Daniel said.

"Idiot. Of course you should. I would love to kiss you good night. Come on. Let's go clean up and hit the sheets. We both work tomorrow. Kiss after shower. It will be a little something to look forward to, huh?"

"What if I'm no good? I've never kissed anyone."

Daniel felt totally inadequate and couldn't believe he'd actually asked for a kiss.

"I have no doubts. It's not technique; it's feeling,"

Benny said, then laughed at himself. "Listen to me sounding like I've had loads of experience. I've kissed maybe two, yeah, two guys, and there was no love there, so it will be nice to kiss someone that I'm starting to care a lot about. Now come on, don't overthink it."

Soon they'd showered, brushed teeth, and were standing by the bed. Daniel thought Benny seemed as Take It Slow 118.

nervous as he felt. Daniel started to turn away, but Benny reached over and put both hands on Daniel's face, holding him gently.

"Is this okay?" Benny whispered.

Daniel nodded, feeling Benny's hands slide on his cheeks as he did. He was looking into Benny's pretty brown eyes, trying to read his feelings. Was he as scared as Daniel was? Were his insides shaking, or was he cool with things?

Finally, Benny stepped a little closer and put his lips to Daniel's. Oh, gosh. Oh, how sweet that felt.

Daniel was afraid to move. He didn't know what to do, and he was afraid if he moved wrong, Benny would stop. He must have made a distressed sound because Benny did stop.

"No. I'm sorry. Don't stop, not yet. Please." Daniel was begging. G.o.d, he was pathetic.

"Shh, it's okay. I was just afraid I'd done something you didn't like. You can touch me, Daniel. I swear kissing is all we're going to do, but you don't have to be afraid of me." Benny didn't give Daniel time to feel stupid at being coached like that. He just went back in for another kiss. Daniel opened his mouth a little and felt the tip of Benny's tongue touch his top lip, and he shuddered. His heart thudded in his chest, and he brought his arms up and put them on the tops of Benny's shoulders, squeezing, holding on.

"Wow, baby, that was nice," Benny said when he finally pulled away. They were both standing there in their underwear and t-shirts, and both of them were hard, Daniel could feel it. He wasn't as embarra.s.sed as he thought he'd be, though.

"Okay, I know we both have a little problem, but we're going to ignore the hard-ons and get into bed. I'm Take It Slow 119.

going to hold you, and we're going to sleep all night, safe and sound. Is that good with you?"

"Yes. Benny?" Daniel still had his hands on Benny, holding him there.

"Thank you so much for making my first kiss a memory that I will cherish. I don't have many good memories lately, and this was really nice."

Daniel dreamed that night, but it wasn't one that woke him or scared him. Mainly, the dream confused him. In it, he was walking down a dark street, alone, and he wasn't scared, but he seemed to be looking for something or someone. His eyes were tracking things on the street, making sure he was safe at all times, avoiding dark areas and alleyways. He was carrying a heavy knapsack on his back.

It was like he was watching one of those movie reels he'd always indulged in to escape from his reality. He saw himself watching as a young man stepped out of an alley up ahead. Instead of fear, he felt relief. The person, little more than a boy, looked like he might run at any moment.

"It's okay. I'm here to help. I've got some food and some hot coffee for you. I promise it's safe. Here,"

Daniel said, reaching the boy and stopping at a safe enough distance that the boy wouldn't think he was going to grab him.

"Why?" he heard the boy say.

"I've been where you are, and not that long ago. I know that just some hot food and something warm to drink means the world. An act of kindness goes a long way, huh? I don't expect anything from you. Are you Take It Slow 120.

okay? I mean, do you have a safe place to stay? No one is hurting you, are they?" Daniel couldn't help asking.

"No. I'm okay. Thanks. I gotta go." They boy grabbed the bag with two sandwiches in it and the Thermos with the coffee. Daniel had made it sweet and light, knowing the boy would need it for strength and warmth. He turned and started back the way he'd come. He felt accomplishment tempered with anxiety for the young man he'd just left.

He woke to find Benny looking at him.

"What?" he asked, afraid he'd done something stupid in his sleep.

"Nothing. Did you dream again? It's almost time to get up." Benny's voice was rough and sleepy. Daniel thought it was cute. Benny's hair was mussed, and Daniel reached up to smooth it. The soft, silky hair felt good on his fingers. He lingered, then thought he'd better stop it. He dropped his hand and ducked his head.

"What's the matter?" Benny asked, taking hold of Daniel's hand.

"Nothing, I was just afraid you'd think I was-I don't know, making advances or something. I was just..."

Daniel trailed off, not knowing how to continue.

"Daniel, I have no problem with you touching me any way you want to. We're starting something, and neither of us knows where it's going, right? So, you touch me, I'll touch you, and if either of us doesn't like it or want it, we'll be honest. That's all I know to do. Is that okay?"

This time it was Benny who waited for an answer.

"It's a good plan. I did dream, but it wasn't like before. It was weird," Daniel admitted. He found that he really wanted to tell Benny about it, see what he thought.

"Tell me. We've got time."

121.

Daniel recounted his dream and watched Benny to see if he could get an idea of what Benny thought it meant.

"Do you think it means something, like a prediction, or something you're supposed to do? How did you feel?"

Benny asked, and Daniel was grateful that Benny was taking him seriously.

"I felt like I was doing something good, something needed. I think I want to think about it, let it run around in my head for a while, but it might be something I want to do... like, with my life."

Benny said, "I think that's a plan. You need something to plan for, and this sound like a good idea. It runs along with what I want to do."

Daniel felt like a heel for not knowing more about what Benny wanted to do with his life. All he knew was law, and that covered a lot of areas.

"Really? So, what do you want to do with a law degree?" Daniel asked, hoping his sincere interest came through.

"All I know is that I want to work for social injustice.

It almost goes along with social work, but I want to help people who are getting a raw deal. Gays who can't get rights like others, vets who aren't getting benefits or being treated fairly after what they've given of their lives, single mothers, young homeless men and women who want help, but don't know how to go about getting it. Does that make me sound like a bleeding heart?"

Benny asked, and Daniel knew his answer was important here.

"It makes you sound like someone special, someone I'm glad to know. I want to do the same kind of thing without the law degree. Maybe I'll find them and you'll help them."

122.

He'd said it, and it just hung there for a few minutes; and when Daniel looked at Benny, he bet they had the same expression on their faces. Like a light bulb was going on, like an idea had taken hold and they knew that this moment had meaning.

"I think your dream and my hopes are going to be something that we need to think about a lot more."

Benny said, leaning over and placing a short, soft kiss on Daniel's lips.

Daniel decided he liked it a lot. He felt like a part of something good here and he put his dream and their talk on the back burner for a while.

123.

Chapter Seven.

Daniel was in love. He was still in very strong like and the tiniest beginnings of l.u.s.t with Benny, but with Mama Rosa, it was love at first sight. He couldn't explain how it happened or why it was so, but he was drawn to the pretty lady in the wheelchair who'd arrived a couple of weeks ago and looked a lot like his friend, Mano. When she'd first come to them, he'd been happy to help her get settled and since she worked in the kitchen with Mama Sasy and Boddy, Daniel was with her quite a lot.

He didn't have to do a lot of a.n.a.lyzing to realize that he wasn't as comfortable with Mama Sasy because she was so heavily invested in his dad and his good works with her boys. As time went by, Daniel thought that there was something going on with the two of them. It was nothing overt but just a way of looking at each other and a difference in their voices when they mentioned each other. Nick had been by a few times, and while Daniel didn't outright avoid him, he didn't seek him out either.

Today he'd been in the kitchen helping Mama Rosa with the pies for today and tomorrow morning. It was a little more crowded in the kitchen, but since everyone was determined, they made it work. A couple of days ago, they had realized that they could take out one of the freezers and make more room to get around in there. The freezer was in the hallway leading to the mamas'

apartment, but they were still able to get the chair around it.

124.

Benny stuck his head in and asked, "Daniel, can you come help a few minutes? I'm swamped. Can you get the dishes off the tables? That's all I need right now."

Daniel hurried to help. "Mama Rosa, you got this?

You okay for a little while?"

"Sure, baby. I'm fine. I've got these rolled out, and the fillings are nearly ready. You go, sweet boy."

Daniel was a hopeless case. He soaked up the tender care and kind words she gave out freely. There was just something about her that opened his heart a little more each day. Daniel knew about the arthritis that was so bad she was forced to use the chair and knew that it must be very painful, but she didn't complain. Instead, she was up early with all of them and worked as hard, doling out love and joy at the same time. Daniel felt just a little guilty that he didn't feel the same way about Mama Sasy. He felt he should since she was giving him so much, but he decided it just was what it was.

Daniel was focused on filling the tub with dishes, wiping the tables, and seeing if there was anything else Benny needed. He took the dishes back and was headed toward the front again when he noticed that Nick had come in and was back at the family booth talking to Benny. Daniel stopped short and debated going back to the kitchen. No, he wouldn't run away like a scared kid.

He looked around to see if there was anything he could do while Benny talked to Nick.

"Could I get a cup of coffee?" The voice was to his right and halfway down the row of booths. He nodded, turned, and grabbed a cup for the driver who waited for his drink.

As he walked back toward the booth, he heard Benny exclaim, "Oh, man. You're kidding! You can't mean it, Mr. Webster." Benny's eyes were big and he seemed super excited.

125.

"Young man, you'll learn that I never never say anything I don't mean. I don't like to have to take things back. Say what you mean and stand by it," Nick answered. Daniel knew that by heart, having heard it so many times growing up. say anything I don't mean. I don't like to have to take things back. Say what you mean and stand by it," Nick answered. Daniel knew that by heart, having heard it so many times growing up.

The cup fell to the floor right beside the booth, having slipped from Daniel's lifeless fingers. He stood, frozen, as everyone turned to look at him, but he was caught up in the gaze from his father's eyes. Luckily, the cup had still been empty.

It was funny. He could see in his father's eyes the change from conviction, while talking about his personal motto, to guilt and shame when he realized that he'd just answered the question a lot of them probably had about why Daniel had left and not felt like he could come back. Why Daniel had believed his father's hateful words, thus spending two long years in various levels of h.e.l.l.

Benny caught on quickly to what had just happened.

He walked away from Nick and was by Daniel in seconds. "Here, let me get that picked up. You look a little, uh, shook up." Benny bent and started picking up the pieces of the plain, heavy cup.

The trucker was unaware of the drama, more concerned with the fact that he still didn't have his coffee. "Uh, coffee? What do I have to do to get a cup?"

Daniel snapped out of it. "Certainly, sir. I'll get it for you. Your coffee's on the house today. I'm sorry you had to wait." Daniel turned, heading for the cups again. This time he brought the coffeepot with him and filled the man's cup, asking if he wanted cream or sugar. From the corner of his eye, he saw Nick start to walk toward him, stop, start again, then pause and turn back the booth, shoulders slumped: the picture of dejection.

126.

Daniel almost went to him then. He was surprised at himself, that he felt sympathy for Nick Webster. He knew that his father was aware of what he'd said, what it meant to Daniel, and why he'd dropped the mug. Daniel was glad that Nick stopped, though. He wasn't ready to embrace his dad and forgive him for what he'd caused.

Not yet. Maybe it was small of him, but he just couldn't go there. It made his skin crawl to think of having to sit down and talk to his father. His breathing sped up and he got a little shaky.

"Daniel, kitchen, dude. I got this. Take a break. I'll be back there in a little bit. Relax. It's all good." Benny was still doing his care-taking thing and right now, Daniel needed it. He nodded and let Benny take his arm and lead him to the safety of the kitchen.

When he got through the swinging door, he stopped and stood still, not knowing what to do. He must have looked pretty bad, because Mama Rosa rolled over to him and said, "Daniel, would you help me out? I got so hot finishing the pies, I'm just wilting. I think Boddy and Sally Ann can handle it in here for a few minutes." She looked up at him and put her hand out to take his. Still a little stunned at the feelings swimming around in his head, making him feel slightly faint, he grabbed the lifeline and nodded.

"Sure. Where do you want to go, back to your apartment?" He knew that she could just go down the hallway to the apartment door, so she must want to go outside. He moved behind her, pushing her to the door that led outside. He glanced at Boddy and Mama Sasy, seeing both of them nod to him, as if in permission, and he took the out he was being given.

When they got outside, Daniel was glad it was an unusually warm day for October. He asked if she needed a sweater anyway.

127.

"No, hon. I like the air. It feels good."

"Where do you want me to take you?" he asked, wheeling her into the parking lot and heading back toward the middle of the warehouse, the dorm.

"Nowhere in particular. I just wanted you to have a chance to walk it off. I wanted to spend some time with you. What about over there?" She pointed to the back corner of the huge lot where there was an old dark green car that Daniel hadn't really noticed before now. It had two flat tires on the driver's side and one missing headlight. He wondered why it was there, but didn't question it. He just rolled her toward it and waited for the lecture he was sure was coming about how he should give his dad a chance and not be so closed off...yada, yada, yada.

As they neared the car, Mama Rosa pointed and he followed her direction. When he got to the other side of the car he saw that there was an old picnic table there, pushed up against the fence that surrounded the back side of the property. Again she gestured, and he moved to the bench and sat facing her, dreading what was coming but willing to listen to her. He didn't realize how evident his feelings were.

"Daniel, hon, what are you expecting? Sit up, shoulders back, and look at me. You look like you think you've done something wrong and are about to get busted for it." Mama Rosa reached out with her hand and when he put his in it, she pulled and rolled closer to him.

"Can I have a hug?"

Like he was going to deny her! He put his arms around her thin shoulders, but held back from the hug. "I don't want to hurt you."

She giggled and he was warmed at the young sound.

128.

"Honey, a hug won't hurt. I could use it, and I think you could, too. There's just something about a good hug that warms you right up." Mama Rosa squeezed him and he gave in, returning the embrace. He heard her sigh against him and he dropped his forehead to rest on her shoulder. How could he feel like he was coming home?

This woman was not his family, but the feeling washed over him and he had no defense against the tide of honest emotion.