My wife was gone.

Dead.

Just like that, within the blink of an eye.

I loved her to death. She was half of me-the reason I kept breathing so long ago. She was part of the reason I still stood on this earth, her and my daughter.

I slowly spiraled that night, considering myself a complete f.u.c.k-up. A low-life. A f.u.c.king idiot.

Only idiot thirty-eight-year olds f.u.c.ked nineteen year olds.

Only f.u.c.k-ups spiraled so hard and so fast that they saw nothing but a blur and soon ended up pa.s.sing out in the garage.

Only a low-life would have the audacity to come onto such a sweet, innocent girl. A girl who so clearly wanted to help me get through this pain. This harsh, unbearable pain. Only a fool would end up taking something that sacred away from her, like it didn't even matter.

But it mattered a lot.

The ache that I had was there, but the crazy thing about it was I lost sight of all losses while she was around. All the pain, all the suffering, and all the hurt just seemed to disappear. While I was buried deep in that tight, mind-blowing p.u.s.s.y, all agony faded. While I held that sweet, young girl close, feeling as she accepted me-took me whole, inch by savory f.u.c.king inch, it was gone. All gone.

She had wanted me for years. I could tell when someone was interested, but the thing about her was she didn't put it on display for everyone to see. h.e.l.l, I don't even know how I figured it out.

Chloe had always had a thing for me, and perhaps my bantering and teasing her as she grew didn't help get rid of those feelings. If anything, I'd only enhanced them, making her wonder. Making her dream... question.

I was trying to play it cool, but I never had to become someone else while she was around. She accepted us. She understood us. She understood me. She was an amazing person, but just like that, I'd stolen her innocence and filled her with guilt and a spill of my own darkness.

It was a curse, the darkness. It always snuck up on me somehow. Right when I thought I was doing well, it would show up, stealing all the goodness away from me. The blackness would seep through me, ruining my life, turning me into someone I couldn't stand to look at.

"f.u.c.k!" I barked, rising to my feet. I watched the mirror, how my chest heaved and my body dripped with prohibited sweat. I couldn't stand what I saw. The dark circles around my eyes from weeks of depression, the way my eerie reflection stared back at me, almost taunting. Laughing. Mocking.

Growling, I rushed forward and punched the mirror on the wall. The gla.s.s shattered, pieces falling apart and dropping just like my heart did the night Janet died. Trickles of blood formed from deep cuts on my balled fists. It sucked because I felt nothing, and all I wanted to do was feel-feel something. Feel anything. Feel her... the sweet, beautiful girl.

But Chloe... no.

My head shook as I glared at my scattered reflection, eyes dark and lips thin. I couldn't touch her again, no matter how hard it would be. This would change everything between us-all we'd established. The bond we'd created over the years. All of it was now gone. Flushed away like it never existed.

Although she may have wanted it, Chloe wasn't the type to come running to me, begging for more. She was the type to sit around and wait for me to speak up and make a move no matter how awkward she felt about previous actions. And she was too smart to inform Izzy... f.u.c.k, Izzy. I hoped she never found out.

She liked me, and I liked how she made me feel like I wasn't a total f.u.c.king loser. As badly as I would have loved to keep going, make her mine by taking her over and over again in every possible way, I just couldn't do that to her. I should have paid attention. I should've taken notice of the pain that ran across her face when I first entered, how she held me tight, nails biting flesh.

She deserved better than having to deal with my brokenness, a man with no self-control-no guidance. A man with a dark past and an even darker heart. That was my mistake, leading her on like that, taking from her what so clearly didn't justify being mine.

Sad, I couldn't even hold it in anymore. My c.o.c.k throbbed hard when I saw it was her head that was between my legs, pulling my boots from my feet in a gesture not even meant to spark l.u.s.t. He'd been begging me more and more to make a move whenever she made an appearance. The first few nights, I did pretty well, controlling my raging hormones, but that fourth, fateful night took a turn on us.

She wanted me. She knew better, but she wanted me to take her raw on that bed. Help me forget for just a little while. Allow me to remember that there were still options. I felt horrible f.u.c.king Chloe on the bed I shared with a wife that hadn't even been dead for a year, but I couldn't help myself.

I had to claim it. I had to show her that she wasn't the only one feeling those urges, wondering about the maybes and the what ifs. She needed to know that I, Theo Black, was far from a saint, and that I constantly had some wicked thoughts about her.

She needed to know... I just wanted to show her... that's understandable, right? Right?

f.u.c.king moron, my heart whispered.

f.u.c.king champ, my c.o.c.k chanted.

I don't even f.u.c.king know, my helpless mind murmured.

s.h.i.t. I had no clue what to think anymore.

FOUR.

Theo didn't come home the following night. No loud, angry music. No metal tools clanking around. No empty gla.s.ses slamming on the concrete. Just peace and quiet. It felt strange.

I didn't like it.

I wondered where he was, what he was doing, or worse-if he was still alive.

The question of him being alive was shortly answered when I heard the grumble of his motorcycle. The growl came to a hush, engine shutting off, and I dropped my book, uncrossed my legs, and narrowed my eyes as I walked towards the window.

Looking out, I watched as he stumbled towards the door, pulling out his key and struggling to stick it into the lock. My window was cracked, so I heard him curse beneath his breath as he tried getting it in. I rolled my eyes. At least he hadn't pa.s.sed out again. He'd gone elsewhere to get drunk. Maybe he did understand me last night.

Finally, he was inside, and I was relieved. I shut my window and locked it, walking back to my leather recliner in the corner and returning to my book. I was curious about what he was doing, though. Thinking about him distracted me from devouring the romance novel I'd just bought.

I shut the book, blowing out a heavy puff of breath as I climbed out of the recliner and entered my bathroom. I took a long shower, tossed on a large black T-shirt, and climbed into bed, shutting the lamp off.

Moments later, as I lay in darkness, my phone buzzed on the nightstand. It was a text from Izzy.

Izzy: My dad isn't answering his phone. Is he okay?

I responded quickly.

Me: He's fine. Just saw him getting home. I'm sure he'll call.

Izzy: Ok. Good. I was a little worried. Keep an eye on him, will u?

I struggled between a true laugh and a scoff. Yeah, I thought. I've been doing that all d.a.m.n summer.

Me: I will.

Izzy: Thanks, Chlo. Ur the best.

I started to ask her how the college life was going, but my mind changed within the same moment. I wasn't up for chatting, not after feeling like I'd betrayed her. I couldn't believe I still hadn't told her what was going on. She deserved the truth, even if that meant losing her.

I just couldn't imagine her reaction.

I'd seen Izzy angry, sad, depressed, happy, content, and even confused, but I wasn't sure what I'd get if word got out that I'd messed around with her dad. Ignoring my guilt, I shut my eyes and curled up beneath the blanket, drifting off to sleep.

The next day, around dusk, I went for a jog at the neighborhood park. Stress had been eating away at me. I was done packing for school and tired of being cooped up in the house. With Izzy gone, I had no one to hang with, so I slid into some jogging pants and a tank, tied my hair up, and was out of the door in seconds, my earphones wedged in my ears.

I started a light jog to the park, waving at a few of the neighbors. All of them were so full of s.h.i.t. All stuck up and rude, but I was the type that liked to play nice when I had to. The manners Dad taught me, I suppose.

Finally reaching the park, I picked up my pace, hitting the trail and then meeting at the track, running it four times while catchy tunes filled my head. The running distracted my cl.u.s.tered mind for at least fifteen minutes, the air filling my working lungs, the wind nipping my damp skin. I felt great when I finished. I even sang along to some of the music, stretching on the park bench before heading back home.

But that momentary feeling of peace vanished when I saw a shirtless Theo Black running along the same trail. He had on headphones, muscles glistening, and his body art standing out more than ever.

He caught me bending in front of the fountain and slowed down just a little. His gaze matched mine, uncertain, but immediately, he picked up his pace, rushing through a thick line of trees and down a different trail, a rockier one that was harder to traverse.

I shouldn't have felt so angry, but watching him disappear and act like I didn't even exist had me heated. And it was a shame because I swore I wouldn't let the emotion take over me. Lies. All lies.

There was something about the way he looked at me-so many unanswered questions in his eyes. So much confusion, guilt, but most of all, a recognizable l.u.s.t. Perhaps that was the reason he took off.

I stopped my stretching, took a sip from the fountain, and then turned to jog back home. I didn't make it to the exit of the park though, because there he was again. He appeared on the trail I took, panting heavy, eyes hard on mine. I stopped in my tracks, forehead creased, eyebrows st.i.tched.

"Chloe," he said after catching breath. He s.n.a.t.c.hed off his headphones and stood up straight, sweat enhancing his rock-solid body, streaming down his chest. "Can we talk... please?"

I shook my head. "We don't have to. It's no biggie." I ran around him like I wasn't just deep in my feelings. He caught my elbow before I could flee, twirling my body his way. It was effortless, his grip light.

His line of sight automatically fell to my lips, and his parted. I knew what that look meant. I swallowed hard as he spoke, trying to preserve control. "Look, I know you might think I'm some kind of perverted motherf.u.c.ker for coming onto you so strong, but... s.h.i.t." He blew a breath, head shaking. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I swear it wasn't supposed to go down that way."

I was speechless. I was sorry as well, but then again, I wasn't. I'd lived out a fantasy. Something I'd wanted to happen for a very long time. Why regret so much? "I don't think you're a pervert." I paused, unsure if I should share the rest of my thoughts out loud. "You weren't the only one that wanted it to happen. I... tempted you."

He swallowed hard, ignoring my previous statements. "You can't tell Izzy about this," he told me, face scrambled. He didn't know if I'd told her or not.

I frowned, narrowing my eyes up at him. "I would never tell her." It felt weird even saying it aloud.

"I know but..." His lips twisted as he released my arm, observing my anger. "f.u.c.k-don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" I blinked rapidly.

He stepped forward, head slightly tilted. "When you're upset, it shows. And it's hard to ignore because you're hardly ever upset. I just want to fix it... make you smile again. Make you feel better." His hand ran down my cheek. My breath collected in my throat.

I wanted to back away as he drew me in-run like h.e.l.l-but I couldn't. d.a.m.n it, I couldn't. He smelled so good, his natural scent along with a light spritz of cologne making my insides p.r.i.c.kle. And don't even get me started on his slender body, the V that sank deep into his basketball shorts. Theo held me close, one hand gently traveling down the curve of my hip.

"Don't do this," I whispered. "Please," I begged, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean a single d.a.m.n word of it. Finding the strength to pull away, I shook my head and started to run, but he caught me.

His face was hard, eyes darker when I looked at him again. Instantly, he gripped my hand, rushed through a line of trees, and shoved branches and leaves out of the way. In a matter of seconds, he brought me before him, spinning me around until my back hit rigid bark.

He pressed against me, his mouth claiming, his tongue gradually sliding through and dancing with mine. I moaned and sighed, pushing against him, wanting him to stop and go all at once. I wanted him away from me-off of me-but I also wanted him to never let go. To hold me close.

My eyes burned because I wanted to cry, but the tears never fell. This was happening. This was happening to me all over again. To us.

Wow. The second time in less than forty-eight hours.

My f.u.c.king goodness.

Theo picked me up, and my legs instinctively latched around his waist. He then walked forward, and my backside landed on a soft patch of sweet smelling gra.s.s. My eyes cracked open, spotting white daisies surrounding us. The sunlight made his skin sparkle, enhancing his devilish beauty.

I yanked off his shorts as his lips pressed on my cheek. His groan was deep, his sweat-dampened body rubbing against mine. He had my pants off, legs bent, and in no time he was taking me.

Right there.

On the gra.s.s.

In the park where people pa.s.sed by us only a few feet away.

Some people walked or jogged. I could spot their shadows zooming by, oblivious to the sinful act taking place.

Unable to control my cries of pleasure, he cupped my mouth and shushed me. His gaze penetrated mine beneath the setting sun, sweaty forehead creased and nostrils flaring as if he were angry and concentrated at once. He was taking out his aggressions on me, f.u.c.king me ever so softly. As badly as I didn't want it happening that way, it was. And I wasn't stopping it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked gruffly.

"Tell you what?"

"That you were still a virgin."

"It didn't matter," I admitted.

His eyes squeezed shut, and I gasped as he hit a tender spot that made my back go into a slight bend. "It does matter."

"Why?"

He crushed his lips together. "Knowing that I was the one to take you first will make me want to f.u.c.k you every time I set eyes on you now."

I shook my head.

"I'm serious. But all you have to do is tell me to stop. Tell me to stop," he whispered. He was half-stroke. "And I will. I will never touch you again, Chloe."

I could have, but deep down, I didn't want him to. I never wanted him to stop. This to stop. Us to stop. "No," I mustered, hooking my arms around his neck. A smile twitched at his lips, but his eyes were just as hard as before. Unreadable and dark.

He pounded deep, swiveling in slow, torturous circles. Cupping my face, I allowed his tongue to swirl with mine again, feeling as he inhaled my moans. He didn't want me completely quiet, just quiet enough. He wanted to hear me... wanted to listen to me breathe his name.

I wasn't sure how no one heard the gra.s.s rustling, the grunts, groaning, and sighing. I mean, I honestly didn't care as long as they didn't ruin this moment. This perfectly imperfect moment.

Theo was above me, thick arms planted outside my head, stroking deep, leaning forward, and placing damp kisses on my neck and chest. I turned my head away, fighting the inevitable, but he stole kisses from me, proving I could go nowhere. That he would always get his way.

I hated it I loved it.

I couldn't do this anymore.

But I wanted so much more.

My back curved, eyes shutting. My walls constricted around his ma.s.sive length, juicing. Soaking. Milking. Tipping my head forward again, he forced me to focus on his eyes, our foreheads meshed. His entire body tensed moments later, and soon he bared teeth.

No longer able to hold it in, he let go, bringing his mouth to the crook of my neck and sucking me there, sucking until it stung-my fingernails biting into his skin. Pleasure and pain.