"Staying away."

I laughed, but it didn't sound right. "So are you saying it was a mistake for you to do that too?"

"Nope," he said simply, and I looked back at him.

"How is that supposed to help me right now? You said Chase would've regretted stepping back, but you stepped back and didn't regret it." I paused for a second, and then said, "But at that time, it wasn't really a decision between the two of you anymore since you and Mom were broken up. So your situation wasn't exactly the same as mine."

He thought for a minute before saying, "It was, and it wasn't. Your mom knew she'd hurt me, and one of her main reasons for waiting so long was because she didn't want me to get hurt even more by being with Chase and shoving their relationship in my face all the time. Then, when Chase died, even though your mom had broken up with him right before, she was still too torn to be with me. She thought it would be spitting on his memory."

"But you were together a couple months later," I hinted, and he nodded.

"The way your mom has put it was that she loved Chase, and was in love with me. From the beginning, and through the whole thing. Even though she told me she wanted me to find someone else, she and I both knew that we would eventually be together again one day. But then Chase died, and it confused things as well as sped them up."

I shook my head and stared back out at the ocean. "Doesn't matter how many times I hear the story . . . I'll never understand how you went through any of that."

"I went through it because I loved your mom and you."

"Dad?" When he made a grunting noise, I asked, "When it was back to being a choice of being with you again or not . . . did you still stay back?"

"No. Hell no. She told me she couldn't be with me, and because of Chase's death I was questioning what I thought I'd already known about us being together again. But I told her I would be there for her and you. Not just because of how much I loved the two of you, but because Chase was my best friend and I know he would've done the same if the roles had been reversed. So I was there, at your grandparents' house, every day. Never pushing her, just always being there. Well-I may have pushed her a couple times."

I smiled and looked back to see him grinning. "She was with you, then no one, then Chase, then no one, and then you again. So Chase was there waiting for a relationship, then you both stepped back, and then you were there."

"Pretty much."

I sighed heavily. "What does that mean I should do?"

Dad looked up at me and laughed. "It is the most complicated and simple decision. In this situation with Kennedy and her ex, you need to figure out what stage you are all currently in, and then you need to figure out if you're me, or if you're Chase."

"Nothing in that sounds simple."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

December 4 Kennedy "HEY, RHYS!" I called out as I walked down the hall and turned into the living room. I was caught off guard and took a step back when I found both Rhys and Kira looking at me-Kira with wide eyes that held a tinge of an apology, Rhys like he was afraid of what I was about to say. "Uh, everything okay?"

Rhys glanced over to where Kira was sitting on the love seat then back to me. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Er, well . . ." I drifted off and shot Kira a confused look that immediately had her snapping out of whatever weird state she'd just been in. "There's a farmers market in town tonight, they have one every Friday night. There's live music, fresh veggies and fruits we can grab for the kitchen, and I saw them putting up a stand for corn dogs and funnel cakes. It's my favorite part of a fair and the produce section from a grocery store all in one, and I thought you might like to go."

"Do you think it's a good idea to go walking around town when there's a possibility of more people looking for you?"

My face fell. "After how much Matthew cried on that couch, I'm really not worried about how another one of Juarez's guys will be."

"Kenne-"

"Please!" I whined, cutting him off. "Funnel cake!"

Rhys laughed at my excitement over the fried goodness, and conceded with a sigh, "Yeah, okay. Sounds great. When did you want to go?"

I shrugged. "Whenever. It started an hour ago, and I'm ready when you are."

"I'm ready." He stood from the couch, and I once again caught Kira staring off with a weird expression.

"Kira, you coming?"

"What?" she asked, her head snapping up to look at me.

"Farmers market. Are you coming with?"

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a small O, like she was just now clueing in to what I'd been talking about. "Oh no. You two should probably go alone."

"Really, it's not a big deal, I want you to come."

"You're not going to come?" Rhys asked, and I pointed at him.

"See? He wants you to go too. Come with us!"

I stood there silently praying she would say yes. As much as I'd been enjoying having Rhys around, I was terrified whenever we had to do something alone. I was worried he would start taking it as a sign that I wanted to be with him again, and he and Kira got along so well that it usually took the awkward tension away from us. Besides, Kira had started withdrawing back into a shell, and I wanted to do anything that prevented her getting sucked into it. It had taken long enough to get her away from the one Zane had put her in, and now I didn't know how long it would take for this one since I didn't even understand what had caused it. All I knew was that whenever I entered a room, she wouldn't talk to me and always had weird looks on her face; and when I was talking with Rhys, she'd go to her room. If she was giving me the opportunity to be alone with him . . . it wasn't appreciated.

"No, really. You two go. You'll have fun." She was already off the couch and walking toward her room before she was even done talking.

Seriously? "So anyway, you ready?" I asked Rhys, and began walking toward the front door.

Rhys followed me out of the condo and walked with me over to the farmers market. It was only a mile away from our complex, and I doubted we would have gotten much closer if we'd driven and tried to find a place to park.

We didn't talk about anything important on the way over, or as we browsed the booths filled with produce. By important, I mean anything that I should have talked to him about. Like what had happened to me after he left, what I really felt the day he showed up at the condo, and just getting to know him again on a deeper level. All we talked about was Kira's and my job, the differences between California and Florida, and Matthew and Juarez. Rhys never really offered up anything about himself, he just continued directing questions at me.

And like with Kira, I felt like something was off with Rhys.

He was still smiling, polite, and funny, but there was a distance between us that hadn't been there just a few weeks ago, and it was nothing like the distance I'd placed between us when he'd first showed up. There was just something in his dark eyes that left me wondering why he looked so worried and, at times, unhappy.

I was afraid it had something to do with the fact that he'd been in California for over a month now and I had yet to make a decision. But the truth was, the closer and closer I got to making a decision, the more scared I got. Scared I still hadn't done enough to give both Liam and Rhys a fair chance, scared I would make the wrong decision and not be able to reverse it, and even more scared of hurting one of them. Both men meant too much to me to want to hurt them-and that thought had me wondering when I'd become such a wimp when it came to voicing my feelings.

But then I looked over at the guy walking next to me, and knew I had my answer. I'd become a wimp about voicing my feelings after Rhys left me-and only to men who held my heart.

"Kennedy, I have a question for you," Rhys said suddenly, his deep voice rumbling in the dark as we walked back to the condo with tons of fresh food and full stomachs.

Oh God. Oh no, he's going to ask me to decide!

"It's going to be personal, and probably awkward for you to answer because it's kind of awkward for me to ask . . . but I really want to know. I've wanted to for some time now."

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

"This Liam guy. It was obvious he didn't know about me." It hadn't been a question, but Rhys still looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"No, he didn't," I confirmed. "I had actually just told him the night before you showed up that I was going to tell him about my past soon."

Rhys laughed. "Looks like I had great timing, then."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

"But if you didn't tell him about me, did you . . . did you tell him . . ." He drifted off and mumbled a curse as he stopped walking and turned to face me. "Do you still have to be in control?"

"Yes," I admitted softly.

"And with him?"

I shook my head for a moment. I didn't want to get into this with Rhys because he knew that my needing control was purely physical and sexual. But then I remembered how he'd started this conversation, and how hard it had been for him to ask his question, and my shoulders fell as I said, "I lose it with him. There's not even a fight anymore-or, there wasn't. At the beginning I would try to stay in control, but I wouldn't hold on to it for more than a minute. He demands it-silently . . . I don't want you to think he orders me around or anything. But it's just how he is. He takes control."

"And you let him," Rhys stated.

Even though it wasn't a question, I nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Rhys started to look uncomfortable again, and he stumbled over his words when he asked, "Anyone else?"

"No. I was always in control except for when I was with you and Liam." Rhys wasn't looking at me anymore; he was staring at the ground. "Rhys . . . why are you bringing this up?"

With a heavy exhale, he looked up at me and said, "Because I wanted to know how much he means to you."

A hard laugh burst from my chest. "And knowing that I lose control with him answers that for you?"

Rhys watched me for a second with a sad smile. "Yeah, it does. Knowing how you were when we met, I knew exactly what I meant to you when you stopped trying to maintain control physically. Because right after that was when you stopped trying to control the relationship, and you just let us happen. Everything about you and us changed then."

"Wait, what? Control the relationship? I never tried to control relationships, I control anything physical."

One dark brow rose, and his lips twitched in amusement. "Trust me, Kennedy, you control relationships. You tried to control ours. If you think about it, I know you already know this." When I shook my head, he said, "Tell me why you think you control physical times."

"Why I think? You already know why I do."

"Humor me, Kennedy."

"Because I never wanted to feel like a man had control over me. I wanted to be the one to say how things went."

"That last part is why you try to control relationships. You told me the night I met your family that you'd grown up wanting a marriage like your parents have, and a lot made sense after you told me that. The way you were before you gave up control was like you wanted to make sure our relationship was like theirs. But the second you stopped trying to make our relationship a certain way was when I knew you had fallen for me as much as I had for you. At the time, I didn't know your parents or what you were doing, I just knew that you were right there with me for the ride instead of trying to make us something we weren't. The night you told me about wanting what they have, I knew I'd been right."

"I don't-" I began, but he cut me off.

"You do. Or, you did. We'd already talked about the physical part when we were still together, so I knew that I'd been the first person who you'd let control that. But I've wondered for years about the rest. Because like I said, when you lost control with me I knew what our relationship meant to you. You just confirmed that you've never been that way with anyone else . . . except for him. So now I know what he means to you."

I stood there completely silent, not knowing what to say. Because as much as I wanted to continue denying what he was saying, a part of me knew he was right. I had grown up wanting what my parents have, and now that Rhys had explained it to me, I could see that I had done things in my past to try to ensure I would have that kind of marriage and love-even in the smallest of relationships. But I hadn't done any of that since the man standing in front of me had completely rocked my world.

I rocked back on my heels and shook my head once. "That doesn't make sense now. I tried to avoid a relationship with Liam . . . and that was because of you. I didn't want to go through what you'd put me through again, and I just knew that he had that power to crush me like you did. But I never once tried to make my relationship with him something it wasn't. When I gave up with him, I was giving up trying to keep myself from him."

Another sad smile pulled at Rhys's lips. "Then I guess that tells both of us exactly what he means to you." He watched my confused expression for a second before gesturing in the direction we'd been walking. "Come on. Let's get all this stuff back and make Kira dinner, and we'll stop with the heavy conversation for tonight. Deal?"

"Deal."

THE NEXT AFTERNOON I was walking into Brian's tattoo shop with a bag of greasy food in hand. The air in the condo had been thick with tension as Rhys, Kira, and I had absentmindedly watched TV just so we wouldn't have to talk to each other, and soon it had been too much for me to handle. With a quick good-bye, I'd gotten in the car and driven around for almost thirty minutes before I found myself in a drive-thru buying food for Brian.

"Dude number one!" Brian called out excitedly. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Why is it you don't have an issue with figuring out which one of us is which?"

Brian looked offended. "As if I would? I had my share of twinsies before I met my lady love. I'm what everyone should call an expert."

"Should?" I asked on a laugh. "Here, brought you something so you wouldn't starve."

"Glorious!" he sang out as he reached for the bag-once again like it was precious and fragile. "You here for some ink?" he asked over his shoulder as he walked to his station.

"Not today," I said on a sigh, and took a seat. "I came for your crazy-worded wisdom. Liam said he always went to talk to you whenever anything was going on his life, so I figured I would try."

"Smart boy." He pointed at me and grinned cheekily. "And very smart girl! Lay it on me."

"Has Liam been by in the last month to maybe talk to you about . . ." I trailed off, and my face twisted up as I tried to figure out how to explain the situation in as few words as possible.

"About your ex-boo? Oh yeah, I've heard all about it. My boy is torn up, my dude. Completely. Torn," he emphasized by tearing a fry in half.

"That makes three of us," I muttered. "I don't know what to do, Brian."

"What's your heart tell you?"

I thought for a second, trying to sort through all the emotions I'd been fighting with for the last month. "It tells me that I can't lose Liam-just like it told me the day Liam walked away from me."

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh," he mumbled around a bite of food. "But what about your ex-boo? What's it saying about him?"

"That I'm so scared of hurting him. I don't love him anymore, Brian," I confessed out loud for the first time ever-and Christ, did that small confession feel good. "I don't love him, not in the way I did, and not in a way that could make me possibly want him in the future. I enjoy his company, he's fun to have around, but that's it. That piece of my heart that I gave him all those years ago still belongs to him-but only in a first-love-memory type of way. But he thought we would be together again for four years. Four. Years. I was devastated when I lost Rhys after only having him for a few months, and I'm so worried about what I'll do to him if I tell him I don't want him."

Brian had stopped chewing, and continued to sit there with his burger halfway to his mouth for a few moments before shaking his head. "You can't be with someone just because you're afraid of making their heart hurt. Because their hurt will be temporary, but think about how much your heart will hurt if you spend the rest of your life avoiding hurting his."

"I know," I whispered, and my shoulders fell with the weight of the decision that was looming over me.

"Dude number one, tell me something, 'kay 'kay?"

"All right."

"When you met the ex-boo, what was it like?"

I shrugged. "Easy. We both fell hard and fast, and I was so sure at that time-and even for years after-that I would never again experience what I had experienced with him."

"And my boy? When he found you here in his dad's gym, what was it like for you?"

"Terrifying," I answered with a laugh.

Brian nodded and took another bite of his burger with a smirk on his face the entire time. "That's all you need to know right there."

"What? What is?"

"LC terrified you."