Thus excusing himself, he profanes the sacred interior of the missive, and finds the suspicious signature--"Robert." Trembling at the temptation to read more, he hastily folds the sheet, and returns it to the envelope. But the next moment it is out again, and he is reading with flushed cheek and burning eye, the tender words that Robert C.

has written to Miss A.

"All this hath a little dashed his spirits;" and he returns to bed feverish and restless. In spite of his reason, which keeps saying stoutly, "what's the harm? n.o.body will know it," he suffers greatly in conscience. But the Valentine is taken from the office, and the profanation of its mystery remains unsuspected. And in a few days another Valentine appears, addressed to Robert Cartwright. The hand-writing, although disguised, is alarmingly like Miss A.'s. By this time the clerk's jealousy has eaten up his conscience.

"There's no more harm in opening two than in opening one," whispers the devil in his ear.

"I believe you," says the clerk; "but I may yet be found out."

"No danger," says the devil; "only be careful."

He is too ready to adopt the suggestion. He is excusable, he thinks, under the circ.u.mstances. The Valentine is accordingly opened and read.

Deliberation and forethought add gravity to the offence. The clerk has unconsciously blunted his moral perceptions, and weakened his moral strength; and he is now prepared to open regular letters pa.s.sing through his hands. At first it is jealousy and rivalry that tempt his curiosity. Then other matters of interest entice him, until one day he discovers, in no little consternation, that he has thrust his fingers into a nest of bank-notes!

"Well, after all," says he, "Mr. B. is rich; he won't mind the loss; it's only a trifle with him. While to me, the sum is considerable. If I don't keep up appearances with Bob Cartwright, I might as well be out of the world. I've a right to live; and destroying this letter and appropriating its _contents_, is just nothing at all, if I don't get found out. But I'm safe enough--I'm the very last person to be suspected."

The career of this young man need not be traced further.

Nor need the subject of Valentines be pursued. We have written enough to show that they are the offspring of weak sentimentalism or foolish buffoonery; an enc.u.mbrance to the mails, an annoyance to those who receive them, a tax to all parties, and a temptation to post-office clerks; and withal, imbecilities and immoralities which all worthy citizens should take every occasion to discountenance, and banish from civilized society.

CHAPTER XXIX.

THE CLAIRVOYANT DISCOVERY.

A short time after the detection of the New Haven mail robber, a gentleman from the town of W. called upon the post master at Hartford, to say that he had some weeks since mailed a letter at the post-office in the town where he resided, addressed to a firm in Hartford; and containing a sum of money, and that the letter had never been received.

On examining his records, the post master ascertained that no bill had been received from the office where the letter was mailed corresponding with the date of the mailing, and that consequently the letter, so far as his records could show, had never reached his office.

As the time of this loss happened at the period when the mail robber was committing depredations from day to day, and as the post-bill was missing, the Hartford post master expressed the opinion that the letter had very probably fallen into the hands of the mail robber, although New Haven was off the route on which the letter should go, and the package of letters could not have got there without having been mis-sent.

This theory was entirely unsatisfactory to the gentleman who mailed the letter, and he left Hartford with the conviction that he would be compelled to endure the loss of his money with such philosophy as he could summon to his aid.

But hope soon succeeds fear, as daylight follows darkness, and before many days the gentleman in search of his money again called at the post-office in Hartford, that being the important port in his voyage of discovery.

It was very evident that his mind was somewhat "exercised," and the ominous tone in which he requested the post master to meet him immediately, at room No. ---- at the hotel where his name was entered, made it clear that a revelation of no slight importance was about to be made.

The post master told him he would accompany him immediately, and started with his eager friend for the appointed place. During their walk nothing was said on the great subject-matter, probably because it was deemed too solemn in its nature to be broached amid the bustle and jar of a crowded street.

The hotel was soon reached, and the communicator of the "latest intelligence" ascended the stairs to the room where the gentleman accompanying him would be called on to listen to the disclosures about to be made, and take such action thereon as circ.u.mstances might seem to require.

After pointing solemnly to a chair, declaring by such dumb show that he desired the post master to be seated, and then taking a chair himself and sitting thereon so as to face the person with whom he was conversing, he deliberately asked--

"Do you believe in clairvoyance?"

What an unexpected question! And how should such a question be noticed? Certain it was that among all the laws in relation to the Post-Office Department, and the rules and regulations for its government, minute and circ.u.mstantial as they were, not one word could be found instructing the officers of this branch of Government what they should do in the matter of clairvoyance. Even Ben Franklin himself, who was "_par excellence_" the electrical Post Master General, had never issued an order bearing on this subtle subject. And here, in this hotel room, where, at a great many different times, a great many different kinds of spirits had entered a great many different kinds of persons, this official in a great business Department, dealing constantly with the practicalities of life, and without law, rules, or regulations to tell him what he should do in the emergency, was met with the question proposed, in a sepulchral voice,--"Do you believe in clairvoyance?"

Was it his duty to discuss with the questioner the "Odic force," and "Biology" and "Psychology," and all the other theories connected with the doctrines of spiritualism? Must post masters be also masters of mental science, and of things in heaven and earth never dreamed of in the philosophy of the great ma.s.s of mankind? Because they have to deal with the transmission of intelligence to different parts of the earth, must they also take charge of intelligence coming from unknown regions, "out of s.p.a.ce, out of time?"

The question, however, was before him, and the post master replied that he had heard of some strange things connected with clairvoyance.

Seemingly satisfied with this reply, the gentleman went on to say that he had been very anxious to know what had become of his letter, and had therefore consulted a clairvoyant.

Some locations are blessed with a gifted seer, or more generally _seeress_, whose mind at inspired intervals is a complete "curiosity shop" of the universe--who can tell the whereabouts of a lost thimble or teaspoon, who can inform the anxious inquirer who committed the last murder, and who can describe to eager listeners the manner in which people conduct voiceless conversation in Saturn, and how they fight in Mars, and how they make love in Venus. Or the gifted one, descending rapidly to earth, can prescribe a remedy for any ill that flesh is heir to,--and all these wonders are performed for a moderate pecuniary compensation, and with the praiseworthy object of aiding and enlightening "suffering humanity."

Our inquiring friend was so fortunate as to reside in one of these localities, and his mission to the post master was that of rehearsing the discoveries of the Priestess.

He stated that the information given by the clairvoyant lady was so minute and distinct as to leave a strong impression of its truthfulness on his mind. That she traced the letter from the time it was put in the office--saw it placed in the mail bag, saw the bag taken from the office, saw every station where it stopped--saw it taken into the Hartford office--saw it opened there, saw a clerk take the letter, open it, and on finding that it contained a number of bank-bills, put said letter in a drawer of his, and then lock the drawer.

Farther than this, the Seeress declared that said clerk wore large whiskers, and a large gold ring, and that he resided in Front Street.

In addition to these facts the lady declared that the letter thus opened, with the bills still in it, was yet remaining in the locked drawer of the delinquent clerk.

Having carefully repeated this train of circ.u.mstantial evidence, pointing so distinctly to a certain culprit, the gentleman then commenced interrogating the head of the Hartford post-office:--

"Have you, sir," said he, "a clerk in your employment who wears whiskers?"

The witness was compelled, on the part of some of his clerks at least, to plead guilty to this first count in the indictment from an invisible Grand Jury. As whiskers are not an expensive article of luxury, even post-office clerks can afford to wear them.

"Have you," continued the counsel for the unknown prosecutor, "a clerk who wears large whiskers _and_ a large gold ring?"

The reply to this query was not equally satisfactory, for the witness averred that his clerks were decidedly not given to jewelry; and as to gold, they felt that they could invest it more usefully than in the purchase of mammoth finger-rings.

"Have you," continued the pertinacious querist, "a clerk who lives in Front Street?"

Here again the answer was not gratifying, for the witness declared that to the best of his knowledge, no clerk of his had, whether with or without whiskers, or whether with or without a stupendous finger-ring, made Front Street ill.u.s.trious by residing therein.

Notwithstanding the discrepancy, the gentleman went on with his inquiries:--

"Have you a clerk in your employment who has a drawer of which he keeps the key?"

The reply to this question was such as to meet the wishes of the querist, and he was told that there was more than one such clerk in his office.

"Then," said the gentleman, "I demand that you have those drawers opened, and their contents examined!"

Notwithstanding the urgent desire of the person who had reposed such confidence in the revelations of the female informer, the post master peremptorily declined to take a single step implying a doubt as to the integrity of his clerks, on the mere strength of clairvoyant testimony.

Argument was in vain, and the disappointed letter seeker left Hartford, thinking in all probability that General Pierce would have done better to have given the charge of the office there to some person more willing to accommodate the public!

Some time after this, the Special Agent met the post masters of New Haven and Hartford, in pursuance of instructions from the Department, for the purpose of distributing the funds taken from the depredator, among those who had lost by the robberies.

On examining the money found on the person of the robber, there were discovered the seven bank-bills, all of one denomination, lost by our clairvoyant-seeking friend! The bills not only agreed with his description, but, what made the case still stronger, was the fact that no other bills of the same denomination and bank were claimed by any other party.

How it was that "the Spirits" gave the distinguished seeress such a complete tissue of falsehoods, will probably remain unknown until the "new philosophy" becomes better understood, or until the Spirit of Franklin, who it is said presides over communications from the upper spheres, appoints some Special Agent to investigate the causes of failure.

The gentleman who unexpectedly regained his money, may still entertain his old affection for clairvoyance, but he cannot deny that the poet was right when he exclaimed,