"I didn't kill him," I answered, leaning against the counter with my coffee cup.

Mavis cocked her eyebrow. "It was Jordan, wasn't it?"

"I wasn't there. I have no clue who killed them," I lied. "As far as I'm concerned, they deserved what they got for the shit they've pulled."

She regarded me shrewdly. "Yes, you do know who killed them. I can see it in your eyes." Mavis smiled. "You never were particularly good at lying, Trevor."

I raised the cup to my lips and took a drink. "I guess I didn't get that trait from you."

Her lips pursed. "I did not lie to you. Yes, I left, but I never lied."

She may not have lied but she'd kept secrets. As far as I was concerned, it was the same thing. I laughed coldly at her logic. "Is that your big comeback? You abandoned me but you never lied about it? And that's supposed to be okay?"

She raised her hand. "No, you're right. It wasn't supposed to be 'okay', but I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. All I wanted was to escape your father's fists. Don't you remember our fights? He beat the hell out of me, Trevor. I was afraid that one day, he'd actually kill me. Can't you see why I had to get away?"

"You had to get away. What about me? I was still just a kid. I'm just lucky that Slammer took me in when he did."

She stared at me for a few seconds and then sighed. "I considered taking you with me, but then I knew that if I did, your father would have tracked me down. That's why I asked Slammer to watch over you."

"Bullshit, you just wanted to take the easy way out," I said, angrily.

"That's not it. I was frightened of taking you away from him. Your father didn't give a rat's ass about me. He told me that almost every day. But you? He loved you."

As far as I was concerned, he only loved himself and didn't give a shit about the boy he'd smacked around.

"Look, I didn't come here to argue," she said, looking weary. "I just wanted to let you know that they're after you." She stood up. "I'll get out of your hair now. Thanks for the coffee."

"Wait," I said, sighing. "Where are you staying?"

"I just moved in with a woman that I went to high school with. Berta Finnegan," she said, sitting back down.

"In Jensen?"

She nodded. "She lives in the trailer park over by St. Peters."

Near Misty's trailer, which was now abandoned. After the shit went down with Mud, she'd packed all of her bags and left town. Of course, Slammer had spooked the fuck out her with some outlandish threats. She'd believed him enough to get the hell out of Jensen, though. We hadn't heard from her since. "She work?"

Mavis smiled and nodded. "Yes. She's a Substance Abuse Counselor. She's been helping me with my drinking problem."

I raised my eyebrows. "How long have you been sober?"

"Four weeks now." Her smile fell. "I fucked up badly one night at Sal's, and knew it was time to get help. Fortunately, I'd been talking to Berta on Facebook and I reached out to her."

"What happened at Sal's?" I asked.

"I got really drunk and opened my mouth," she said, looking down at her hands. "I told someone about Jordan."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I was angry," she said, tears filling her eyes again. "Because he refused to see me. I got really drunk and talked about him to some of the regulars there."

"What did you say?"

"I said that he was my son. I also said some other stuff," she said, looking guilty. "That he wouldn't like."

"You gave up his identity," I said. "About him being the Judge?"

She nodded. "I know I fucked up but I was drunk and angry. When I realized what I did, the next day, I knew I had to do something about my drinking."

I sighed. "At least there's that."

She was silent for a few seconds. "I'm sure everyone knows who he is now. He's probably going to be pissed when he finds out who 'outed' him."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," I said, seeing how scared she looked. "It's just Sal's."

"They have big mouths there. The entire town probably knows about it."

"I haven't heard anything, so obviously they don't."

"He's going to kill me, isn't he?"

"No, he's not going to kill you."

"He's already angry with me for leaving him with Acid. I had no choice there. You thought your father was bad?" She reached down and pulled up the leg of her jeans, exposing her calf. Just like Jordan's hand, her skin was scarred so badly, that I knew right away what it was.

"He used acid on you, too?"

She nodded and rolled her jeans back down. "He was evil, in every sense of the word. He used to handcuff me to the bed and torture me. I have more scars, but they're in places a son shouldn't see on his mother."

"Why didn't you call the cops?"

"I was so frightened of that man that I didn't think the cops could stop him. Hell, he used to play poker with a couple of them on Friday nights."

I pictured a young and frightened Mavis, feeling overwhelmed with fear. I couldn't blame her for wanting to escape such horror. I just wondered how she could have abandoned two of her children without fighting harder for them. Especially when she had friends like Slammer.

"I know what you're thinking," she said, staring at me. "But, I was very young and naive and he was larger than life. In the end, he kicked me out and wouldn't allow me to see Jordan."

"And you never tried to see him?"

She shook her head. "No and I'm sure that's why he hates me so much."

"I don't think he hates you."

Mavis's eyes widened. "Why? Did he tell you that?"

"No, but he grew up with Acid and knew what kind of a monster he was. From what I see, he just has trust issues" I shrugged and looked away. "But, don't we all?"

"It's my fault. I know. I wish there was something I could do about it, now that my head is finally getting clear. But, I dug my own grave and believe it or not, I feel worthy of it."

My cell phone began to vibrate.

"I should go," she said, watching me grab it.

Nodding, I checked my phone and noticed that I'd received a call from a number that I didn't recognize.

Mavis picked up her satchel and turned toward the kitchen door. "I'll see you around."

"Let me walk you to the door," I said, following her out of the kitchen. When we reached the entryway, she slipped her boots back on and then turned to me.

"Take care of yourself," she said. "And don't forget to look out for those fucking Devil's Rangers."

"I will."

"If you know how to get ahold of Jordan, tell him the same thing. Also," her lip trembled again. "Tell him... that I'm sorry for everything. If I could go back and do things differently, I would." She reached up and touched my shoulder. "That goes for you, too."

Staring down at my mother, I wanted to forget the past and move forward. To hug the woman who had taught me how to tie my shoes and make pancakes. The woman who had once told me that she loved me more than life before abandoning me the morning after. I could see the sincerity in her eyes and I wanted things to be okay between us. But, I wasn't about to start singing, Kumbaya. "I'll let him know," I said, taking a step back from her.

Her face fell and I could tell she was disappointed. "Okay," she said, opening up the door. She turned around. "Do you have plans for Christmas?"

"Yes."

"Of course you do," she said and laughed nervously. "I'm not even sure why I asked. It was stupid of me. Well, Merry Christmas."

"Thanks. You, too," I answered.

With one last look, she walked down the porch and toward an old, blue Ford Taurus that was parked in front of the house. I watched as she got in, started it, and drove off. Brushing off an unexpected feeling of guilt, I checked my phon, to see if the person who'd called me had left a message. When I didn't see anything, I made myself some breakfast and then went downstairs to work out with my free weights. Afterward, I took a shower and headed out to the clubhouse.

Chapter Thirty-six.

After talking with Trevor the next morning, I fell back asleep and slept until I heard my mother knock on my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, opening my eyes.

She opened the door and stared at me in surprise. "You're still sleeping? It's eleven, sleepy-head."

Yawning, I got out of bed. "It's the jet-lag," I said, scratching my shoulder. "I'm still wiped out."

"I bet. Well, come downstairs and I'll fix you some lunch," she answered. "That will help wake you up."

"Thanks. What time do you want me at Dazzle again?"

"Four?"

"Okay."

Mom left the room and as I stepped into my bathroom, I swore under my breath when I realized that I'd left the empty pregnancy test box out in the open. I buried it in the garbage can and then went downstairs to the kitchen.

"What are you hungry for?" my mother asked, looking into the refrigerator.

"Just something easy," I replied, sitting at the counter.

She turned and looked at me. "How about some macaroni-and-cheese? I can make you my special recipe."

"The homemade kind? That would be great," I said, turning on the television. She made the best macaroni-and-cheese, even making her own noodles from scratch. "Are you sure you have time?"

She pulled out a bag of flour from the cupboard. "Enough time to make you your favorite. We haven't had a lot of time together, lately, and I know how much you love this recipe."

"That's so sweet. Thanks, Mom," I said, looking at her. "Do you want any help?"

"No," she said laughing. The last time I'd tried helping her with it, I'd burned the noodles, which was apparently not an easy thing to do, especially when you boiled them. "Just let me do it."

"Okay," I replied, relieved.

"So, are you seeing Trevor later this evening?" she asked, walking back over to the refrigerator.

"Actually, yes. I'm staying over at his place tonight."

"It's probably good. There's supposed to be another snowstorm," she said, pulling out a carton of eggs and a gallon of milk. "Sometime after eleven. I hear we could even get between four and eight inches of snow."

"Great," I said dryly. "Tomorrow is going to be a mess on the roads and I need to get some Christmas shopping done."

"Just be careful driving."

"Do you want me to get home early in the morning so I can help snow-blow the driveway?"

"Jim already promised to do it."

I grinned. "He sure is a nice guy."

She smiled back. "I know and very handy. When you were gone last week, he helped replace my water heater. Thank goodness he was here when it went out, otherwise I would have called someone else and spent a fortune."

"When did it go out?"

"Friday morning."

My eyes widened. "He was here last Friday morning?"

Her cheeks turned pink.

My jaw dropped. "He spent the night, didn't he?"

She took out a bowl from the cupboard, avoiding my eyes. "Yes."