"So," Shasta chose her words carefully so as not to hurt Erinda's feelings, "I know there are some people who...I mean, it doesn't matter to them. But it does to me."

"Why?" The question was not defensive, only curious.

"Because it's...well, it's gross."

Erinda threw her head back and laughed then, heartily. "How do you know it's gross? Have you ever tried it?"

"Of course not." Shasta stared at her indignantly.

"Well, Princess, I'm not sure what to tell you. Are you saying you think Talon's unattractive?"

Shasta blushed again. "No." She took a gulp of tea. Her impulse was to confess the embarrassing truth to the maid, yet she was not sure if she could even find the words. Shyly, she said, "I've been having strange dreams recently."

"About Talon?"

The Princess nodded, feeling her face redden. "I...The night of my eighteenth birthday, I followed you and Talon out to the servants' stables, and...I saw you. Together."

Erinda let out a puff of air and sat back in her chair. "I see." A twinkle entered her eye.

Shasta couldn't bring herself to say any more and took another sip from her teacup to hide her discomfort. But Erinda was far too perceptive to be fooled, and a knowing grin spread across her face.

"Something tells me these dreams of yours don't involve me and Talon."

Guiltily, Shasta said, "No. I mean, I dream about what I saw between you, but in the dreams it's always me...with her." The confession was mortifying and she knew her face had to be a thousand shades of red.

But Erinda did not seem at all offended. "Tell me something, Princess. In your dream, is Talon a man or a woman?"

Shasta had to think about that for a moment. "A woman."

"And when you're with her in the dream, does it feel gross to you?"

Shasta shook her head. "No. Not until I wake up and remember that I was dreaming. Then I know I should be ashamed of myself."

The chambermaid lifted the strainer from her cup and set it on the table. "When I was young," she said softly, "I fell in love for the first time. Kadrian was my best friend, the most important person in my life, and all I knew was that my feelings for her seemed like the most natural thing in the world. But no one else, not even our parents or our siblings, could understand it. Everyone said it was a terrible grievance against the Goddess." She fidgeted with her cup handle. "Kade was destined to take the vows of an Ithyrian priestess, and in light of how our families felt about our relationship it seemed like the best thing. For a long time afterward I thought maybe I was sick. Maybe there was something very wrong with me."

Shasta was intrigued and she leaned forward. "Wait, are you talking about the priestess who rode next to me in the carriage on the way here? The one with the green eyes?"

"Amazing, aren't they?" Erinda's face lit. "Such a bright color, like the grass on the moors after the rain." Her head drooped and the light faded from her expression. "I went to see her a few nights ago. I didn't mean for anything to happen. I just wanted to see her again. I wanted her to know that I hadn't forgotten her, that she still means everything to me."

"Did you...?" She trailed off at the infinite sadness on Erinda's face.

"I tried, but...Kade won't even speak to me now. She acts like we're strangers."

The Princess felt a surge of compassion. "Oh, Erinda, I'm so sorry."

"It's all right. It's been six winters, after all. We were both so young then, it's only natural that she would outgrow her feelings for me. In a way I suppose I'm glad. At least one of us isn't walking around with this terrible emptiness inside." Erinda's eyes sparkled with tears. "I have just one thing to say to you, Princess. True love doesn't come along often in a person's life. If you've found it, if you even think you might have found it, you have to open your arms and embrace it while you can. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life cursing yourself for your own foolishness."

Shasta inhaled slowly. "I don't know if I can do that." She twisted her fingers in her lap. "What if Talon doesn't feel the same about me? I've thought about telling her, Erinda, I've even tried to say it a few times, but...it never seems to sound right and I lose my nerve."

Erinda's reply was very soft. "I don't say this out of cruelty, Highness, but think for a moment. How would you feel if Talon were to die out there and you never had another chance to tell her how you're feeling?" Shasta flinched, and Erinda rose to her feet. "I know it's frightening to hand your heart over to someone who might very easily break it. But that's part of what it means to love."

Her words rang in Shasta's ears long after they said good night. She'd told Talon once before that she was in love with her. That had been ages ago, and looking back she was ashamed of her own foolishness. Her crush on her guardian had been intense but infantile, a self-centered stroking of her own ego. But now, oh, everything was different. Shasta had learned a lot about herself in the past few moons. Now she found herself seriously considering possibilities that would have seemed ludicrous and even blasphemous a winter ago.

She'd kissed Talon twice. Granted, both were of her own initiation, and she'd believed her guardian to be a man at the time, but still... She closed her eyes and tried to remember the feel of Talon's lips on her own, the taste of her mouth, the strength of her embrace. Even knowing what she knew now, it didn't stop her heart from racing at the memory.

Shasta realized with a shock that nothing, not even her father's crown, was as important to her as Talon. Even if they lost this war and she somehow miraculously survived, Shasta could still imagine a happy life for herself so long as her dark guardian was at her side. Shasta would rather not win at all if it cost Talon's life. I'd hand the crown over to Kumire myself first.

The room was beginning to lighten as the first rays of dawn crept through the window, and Shasta fetched her writing box from the mantel. Talon might not believe her, she might not even care...she might have been killed already. But Shasta was not going to waste any more time. If her guardian was still alive, she had to reach her somehow. Sitting down at the table, she dipped her quill in the inkpot and started to write.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

The tavern was a chaotic place this time of night, when its patrons had been drinking for several hours and were at their most uninhibited. The fiddler in the corner was playing a cheerfully bawdy tune, and men were shouting to one another over the music, calling out raucously to the serving girls and pounding their wineglasses on the counters. No one even noticed the group of plain-clad men sitting quietly at the back table.

And that was exactly why Talon had chosen the place for their meeting. She'd learned that there were at least a hundred of the royal guard hiding out in Ardrenn. Some had disguised themselves as common tradesmen or merchants, but many, particularly officers whose faces would be recognized, were forced to hide in small back rooms and root cellars, borrowing space from friends and supporters and depending on the kindness of others for their meals.

All had refused to swear loyalty to Kumire, rejecting claims that Princess Shasta had been killed and demanding he provide proof. They'd been ostracized for their defiance. Kumire had ordered them imprisoned for treason, though it was no great secret that "imprisonment" meant a clandestine visit from a jailer with a large axe. Now, any man who still wore a royal guard uniform was the enemy, particularly because of the risk of recognition.

Every now and then someone would be identified as one of the former guard and a troop of red-jacketed soldiers would appear at the door of the house where he was staying. Usually they arrested not only the wanted man but the family that was harboring him as well, women and children included. No one knew for sure what happened to such families, but Talon had heard the sickening rumor that Kumire was running a virtual slave trade out of the palace, selling the wives and children of anyone who displeased him into barbarian camps to the north, possibly to the Monderan coal mines.

She'd managed to make contact with a few of the men who remembered her, and word had spread quickly that Princess Shasta was alive and was gathering an army. The response had been tremendous, so much so that Talon had to rely on a system of messengers to relay information back and forth because it was impossible for a hundred men to gather in secret in a city that was being so closely watched.

They met irregularly so as not to attract attention, often in taverns such as these where it was not uncommon to see a group of men huddled together over a table of beer and wine. Their strategy had been set several times but delayed when one of their fellow conspirators was arrested. Men in hiding were still coming forward, so Talon had to keep making alterations to their plan.

The men who had gathered tonight had just agreed upon one such adjustment and were dispersing slowly so as not to attract attention.

Talon was always the last to go.

It was taking some time for everyone to drift away, so she sat quietly talking with Jen Crossis, a former lieutenant in the royal guard and her self-appointed co-leader among the rebels. She liked Jen; he was extremely bright, if a little too eager at times. He'd been her first contact when she arrived, and he was so excited to hear that the Princess was still alive he'd nearly choked on a mouthful of the bread Talon had brought to him.

Talon was just about to give Jen the signal to go when the tavern door swung open and a boy in a ragged cloak entered and looked around the room uncertainly. He couldn't be more than about eleven winters, far too young to be wandering the streets at night and certainly not old enough to be in a tavern like this one unescorted. Casually Talon slid a hand inside her vest, where she had a small dagger concealed in an inner pocket. Weapons weren't allowed in taverns such as this one, but that didn't mean that most of the men here weren't carrying at least one blade of some sort.

Talon's instincts told her that this boy was up to something, and she gripped the handle of the dagger beneath her vest. She didn't relish the idea of killing a child, but she would if she had to. The plan, and those who were risking their lives, had to be safeguarded.

The boy approached cautiously, winding among the tables as if he were purposely trying not to attract attention to his movements. He finally drew up close to the wall, and Talon caught his hand before he could make any aggressive moves.

"Can I help you, kid?"

He licked his lips nervously. "Are you..." He lowered his voice to a whisper, almost mouthing the words. "Are you the one they call the Marvel?"

Talon considered her reply. The rebel guard had begun the habit of referring to her by that nickname, but it was hardly a secret title. She gave the tiniest of nods, hoping she hadn't just fallen into a trap. "What is your business with me?"

"I have a letter for you." Very slowly the boy reached into his belt and pulled out a parchment note. Talon released her grip on the dagger and drew a sharp breath when she saw the seal. Only one person had that signet.

Her hand shook for just an instant as she took the letter. "Thanks, kid. You did well." Surreptitiously, she reached into the pouch at her belt, pulled out a gold coin, and pressed it into the messenger's hand.

At the feel of the money in his palm, the boy brightened but still managed to contain his excitement with admirable aplomb. He carefully made his way to the back door, slipping out unnoticed.

"The royal signet," Jen murmured in awe.

"Yes," Talon confirmed quietly, and her fingers trembled again. "This is from the Princess. I don't know how she managed to get this to me."

"It must be important." Jen elbowed her. "You gonna just sit there? Open it."

Talon broke the wax, her heart in her throat. Had something happened while she was gone? Was Shasta hurt? She unfolded the parchment.

Dear Talon, I've had a letter from V. It's good news, but I'm not going to put the details here in case this letter is intercepted. Trust me when I say no one else can hold a candle to V.'s orders. But that's not why I'm writing to you, and I don't think the rest of what I have to say will be of interest to our enemies so I'm not going to censor it.

I don't know at this point if you're dead or alive. I'm praying that you're safe and that this letter finds you well. A part of me feels silly to be writing rather than saying this to your face, but I realized tonight that I can't bear the thought that you might die before we see one another again and before I have the opportunity to tell you what I need you to hear. Also, in a strange way, I think writing makes it easier to overcome my own cowardice.

I love you, Talon. For everything that you are, exactly the way you are, I'm completely and helplessly in love with you.

I know I've said it before, at a time when I really didn't even know who you were. I've done a lot of growing up since then. When V. brought you to us after the battle at the palace, those barbarians had nearly beaten you to death. All those long days I sat by your side, terrified that I might lose you. It was a very dark time in my life, having lost every member of my family and faced with the prospect that you might never awaken from your injuries. I cannot tell you how frightened I was.

I realized then that no one in my life, not even my father or twin brother, has ever been as much a part of me as you are. A world without you wouldn't be worth living in. You're my family, Talon, and I want you with me forever. For the rest of my life.

Those are the feelings that are in my heart every day, but I don't tell you this expecting anything in return. I just want you to know. In case anything happens to either of us, I had to make sure I at least tried to reach you first. I only wish it hadn't taken me so long to muster up the courage.

I may never know if this letter reaches you, but I'll always hold the hope that it did. Know that no matter what happens, you are in my heart.

Love always, Shasta Talon found it hard to breathe. She reread the letter several times to be sure she'd understood it correctly. It couldn't be. She'd been so certain that Harneth... She shook her head. They were about to launch a war! This was the worst possible timing for such a revelation. It took all her self-control not to tear out the tavern door that very moment and run without stopping until she reached Verdred Temple.

Jen was watching her face closely. "Is it bad news?"

"Not exactly." Talon stroked the blue feather at her throat, a gesture that had become habitual over the past moon. She gazed down at Shasta's prettily formed writing once more and her eyes were drawn to the long blank space after the Princess's signature. Sucking in a breath, she reread the first few sentences. "No one else could hold a candle..." She gave an amazed laugh. "By the Goddess, she remembered that lesson."

"What lesson?" Jen asked.

"Something I taught her a long time ago. We were playing, really." Talon glanced around to be sure no one was paying them undue attention, then slid the candle from the middle of the table and lowered it out of sight. Holding the blank spot of the parchment carefully over the flame, she said, "It's really simple, actually. You write a message in lemon juice and when it dries, you can't see it. But hold it over some heat..." She shook the paper and gave a little smile when she saw the light brown script now filling the seemingly empty space on the letter. "And there you have it."

Jen took the candle from her and returned it to the tabletop. "What does it say?"

"Captain Vaughn's issued the marching orders."

Jen's eyes widened as he read the date. "That's less than a half-moon from now!"

"Which means we finally have a time frame to put our plan into action, though it's not much." She caught Jen skimming over the remainder of the letter, and she quickly pulled it away. "The rest isn't important."

"Looked pretty important to me. Are you going to answer her?"

Talon shook her head with frustration. "There's no way I can get a message out of Ardrenn. And if I did, it would only put her in danger."

"But you love her, don't you?" Jen prodded, and when Talon didn't answer, his grin widened. "Why don't you go tell her yourself?"

"I can't leave now. We're a half-moon from the biggest battle any of us have ever seen."

"Hey." Jen cocked an eyebrow. "I know our plans just as well as you do. I can handle it from here. You should go."

"I couldn't."

But her head was spinning with Shasta's words. I'm completely and helplessly in love with you... Was it even possible? Talon didn't think she could endure it if this turned out to be a mere repeat of the Princess's giddy infatuation. Her self-control was sure to fail her this time, and she just wasn't strong enough to go through that misery again.

But everything was different now. There were no more secrets. Shasta knew who she was and what she was, and still... Talon's heart beat so fast she started to feel dizzy. She was a soldier. Her duty was to stay and see the mission through. But Jen was right, he could probably handle the Ardrenn offensive on his own. The coming war was going to be a deadly affair, and it was very possible that neither of them would survive it. Could she really pass up what might be her last chance to see the Princess again?

Talon caught herself unconsciously gripping the feather at her throat, and she met Jen's amused gaze. "I couldn't, Jen, could I?"

He elbowed her cheerfully. "I think you'd better. A girl like Princess Shasta only comes along once in a man's life. I don't know how you did it, but you managed to catch her eye. You'd be a fool to let that go."

"Are you sure you can handle things on your own?"

"Positive." The lieutenant clapped her on the shoulder. "Go get your girl, Marvel."

Talon chuckled and tucked the letter into a pouch at her belt. She rose from the table and held out a hand. "Good luck, Jen."

"You too."

Talon shook his hand firmly, then hurried to reclaim her sword belt from the rack at the door. With one last nod at her friend, she slipped out into the night.

Shasta knew she ought to think about something else, but she couldn't get her mind off the letter she had sent to Ardrenn. She didn't even know if it had reached its destination. What if it had been lost among the intricate chain of couriers? What if Talon had been discovered...imprisoned...killed, because the letter found her at the wrong moment? She should have thought of that before she'd sent it out, and now there was no taking it back. What if Talon read the letter, and was repulsed, and became even more determined to stay away from her? The not knowing was torture.

Absently she stitched the edges of the fraying lapel on a soldier's jacket. She and Erinda were mending uniforms before the army set out for Ardrenn. Sewing had never been Shasta's strong suit, but she was making a genuine effort this time around, and gradually her stitches were improving. Erinda could still finish three jackets for every one that Shasta managed, but she didn't mind much. It was nice to feel useful.

As she added stitches, her mind drifted from the letter back to the days after her father's death. Shasta would never forget the kindness of the cabinetmaker Roald and his wife, Syanne, who had taken them in on that terrible night and hidden them until they fled Ardrenn. Syanne, especially, had comforted her like a mother that first morning when Shasta had awakened to find herself in a strange house, among strange people, her family murdered and her guardian missing.

"What's done is done," Syanne had said in her gentle, matter-of-fact way. "I know you're grieving, but you're the Queen of Ithyria now. You mustn't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You need your energy for other things."

At the time, Shasta had been too overcome with fear to truly absorb the wisdom of her words. Memories of Talon's bruised and bloodied face, the sound of fists striking flesh were still vivid in her mind. "I'm not ready for this," she had protested. "I can't do it, I can't."

Syanne would have none of it. "If you don't take the crown, we'll all be stuck with that traitorous Kumire on the throne. You don't want to see that man ruling your kingdom, do you?"

It was that thought that had sustained Shasta through the grief and fury. She remembered thinking that if she'd only known what was to come, she would have gladly taken the bullwhip from the merchant's hands that day in the markets of Ardrenn and beaten the chancellor to death with it.

Such violent thoughts had surprised her. She'd always had a temper, but that was the first time she'd ever actually wished to inflict physical harm on anyone. She wanted Kumire to pay for his crimes, for his treachery against her father, and her kingdom, and herself. But she didn't see how she could ever hope to fight back against him. She had no army, no advisors, no idea where to go or what to do.

Syanne called her Queen, yet Shasta had never felt less like a royal in her life. The Goddess could easily have ordained that she be born a common craftsman's child instead of the heir to the Ithyrian throne. The thought made her heart constrict. Shasta now realized that she had always taken her position for granted. Her birthright was something every fairy-tale heroine dreamed of, and when a girl in a story became a princess, she was immediately granted a happily-ever-after.

But real life taught a different lesson. The power and prestige of royalty came at a high price. The future of the entire kingdom had fallen on her shoulders, and the responsibilities were so heavy, the position so precarious, that Shasta couldn't imagine how her father had ever endured it.

"Ow." She put her finger in her mouth and glared down at the needlework in her lap. "Now I remember why I hate sewing."

Erinda chuckled, her own needle flashing as she moved it in and out of the green fabric. "You don't have to do this, you know. The priestesses pretty much have it covered. I just volunteered to help so I'd have something to keep my hands busy in the evenings."