Megalo Network Message: June 10, 1977 Source: W. S. Halson Destination: P. T. Warrington Subject: Schedule Compliance Park, Old Buddy, when your message appeared on my display screen, I was just sitting down to send you an explanation of the apparent schedule slip and computer overruns in the Headquarters reports.

What you see are computer-generated summaries of our progress, mere pieces of paper that do not represent the full situation. For example, nowhere in those reports is the well-being of our programmers evaluated. Now I can say without equivocation that our morale down here has never been higher.

Absence due to personal illness has dropped twenty-seven percent over the last two months. There have been no "b.i.t.c.h to the Top" submissions from my department in the last four months.

The cause of this high morale rests with one programmer in our department, Morris Hazeldorf, the inventor of Zorphwar. While I admit that his s.h.a.ggy hair and unkempt personal attire might turn you off on first encounter, Morris is an extremely bright and able young man. Single-handed, he programmed the entire HAFAS (Hierarchical Accounting File Access System). And in his spare time over the past year, Morris has been creating Zorphwar, an exciting game that operates on our system.

To give you an idea of the creativity of this young man, I have arranged for Zorphwar to be made available to you on the Executive Interactive Display Terminal in your office. After you dial into the Computer Center, simply type "ZORPH" to gain access to the game.

Let me give you a quick rundown of this exciting interactive game. It is the year 2783. Man has reached out to settle thousands of planets scattered across the galaxy. Then, suddenly, the galaxy is invaded by a horde of alien beings, the Zorphs. They enslave all planets in their path. Those that resist are destroyed without mercy. You, as Captain of the Avenger, the great Terran warship, will range interstellar s.p.a.ce, seeking out and destroying the forces of Zorph.

On your screen you will be given a display of your current sector of the galaxy and the stars in that sector. You may fire off laser probes to determine the location of Zorph warships. You have a number of weapons at your disposal including quantum rays, antimatter missiles and, for desperate situations, doomsday torpedoes. Your ship is protected by shields against any attack, but you must be careful to maintain your energy supply. Any Zorphs in your sector will attack you and each attack will use up some of your reserve energy. If your energy is depleted, your shields fail and the next Zorph attack destroys you. You can replenish your energy reserve by returning to a friendly base. You can hop sectors using hypers.p.a.ce, al- though void storms may toss you about a bit in s.p.a.ce and time. In addition, you will have to handle a variety of problems with your ship such as invasion by mind-warping beings, power-system failure, and occasional crew mutinies. The console commands that control your warship are simple and are given in the attached instructions being transmitted to your local printout facility.

Now do not get the idea that everyone here is simply sitting around playing Zorphwar. That is far from the case. While our schedules have slipped a bit in the last couple of months, morale is at an all-time high. With a crew of satisfied programmers, I feel there is nothing we cannot accomplish.

Finally, before you make any snap judgments, I ask that you log in on your console and try Zorphwar. Good hunting!

Megalo Network Message: June 30, 1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Promotion to Fleet Captain Bill Buddy: As stated on Page 12 of the Zorphwar Handbook, any Captain completing six consecutive successful missions against the Zorphs is ent.i.tled to promotion to Fleet Captain. If you will check my War Record File, you will discover that I destroyed all Zorphs in the galaxy in the six games Iplayed yesterday afternoon. Please send along whatever certificate you have to indicate my Fleet Captain status.

As for schedules, I have discussed the matter with JX. and demonstrated Zorphwar to him. Both of us are in entire agreement with your a.n.a.lysis. Maintaining morale is one of our primary goals, and we are sure you have things under control. J.L. is, by the way, interested in access to Zorphwar on his own executive terminal. I trust that you will see to the necessary arrangements.

As for the exception reports triggered by your schedule slippage, J.L. has signed off on the necessary forms to justify a new schedule. We have doubled the expected times required to complete phases four through seven. While this stretches out the predicted completion for Project 8723 by two years, we feel that you people are doing important work in other areas and should not be forced to produce a program of use only to those uptight jokers hi Accounting.

Now I must get back to Zorphwar. Twenty more successful missions, and I move up to Sector Commandant!

Megalo Network Message: July 6, 1977 Source: W.S. Halson Destination: P. T. Warrington Subject: Enclosed Certificate Congratulations, Fleet Captain! I am pleased to transmit to the facsimile printer in your area a copy of your certificate suitable for framing and wall display. Note that it is a fine example of computer-generated art, a project that a couple of my people have been working on for the last six months.

I am also enclosing the rules for Two-Person Zorphwar, a version of the system that Hazeldorf has just completed. Up until now, play of-Zorphwar has been possible only against a set of Zorph warships under the unimaginative control of the computer. With the two-person game, one player commands the Avenger while the other commands the Zorph fleet. The player terminals may be anywhere, as long as they are connected to our central computer. Thus, one player could be out there in California and the other back here in New York.

Megalo Network Message: July 13, 1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Doom of Warship Avenger Earthling Swine! I, Parker, Emperor and Commander and Chief of the Hordes of Zorph, do here give warning. Tomorrow afternoon at 14:00 hours I shall commence the obliteration of all decadent hu-manoid pigs in my galaxy. Be at your console at the appointed hour! You are forewarned but foredoomed.

Megalo Network Message: July 15, 1977 Source: W. S. Halson Destination: P. T. Warrington Subject: Zorphwar Exposure Park Baby, I think we have a problem. That was a great game of Zorphwar we had yesterday, and I most commend yon on how well you handled the forces of Zorph. It was a challenge all the way, and if I had not been on my toes, your final desperate tactic of launching an twelve thousand of your doomsday torpedoes would have destroyed me. However, when you made your attack, I was safely docked at a base star and thus protected by its powerful energy screens. Your attack succeeded only in wiping out the remnants of your own forces.

Unfortunately, launching twelve thousand torpedoes simultaneously put a serious overload on our computer system. Zorphwar runs at A-l priority on our machine, which means that any other use of the machine is halted while Zorphwar computations are completed. As you may have noticed, it took approximately forty minutes for the machine to compute the paths through the galaxy of those torpedoes, to determine their impact points, and to calculate the radius of destruction of each burst. Normally suchoverloads are handled by adjusting the work load in the Computer Center. However, at three thirty yesterday, the Center was in the midst of printing the paychecks for the entire Computer Products Division. The little delay our game occasioned upset the very tight schedule for that operation. As a result, all checks from R through Z were not printed on time and failed to make the courier flight to the West Coast That is the reason your paycheck was not delivered to you today. Regrettably, it is also the reason that Division President Tailing and Corporation Comptroller Westland were not paid this week.

While you are more familiar than I am with the personalities at Headquarters, I *aspect that both of these gentlemen like to receive their paychecks. I trust that, if any investigations come out of this little incident, you will do your best to emphasize the fact that the Zorphwar program has already been modified to permit the launching of no more than tea doomsday torpedoes in one attack. Thus, this particular problem on never occur again.

Megalo Network Message: July 18, 1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Zorphwar Development Schedule KU, Old Man: You were right as to the reaction of our President and Comptroller. The old stuff really hit the fan with about a dozen ad hoc task forces instantly created to investigate everything from general inefficiency down to the detailed operation of the Computer Center. Someone immediately spilled the beans about Zorphwar. (I suspect it was J.L., covering his a.s.s.) Friday afternoon Westland came slamming into my office to ask about a thousand questions about our schedules and the cost of running Zorphwar. I tried to get him to try using the program, but he was too upset to listen to reason. He gave me one hour to produce a full report justifying the project and went storming back up to the executive wing. I'm afraid that your a.s.s and mine would have been in the sling but for a stroke of incredible luck.

When Westland left, I headed for the men's room to down a couple of aspirin to steady my nerves.

And who should I meet coming out of the door but Admiral Venerate. Venerate and I are old buddies, having been together on the Potlatch Investigation Team some eight years ago. At that time I proved there were no irregularities in the award of the Potlatch missile contract to Megalo. Venerate proved that the Navy had done nothing wrong. I was promoted to this staff position. Venerate moved up to Admiral.

"What brings you to the Megalo Corporation?" I asked him, trying to affect the nonchalance of a happy executive.

"I have just been given the ultimate garbage presentation," he said. "Your boys should know better than to try to snow me about naval-training games."

I smiled and spoke some plat.i.tudes about the vast technical expertise available at the Megalo Corporation and their ability to respond quickly to any technical challenge.

"d.a.m.n it," said the Admiral, "I don't want technical expertise. I want a working system."

The old light bulb went on inside my head. "You want a working system?" I said. "You follow me."

I led the Admiral into my office and fired up Zorphwar on the tube.

"Now before you play," I said, "you must understand that we did not wish it known we were working on a proposed naval system. Thus, we have pretended that we are fighting a s.p.a.ce war of the future against the mythical race of Zorphs. The weapons you will be using will not have the standard Navy nomenclature, but you'll have no trouble recognizing what they really are."

"Smart thinking," said Venerate. "Now how do I get this game started?"

'When Westland came charging back into my office an h.o.a.r later, he found the Admiral hammering at my console keys and shouting his best Navy profanity at the Zorphs who had just zapped him for fifteen-hundred energy units.

"You are witnessing a demonstration of the Zorphwar Naval Bat-tie Simulation System," I said to Westland. "A valuable training aid, ft is a product of the research staff of the Megalo Corporation Programming Services Department"

Westland stood there with his lower jaw down around his ankles watching Venerate polish off the last of the Zorph fleet The Admiral turned around grinning like a child of ten who has found a pony underthe Christmas tree. "That is what I call action!" he cried.

He turned to Westland. "How come you dunderheads didn't show me this right off?" he demanded, By now, I am sure, the Naval Support Bid Team has descended upon Programming Services to begin costing out the proposal for a production version of Zorphwar. They are talking about a system with one hundred terminals running on two Megalo 861's for starters. Eventually they may order a dozen 861's. Everyone here in Headquarters is too excited about the prospect of selling that kind of hardware to worry about why the program was written in the first place.

Megalo Network Message: August 26,1977 Source: W. S. Halson Destination: P.T. Warrington Subject: Zorphwar Contract Park, Old Friend: I just want to bring you up to date on the Zorphwar contract The team of programmers and technical writers is in place. The schedule for putting together a production package is a bit tight, considering that the only doc.u.mentation available from Hazeldorf was a picture of a Zorph he had sketched on the back of an envelope.

Speaking of Hazeldorf, I was a little disappointed in his reaction to the project When I explained to him what this contract would mean to the Megalo Corporation and how I expected him to a.s.sume a leadership role in the production of the final package, he simply shook his head and said, "The Zorphs aren't going to like this." I hope the kid isn't going flaky on us.

Megalo Network Message: September 21, 1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Zorphwar Contract Bill, Old Buddy: I hate to bring this up, but J.L. was down this morning to say that there have been no reports on the progress of the Zorphwar project from you people. Please get the necessary input into the computer as quickly as possible so we can start tracking this vital project. I hope that this omission on your part does not mean that schedules are slipping down there.

Zorph Commonwealth Network Message: Celestial Date 7654-55 Source: Central Computing Message Processing Destination: P. T. Warrington Tribute Station 756 Subject: Admission to Commonwealth of Zorph His Imperial Majesty, Ruler of Zorphdom and the Greater Galaxy, The Middle Claw of Justice in the Universe, Benefactor of all Sentient Beings, does hereby proclaim that your planet, Solus III, has been admitted to the Commonwealth of Zorph as a Status V member. As a member in this privileged cla.s.s, you will be expected to pay tribute in measure of your standing. The requisite payment for your Corporation is twelve ingots of gold of 100-kilogram weight per week. These should be placed on the roof of the Megalo Corporation Headquarters for pickup by Zorph shuttle craft. Failure to comply with this order will result in immediate penalties, including criminal trials of your leaders. Address all subsequent messages to Message Central for relay to the Zorph commandship a.s.signed to your sector.

Megalo Network Message: September 22,1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Attempts at Humor Bill, this is definitely not the time for jokes. Something has gone wrong with the Megalo Banking Network, a program bug that appears to have taken roughly ten percent out of every account in the six major banks on the system. The funds have been transferred to some unknown account. This place is, needless to say, Panic City, with vice-presidents screaming for action all over the place.

Fortunately, I intercepted your little jest before anyone else saw it Now forget the fun and games and get that data into the computer p.r.o.nto.Zorph Commonwealth Network Message: Celestial Date 7654-57 Source: Central Computing Message Processing Destination: P. T. Warrington Message sent represents an invalid communication and has not been dispatched to addressee. Please respond immediately to Central Processing with date and time of initial tribute delivery.

Date: September 23,1977 From: P. T. Warrington To: W. S. Halson Subject: Problems with Communications Network I am sending this message by mail as there seems to be something wrong with the Megalo telephone system and the message network is all fouled up.

Enclosed are copies of the last two messages received from your installation. I shall a.s.sume that your screwball friend Ha-zeldorf has gotten into the guts of the message-switching system and reprogrammed it to produce these messages as a practical joke. If this is the case, correct the situation immediately and dismiss Hazeldorf. Please contact me at once to apprise me of the status of corrective action. I a.s.sume that you are still in charge down there and that all of this is merely some kind of poor-taste humor.

It is all a joke, isn't it?

From Compet.i.tion 14:

Science fiction "What's the question?" jokes.

A: Heinlein Q: What's the shortest distance between two heinpoints?

A: Three Hearts and Three Lions Q: In Sword & Sorcery Poker, what beats a full castle?

A: h.e.l.lstrom's Hive Q: What is h.e.l.lstrom always scratching? (Similarly from others) A: Piers Anthony's "Orn."

Q: Say, Guv, what's the author of "Chthon" 'ave in 'is car that he loves to 'onk?

A: Simak, Pohl, Spinrad and Sturgeon Q: Name three sci-fi authors and something that goes great on a bagel with onion.

-Steve Steinberg

A: When Harlie Was One Q: When was this picture taken?

A: The Sands of Mars Q: What's this red, gritty stuff in my egg salad sandwich?

A: Dune Q: Whad's da pard of a song dad isn'd da woids?

- I.. G. Saltier A: The Man Who Folded Himself Q: Who is that peeking out of a manila envelope in the slush pile? A: The Mote in G.o.d's Eye Q: What did it take nine million heavy-duty cranes and sixteen billion gallons of Visine to remove?

A: Dune/Dhalgren/Froomb Q: How did little June Dailene Fromm p.r.o.nounce her name when she had the mumps?

-Brace SergesA: The Demolished Man Q: What is the state of the Compet.i.tion Editor after each contest?

A: Buy Jupiter!

Q: What did the man who sold the moon do next?

A: The Sheep Look Up Q: What happens when there's No Blade of Gra.s.s?

A: The Lathe of Heaven Q: Where can you watch As the World Turns?

-Chris Leithiser A: The Day the Sun Stood Still Q: When did you get that awful sunburn?

A: Friends Come in Boxes Q: How can you tell your friends from your enemies?

A: Postmarked the Stars Q: Why has this letter taken 1732 years to be delivered?

A: Against the Fall of Night Q: Why are you wearing that enormous hard hat?

-Mary H. Schaub Ed Bryant's story about stim star Jain Snow is a terrifically intense extrapolation of the communion between performer and audience. It received a Nebula nomination from the Science Fiction Writers of America for best short story of the year.

Stone

by EDWARD BRYANT

I.

Up above the burning city, a woman wails the blues. How she cries out, how she moans. Flames fed by tears rake fingers across the sky. It is an old, old song: Fill me like the mountains Fill me like the sea Writhing in the heat, she stands where there is no support.

The fire licks her body.

All of me So finely drawn, and with the glitter of ice, the manipulating wires radiate outward. Taut bonds between her body and the flickering darkness, all wires lead to the intangible overshadowing figure behind her. Without expression, Atropos gazes down at the woman.

Face contorting, she looks into the hearts of a million fires and cries out All of me -As Atropos raises the terrible, cold-shining blades of the Norn-shears and with only the barest hesitation cuts the wires. Limbs spread-eagled to the compa.s.s points, the woman plunges into the flames.

She is instantly and utterly consumed. The face of Atropos remains shrouded in shadows.

IIthe poster alpertron presents IN CONCERT.

JAIN SNOW.

with MOOG INDIGO.

sixty-track stim by RobCal June 23, 24 -One show nightly at 2100 Tickets $30, $26, $22.

Available from all Alpertron outlets or at the door.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN.

CENTRAL ARENA -.

DENVER.

III.

My name is Robert Dennis Clary and I was born twenty-three years ago in Oil City, Pennsylvania, which is also where I was raised. I've got a degree in electrical engineering from MIT and some grad credit at Cal Tech in electronics. "Not suitable, Mr. Clary," said the dean. "You lack the proper team spirit. Frankly speaking, you are selfish. And a cheat."

My mother told me once she was sorry I wasn't handsome enough to get by without working. Listen, Ma, I'm all right. There's nothing wrong with working the concert circuit. I'm working d.a.m.ned hard now.

I was never genius enough that I could have got a really good job with, say, Bell Futures or one of the big s.p.a.ce firms. But I've got one marketable talent-what the interviewer called a peculiarly coordinative affinity for multiplex circuitry. He looked a little stunned after I finished with the stim console. "Christ, kid, you really get into it, don't you?"

That's what got me the job with Alpertron, Ltd., the big promotion and booking agency. I'm on the concert tour and work their stim board, me and my console over there on the side of the stage. It isn't that much different in principle from playing one of the instruments in the backup band, though it's a h.e.l.l of a lot more complex than even Nagami's synthesizer. It all sounds simple enough: my console is the critical link between performer and audience. Just one glorified feedback transceiver: pick up the empathic load from Jain, pipe it into the audience, they react and add their own load, and I feed it all back to the star.

And then around again as I use the sixty stim tracks, each with separate controls to balance and augment and intensify. It can get pretty hairy, which is why not just anyone can do the job. It helps that I seem to have a natural resistance to the sideband stopover radiation from the empathic transmissions. "Ever think of teaching?" said the school voc counselor. "No," I said. "I want the action."

And that's why I'm on the concert circuit with Jain Snow; as far as I'm concerned, the only real blues singer and stim star.

Jam Snow, my intermittent unrequited love. Her voice is s.h.a.green-rough; you hear it smooth until it tears you to shreds.

She's older than I am, four, maybe five years; but she looks like she's in her middle teens. Jain's tall, with a tumbleweed bush of red hair; her face isn't so much pretty as it is intense. I've never known anyone who didn't want to make love to her. "When you're a star," she said once, half drunk, "you're not hung up about taking the last cookie on the plate."

That includes me, and sometimes she's let me come into her bed. But not often. "You like it?" she said. I answered sleepily, "You're really good."

"Not me," she said. "I mean being in a star's bed." I told her she was a b.i.t.c.h and she laughed. Not often enough.I know I don't dare force the issue; even if I did, there would still be Stella.

Stella Vanilla-I've never learned exactly what her real last name is-is Jain's bodyguard. Other stun stars have whole platoons of karate-trained killers for protection. Jain needs only Stella. "Stella, pick me up a fifth? Yeah, Irish. Scotch if they don't."