THE WAFFLE HOUSE.

POINT CLEAR, ALABAMA.

THIS WEEK, DR. SHAPIRO HAD A CANCELLATION, AND THEY WERE meeting earlier than usual. Jewel greeted them with a big smile. "Here you two are again. Two coffees?"

Dr. Shapiro said, "Yes, and you don't happen to have a bagel, do you?"

"A what?"

"A bagel?" He could tell by her expression that she didn't and said, "Just give me an English m.u.f.fin."

"Okay. You want anything, Mrs. Poole?"

"No, thank you, Jewel, I'm fine. I just had breakfast."

After Jewel left, Dr. Shapiro asked, "How are you doing?"

"Oh, a little better, I think, but every time Lenore starts on the Simmons stuff, it's hard not to say anything. It makes me remember all those years growing up and how bad she made me feel. The woman never let me forget anything. She always brought up everything I did wrong."

Dr. Shapiro said, "I understand, but you know, those are your mother's behavioral patterns."

"And then I start to think that I'm just remembering only the bad things."

"Do you have any positive memories about your mother?"

Sookie sat there racking her brain, but nothing came to her.

Jewel brought the coffee and m.u.f.fin. "Thank you," said Dr. Shapiro.

Sookie put cream and Sweet'N Low in her coffee and frowned. "Hmmm ... positive memories. Well, I had a wonderful father and brother, and in high school, we were the state football champions my senior year."

"No, I mean positive memories about your mother."

"Well, life with Lenore was never dull, I'll say that. And she is funny. I have to admit she can say and do some of the funniest things. When Buck and I were little and lost a tooth, we would put it under our pillow for the tooth fairy to find, and later, Lenore would always dress up as the tooth fairy, with a tall hat and a wand, and come in our room and dance all around and sing some silly little song and leave us a present under our pillow. And I remember feeling good when everybody said that Buck and I had the prettiest mother in school. And she always smelled so wonderful. One time, I must have been four or five, I was sick with a terrible fever, and I remember she sat by my bed all night and petted my head. Every time I woke up, she was right there. And she would say, 'Don't worry, Mother's right here.' " Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes, and she was embarra.s.sed and grabbed a napkin. "Oh, Lord, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying."

"Why do you think you are?"

"I guess I just remembered how happy I was to wake up and see her sitting there. I just wish I hadn't disappointed her so much. What about you, Dr. Shapiro, did you have a happy childhood?"

"Let's go back to your last statement for a moment, about disappointing your mother. Did your brother ever disappoint her?"

"Oh, yes, but in a different way. She didn't particularly like Bunny, the girl he married."

"What about earlier? When you were younger?"

"She more or less let him alone. I think the problem was that I was a girl, and she wanted me to be more like her, but I couldn't. And now we know why."

"And if your mother had had a biological daughter, do you think she would have lived up to all her expectations?"

"I think so. Yes."

"How?"

"Well, she probably would have been prettier and smarter. Not had straight hair. She probably would have had talent and certainly been more ambitious."

"Or she could have been none of those things. Just because she would be related by blood doesn't guarantee she would have any of these attributes. Did it ever occur to you that Lenore was lucky to have you? I'm amazed you turned out as strong and sane as you did."

"Me? I don't feel very strong ..."

"But why would you? Your mother formed an incorrect opinion of you and, naturally, you agreed with her. Children always think their parents are right. But in this case, your mother was entirely wrong. Think about it. Your mother is an overpowering individual, and yet, you managed to have a stable marriage and raise four children."

Sookie said, "Well, yes, I did, didn't I? And knock on wood, not one of them got on dope that I know of. At least, that's something, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. You may not be the person your mother wants you to be, but you are you. Our job here is to try and separate the wheat from the chaff and figure out who you are and not who your mother thinks you are."

Sookie looked concerned and said, "Oh. And will that require me having to journal?"

"Not unless you want to," he said.

"No. I like just talking."

"Good. Same time next week?"

"I'll be here."

THAT AFTERNOON, SOOKIE CALLED her friend Dena. "I'm so sorry. I know I promised, but I can't go to the Kappa reunion this year."

"Oh, no ... why?"

"Well, first of all, I just couldn't face everybody, knowing that I am an imposter."

"Oh, Sookie. You know that's not true."

"Well, even so. I can't leave now. I really need to keep seeing Dr. Shapiro, the poor thing. He's so sweet and, honestly, Dena, I think I may be his only patient, and I can't let him down. He depends on me to show up."

THE ALL-GIRL FILLING STATION.

PULASKI, WISCONSIN.

THAT SPRING, WHEN THE STATION GOT BUSY, GERTRUDE AND TULA came up with an idea of their own to help speed up customer service. They presented it to Fritzi, and she approved.

After that, the minute a car pulled in, Gertrude and Tula, wearing cute little caps and short skirts with fringe on them, would fly out of the station on roller skates, and while Fritzi was filling the car with gas, they would clean all the windows, the lights, and the tag in less than two minutes. And, sometimes, if the boys inside the car were cute, they added extra little twists and twirls and skated backward as they cleaned.

Momma watched them out the window one day and later said to Fritzi, "Don't you think that all that skating around is a little too show-offy?"

"No, I don't."

Momma laughed. "No, you wouldn't."

"And it brings in the customers like crazy."

"Well, whatever you think, Fritzi. I don't know what we would have done without you. If anything happens to me or Poppa, I can die happy, because I know you'll take care of the girls."

"Sure, Momma."

"But I worry about you sleeping in the station all night. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Sure, I'm sure. Don't you worry about a thing, Momma."

Fritzi didn't tell Momma, but being on roller skates at a gas station could be dangerous. One day, Tula had shot out of the station to the tune of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" with a rag in her hand and had hit a grease spot. To everyone's amazement, she skidded underneath a big eighteen-wheeler truck, came out the other side, and ended up all the way across the street. Without missing a beat, she had skated back across the street to the station and finished cleaning the windows of a Packard.

After all their initial bellyaching, Gertrude and Tula came to love working at the filling station. Gertrude's boyfriend, Nard, had proposed to her in a letter, and she had written back and accepted, so she wasn't dating, and all the boys Tula had been dating were in the service, so there wasn't much else to do but work. And Fritzi always made sure there was something fun going on all the time, including weekly Friday night dances out on the big platform on the side of the filling station. One week, Fritzi got Quiren Kohlbeck and his Orange Crush Orchestra to come all the way from Manitowoc, Wisconsin, and play on the back of a truck, and that night, the town of Pulaski bought more war bonds than the next five towns over combined, and they were very proud of that fact.

It was mostly girls jitterbugging with other girls, but they did have a good turnout from the guys still home working at the factories nearby and some of the Coast Guard boys stationed over in Sturgeon Bay. Sometimes the music went on until after midnight, but n.o.body in town complained. Everybody was working hard, and they deserved a little recreation. Even the nuns from Saint Mary's came over and sat with Momma on the porch and watched the fun.

It was a busy time for everyone. When Momma and Angie weren't cooking, they were rolling bandages for the Red Cross or tending to the big victory garden in the back. In their spare time, all the girls wrote to the servicemen and sent packages of good Polish food to all the boys from Pulaski.

The youngest girl, Sophie Marie, had just graduated from high school and was still torn about what to do. She felt she had a religious vocation, and she had planned on entering the convent right away, but she also knew her sisters needed her at home to help at the filling station. She cried when she told Sister Mary Patricia that she would have to wait until her brother, Wink, came home after the war to take over. Sister Mary Patricia was very understanding. She said, "Sophie, it could be for the best. I entered at seventeen, and not that I regret my decision, but I often wish I had lived a little more out in the world. I think it might have helped me understand more what the girls are going through. And, sometimes, we can serve Him best by serving our families and our country."

Fritzi hadn't said anything, because she hadn't wanted to be a bad influence on the kid, but she was glad Sophie was staying. She was a big draw with the customers. And as Fritzi figured it, after the war, none of the girls would ever have the chance to run a gas station again. Besides, Sophie had the rest of her life to be a nun, so why not have a little fun while you can? The only downside with Sophie was that Fritzi had to watch her language around her, and she hated that. She just loved to cuss a blue streak and shock the truck drivers.

All the Jurdabralinski girls, including Momma and Angie, were kept busy morning, noon, and night, but they were not too busy not to be worried about Wink. They had not heard from him in a while. When they finally received a V-mail letter from him, they were so relieved they called Poppa in Hot Springs and read it to him over the phone.

Dear Folks, Guess what? I am writing this letter to you from the deck of a troop ship. Our entire unit is being shipped overseas. Don't know where we're going yet, but I am sure it will be where Uncle Sam thinks we can do the most good.

This ocean is something else. I didn't know there was that much water in the world. A lot of the guys are pretty seasick, but I am OK so far. Sure wish I had my rod and reel with me. There must be some pretty big fish swimming around under there. Don't worry about me. I am in good hands and the grub is pretty good. Not as good as Momma's, though. I think this war will be over soon and I will be home again before you know it.

Love, Wink P.S. I really appreciate you girls taking over the station for Poppa and me. I have shown the guys in my unit the photo you sent, and they all say I sure have some swell sisters. And pretty, too. A few of them said after the war, they were headed to Pulaski to see you in person.

PULASKI, WISCONSIN.

Dear Wink,

Don't know where you've ended up, but we all really miss you, buddy. Momma is still keeping that candle lit for you over at church, and she and Sophie never miss daily ma.s.s, so you are in good hands on that score.

I just wish I was there with you so I could keep an eye on you. I know you are a big-shot flyboy now, but I can't help it. You're still my little brother you know, and, despite it all, I am quite fond of you, so don't go being a hero on me. OK?

Fritzi P.S. We hear that Poppa might be coming home soon. Not too soon, I hope. It was eight below zero here today, and the pumps froze again. Well, gotta go. Take good care of yourself, Winks. We are so proud of you ... and give them Krauts h.e.l.l for me, will ya?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

POINT CLEAR, ALABAMA.

EVERY MORNING, SOOKIE WALKED AROUND AND FILLED HER BIRD feeders. She couldn't let the blue jays go hungry, but she still missed her small birds. They wouldn't come to the small-bird feeders she'd tried, either. Every once in a while, one or two would come and feed on the seeds that had fallen on the ground, but she still had more blue jays than anything. Mr. Nadleshaft at the Birds-R-Us store said it was a common problem, but so far, n.o.body seemed to have an answer.

When Sookie came in from the yard, the phone in the kitchen was ringing. It was Lenore, who sang into the phone, "I know a little girl who's having a big birthday on the thirty-first."

Sookie wanted to sing back, "No, I'm not," but she didn't.

"What I want to know is where are we going this year? Have you thought about it? I know where I think we should go."

"Mother, I have thought about it, and I really don't want to do anything this year. I just want to skip it."

"What? Skip your birthday? Don't be silly."

"I'm not being silly. I really just want to be with Earle and spend a quiet evening at home."

"A quiet evening at home? On your birthday? Sookie, what in the world is wrong with you? Are you over there drinking? I swear, you are just getting more peculiar every day. You can have a quiet evening alone with Earle anytime, but you are not going to skip your birthday, for heaven's sake. And, anyhow, it's not just about you. I'm the one who gave birth to you. So don't make me have to come over there and spank you. Besides, I've already written the funniest poem, and I've set it to music. 'Roses are red, my dear, violets are blue, after forty-eight hours, then there was you!' Oh, and it goes on and on."

A thousand smart replies went through Sookie's mind, but what was the use? No matter what she said, the woman was determined to continue perpetuating this lie to the grave.

"Sookie, are you still there?"

"Yes, Mother."