let my actions speak for me, he said. Let me prove to you that what Im telling you is the truth.

In her mind, she heard her cell phone ringing, over and over again.

Right after the break- up, he had called her a hundred times, easy" sometimes leaving messages she never listened to, sometimes not. She had taken two weeks of vacation right after shed found out, escaping even her farm in Indiana, and going back northeast to Plattsburgh and the apple orchards of her youth. Her parents had been so glad to see her, and she had passed those days tending to McIntosh trees with the other manual laborers.

By the time she had returned, hed been gone.

The phone calls had dried up after a while. And eventually she had stopped flinching every time a car pulled up to the front court.

Please, Lizzie . . . say something. Even if its not what I want to hear"

{ 93 }.

The sound of a woman laughing softly cut him off and brought both of their heads around to the doors that opened into the garden. When Greta had left, one of panels hadnt shut all the way, and through the opening, Lizzie could see two people walking down a brick path toward the pool in the far corner.

Even in the subtle glow from the landscaping lights, it was clear that the gown the woman had on was a brilliant red, its voluminous folds trailing behind. Beside her, a tall man in a suit had gallantly of- fered her his arm and was staring down at her with the kind of attention one might reserve for a meal.

My sister, Lane said unnecessarily.

Is that Samuel T.? Lizzie asked.

Who cares.

She looked back at Lane. You broke my heart.

Im so sorry. It wasnt what I wanted, Lizzie, not in any way. I swear to God.

I thought you were an atheist.

He was quiet for a time, his eyes roaming around her face. Ill bap- tize myself a hundred times if thats what it takes. Ill memorize the Bible, Ill kiss a ring, Ill do whatever you want" just please"

I cant go back, Lane. Im sorry. I just cant.

He fell silent. And then after a long while, he nodded. All right, but can I ask you for one thing?

No. Yes.

Just dont hate me anymore. Im doing plenty of that on my own time.

T he garden was as fragrant as a woman fresh out of a bath, as precisely arranged as a parlor, and as private as a college library.

Which was to say, it was semi- private. Easterlys many windows overlooked the carefully tended beds of white and cream flowers, all of which were discreetly lit.

{ 94 }.

Fortunately, Gin had no problem having sex in public.

As she hung on to the powerful arm of Samuel Theodore Lodge III, she didnt bother to hide her smile. So how long have you been with her?

When did we arrive here? An hour ago?

She laughed. Why, oh, why, dear Samuel, do you bother with women like that?

What other kind is there?

It was hard to tell who was steering whom into the darker recesses of the farthest corner, where the brick walls met on the back side of the pool house. But that was where they were both headed.

I didnt know you were coming, she said, reaching up to touch the diamonds at her throat . . . and then allow her fingertips to drift down- ward over her bodice. I would have bothered to put panties on.

Trying to turn over a new leaf, are you.