"I'm glad you're alive, Darlin'." He finally gets out. Nice choice of words. He doesn't say, "I'm glad you're okay," because he knows this isn't true, and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Right now, I can't say I agree with you." For the first time ever, he looks helpless. Endearing, and I would think about it more if I wasn't high. "I'll manage."

A thought flickers. Rudy never speaks unless it's important. When he does ramble, sometimes it comes out wrong, and he gets embarrassed. Rudy knows how he affects people, sometimes using that to his advantage, but he's uncomfortable with it. His awkwardness on the dance floor, and the distress when Candy is around demonstrate this. Except for our incident at the archery targets, he avoids confrontation. The reason he never told me about Julie, most likely.

Rudy is socially inept.

It makes me really curious about him, and how he spent his childhood. I want to know everything about him. And the reason I haven't realized it before now, is because he's been comfortable with me from day one. Why?

Right now, though. I just start laughing. It hurts my throat, and pain slices through my midsection, but I can't help it.

His eyes widen but his expression turns to a frown. "What's funny?" Suspicion is heavy in his voice.

I giggle some more, "Nothing."

"You can tell me anything," he whispers.

He must think I'm going crazy. "Oh, I just realized that you're socially awkward. You aren't with me, I mean." Damn drugs. I smile, "But I can still make you blush."

He cracks a smile, knowing I'm not wrong. "You're loopy."

I shrug. "Maybe, but it's true." He fixes his gaze on road. My eyelids droop. "It's adorable and charming," I breathe, knowing I shouldn't keep talking, should just shut my mouth. I choose middle ground. "You can tell me anything too, you know?"

The way he stares at me now makes me feel like he sees straight through me, to me. I'm vaguely aware of more talking, but I fall asleep.

He wakes me when we get to the town. They set up a camp of tents away from the withered road behind a full, mature tree line. The team rescued plenty of survivors. Looking around, most seem relieved. Some are wary. I guess it'll take time to adjust. Reece meets us along the way to the tents. Neither one says anything, but they lead me to a tent, and Glinda's there.

"Oh, Suga!" She hugs me tight and I ache. She must feel me stiffen. "Sorry. Just been worried 'bout yo ass." She takes in my face and doesn't even try to hide her astonishment. Her red lips, glossy with a perfect pale face screw up in anger. A braid trails down her back, and it's my first time catching her in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. "Oh my gawd! They said yew got the shit kicked out of yew. But whut the fuk?"

"Glin, I should speak with you," Reece interrupts from outside the tent. "Kan, get some rest, little lady. We'll talk soon." Glinda ducks out of the tent.

I didn't know I fell asleep until I wake up during the day. A pillow rests under my head as I lay across an air mattress. Sitting up, every cell in my body hurts. I swallow a pill with a jug of water sitting by the air mattress, wanting to take more, but I can't afford the luxury right now. Voices grab my attention on the outside as I unzip the tent. My body creaks from movement but I ignore it. The pill will kick in soon to relieve the worst of the pain. I pull the hood on the hoodie up. My hair hangs down the sides of my neck.

Dalton talks to Rudy, Reece, Thomas, and Bunyan. Feeling a pang in my chest, I already knew Mac wasn't here, or he would have shot Gray in the head first thing. It still hurts, nonetheless.

"Good morning." Reece greets me. I smile as he gives me a hug. He wears a thermal under his vest, clean of zombie gore. I grab his KD sunglasses from the top of his head and put them on. Bunyan hugs me lightly with a concerned face.

"I'm fine." I state, my tone saying I don't want to get into it.

Thomas just scoffs at me. When I eye him, he smiles. His way of a warm welcome.

"Good to have you back. Dalton tells us you're married now." Thomas jests. They all laugh, trying to lighten the mood. Except Rudy, and I avoid his gaze, looking to the ground. His steel-toed leather boots poke out of his frayed and stringy jeans. Apparently, Dalton didn't enlighten everyone about the events at the cult. They don't know I was drugged and almost raped there. If they did, they wouldn't joke about it, I'm sure.

"Ha," I say sarcastically as I shudder at the memory, but find myself not wanting to talk about that either. I can still see Joseph's body, and the bleeding bullet hole in his head. "Did Reece tell you about the vaccine?"

"Dalton and I updated everyone. Don't worry about anything right now," Reece says in a stern voice.

Everyone nods their agreement. "Guess we're all taking a road trip to Birmingham," Bunyan says. Dalton nods, like this is a good idea.

"Kan, are you okay?" Dalton eyes me up and down. I do look horrible with blood, bruises, and a hoodie with Santa Claus boxers. My bare legs, chilled to the bone, are covered in goose bumps.

"Yeah, damn skippy. I need clothes." I state, and look around for Glinda. Maybe she's got something I can throw on.

Rudy speaks up, "I brought some of your things."

He wears the white bandana. "Okay. Thanks." I follow him to another tent, but don't go inside as he digs around.

Ducking out, he's got his leather duffle over his shoulder, and goes about dumping water on a clean rag.

"I don't know where your pack is." He studies me as he hands me the rag.

I smile faintly, and spread the rag on my face, gripping the glasses in my fist. "Oh, I lost my pack." A bummer it was confiscated, but I can find another one. I wince and shiver as the pain from my face starts throbbing fresh. It reminds me of the smart pad I wanted to take a look at it.

"We can get you another one." I peek at him suspiciously for reading my mind, but he stares at my feet. "But I see you held onto the boots." I put the sunglasses back on. Seeing him in the daylight, he has bags under his eyes, and hasn't shaved in a while. "You sleep okay?" he asks sounding concerned. I don't know how to act around him. I had been too honest with him last night. I don't even remember some of the things I said.

"Yeah. I took a pain pill." I emphasize just taking one. The corner of his mouth lifts into a smirk. "And after I eat, I'm going to take another one so I can sleep before thinking about what to do. Maybe head out on my own for a while. Let the team handle the vaccine." I sigh, I can look for Mago. Just being in the team's company is painful. I can't stand looks of pity, and need to go back to my tent before I start crying. Being beaten and violated can really affect a person.

"You look lost and sad," he says. I peer back up at him and shrug lightly. He glances away, not knowing what to say to a broken person. I'm sure in the daylight the full effect isn't pretty. "Go back to bed, I'll get Glinda to bring you some broth. Your neck looks like it hurts." My hands fly up to cover it with my hair. My face heating from embarrassment. It does hurt. There's so much I want to say, but I can't. Not now. Maybe not ever. Not wanting to feel his scrutiny, I turn and walk back to the tent to change.

I pause, my back to him. "Thanks Rudy. For coming. I know it was for Julie, but thanks anyway." I say with stern conviction. He shifts slightly, but I keep walking.

Changing clothes helps me stay warm, and I'm fuzzy from narcotics as I drift toward consciousness, but I'm not alone. Breathing in a familiar leather and pine smell, my heart starts beating faster when I ease my eyes open to see Rudy watching me huddle comfortably next to him.

"Hi," I croak out. He smiles so wide, my heart skips a beat.

"Well, good morning to you too, Darlin'!" he says, his dimples making me snort out a laugh. "I didn't want you to be alone, and when I laid down, you snuggled right in."

"Thanks." I slowly sit up. A finger grazes my swollen eye, and I flinch away, pulling up my hood. Leaning over him, I grab the sunglasses and push them over my ears.

His face hardens. "I really can't imagine what you've been through." He looks away from me. "If you wouldn't have started hitting him with that bat... I would have beaten him to death."

I look at him with a straight face. "I don't want you to imagine it. You saw that Reece finished the job. Gray was on the brink of death anyway." We don't say anything for a few moments. He runs his hand through his hair, looking like he hadn't slept well. I don't want to bring this up, but I need to. "Where is Mac?" I say it in a tone that suggests Mac is in deep shit with me.

He looks at me. "I don't know." Taking my right hand, he absently rubs my scarred knuckles, split from hitting Gray. "He thought you left because of what he told you about Julie." I already figured this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I pull my hand from his.

"Why didn't you tell me about Julie?"

Sighing, he runs his hands through his hair again. I've never seen him this fidgety. "If I remember correctly, you weren't very forthcoming either."

"I had my reasons." It doesn't escape my notice he manages to avoid my question. "I still would have helped you. I just don't see what the big deal is."

"Exactly, it wasn't a big deal. Still isn't. It hadn't felt like an engagement for a long time before the outbreak. I told you the truth, she's like family." His shoulders lift with a set jaw, indicating he'd rather not talk about it. I'll chalk off his big words for someone who just found out his fiance is pregnant by another man.

"Have you talked to her?" I ask, curious to what he'll say about it.

He nods, lying down on his back, eyes fixed to the top of the tent. "A little. She's grieving over Jonathan." He does know. "She won't say much, but I have a feeling she blames us. Most likely, he's dead." I know she doesn't blame him, but blames me. His gaze moves to me. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Aren't we?" I whisper, feeling tired all of a sudden, with so much work to do. Speaking of, I scoot to the canvas bag, bringing out the smart pad.

Pushing a little button on the side that looked like the power button, Rudy puts his hand over it, taking it from me. "Hey!" I complain.

"This is what I want to talk to you about," he smiles, wagging it.

Oh. He piques my interest and suspicion. "What about it?" I eye him.

"You said your pack was lost. Is that it, or was it because of your laptop?"

I purse my lips, picking at my thumb cuticle. I've picked at it so much the past few weeks, it's sore. "The base confiscated it."

His eyebrows rise, hopefully he'll make a point soon. "Why?"

"You've turned it on!" I accuse. After all, he had no qualms about reading my notebook.

He shakes his head. "No, Mac did. When he stitched up your head. It's his job. To keep track of people, and what they do. To help them when they need it."

My pulse picks up speed. "You knew about Mac? Why didn't you tell me, or him for that matter?" I ask him, already suspecting he knew about Mac, anyway.

"It's not what you think. Just answer my questions and I'll explain. Did the base find out who you are, or did you tell them?"

My eyes narrow at him as he peers at me seriously as if this is dire information. "Why should I answer your questions? So you know how much to tell me?"

"It's not like that. I'll tell you what I know, and I'll tell you the truth. Just like I told you the truth last night." The green tent darkens everything, but his eyes are bright with swirling earth tone color. A soft knowing smile comes to his lips. The first time I've ever seen him sure of himself outside a battle zone. "You remember, Darlin'?" I want to say something to wipe the cocky look off his face, but I can't. It's sexy.

I ignore his question and clear my throat. "They took my fingerprints. They knew everything about me."

Concern replaces his cockiness as his thoughts turn inward. A long time passes before he sighs, "Everyone since the outbreak has a status. Either you're active civilian, an active militant, or status unknown. Unknown mainly means you're famished or unknown to be dead. Militants are under complete control, used for the skills they possess. If what you say is true, that the base confiscated your laptop, then our suspicions are right, and as soon as Mac reported you as alive, you would have been scooped up for use." He pauses, letting this sink in. "Remember your theories on technology, and all it takes are the right people to keep it going?" I nod, not liking where this is going.

"The world needs those people. You are apparently one of them. Very resourceful. According to Mac, it's not a great place to be right now. It's far from what it used to be, and he wishes he wasn't a part of it, but his sense of duty is ingrained."

"I didn't make those programs, Rudy. They were my dad's. The only useful program I made got me into trouble, but I kept his laptop in case they became useful."

"Your laptop was confiscated because of something that was on your public record?" He guesses. I nod my affirmation reluctantly. "Then, they got a look at what was on it, and thought you were some computer cracker?" I nod again. "If you're not, then what are you going to do with this?" He waves the smart pad in my face.

I grab it. "This was the only thing that man carried. There's probably something worth looking at on here." I look down at it, tapping the screen. A security password box pops up. I look at the connections. I did have a hook-up that fit it. "The laptop would have come in handy for this." I peer up at him. "I'm no expert, but my dad taught me a thing or two just in case. So," I say, changing the subject. "You're saying Mac was protecting me?"

Studying me for a moment, a smile touches his lips. "Funny story actually. I talked to Mac about not reporting you, by then he already gained an interest in you, already knowing about your laptop. When we saw him at the marketplace, his whole demeanor was different toward you than anyone else." Rudy glances at the tent door. "I've known him since the outbreak. He was stationed at the base when I arrived there for safety. After a while, he started coming and going per the Coalition, telling me stories about the community. We became good friends through alcohol and archery." He smiles at a memory. "Anyway, you know how much of an ass he can be to people. His interest in you shocked me." I nod for him to continue. "He all of a sudden wanted to help us, even though he's under orders not to partake in civilian matters." A melancholy settles over him like a cloud that never leaves. "Yeah, he did it...we did it to protect you. I just don't know if you'll show up on the military grid. It's why I told you not to show or tell anyone about your computer. Given enough time after being at the base, you'll be reported or found out. The military have people all over in the little leftover pockets in the world."

"Fat good protecting me did." I say, deadly calm.

With a tense body, his eyes widen as he leans over to me, closer to my ear. "That. Will. Never. Happen. Again." His voice just as calm as my voice. Leaning back, he takes my sunglasses off. I try to jerk them out of his hand, but my midsection screams at me to stay still. I glare at him instead. "That reminds me, you think I went through all of this because of Julie?" I don't say anything, but just stare at him. His clenched jaw softens. "First time I saw you, it was like a punch to the gut."

"It was a punch in the gut." I say, remembering our scuffle in the damp leaves.

Amusement lights his features as he remembers too. "And a head-butt and an elbow to the chin."

"You had my face in the mud I couldn't breathe!"

"I helped you out of a vehicle that was wrapped around a tree!"

I scoff. "I couldn't help it I had a zombie knocking on my window. Did you want me to let him in?"

He smiles then, giving me the full effect of his dimples and teeth. I pull my hoodie farther over my face. Noticing, he hands me back the sunglasses. "You were feisty." The grin still lights his face as if he enjoyed our scuffle. I put them back on. "Out of all the fights I have been in, you're the first one to head-butt me," he says, sounding bemused at the thought. I look at him and his smile slips into a sad one. I can't stand it.

"Kan?" This comes from outside.

"Yo?" I say as the flap unzips.

Kale pops his head in the tent, and takes in my face. "I'm sorry we didn't get there sooner," his eyes wide and concerned.

I laugh, sounding bitter, "No. It's fine Kale. Thank you for helping."

He swings his hair out of his eyes, looking to Rudy.

"I guess you two met already." I don't want to be rude. This really doesn't feel awkward at all.

Rudy's head inclines a fraction, still studying Kale. Rudy, to my knowledge doesn't know about Kale. I never told him, but I did tell Mac.

Kale nods too, and says, "Julie asked me to come get you." It takes me a minute to realize he means me.

"What? Why? She's not um, having her baby is she? My knowledge doesn't extend to baby catching." Kale smiles, rolling his eyes. Rudy snorts.

"Like you'd be the first person she thinks of if her water broke," Kale says dead pan. He has a point. "I don't know why, she just asked." Kale slaps his hand against his thigh.

"All right, I'll be there in a minute." I sigh as Kale takes his leave.

"How'd you know about Malachi?" I blurt, rightfully so.

Rudy winces, clearly uncomfortable about the turn in conversation. "Well, uh, that day I carried you from the wreckage. You opened your eyes and called me by his name." He peers at me then. The green of the tent hides the coloring of his neck, but I can tell just by the look on his face. "The way you were looking at me wasn't a way you'd look at a brother or a friend." I don't know what to think about his bashfulness. He has no control over it. "With a look like that, I thought he was the reason you were going to the base in the first place." I would have thought the same thing.

I blink, then laugh it off. "You didn't think I was just in a wreck, and was having hallucinations?"

The corner of his mouth lifts up. "It occurred to me, but I just thought what a lucky guy he was." He shakes his head, watching me. More sadness seems to seep through his features. "I shouldn't have assumed. I was an ass that day at the targets, and was probably the reason you weren't on guard. I don't know how I can make that up to you."

Hating that he blames himself for something he didn't do, I shake my head. "Don't worry about it. Jeremiah showed up out of nowhere, trying to make friendly conversation. It had nothing to do with you." He did distract me, but I don't have to tell him that.

"Mac might be in Birmingham," he states. I don't know what I'm going to do about Mac. I need time to think about it. Sitting up suddenly, he pulls me in a hug. I close my eyes and let him. "Don't leave." It takes me a minute to catch his meaning. I remember telling him I might head out on my own for a while, and now he's mentioning Mac to get me to stay with the team.

Pulling away, I straighten my sunglasses. "Listen to you, trying to be noble, but selfish." I peer at him and sigh, "I won't leave the team, but you need to figure out what you're going to do about Julie."

He stares at me, then looks away nodding. "I better go help pack things up." With that one look, my heart sinks.