Yet in the spring of 1988, stung by memories of friendship and deceit in Rama's nest, I stumbled my way past the burned-out car abandoned on the charred foundation of 9514 La Jolla Farms Road.

I let Nunatak lead me in the fading light through the parched chaparral.

She gently tugged me back to the present. One-and-a-half miles east of campus, I opened the door of my Volkswagon Bus. I was still crying.

Inside the van I saw my fish-net "bulletin board" which reminded me where I had been and where I was going. On it I saw an article about a bicycle ride I had taken two years before with Nunatak. I saw the cover of a book about Mohandas K. Gandhi, autographed by its author, William L. Shirer. I saw a brochure from the Peace Corps and a miniature American flag. I saw a sticker for UCSD, John Muir College.

I saw a quote from Th.o.r.eau: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.

Let him step to the music that he hears, however measured or far away."

My father sent me that.

I saw a picture of anthropologist-explorer Thor Heyerdahl standing at the bow of Ra I, a papyrus reed boat which he and six others sailed across the Atlantic. The journey had proved that "primitive" people could have crossed the great waterways which connect the continents.

My mother sent me that.

And I saw, next to an inflatable globe, written on a small piece of paper, the name of the chariot: "Sunped I, a solar electric/human powered vehicle." Below that I saw the name of the quest: "Tour Del Mundo." I was starting to realize that by leaving Rama's dream, I had gotten back my world.

Nuna rode shotgun in the pa.s.senger seat, I turned the key and-- it started. Leaving the mall, I slowly gained momentum.

Appendix A: Excerpts from WOOF!

In a fabricated advertis.e.m.e.nt (Issue #4; February, 1981), Atmananda poked fun at televangelists: "Dear Friends in Christ...I want to offer you my secrets of success so that you can make fantastic profits before the world ends! This offer is good for a limited time only, so act now. Send $500.00 for my new book, Better Living With Jesus Through Voodoo. You will receive your copy in a plain brown bag.

Here is a brief selection of some of the wonderful topics my book covers: 1) How to make Satan work for you, 2) Selling religious trinkets to the poor, 3) Using television to rake in the millions, 4) Fourteen genuine fake miracles you can impress your congregation with, 5) Using guilt to pry the last pennies from your friends'

pockets, 6) How to make your own religion look good while defaming all the others, 7) Convincing people that you once took Jesus to lunch, 8) Seven great strategies to win at pinball, 9) How to give a fire and brimstone sermon that will cast fear into the hearts of all Christians, 10) Tax shelters to protect your new fortunes.

All this and more can be yours if you act now! Don't delay.

Send for my book today. Yours in Christ and Heavenly Bucks$, The Right Reverend Armageddon T. Thunderbird, Esq."

In "Swami Muktaneeshprabhphada's Thoughts For Clean Living & Laundry"

(Issue #6; March, 1981), Atmananda satirized Indian gurus: "Greetings on you, my favorite little people! Today I am going to discuss things with so much spiritual significance...You all want to attain Illumination, I know that you do. You are good children.

But at the same time many of you have dirty and disgusting thoughts about s.e.x, s.e.x and s.e.x. Now you must put these rotten thoughts away.

You can't achieve Enlightenment thinking about s.e.x. You must think about me.

If you meditate on your dear old Swami then you will become pure-- like your laundry..."

In "Constipation Cure" (Issue #7; April, 1981), Atmananda struck out at the Moonies: "Constipated? Can't go at all?

REAM YOURSELF with Reverend Mune's Original Korean Holistic Reamer.

All Natural, Heavy Metal, Available in decorator colors."

In "Polarity Inst.i.tute For The Criminally Insane - Formerly Twingle's Military Academy for the Criminally Insane"

(Issue #6; March, 1981), Atmananda lambasted New Age groups: "Dear Holistic Friends, It is with the greatest joy that I can invite you to a free weekend of fun and kinkyness at the GRAND OPENING of the Polarity Inst.i.tute for the Criminally Insane.

We know that if you will come to one or two of our free sessions we can hook you into a long term program which will cost you thousands!...How do we manage this? By putting pictures in our ads that are filled with subliminal s.e.xual stimulation, by filling our ads with a lot of nonsense about the types of therapies we offer.

And last but not least, by relying on your own insecurity and lack of faith in your own natural healing abilities. Choose from any of the fine therapeutic programs we offer to you: 1) QUESADILLA WRAPS.

Imagine your naked body being wrapped in warm cheese-filled Quesadillas.

Very good for gout and ingrown toenails. 2) Luxuriate in a GUACAMOLE HOT TUB. Wonderful for mild psychosis. 3) LIE ON ONE OF OUR EXCLUSIVE 'Clam Beds' and be stroked with a flamingo feather by Ultra Violet, one of our staff 'workers.' 4) TEQUILLA & GINSENG BODY RUB Wonderful for asthma, heart attack, cerebral hemorrhage and mild back aches.

Located in Beautiful Downtown Tijuana, The Home Of The Stars.

Gwidcard accepted."

Appendix B: Excerpts from Rama's Tape "Welcome To Lakshmi"

(1982)

"During the first year, you will in effect become a new person.

Even your personality structure will alter...we're just trying to cleanse your being...to just wash away those layers of maya, to teach you enough of our language so we can begin to communicate in a more sophisticated manner spiritually...

"Initially, the first few years, we're just trying to get basic obstructions out of the way, get your ideas of selfhood out of the way, just open you up to your own perfection. And as we remove more and more of these obstructions, then I am able to do more and more for you.

"You must keep a journal...of your spiritual experiences...when you write it down, it brings it very much into the physical consciousness...in other words, it will imprint the experience on your mind. Then, you should read your journal over from time to time...You see, the mind refuses to believe a lot of what we do...but when you bring the mind into the action of writing it down, the mind agrees and accepts these things...

"A large part of our program has to do with self-giving. Self-giving is totally important in my estimation. Everything we do is predicated upon it. You can only meditate a few hours a day, but you can give of yourself constantly. You should feel your whole life is nothing but self-giving...there is a great deal of self-giving you can do around the Centre, which will help you. Naturally, whenever you give to a spiritual organization, you enter into that circle of light, and you gain much more for it than if you had just gone out and helped one of your neighbors, from a karmic point of view.

The way that you can give of yourself at the Centre, well, there are a few ways. Naturally, the most important is economically.

Money is necessary in this world to run a spiritual organization.

The more money we have, the more people we help. It's a very simple equation..."

Appendix C: Excerpts from Rama's Tape "Sophisticated s.e.xuality"

(1983)

"As the years went on, I found that my relationships got better.

They changed, though, as I changed...The love became very pure and then it was no longer painful. As I went on, relationships got better and better. And they meant less...

"I found that love and s.e.xuality continued to be one of many doorways that seemed to continue to help me in evolution.

It just seemed to be there. I had no choice in the matter.

As I have no choice in anything that happens anymore...

"I no longer could love one person. I just found that I loved everyone.

Equally...

"It's no more special to sleep with one person than another.

What's the difference? It's all a dream anyway...

"So I decided the best thing to do was to avoid the Watergate mentality.

And to be in full disclosure. Without the sense that anyone would understand. Most people and most of you are threatened completely by your own s.e.xuality. You don't know how to deal with it.

You're terribly afraid of it. And it's a terrible threat to see someone who is at ease with it...

"So I knew it wouldn't be easy. But at the same time I...had to be myself...I was never particularly interested in impressing others.

Otherwise I would not have been part of the Woodstock nation.

I rejected society ages ago, and came back to it because it seemed like an interesting thing to do...

"I began to hear rumors that well, I was--I don't know what I was doing--I haven't listened to much of the rumors but I guess, umm, I don't know, that I was making love to millions of women, or something like that, uhh, I don't know. That hasn't been the case; it might be a wonderful idea, but to be quite honest, I haven't the time because I'm very busy; it's very demanding running a spiritual community.