"The most important thing is your safety and your health. You're safe now, Daniel. I swear you will not be hurt, and I'm not going to demand anything from you.

Let's see if you can get something soft and warm down and keep it there. If so, we can wait until we get back to Nashville, but you'll have to go in for care from a doctor. It looks like you might have a bleeding ulcer.

What does it feel like?"

"It hurts all the time, and when I eat I throw up a lot, lately. I thought that might be it, but we didn't have anything to eat that didn't hurt, so..." he trailed off, not wanting to talk about, even think about his time with Jack.

62."I don't know, Daniel, I'm afraid something could go wrong if we wait to get you help. Are you sure you don't want to see someone here? We can find a hospital and have you looked at." His dad looked worried and it was clear he was trying not to push, but Daniel just wanted to go home. Well, no.

"Where am I going to go? I don't want to, I mean-- I'm not sure I can go -- there." He couldn't even say home. The word had just gone out of his vocabulary in the last two years and seemed like an impossibility, so he'd quit thinking about it as a place for him anymore.

"Daniel, hey." When Daniel looked up, the big guy continued, "I'm Easy. My mother runs a truck stop that also works as a safe haven for young gay men who need help. It's how I met Mano. It's called Mama Sasy's, and there are lots of people who can tell you that she will be so happy to see you and welcome you. There's a sort of dorm behind the diner where you can stay until you are well, and then we'll work on your future. Nick comes and goes all the time, so you can see him a little and get used to being back home. No one expects this to be easy for you, but we all want to help you."

Despite the man's big size, he seemed just as nice as Mano had said he was. He just didn't get the whole plan.

"Why?"

"It's a long story, and one we'll tell you all about, but first try some of that oatmeal. Put a little sugar and milk in it, and see if you can handle it. If you can, go slowly now," Easy said, as Daniel did as he asked and started to take little bites of the warm gooey cereal. "Now, about the trip home. I get that you're not really comfortable riding back with Nick, and we planned for that. He's in his car, and we're in my pickup. There's a back seat in my truck, and you can use it."

63.Nick broke in and said, "Son, I knew you might not be comfortable going back with me. I know it will take a lot to earn your trust again, but I promise you can trust these two men to take you to safety. You can trust Mama Sasy and everyone who works there. I have your things in my car. I'll put them in Easy's truck and you can ride back with them. When we get back, though, you will will have to let me, or all of us, take you to the doctor for help. It's going to take some time to get you healthy again, and I must insist that you agree to that. Will you do that?" have to let me, or all of us, take you to the doctor for help. It's going to take some time to get you healthy again, and I must insist that you agree to that. Will you do that?"

Daniel had never seen or heard his dad sound so unsure of himself. He nodded. He really didn't think he could handle riding in the car with his dad. He would break down for sure, and that would be awful. There was something about the other two men that made him feel comfortable, safe.

"Okay." He figured they were waiting for the word.

He heard three quiet sighs and went back to taking small bites of the oatmeal.

"Is there anything you need, or want?" Nick asked.

"No, sir." His answer was quick.

"Easy, if you'll come with me, I'll get his things and you can put them in your truck. I'm going to go on, and I'll meet you at Mama Sasy's. I think he'll be more comfortable with you all. I don't want him any more stressed right now. Daniel, will you look at me?" Nick asked, after he'd stood up by Easy at the end of the booth. Daniel raised his eyes and saw tears in his dad's eyes again. His own filled.

"I love you, son. It will take time, but I will prove it to you. I'm going to go now. I'm so happy you're safe now." His voice broke on the last word, and he pushed against Easy to get the other man moving.

64.Daniel dropped his spoon and just sat, staring at the oatmeal left in the bowl.

"Wow. It's okay to be freaked out, Daniel, really. Life sucks a lot of the time, but I think yours just turned around. It's a lot to take in. You've got time. We'll go back to Mama Sasy's, and all you have to worry about is being swallowed up with love and good food. Your father is a good man. I know what he did and what he said to you. I know why you ran, but he has never stopped looking for you, Daniel. Give it some time.

Come on, you look worn out."

Mano scooted out of the booth and helped Daniel out.

Diana was right there with a small milkshake that she handed to Daniel.

"Drink this slow now, and just a little at a time. I hope everything works out for you, Daniel."

"Thanks."

When they got outside, they met Easy on his way back in.

"I'm going to pay and meet you back here. You get Daniel settled, and we'll head home." Easy put his hand on Daniel's shoulder and squeezed just a little, and for some reason, Daniel took comfort from the gesture.

Mano led him over to a big, blue Ford pickup and opened the back door. When he looked in he saw the pillow and comforter from his bed on the seat. His eyes filled as he recognized the brown and tan striped cover that had been on his bed when he'd left. He wanted to just wrap that cover around him and sleep forever. He climbed in and moved the cover, lying down across the seat. Mano took the shake from him and put it in the front. Daniel wrapped his arms around his stomach, realizing that it didn't hurt quite as much as usual. It felt kind of queasy but not as painful. He felt Mano moving in and covering him with the comforter. Oh, his favorite Take It Slow 65.pillow. He hid his face in it and wept. He couldn't help it. He was embarra.s.sed, but he just cried. Mano stroked his shoulder and said soft words to him.

"It's okay. Let it all go. You can sleep all the way home, and things will look a little different when you feel better. You're safe now, Daniel. You're safe. You can believe it."

Mano seemed to know that it was hard for him to take that in, to believe that the nightmare was indeed over. He never heard Easy get in or the truck start. He was asleep before he had another thought.

Chapter Four.

Nick drove all the way to Nashville on autopilot. He couldn't believe he'd found Daniel at last. The shape his son was in had Nick torn apart. It was the lights of Mama Sasy's that brightened his visage as he pulled in.

He walked in, torn between elation and despair.

As if he were one of her boys, she opened her arms to him and he walked into them and accepted the comfort he needed so much.

"Easy called me. They're about half an hour behind you. Come on, hon, and tell me all about it. He's sick, huh?"

Nick spilled it all to her, everything about how it went in the diner, and how bad Daniel looked, and how scared he was for his son.

"You let me take care of him when he gets here. You make arrangements for taking him in, and I suggest letting Mano stay with him. Easy says they have a sort of bond between them, and Daniel will need that comfort as he goes through the tests that he's facing.

Your turn will come. You're going to provide everything he needs, healthwise, and soon you'll be able to get that bond back. He'll come around."

"I don't know, Sally Ann. He's been through so much, and it's my fault. All the h.e.l.l he's endured is on me. I think he has a bleeding ulcer. What must he have gone through to have that at nineteen?" Tears filled his eyes again as he thought about Daniel.

67."He let you hug him, though, didn't he?" she asked, easing him down into the booth in the back and motioning for Boddy to bring him something.

"Yeah, he did. I didn't want to let go. I can't even tell you what it felt like to hold him even for a few minutes.

He wouldn't ride back with me." Nick sounded despondent.

"You expected that, Nick, so don't get all bent out of shape. You know you will need to earn his respect again. His love will come sooner. Now, here comes Boddy with some food, and you need to get busy making some calls. When he gets here he's going to need to settle in for a little." She stopped and put her hand up to stop the words she knew he was about to say.

"I know, he needs a doctor, but I think he needs a shower first. Being warm and clean will make him feel safe again. Make appointments with your doctor, and he'll be ready later this afternoon. He needs food, some of Mama's love, and a good long shower. Easy says he's slept the whole way."

Nick wanted to just drown in guilt and remorse, but Sally Ann was right. He thanked Boddy for the plate of food, including the chocolate pie, and started making calls. He heard Sally Ann talking to Boddy about getting a spot ready for Daniel in the dorm. Right then, Benny was the only one staying with them and he thought that was probably a good thing for Daniel. He wouldn't be bombarded with a lot of boys, but he would see, with Benny there, just what this place did. He wouldn't feel like he was alone in needing help. Nick knew it would be a while before his son would be ready or willing to come home with him, but he prayed it would happen.

In the next few minutes, he had called the doctor that Daniel had seen since he'd reached his teens and was able to arrange an appointment for that afternoon. He Take It Slow 68.was also told that there would probably be some testing needed at the hospital and since Centennial was closest to the doctor's office that's probably where they'd end up going. He knew Daniel would hate going through all that right now, but his boy's health was the most important thing. They'd know more about his state of mind soon.

His knee was bouncing in nervous antic.i.p.ation as he waited for the three to get to the diner. Finally, he saw Easy coming in the door. Mama headed for them, and Nick could not stay back. He walked quickly to the group at the door. He got there just in time to hear Sally Ann say, "Come here, Daniel. You're safe now. Mama Sasy's got you." She opened her arms, and like a robot, without question, Daniel was engulfed. She held him and rubbed his back, reaching up a little, as Daniel was taller than she was. She muttered some things into his ear, and he nodded his head. Nick looked at Easy and Mano, who looked back, shrugging as if to say they had no idea what she was saying to Daniel.

Boddy came over and said, "Let the boy breathe, Mama. Hi, son, I'm Boddy. I'm the cook here, among other things. We've been waiting for you for two years now. Why don't you come with me, and we'll get you settled. How does a hot shower sound? Good, yeah?"

Nick saw Daniel's head come up, and there was interest there. Daniel looked over at Mano, though, as if afraid to leave the one he felt most comfortable with just yet.

"Come on, I'll go with you to see your new digs. It's cool. Easy and I live in the back in his apartment, and Mama lives in the first apartment. Between the two is a dorm-like thing where the guys stay when they come. I stayed there at first when I came here."

69."You don't have to. I-I'll be okay," Daniel said hesitantly, and Nick could have hugged Mano for the ease with which he stepped over.

"Hey, it's no problem. Right now, I got nothin' better to do. It's kind of strange at first, believing that this is a safe place and that these people don't want anything from you, but it's true. They just want to help. Let's go, and you can find a bunk, take a shower, and then I'm ready for some of Boddy's food. And wait till you taste Mama's pies. Hmm... I bet you could handle some banana cream pie. That would go down easy."

"Daniel." Nick stepped in but stopped short of touching his son. "I've made you an appointment for this afternoon with Doctor Zardi at five-thirty. They're working us in at the end of their day. Will you let me take you?" Nick's heart froze as Daniel grabbed his stomach as if in pain and looked panicked. "Mano can come, too, if you want." Nick felt safe saying that. He knew that they'd all put their life on hold for the next little while to make sure Daniel felt safe.

"Sure. I'd be glad to come with you." Mano came through for him again, and Nick took a step back.

"Okay." Daniel seemed to give in. Nick was afraid that Daniel was so quick to agree because he knew there was something seriously wrong with him.

"Thanks, Daniel. Go on with Mano and Boddy now.

We need to leave close to five."

Daniel looked panicked again. "I don't have any clean clothes."

"Shh, don't you worry about that. We've got that taken care of. Relax and just let us take care of you for a while now." Mama Sasy shooed Daniel, Boddy, and Mano to the back and turned to Easy and Nick.

"Okay, sit. Nick filled me in on what happened down there. What about on the way home?" she asked Easy.

70."Nothing to tell. Mano said he cried when he saw his comforter and pillow. Then he snuggled in and slept the whole way home. It will take some time, but I think he'll come around, Nick."

"I'll do anything he needs. As soon as we get him some medical help, I'll back off and let you all help him and make him feel safe. Just please let me know when I can step in without making him feel uncomfortable."

"Frankly, I suggest you come around like you always do and speak to him when you see him. Don't push him, but let him know that you're around and available. When he's ready, he'll come to you."

"G.o.d, I hope so."

Daniel stood in the shower for what seemed like forever, feeling like he was washing away two years of filth and shame. He washed his hair over and over and scrubbed himself until he was nearly raw. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good hot shower; probably when he was with Tony and Randall. The time with them seemed so long ago, so far away. The period spent with Jack was so much more traumatic, so filled with ugliness that he tended to forget that he'd at least been safe with Tony and Randall. The last six months were so filled with pain and fear that it took over his whole being sometimes and he hated that. Hated it.

Finally, he turned off the water and stood, dripping, looking at his feet as drips from his long hair fell onto them. He looked past his stomach, which was, of course, hurting like h.e.l.l, and thought about how skinny he looked.

71.He pulled back the curtain and saw a boy standing there, as if he were waiting for him. He jerked the curtain closed again, freaked out. Who was that?

"Hey, I'm sorry I scared you. I'm Benny. I spilled a whole pitcher of tea on me and was going to take a quick shower. I didn't mean to freak you out."

Daniel felt stupid, but he didn't open the curtain either. He heard noises and then one of the other showers came on, and he finally peeked out of the curtain and saw that it was clear. He hurried out, grabbing a towel, and saw that there were clean clothes waiting for him. He walked over to the counter by the sink and looked at them. He put his hand out slowly.

They didn't look brand new, but they weren't dirty or torn.

"Daniel?"

He heard Mano's voice from outside the bathroom door, and he jerked again. Safe. You're safe now. Stop Safe. You're safe now. Stop jumping like you're going to get hit every time you hear jumping like you're going to get hit every time you hear a noise. a noise.

"Yeah?" He managed to answer, his voice a little rough.

"Everything okay?"

He appreciated Mano asking instead of just barging in.

"Yes, sir."

He heard laughter and looked up, meeting his own eyes in the mirror.

"Sir? Me? Come on, I'm just Mano. I'm n.o.body's sir.

You've got about five minutes until Boddy comes back for you. He said he'd have you a hot meal ready, and we've got an appointment to go to, after."

"Okay."

Daniel got dressed in the new clothes and reached into the bag that he'd been given with supplies. He found Take It Slow 72.a comb and managed to get it through his hair. G.o.d, it felt clean for the first time in forever. This whole thing felt like he was watching it all happen to him from the outside, like those movies in his head that he used to indulge in to escape his environment. But this time there wasn't the same kind of dread.

When he opened the bathroom door, Mano grinned and told him, "Wow, big difference. You look a lot better. I bet you feel better, too, huh?"

"Yeah." He hated sounding so dull, but he didn't want to go into the facts with Mano. He liked the young man who'd been so nice to him. He didn't want to tell him that he'd lived in fear all the time at Jack's place, that there wasn't often hot water because Jack didn't worry too much about bills, and Daniel had been afraid if he'd gotten naked and into the shower Jack might come in on him, despite his d.a.m.ned code.

"Man, you should have seen Benny, he was drenched.

How he managed to get the whole thing of tea all over him is a mystery, but Mama just laughed and told him to come clean up. That's Benny Adams. He just got here.

He's okay, you know, a nice guy who just needs help.

Mama and Nick will help him."

"Nick?" Did he mean his dad, Nick?

"Yeah, uh, your dad kind of helps out with the boys here, finding them work or helping them get started with a new life after Mama helps them out first by getting them settled and feeling safe again. Evidently a lot of young guys have come through here after one kind of h.e.l.l or another. You'll learn all about it later. Come on."

Mano turned and Daniel followed him through the dorm area and back to the diner.

He wasn't sure how he felt about knowing that his dad had been helping out young gay men that came to Take It Slow 73.Mama Sasy for safety. His life had been pretty much seven kinds of h.e.l.l for the last two years and all that time his dad was up here taking care of gays? What was that about? He didn't understand the anger he felt knowing that.

Daniel was hungry, but he was afraid to try to eat and have to throw up again. He knew, though, that all these nice people were trying to help him and would be watching to make sure he tried. So he would. The oatmeal had helped, so maybe a little something more would be okay.

Boddy, this big, extremely tall man, looked up as they came in through the kitchen. Daniel wished for a moment that he could eat in here and not have to face his father again, but he'd have to go with him to the doctor, so he might as well suck it up and go on out there. Boddy handed him a plate that had a soft scrambled egg and a bowl with oatmeal.

"I put some bananas in there, too. They'll be good for you and shouldn't hurt. Just eat real slow, and if you feel sick, don't worry about it." Boddy looked at Mano to add, "Take him on to the family booth. Nick is waiting with Mama." Boddy looked at Daniel. "I'm glad you're back."

Daniel couldn't get over all these people who were glad he was back. He didn't know any of them, so how could they feel such happiness that he was back in Nashville? It was weird.

He followed Mano to the back booth and saw his dad sitting with Mama Sasy, who had a big grin on her face when she saw him. His dad just looked nervous and almost like he was afraid to smile.