Chapter Sixteen.

Her table strewn with reports, Gloria tried her best to put Kristine's weirdness out of her mind, but she kept circling back around, trying to figure out when things had shifted between them, how Kristine could have gone from steamy promising kisses to aloof so quickly. She glanced at the clock, wondering if she should walk down to the Aspens and demand an answer. Kristine's rebuff stung, and she found it hard to ignore. Exasperated with her inability to let it go, she scooped up the reports and dropped them into a drawer hoping she could lose herself in a novel. She gathered up her toiletries and made a run to the bathrooms to get ready for bed.

When she returned, she found Kristine sitting on her step. She rose as Gloria approached. Gloria was tempted to say that she was beat and send Kristine home but accepted that Kristine had come back and invited her into the camper.

"Do you want the plate I fixed for you?"

"No, thanks," Kristine said, sitting down at the table. Gloria sat down across from her. "You don't have to tell me what happened out there. I didn't mean to push."

"No. I do. It's just...it's a long story, and one the people here don't know. I'm not sure where to start."

Gloria reached for Kristine's hand. "This isn't about today."

"No. It's about Nard."

Kristine's statement didn't make sense to Gloria, but she waited, guessing that Kristine needed to work up the courage to talk about what clearly haunted her.

Kristine continued, "When I first started at the Lodge, I didn't even notice him. He was in the backcountry most of the time, and I was at the corrals. The day-ride girls used to make fun of how every summer he had a new girlfriend and take bets on how much any one of them would know about horses. So many of them were such bimbos. My last summer, he didn't have a girlfriend. All of a sudden he zeroed in on me. Every time he was in from a trip, he'd try to convince me to sleep with him, said that if I would just give guys a try..."

Gloria rolled her eyes in sympathy.

"I got good at avoiding him when he was in, but then he started pulling me out on his trips. Out there, I'd always get the cook to say she needed my help guarding the kitchen because I didn't trust having my bedroll out near the stock where he slept. I always stayed near the guests. That only helped a little. He'd still find ways to get in my s.p.a.ce when we were saddling and packing, those were the hardest." Her voice took on a hard edge.

"And you couldn't get out of the trips?"

Kristine shrugged. "Everyone wants to be on the overnighters. I'd been fighting to get out there and pack for ages, but all the cowboys were like Dozer. They didn't want me around, so I kept taking the trips with Nard, thinking he'd eventually get the message that I didn't want to sleep with him. That last trip was big enough that Leo made me second packer and sent Gabe as the helper.

"We had a new cook, too. She'd been doing day rides but wanted to try to cook, and since I'd been hanging around the kitchen on other trips, I shared some tips with her. She was probably my age. Since Gabe was the helper, he rode with her and the guests and did the kitchen ch.o.r.es. The three of us got on really well. It's the only time I remember being in the backcountry and being relaxed, having fun without watching my back.

"But Nard was watching. He saw what I didn't, and on the third day out, when we stopped to camp, he saw Nicole follow me down to the river. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have. I knew better than to fool around with anyone on trips, especially with Gabe out there. But that night after everyone had turned in, I slipped off to her tent." Briefly, she looked guilty, but before Gloria could comment, Kristine's expression darkened. "I was on my way back to the kitchen where my bedroll was when Nard grabbed me." She looked down, like she was embarra.s.sed and sounded apologetic when she said, "He caught me off guard."

Gloria hated Nard for putting that tone in Kristine's voice. She stroked the veins on the back of Kristine's hand, admiring the strength that it took to come back to the Lodge.

"He said he was tired of me being a tease and accused me of going after Nicole to turn him on. I told him to stop. I was very clear about not being interested him." Her eyes sparked anger before fading with the memory that had to be playing in her head. "But he said I was in no place to argue, not as the campfire s.l.u.t."

"At the beginning of the season everyone seemed to know that you had that reputation," Gloria said softly.

Kristine looked away. "I crossed a line in the backcountry. I knew it, and he knew it, and when I refused him...he got so angry. I thought I could shake him off, but his hands were everywhere. He was so much stronger than I thought. I..." She swiped tears from her eyes. "I couldn't get away from him. I tried, but I fell backward, and then he was on top of me. I tried to kick him, and he struck me across the cheek, telling me not to fight him. I was dazed, stunned. He laughed." Her voice caught. "He laughed and said, 'That's right. I knew you wanted it.'"

Gloria didn't know what to say. She feared that she knew what came next and squeezed Kristine's hand, willing her to feel the strength she was offering.

Kristine wouldn't meet her eyes. After a long silence, she continued. "I hated myself trapped there underneath him. He made me a helpless girl."

"You weren't helpless," Gloria argued. "You were overpowered. There's a difference."

Kristine stared at her hands. "You don't understand. He took everything from me, everything I'd been trying to prove. I felt so small."

Gloria ached for the woman sitting in front of her. Questions she wanted to ask buzzed around her brain, but she didn't want to ask something insensitive, something that would worsen the memory. "Wasn't there anyone...?" she risked.

"Of course. Everyone was within shouting distance. If I could have made a sound. But I was so shocked, so rattled. By everything. I couldn't get my thoughts unscrambled enough to make any noise. I would have been in real trouble if one of your friends hadn't shown up."

Gloria blinked, confused. "He didn't...?"

"No." Kristine looked away, retreating into the memory. Gloria watched as Kristine seemed to search for what to say, her gaze darting everywhere but back to Gloria. She couldn't understand why Kristine seemed more upset after she clarified that Nard had not raped her.

Kristine cleared her throat and continued, "The cook started screaming her head off because a bear was in the kitchen. Everyone for miles around must have heard her. Nard crushed my mouth with his hand and said, 'Don't even think we've finished this.' There was no way I was going to give him a chance to finish anything, so I bailed. I was pretty banged up, but I rode out that night and became their joke. Dozer said something today about how I was too busy s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around to help him, just like before. He doesn't know. None of them know. To them, I'm just a flake. I'm still the one who was wrong."

"But you didn't do anything wrong."

"But I did." Kristine's eyes blazed.

Gloria didn't understand her adamance and sought to rea.s.sure her. "You did what you needed to do. You took care of yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed about there. And you're here now. I think that takes an amazing amount of courage."

Kristine slipped her hand away from Gloria's. She sat folded in on herself and looked so vulnerable, so completely different than Gloria had ever seen her. "Yeah, look at me, so courageous. For two months, I've been trying to earn back some respect, but there's no way they'll forget what they think they know."

"Why didn't you tell Dozer the truth today?" Gloria asked gently.

"What was I going to say? I got scared and ran. I quit the wreck. I bailed and lost control." She swallowed hard.

Gloria hated the resignation she heard in Kristine's voice. "He attacked you and if it weren't for the cook calling him, he would have raped you. That's a.s.sault," she insisted.

Tears began to stream down Kristine's face. Gloria grabbed a box of tissues and scooted around so she was sitting next to Kristine. "None of this is your fault." She put an arm around Kristine and held her while she cried, wishing that words could fix the hurt she was feeling. She stroked Kristine's hair and touched her lips to her forehead, using her chin to pull Kristine closer. "You are the victor here. You came back. That earns you my respect."

Kristine nodded against her chest. "Can I stay here?" She whispered so softly Gloria almost missed it.

"Absolutely," Gloria answered, honored that Kristine would trust her to ask. She wanted Kristine to know that she understood why Kristine had stepped away from her that afternoon and that she wasn't expecting anything more now. "Whatever you need. This folds into a bed if that's what you'd like."

"No...if it's okay, I'd like...to be next to you."

"Of course."

She gave Kristine a spare toothbrush, boxers and an old tee, changed into similar sleep attire and crawled into bed. Kristine's confession explained so much, the tension between Kristine and her colleagues and her reluctance to get involved. She sensed Kristine's need to not let anything distract her.

Kristine returned from the bathroom and locked the door. "Lights out?"

"I'm good," Gloria replied.

Kristine crossed the short s.p.a.ce between them and crawled under the covers. Gloria wasn't sure what to do with her body. She wanted to hold Kristine, but she didn't want her to think that she was pushing for something s.e.xual. She didn't want any of her actions to come across wrongly, so they simply lay next to each other. Gloria wondered what Kristine was thinking about, and then she felt her move, shift just enough so that her hip and thigh touched Gloria's.

"Do you want to turn?" Gloria asked. "I could hold you if you'd like."

Instead of turning away from Gloria, Kristine rolled to her side to face Gloria. It was too dark to see her, so Gloria had no insight to what she wanted. She was about to scoot to her hip when she felt Kristine's hand slip into hers. Silently, she lifted Gloria's arm and nestled her head on Gloria's chest. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," Gloria answered, happy to open her arms and let Kristine in. It still amazed her to see such a vulnerable side to someone who typically exuded such strength and confidence. "Thank you, Kristine. Thank you for trusting me."

Kristine nodded but said nothing, and Gloria guessed she must have been emotionally beat because her body soon relaxed into sleep.

Good thing she's snuggled on my right side, Gloria thought, certain that the pounding of her heart would have kept Kristine awake had she been on the left. She willed her breathing to slow, her heart to calm. When had she ever held anyone like this? Post-s.e.x, she'd tangled limbs with women but quickly drifted to sleep. Holding Kristine, she felt far from sleep with the range of emotions she felt, still angry at Nard and all of the cowboys for what happened, sad for how wounded Kristine was, and surprisingly protective of the woman she had known for such a short time. Strangely, she realized that though she'd had s.e.x with plenty of partners, she'd never experienced intimacy that could compete.

Chapter Seventeen.

Eyes closed, legs and arms outstretched to gather as much sun as possible, Kristine sat in a skimpy tank top and shorts trying to absorb the morning sun that shone brightly in the outpost yard. Since the scheduled all-day ride was a no-show, she'd decided to get a little sun. Typically, she spent the whole day with only her lower arms exposed which had already given her a p.r.o.nounced farmer tan.

In the quiet, she felt utterly content. Even Gabe's comments about her not coming home had not soured her mood. She'd left Gloria's at first light to ready her stock for the day and worked beside him in the yard all morning without a word about the previous night. She couldn't believe she'd told Gloria. Telling her felt as good as throwing the rock into Rosalie. Now she could be less guarded and know that Gloria would understand.

The mountain air was crisp enough that the moment a shadow fell across her body, her skin erupted in gooseflesh. She opened her eyes to find Gloria blocking her sun, startled to be caught staring. "I'm working on my tan," she said in response to Gloria's befuddled expression.

"It needs a lot of work," Gloria laughed, pulling another lawn chair out of the shed and joining Kristine on the pack dock.

Kristine smiled at the woman next to her. Gloria leaned back and closed her eyes, immediately falling into a comfortable silence. Something about her manner inspired a confidence that Kristine had never felt before.

"Do you have to stick around here today?" Gloria asked, finally breaking the silence.

"No. I guess not. Why?" Kristine tilted her head to the side.

"You really need a beach for proper sunbathing. I say we head out to Mono. Mitch.e.l.l said it's not to be missed, and it shouldn't take much more than an hour to get there."

A broad smile spread across Kristine's face. "You don't have work to do?"

"I have reports to pick up from the office in Mammoth."

"In other words, you want to borrow my truck."

Gloria elbowed her playfully. "No. I want to borrow you."

Kristine pursed her lips. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"If I did, would you say yes?"

Kristine thought about her promise to herself. And she thought about how much she enjoyed Gloria's company and how very long it had been since she'd been on a date. She didn't date at home. Once in a while, she thought about checking out a gay club in Reno, but for the most part, her life consisted of turning down invitations from eligible cowboys in Quincy. She could go on a date with Gloria. In trying to avoid falling into the empty and distracting flings as she had in the past, she had unknowingly allowed herself s.p.a.ce to move into something more serious. Quite unexpectedly, with Gloria by her side, she felt supported. "Yes," she finally said.

"Whew. I'm glad I won that internal battle," Gloria laughed. "Come on a date with me."

"Do I need a swimsuit for this date?"

"Absolutely."

"Give me a few minutes. I'll pack us a lunch and grab a change of clothes."

"Perfect. I'll need to swing by my place for my suit, too."

"And something nice, right? If this is a real date, I figure you're taking me to a nice supper in town."

Gloria's lovely laughter filled the yard.

"What?" Kristine asked, perplexed. She liked that she had that effect on Gloria but would like to know for future reference what delighted her so.

"'Supper in town.' I feel like I just asked Laura Ingalls out."

"Small-town girl to the core," Kristine agreed. "Go get your stuff. I'll pick you up in fifteen."

They chatted easily during the drive, comparing taste in music and other topics that kept the conversation light. They stopped briefly at the visitor's center and learned about the tufa that emerged from the lake when water levels dropped because of water diversions to Los Angeles in the early 1980s. Driving to the South Tufa Grove where most of the strange porous rocks were cl.u.s.tered, the barren, treeless landscape around the vast and shallow lake felt foreign after spending so much time under the forest canopy. They found a small beach to soak in the rays and tried out the water, sharing the odd sensation of floating in the salty body of water. Kristine quickly abandoned the cool water, less icy than the mountain streams, but still not warm enough to feel comfortable in on the breezy day. She picked up her camera and took some shots of Gloria's head and toes poking out of the brine. She looked as if she were sitting in a recliner, buoyed by the high saline content. She, too, quickly abandoned the strange tickly water for sunbathing.

Before joining her, Kristine stayed at the water's edge shooting frames of the strange foam at her feet and the tufa that rose up to ten feet out of the lake. Once Gloria lost herself in her work, Kristine focused her frame on Gloria's fierce look of concentration on her new reports. When Gloria felt Kristine looking at her and raised her head, Kristine snapped a few more photos of her in repose, her expression clear and open for an instant before she became self-conscious.

She joined Gloria on the beach towels and sat back to admire Gloria's toned body. The blue bikini top and board shorts made Kristine smile. The bathing suit reflected exactly who Gloria was, feminine and sporty. She'd pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail that showed off her long neck. Gloria continued reading, making notes as she went. Kristine pretended to take a snooze but kept peeking over at Gloria, thinking about how appealing each curve of her body was. Gloria's long fingers caught Kristine's eye. The way she perched her index finger poised to turn the top of the page made her body tighten in response.

"Stop," Gloria said, catching her staring again.

"What?"

"Staring at me like I'm an ice cream cone."

Kristine quirked her eyebrow. "What's wrong with that? You getting a little drippy over there?" She traced her finger down Gloria's stomach, stopping at her trunks.

Gloria's quick intake of breath tempted Kristine to go further. "You're very distracting, you know that."

"Good. It's mutual." She shoved off her chair, pulling on a tee and shorts over her black one-piece suit.

Gloria shaded her eyes, frowning. "You're leaving?"

"I'll quit distracting you. I'm going to explore the tufa a little more before you take me on my fancy date."

Kristine pulled out her camera and marveled at the tufa on the sh.o.r.e. Alkali flies buzzed around her, and she heard a Mountain Chickadee's distinctive call. They had read all about how the limestone spires form when calcium rich spring water mixes with the carbonates in the alkaline lake creating the bizarre dribble-castle-like landscape around them. She crouched down, accentuating their height, some towering thirty feet. She changed lenses to explore the coa.r.s.e and k.n.o.bbly forms up close. She added a polarizing filter, amazed at the contrast of the white pillars reflected in the dramatically blue lake. She easily lost track of the time climbing about taking shot after shot.

Once in a while, she glanced over to the beach to see Gloria still hard at work. Kristine admired Gloria's concentration. She'd always been drawn to women with determination and drive, and Gloria certainly had both, keeping herself on track with her grant project. Kristine wondered what her next career goal was, if she planned on staying at the Fish and Wildlife office in southern California, or if she was investigating new opportunities.

When she saw Gloria start to pack up her things, she headed back, hundreds of images later. They headed to the Mono Lake campground showers together, Kristine feeling nervous about the dinner part of their date. She had only packed for the backcountry, so a newer pair of blue jeans and a tight black tank were the best she could do for dinner in Mammoth. She was finished before Gloria and waited anxiously by her truck. When Gloria emerged, she sighed in relief to see that her idea of dressing up included jeans too. She wore a form-fitting white camisole with a silky blue overshirt, unb.u.t.toned to just below her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"That shirt makes your eyes look amazing," Kristine said.

Gloria blinked in Kristine's direction. "Without a hat and plaid shirt, I hardly recognized you!" she laughed.