Chapter XIV

Then Fidu p.r.i.c.ked up his ears and listened. And Gud listened also and he heard a far-off wailing sound, as of a soul in torment. So he bade Fidu to remain where he was, and he cast down his staff for the Underdog to watch, for he was a watchdog also.

Then Gud went on alone to find the cause of the wailing. When he found it, behold, it was a soul in pain, and Gud said: "What can I do to stop your wailing?"

The tormented soul replied: "Oh, comrade, I wail because of the memory of injustice and inequality."

"Then your case is simple. I do not know what these things were, the memory of which distresses you, but I have a tube of oblivion here that I can a.s.sure you will destroy any memory."

At this the soul shrank from Gud and wailed the louder. "But, I do not want to forget, for that would be unfaithful to the cause."

"Then, what do you want?" asked Gud impatiently.

"I want to see the revolution come."

"What is that?" asked Gud, his curiosity now thoroughly aroused.

"The revolution," said the soul, "would make a world where all are equal, and perfect justice reigns."

"I never heard of a world like that, but I think I can make one. If I do so, will that stop your wailing?"

"Alas, it cannot be, for the world of equality must be made by the workers themselves."

"But I do not see any workers."

"True, they were all destroyed in the rebellion against their masters."

"Then, where are the masters?"

"They were all destroyed in suppressing the rebellion of the workers."

"That must have been quite a fight," remarked Gud. "On which side were you?"

"My heart was with the workers," said the soul, "but my training and inhibitions were with the masters. Therefore, I was torn between opposing forces and was transfixed with horror and remained neutral, which is why I alone escaped destruction."

"Just what were you?" asked Gud, a little puzzled.

"I was a parlor sociologist," said the soul, straightening up proudly.

"I am sorry that you weren't either a master or a worker," said Gud, "for your wailing annoys me and it annoyed my dog. I think I had better destroy you now."

At this the soul cringed cowardly, and Gud was annoyed and turned to go, whereupon the soul started wailing more dismally than ever.

Gud turned back again and said: "Whatever it was you wanted, I see I will have to make it for you, because I cannot stand that wailing--it sounds like a h.e.l.l that a friend of mine was experimenting with, and I do not like it."

"I wail," said the soul, "because I remember the injustice and inequality, and because the workers are all destroyed and revolution can never be."

"Nonsense! Nothing can never be. Let us make this thing and be done with it. What was it you said you wanted?"

"The world of equality."

"But just a moment ago you said it was a revolution."

"True. But that was but a means to the end."

"Shall I make the means or the end?"

"Alas, neither can ever be, for the workers are destroyed."

"You said that before. You talk in circles like a philosopher, and I don't like philosophers; they are all talk; I believe in action. I don't know what you want, but I heard you say something about a world. I understand that and can make it--I have made myriads of them just to pa.s.s the time away. Wait a second."

When he had spoken thus, Gud took out his pocket handkerchief and held it up by two corners. "Now, you see," said Gud, as he exhibited first one side and then the other; "the handkerchief is perfectly empty."

The soul looked at the handkerchief and saw that Gud spoke the truth.

"Now watch!" said Gud, determined to do this thing as impressionably as possible. Then, as the soul watched, Gud caught up the other corners of the handkerchief; then he rolled it into a ball and tossed it up and caught it and made magic pa.s.ses and said: "Doramialfalfalasido" and did several other perfectly useless and unnecessary things, as all magicians and miracle workers do. Then he caught the handkerchief by the center and shook it out vociferously, and there was a nice virgin world spinning round and round, with its axis wabbling a bit so as to give it a change of climate.

The soul was duly impressed when it saw a real sky-covered dirt-bottomed world spinning from east to west; and the soul said: "I beg your pardon, comrade, I did not recognize you as a worker, but I see that you are, for you have created something--pardon me, but have you a card?"

Gud was puzzled for a moment. Then he remembered the cards he had printed when he entered celestial society, and he drew one out and handed it to the soul. The soul could not read the language in which it was printed, and not wanting to admit his ignorance, a.s.sumed that it was O.K.

"Now are you satisfied?" asked Gud.

"The world pleases me, but there is no one in it."

So Gud took the soul by the hand and they leaped across the void and found themselves in the world Gud had made, and standing in a beautiful garden full of luscious fruit and nice tame animals.

The soul sighed a little sigh of delight, and sat down on an ant hill and began eating alligator pears. Gud strolled around for a few centuries and counted the animals to see if they were all there, and being satisfied on that point, he went back to the soul, who was still sitting on the ant hill eating avacadoes. So Gud went out again and counted the sands of the seash.o.r.e. He had to count five times to make the count come out twice alike, but in the middle of the fifth count he succeeded and so he went back and found the soul had eaten all the fruit in the garden and was beginning to whimper.

"Oh, bother," said Gud, "are you going to start that wailing again?

What's the matter now?"

"I have not the patience," the soul cried, "to wait for the tedious and materialistic process of evolution to make rational beings; and besides if I had, in the struggle for existence they would all become unequal and the revolution would still have to be--it might be sanguinary, and the sight of blood makes me sick at my stomach."

"I never said anything about evolution," replied Gud. "As a matter of fact, I do not take much stock in it, and many of my friends do not believe in it at all; besides, it is liable to get out of hand and produce something entirely different from one's designs. So if you will tell me what more you want I will make it outright, like I did this world."

"I only want," said the soul, "to see this beautiful place inhabited by happy, rational beings among whom there will be no inequality."

"That means that they must all be exactly alike as atoms of hydrogen."

"Well--yes," admitted the soul rather grudgingly. "I suppose it does, if you put it that way, but it sounds much nicer merely to speak of equality."

"Put it any way you like, I want to get the job done and get back to my dog. He is faithful enough, but I don't like to put too much strain on fidelity. Now, as I get it, you want this world peopled with rational beings that are all alike. I am ready to make them, only what kind do you want--something like yourself?"

"No! no! not like me, for I am a weak and selfish fence-straddler.