"Yes, dear. Not necessarily, of course, but he said how a doctor at the hospital had helped him so much to get over his ... his guilt at escaping from the whole thing without a scratch. I believe there's some technical phrase for it."

"Oh ... yes. Yes, there is. Survivor guilt."

"That's it. Yes, and Georgia said you'd been wonderful with her, very kind and patient."

"Goodness." She felt herself blushing. "Um, what ... what exactly did he say; can you remember?"

"Let me think. Not much more than that, really. But I thought it was you because he said 'she.' 'She helped me so much,' he said."

"Oh. Oh, well, maybe it was me. I don't ... That is ... Oh, dear."

And as the memories swept over her-of those early conversations with Barney, of how she tried to comfort him and to reassure him about Toby, and then the day, the fateful day of Toby's operation, when it had all begun between them-she suddenly felt her eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, now, you mustn't cry." Mary looked at her with great concern. "Or rather, cry as much as you like-so helpful, tears, I've always found-but then tell me all about it, what's upsetting you. Shall we go back inside? Mrs. Salter has made some scones; I do know that ..."

"I'd better not come and see you too often, or I'll be the size of a house," said Emma, smiling through her tears.

"I hardly think so, dear. And if you mean that, I shall give you a glass of water and a dry biscuit next time. Come along, let's go in; here, I've got a hankie you can borrow; it's quite clean ..."

"... and it's just so stupid," said Emma. "I mean, why can't I get over him, just forget about him and move on?"

"I expect because it has never been properly resolved," said Mary gently. "You parted thinking it was only for a few weeks, knowing you loved each other ..."

"Thinking we loved each other. He clearly doesn't love me."

"And how do you know that?"

"Mary, if he did, then surely he'd have contacted me. He knows I'm not with Luke-that was my boyfriend before, the one at the Dorchester that night-and I know he's not with Amanda. So ... if he wanted to see me, then surely he would have called me. Or something."

"He might be thinking exactly as you are. Why haven't you contacted him, when you know it's over with Amanda ..."

"He doesn't know I know."

"I thought you said he told your doctor friend."

"Oh ... yes. Yes, that's right."

"Well ...?"

"Oh, Mary, I'd look such a fool. If there was someone else."

"Does that matter? So much? There are worse things, after all."

She considered this.

"Maybe not. It would be a terrible risk."

"Most worthwhile things are a risk, Emma. It was a risk for me, you know, meeting Russell again after all those years. It could have spoilt everything, spoilt all those wonderful memories; it could have been dreadful. But ... I decided it was worth it. You ring your Barnaby The worst that can happen is that you'll know he doesn't love you anymore-know for certain. And you'll feel a little foolish. And then at least you can move on."

"Yes, but, Mary, it's been so long now. Months and months since we met. However much he cared for me, if he did, surely he'd have got over it by now. Forgotten me."

"My darling," said Mary very gently, "Russell didn't forget me or get over me, nor I him. We waited more than sixty years for each other. Love survives, you know. Forever, if need be."

CHAPTER 54

It was all very astonishing. She still couldn't quite believe it: that she was actually in a relationship with him, seeing him all the time, sleeping with him even. It just didn't seem possible.

But ... it was.

It had all begun the day after the inquest; he'd asked her for a drink-again-and when she'd said she didn't think so, he'd said, "Please, Georgia. I want to hear about how yesterday went. I was thinking about you all day."

She was touched by that-that he should care.

"Well ... all right. A quick one," she said. "Thank you."

They were rehearsing in downtown Chiswick; he took her to a bar in the High Road, not the pub, insisted on buying her a cocktail. She was surprised, but tried not to read too much into it. Maybe he had more money, now that he was a first assistant.

She'd told him about the inquest, in some detail. She thought he might be bored, but she didn't care. It was good to talk about it, and she wasn't into impressing Merlin anymore. There was no point.

"It must have been terrifying," he said, "reliving it publicly like that. Such a ghastly experience."

"Yes, it was. Especially having to talk about why I ... well, ran away. But, you know, it was actually the best thing. I really feel it's over now. I never did before."

"Well ... good for you," he said, and then added, looking as close to embarrassed as Merlin ever could, "I think you're marvellous, Georgia."

"Oh, for goodness' sake," she said, mildly irritated even by such excess, "of course I'm not. I'm a wimp. You of all people know that. Weeping and wailing all over the set of Moving Away Moving Away, saying everyone hated me, that I couldn't do the part. Honestly, Merlin. Not marvellous at all."

"Well, I'm entitled to my opinion," he said, smiling at her. "Another one of those?"

"Oh ... why not?"

When he came back, she took a deep breath and said, "How's ... Ticky?"

"Oh ... she's fine. Yes. Fine."

"Good." She could hear a but but somewhere; she didn't even dare think about what it might be. somewhere; she didn't even dare think about what it might be.

"Yes. Fine. Doing really well in New York. But"-here it came-"but she ... I ... Well, we're not together anymore."

"You're not together. Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry. So sorry."

He looked so wretched, she really was sorry. She didn't feel remotely glad. Well ... not very remotely ...

"Yeah, well. You know. It was hard conducting a relationship across two continents. It just wasn't ... wasn't working anymore."

And if anyone had stopped it working, Georgia thought, it would have been Ticky Not Merlin. No doubt whatsoever about that.

He sighed. "I miss her, of course. I miss her like hell. But ... we were never together anyway. Or hardly. So what's new?"

"A lot, I guess," Georgia said. And then said again, "I'm sorry, Merlin."

"You're so sweet," he said, "to be so nice about it. But then you would be. You're such a nice person, Georgia." There was a pause; then he said, "I hope you didn't feel I was ... well, playing around with you a bit. On Moving Away Moving Away. I mean, I wasn't; I really enjoyed your company and I hoped I was helping. But after the party, I thought that maybe ..."

"Merlin, of course I didn't," she said, her eyes meeting his in absolute astonishment. "Of course course not. I just was so glad to have you as a friend. You were marvellous. A sort of wonderful big brother. But ... heavens, no, it never even crossed my mind." not. I just was so glad to have you as a friend. You were marvellous. A sort of wonderful big brother. But ... heavens, no, it never even crossed my mind."

If I ever get an Oscar, she thought, I won't have acted any better than that I won't have acted any better than that.

The next thing that happened was that he became involved in the festival. He thought it was a wonderful idea; he was clearly and genuinely impressed by how much they had achieved. And it turned out that he knew a lot of bands as friends-"mostly unsigned, but ..."

"We're looking for unsigned. Although we're hoping to find quite a few through these play-offs we're organising. We've had a pretty big response to our flyers ..."

"Yeah, that's a very clever idea."

"It is, isn't it? We still need a headliner, though. Do you know anyone remotely famous?"

He thought, then said, "I might. I'll see what I can do."

Three days later, she rang Abi.

"Abi, Abi, Abi, you'll never believe this. We've got BroadBand. And they can do the eighth. So we can get the Web site up and running ..."

"Ohmigod. Oh. My. God. BroadBand! How, why-"

"Oh, you know what they say," said Georgia carelessly. "It's not what you know; it's who you know."

Merlin came to the next committee meeting. Abi was initially deeply suspicious of him-in fact, she'd told Georgia he sounded like a complete wanker. Georgia defended him rather feebly.

"He really isn't, Abi. He's actually very sweet and kind. Honestly."

"Doesn't sound too sweet and kind to me, treating you how he did."

"No, no, you don't understand; he didn't treat me any way, not like that; he really, really wanted to help, he told me, and he apologised if I felt he'd ... well, you know ..."

"Played around with you?"

"But he didn't. He behaved like a gentleman, honestly, always; he never tried anything ..."

"I never did like gentlemen," said Abi.

"But you're marrying one."

Abi was silent for a moment; then she grinned.

"Yeah. S'pose I am. Still can't believe it. God, Georgia, he's bought me the most amazing rock; it's being sized right now, but it's just so ... so beautiful. Mind you, I'll make the most terrible farmer's wife; I don't understand any of it, and God knows how I'm going to deal with the in-laws. Specially her."

"Abi, I'd back you against any mother-in-law. Against anything on the planet, really. I'm sure you'll do fine."

In the event, Abi quite liked Merlin; he made her laugh, and he certainly knew a lot about festivals.

"My parents used to take me to Glastonbury every year; I loved it. It's a kid's idea of heaven, all that mud and not having to have a bath. Have you thought about what you should do for the kids?"

"Like what?"

"Well, like face painting and weaving, stuff like that; it'll all add to the atmosphere, and anyway, it'll make more money."

"No, we hadn't thought of that. Good idea."

"And then you should sell tents, the little ones, and those waterproof cape things, and wellies."

"Yeah, and someone suggested blankets to me," Abi said.

"Blankets definitely. And I don't know what you're thinking about food, but I went to Reading last year, and they had some massive paella just bubbling away, and the punters just came and got bowlsful, made a change from burgers, really popular. Oh, now, here's another thought: you could do a CD of the festival. It needn't cost much, honestly; I know a bloke who knocks them out-well, you know him, Georgia, Jazz ..."

"Oh, really? Jazz's great," she said to Abi. "You'd love him. He's my landlord."

"CD's a brilliant idea," said Abi, scribbling furiously. "You're a real find, Merlin. This is all great stuff."

"What did you think of Merlin?" she asked William later.

"He was all right. Bit of a poof, I thought. Wasn't too keen on the bracelets."

"Yeah. He probably swings both ways."

"What does that mean?" said William, looking genuinely puzzled.

Abi stared at him, her face blank; then she smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Oh, William," she said, "I love you so much. You're so ... so wonderful."

William gave up.

Things escalated fairly fast after that. Merlin drove Georgia back to London, took her out for a meal and then to a club. When the cab stopped outside her house, he kissed her good night, rather chastely, and then said, "Do you really see me as a big brother, Georgia?"

"Course."

"Right. Good. Well, good night."

"Night, Merlin. And thank you again. Not just for the evening, but for coming today."

"It's fine. See you on Monday."

"Yeah, Monday."