I made beans and rice, and decided to spare the meat for tomorrow, unsure if it is best to go to the market if we were named marks of these unheard of intentions. I set the table, and rinse my hands for eating. I am arranging the napkins when the door opens. I look up. Nadeje enters in different attire. It seems he has wash-clothed down, and I cant help but let my eyes linger a little longer on him.

I serve myself and sit down and wait for him. When he sits I swallow and hold my tongue as the questions want to babble out of me. We sit here eating for at least a reasonable amount of time before I retry.

Nadeje? It comes out softly.

He looks at me.

Whatdid they mean by intentions?

His eyes darken a bit and I feel as though I just reopened a forgotten wound. Theyit is the planning of the King.

I watch him, sure there is more. For?

He looks at me across the table unhappily. He is justwants to take you under his control forsomething. As I told you I dont rightly know why I am housing you here yet. My reasons have nothing to do with it. If it wasnt for the reason of the hierarchy then you wouldnt be with me at all. By the way they spoke today, I am starting to feel that he has plansto use you as baitwhatever the reasons may be.

I stare at him in alarm. I am shocked, the food smells nothing like it did before and I feel sick. I feel only anger and fear as I realize his fault. You left me alone when you knewafter you turned them away? After he could find out you went against him? My voice is hurt but harsh. I know I am being cruel considering, but how can I help it?

I was closer than you think, he argues gently.

I feel hurt. How am I supposed to know that? You left me without any indication of where you were Ms. Thimlet, I was looking for signs that the men who visited here to investigate spoke truth about the matter I frown. You didnt even try to warn me that I waspossibly Because I knew if I told you it would have left you in misery and it would have been no better than it was.

His voice is calm but it is not what rests my case; it is that I know he is right.

I feel my blush return and angrily look down. To imagine that I thought anxiously for him all this time makes me feel more so embarrassed. I feel overheated. II just didnt know how to get you if they He watches me, but I dont go on. I know I shouldve assured youI just couldnt think of how to start He sighs. Start taking care of the situation.

I stir my beans into my rice and then swallow dryly. Iunderstand.

I feel his eyes on me and irritated I look up. Why arent there others? The question escapes me.

He looks at me uncertainly.

When you brought me here you said, help as many as I can. Why am I the only one?

He looks at me deeply. I feel your condition is too complicated to involve more.

I feel that there is more for him to tell me. Is that all?

He looks at me questioningly.

I meanyour only reason is that my problem is too complex and that it is therefore too dangerous to have any others?

He is firm. It was given to me as a job of honor and for my duty to the throne.

I swallow. None other reasons you can think of?

There is a little glimmer in his eyes and I can hear the soft quality in his voice. Is there more?

I watch him. Is there?

He observes me. Are you asking?

I nod.

He sits up straighter. There are other reasonsbut mostly it is because I feel deeply.

I am left hanging, halfheartedly wanting more, the other half shouting logic at me. What did he mean by feel deeply? About me, for me, with meor was it merely for everyone?

I watch him. You have a large variety of meanings.

His eyes are full of something I cannot read. Definition is not one of my strong points while eating.

I swallow then once more begin eating, though this time, the food tastes too bland.

When finished, we soak our dishes in the washbasin for overnight. I decide to let Nadeje take care of the stove and other smaller tasks and head for bed. I am half way there, when I stop.

I feel deeplyThe words mark my heart like ink on white parchment.

I shouldntorDizziness overwhelms me, but I refuse to surrender to it and push it aside as I have done countless times with more serious ailments. I swear the wood in front of me in the door is swirling in patterns. Again I push aside the fear.

Nadeje, I hear him turn. What did you mean?

It is quiet a moment. Then I hear him start closer. I feel my heart beating fast and my stomach flutters beyond any control.

You may find my definition closer to a demonstration His voice is warm and smooth.

I swallow. Define to me, I request.

He pauses a moment then speaks softly to me. Turn.

I breathe in a little taking one last look at the moving wood. Slowly I do, and as I move, his hands carefully run up and find my face. He cups it gently, his hands settled over the undersides of my jaw. I feel my heart waver and warmth grows where I feel the smooth pressure of his skin along my cheeks. My legs numb but everything else seems to blossom with warmth as he nears. I am lost, unable to feel anything but his hands.

He tilts my face up a bit and I flush feeling the cold prickles creep back into my heart. He seems to sense it and softens further. As he does, something in his eyes, that soothing calm nature, returns and flickers to life beneath the clear surface. He is soft. Trust me.

I feel a hush of all undesirous emotions end the pain inside me with those two words.

I do.

My eyes close.

His nose slides down mine, tickling me with its light trail. He breathes one last breath, as though knowing the weight of this, as though knowing I felt the same about how close we are to it, as though feeling the way I do. We are about to break the law, two of the strongest laws of companionship, but we both seem to feel the same way about it. We feel deeply.

He dips his head a little bit more and amidst all chaos our lips touch. He gently remains, perhaps not wanting to worry me. Then he tenderly presses his lips to mine and heedfully brings me closer. I let him, letting all exhaustion go and relaxing in his arms. I am lost as his lips begin to move. I weaken, growing longing-full and completely soothed as he enraptures me. I feel dizzy, delusional, and needful. I want it to be endless, eternal, forever as he wraps me close to him, shielding me from exposure to danger.

I wonder if I am his first kiss, and cant help but grow a little envious of any other woman who might have been allured by him. I kiss him back, indicating my reliance and devotion to this place in his arms. I dependently hold to him and feel our warmth soak into one another. He grips me to him and I feel oddly in a place where I have been deprived from being for far too long. I feel nurtured and cherished inside as he cradles me in his embrace. Slowly, he gentles and lulls me into a quieter and more soothing interaction. I feel eased. He temperately tells me of his finish with a brief pause, and releases my mouth.

I am unsure of how to be. I look up into his eyes and blush, cursing my smile as I drop my gaze down. He gently encourages me to confront his fervent eyes, and when I do I am immersed in his expression. He examines me, searching me to make sure nothing unwanted has been done. He seems to find nothing, as I hoped.

Was my definition sufficient?

I blush and try not to smile too much. I nod.

He smiles a little and envelopes me. Let me enunciate the point.

I am undoubtedly altered as he gently nuzzles me. I smile then slowly venture further.

Kiss me, I request in a whisper.

He slowly kisses my shoulder.

Feel my hair His hand obediently combs down to my neck where it presses dearly.

I slowly peek up from his jaw. Define love.

He smiles a little and brings me tightly against him. Some other time.

I implore. Why?

I hear the warm smile in his voice. Because you need to sleep. You are tired.

I argue otherwise. No, Im not.

He smiles and chuckles against me. Your argument is useless.

I do not fight it, I know it is true.

He lets go but I remain rested longer. He gently pulls me off and dips his face to linger lovably along mine.

I blush but do not hide as I love the attention. His eyes I find in a few moments, as mine open, watching mine devotedly. He smiles and slowly brings me back close and against his assuring figure. Here I rest, my eyes closed and all senses dimmed with the assurance of safety. I cherish the moment.

Soon, I let his order process. I sink further and I know I should let him follow his proposal. He must feel it.

Goodnight, he murmurs.

I wait, just a second longer than needed. Night.

He lets go and cordially pulls me out of my burrow in his chest. I look up, and quite unexpectedly begin to shy. I feel embarrassed but utterly care free of the embarrassment. Yet, I shy further. I let his command win and draw back to go into the bedroom.

Chapter 20.

The next morning I stand wiping my face by the window, looking for nothing but something in the road. It is early, possibly close to 7 oclock, but I decided upon an early bath rather than an evening. I step over to the bed and comb through my wet tangles, setting my dirty clothes down at the foot of the dresser. I turn back to make the bed and sigh, finally accepting it and letting all the thoughts come.

I have been desperately trying to distract myself, so that I wouldnt think of the treasurable interactions we shared last evening, but I knew I couldnt keep it locked up forever.

It went by so swiftly, I hardly remember what his lips felt like against mine. Though faintly I still do, and the secure pressure of his arms around me.

Nadeje.

I remember the warmth of his face along mine and smile a little. I blush remembering my stupid lovesick murmurs in the end and cant promptly continue folding the blanket as I try not to think of how embarrassing those last moments were. I cherish them.

Then I fold the last sheet over. Was there anything more to fix? No. Did I want something to keep me longer? Yes.

I purse my lips and giddily try to keep myself from knowing my true delight to be situated with him again. I feel my heart skip around and try to focus my attention on the present before I lose it completely. Holding in another smile, I make my way to the door.

I hesitate when I reach itWould he regret it?

I listen for any sign of him fretting over something like this. None.

I feel my body grow shivery and battle off the nerves. I slowly open the door. Nadeje sits at the table, reading through letters and not hearing. I close the door behind me and turn. He lifts his gaze to me and I already feel a blush making its way across my cheeks. He watches calmly and a little too solemnly after his tender handling of me yesterday. His gaze though, is still on me, and no matter his expression I feel a little unstable.

His voice is gentle, but still lets me feel a little alone in the realm of affection. Lyra.

My world tilts at his greeting. I struggle to find words with meaning. Mr. Gilch, I reply. I blush harder at the shakiness I hear in my voice.

I cant help but notice that he becomes a little less relaxed in his seat at the mention of his formal name. He grows tentative to me, then finding me speechless he takes the conversation.

Do you wish to sit?

I glance at the seat across from him and with a nod I step to it. I sit down and blush as I feel ungraceful in my movements before him.

He watches me silently a few seconds, observing me tenderly, then his eyes once more grow solemn and he swallows and looks away. I I watch him feeling my heart pound. I regret...? I shouldnt have? I never meant?

I received a letter today.

I wait, a little relieved yet unsure. Why would I care for a letter?

I read parts of itand found it to beunclear to me, he looks up and his eyes find me. The letter was regarding youit was signedsentits address was for you, I grow a little more attentive. Not for me.

I watch him, unsure of how to feel.

Would you like to read it? He offers it gently.

I nod.

He fumbles with the papers in his hand, and then pulls out a cream envelope and holds it out to me. I reach across the table and take it, bringing it to me as I read the address. It is in a hand unknown to menot that many I knew could afford the postbut still.

There is no return address. Slightly disappointed, I slip out the parchment inside and unfold it. On the back was a red stamp with a strange design like a tree, and beneath there is an address signed in loopy cursive printing: Only to Ms. Orange. I turn it over and then begin to read the letter. At the very top is a line in red ink reading: In reference to certain details and plans.

Then, the letter begins, though now in black ink, and in cursive.

Ms. Thimlet, I apologize for the disturbance made by my server approaching you. I know it must have been startling and interrupting to your engagements at those times. I must continue this letter though, with the regret that I must say in those times with my servants, my message was miscarried.

I am now writing to you regarding my intentions. It might be difficult for you to understand at this point, but I must beg you to not be frightened of my sudden introduction. I have been lost many months, and it is possible that you may think to be shy of me, and that I am but a stranger. I, however, have thoughts that I could return, and my passage into Leyden could be sooner than thought. Do not think I have mistaken you for another, for we are related, though how I cannot yet tell you. My plan is a serious one, Ms. Thimlet, and you being a part of it must agree that it is a safely kept plan from outsiders of our party. My plan has many roles, and you would be the focal part, but there is something which my servers have observed of you currently, which I must first discourse before continuing.