"Nurse, stop." The old woman turned to look at her, and Shasta stubbornly quelled a wave of fright that was nearly nauseating in its intensity. "Father has given new orders. I have chosen to take the strokes myself. All of them. And Father commands you not to spare your arm."

The old woman's brows disappeared into her hairline. "Is that so?"

Lyris ran forward, taking Shasta's hands in her own. "No, Highness, it's all right. We"-she looked back at her sister-"we've had whippings before. You don't know what it is you're asking for. Besides, this way the strokes will be split up between the two of us. It won't be that bad. Please, let us do this for you."

Shasta's eyes filled with tears at this selfless generosity, but before she could answer Talon interrupted. "No, Princess, let me do it. I'm stronger, I can-"

"You're wounded," Shasta snapped firmly. "And this is not your decision. I'm through letting other people suffer for my foolishness." She squeezed Lyris's hand before releasing it, and marched to the center of the room where the curved whipping chair was waiting.

Again she felt the urge to run as she stared down at the strange wooden contraption, remembering all the times she'd witnessed Lainen at the mercy of this very chair. She knelt in front of it and leaned forward slowly, gripping the sides so hard her knuckles whitened.

She heard Nurse clear her throat hesitantly. "Your Highness, I really don't think-"

Shasta twisted to look at her. "You can't tell me you haven't wished, at least once or twice, that you could get me in this chair instead of the whipping boy. Now's your chance, and you may never get another. You're going to punish me properly, or I will see to it that you're assigned to kitchen staff for a moon, understand?" She knew that would rouse the old woman's temper and was not disappointed.

"Very well." Nurse threw her shoulders back resolutely. "Princess Shasta Talia Soltranis of Rane, you have disobeyed the orders of your King and put the sole heir to the Ithyrian throne in undue danger. The punishment has been set at forty strokes of the strap. Are you ready?"

Shasta squeezed her eyes shut. "You may begin." The brave words were undermined considerably when they came out as barely more than a squeak.

The leather strap sang through the air, and when it finally connected Shasta gave a cry of pain. She'd known it would hurt but hadn't imagined how much. Her entire body jerked, and she tightened her grip on the sides of the chair.

"One."

Another strike, more painful than the first, and she could not suppress a second gasping cry. She was wearing a simple breakfast gown with only a shift beneath, as the morning had been hot. Still, it was one layer more than Lainen wore when he suffered these beatings, and Shasta still couldn't imagine how he ever withstood the pain. "Two."

At the Princess's first cry of pain Talon stepped forward, determined to put a stop to this insanity. But Lyris lay a hand on her arm. "No, Talon. You must let her do this. It's important."

Talon pulled away. "I can't just stand here and-"

"You must. I can't explain it, Talon, but I know that this is something she has to do for herself."

Talon flinched as the strap came down again and Shasta shrieked, still stubbornly clinging to the whipping chair. Talon couldn't believe that her pampered, self-centered charge had actually chosen to be beaten rather than allow her companions to suffer unjustly. Talon knew perfectly well that no one had ever laid a hand on Shasta before. It was a sacrifice she couldn't bear. "Lyris, this is just too much."

"Then leave if you mus,." Lyris replied firmly.

Talon shook her head. "I won't leave her." I can't.

The King had pulled her aside as they left his office and made Talon promise not to let the Princess be seriously injured. The hypocrisy sickened her. Shasta had called her father's bluff, and both of them were too hardheaded to admit defeat. Helplessly frustrated, she dug her nails into her palms as Shasta cried out again.

The Princess's sobs turned into a constant low moan punctuated each time the strap fell, yet she did not call a halt. As Nurse's arm continued to rise and fall, Talon realized that Shasta had no intention of backing out. She would let Nurse beat her to death before she'd go back on her word. And at forty strokes, she might very well come close.

Though the leather of the strap in Nurse's hand was not designed for the purpose of drawing blood, at the force she was bringing it down Shasta might just faint from the pain. Surely the crotchety woman would not let things go that far.

With each count, Talon forcibly held herself back, respecting Shasta's stubborn pride. And her courage.

"Nineteen. Twenty."

It was only halfway over, and Shasta was already crying so hard she could barely breathe, making choking sounds that ripped at Talon's heart. Each new strike made a terrible noise, the cruel crack of leather over thinly protected flesh. A hellish eternity dragged between them, and Talon struggled to remember why she wasn't supposed to intervene. If Shasta's breathing got any more labored, she wouldn't have a choice.

"Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine."

As Nurse completed the thirtieth stroke Shasta lost her grip on the chair and slid forward, catching herself on the floor with her hands and wheezing. Nurse paused apprehensively.

"Enough!" Talon threw herself to the floor beside Shasta. The violent motion tore at the newly formed clot over her wound, but she paid no attention. She gathered the whimpering Princess into her arms and rocked back and forth. "Shh, Highness, it's all right. I've got you."

Shasta's gasping sobs racked her body so hard that for several minutes she could not reply, and she clung to Talon's arms so desperately that it made Talon's heart ache. But when she did finally lift her face there was still obstinacy filling the amber-colored eyes. "I have to...finish this."

"No." Talon's arms tightened around her. "Princess, you've had enough. I'll take the rest myself."

"I won't let you do that." Shasta pulled herself from her guardian's grasp and grabbed the arms of the chair, once again placing her body into it. She coughed, her hair in such wild disarray that Talon could scarcely see her face. "For once in my life I'm going to take responsibility for my own damned mistakes. Nurse!" She twisted her head slightly. "You only get ten more. Better make them count."

"Shasta, no." Talon was too distraught to care if Nurse heard her calling the Princess by name. "I mean it, this ends now."

Shasta glared up at her. "It ends when I say it does. Ten more strokes are not going to kill me, Talon. If you don't want to watch, then get out."

Her words cut Talon sharply. Shasta was right-now that she'd regained her breath the last ten strokes might be brutal, but it was unlikely they would kill her. Lyris said this was important, and Shasta seemed determined to see it through, so Talon wouldn't stop her. But that didn't mean she would let the Princess bear it alone. She moved in front of the chair and took Shasta's hands in her own. "I'm not leaving."

Little fingers intertwined with Talon's, and Shasta screwed her eyes shut again. "Nurse...keep them coming."

Nurse met Talon's eyes questioningly. Talon pursed her lips before giving a tight, reluctant nod. The old woman raised the strap again, and this time she seemed to bring it down more slowly.

Shasta didn't cry out, but she did squeeze Talon's fingers so tightly that Talon thought they might be crushed. She didn't care. "Almost there," the Princess gasped, her eyes squinted shut as the dire count continued.

"Thirty-seven."

Shasta began to count as well, but backward. Her voice came as a hoarse croak. "Three. Two. One."

As the last of the strokes fell, Shasta collapsed into the chair, and Nurse stood watching her for a moment with an indescribable expression. Talon was certain she saw a measure of newfound respect in the old woman's eyes.

By this time both Lyris and Bria were sobbing, and they ran to pull Shasta from the whipping chair and into their arms. Shasta was not crying anymore. She lay against her companions weakly as though she did not have the energy even for tears. Very carefully, Talon moved closer and drew the Princess's arms around her neck.

"Bria, would you go down to the infirmary and ask the healer for a salve? I'm taking her to her room."

Ever so gently, Talon slid a hand beneath the Princess's knees, careful not to touch the backs of her thighs or buttocks. She rose to her feet, ignoring the screaming pain in her side, and carried the Princess out the door, through the corridors, and up the stairs to her chambers. She was so light. It was easy to forget sometimes just what a tiny person she really was. Upon reaching the room, Talon set Shasta down on the bed and made sure to roll her onto her stomach.

Lyris followed them into the chamber and tugged at Talon's sleeve with concern. "You're bleeding again."

"It's nothing."

Shasta moved her head to study the scarlet patch spreading across Talon's shirt. "I did not just take forty strokes of the strap so you can bleed to death. Get to the infirmary. Now."

Talon sighed. This was not the time to argue. Her hand was on the latch when the Princess's voice gave her pause.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you. For being a damned liar."

Talon met Shasta's eyes sadly. "I know." She opened the door and saluted the guard who'd been ordered to stand watch until she was well enough to resume her full duties. As she made her way down the corridor, the burning in her side bore no comparison to the deeper pain pricking cruelly at her heart.

Chapter Seventeen.

Nearly a half-moon passed before the court healer finally declared Talon well enough to resume her usual duties. They were strange, painful days for Shasta.

She couldn't even roll onto her back for a quarter-moon after her beating. The first few nights that she spent alone, lying uncomfortably on her stomach without her guardian's familiar, soft breathing beside her, Shasta found that she could not fall asleep. She had grown so accustomed to sharing her room that she felt oddly vulnerable and even lonely without Talon's presence.

In spite of the healer's salve, and Lyris and Bria who gently applied it to the scarlet welts several times a day, the trauma to her skin took a long time to heal. The welts finally began to dissolve into bruises and darkened into a deep purple shade that was tinged with brown and green on the edges. When she was finally able to roll over on her back, she had to keep her knees bent so the sore area was elevated off the mattress.

The morning Talon returned, Shasta was sitting up in bed, trying to concentrate on the book in her lap. Talon was still wrapped in bandages, though the wound had closed itself enough so as to be unlikely to reopen again. When the healer had discovered how carelessly Talon allowed it to reopen only days after it had begun to heal, he refused to let her out of bed until he was sure such a thing could not be repeated.

Shasta pursed her lips. "So you're back."

Talon nodded. "The healer says I can return to most of my duties, though I'm not allowed to lift a sword for at least another quarter-moon."

Her voice was quiet, almost timid, and Shasta found her emotions swinging between delight and fury. She had missed her guardian more than she cared to admit, but she was still deeply angry.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come in and sit." She closed the book in her lap and swung her legs tentatively over the side of the bed, wincing a little at the pressure it placed on her bruises. "I've been confined to this bed for a half-moon. When I'm dressed I want to go for a walk in the gardens to stretch my legs."

Talon drew closer. "How do you feel?"

"Better." She stood carefully, and limped a bit as she crossed the room to her wardrobe. "In light of recent events, I think I should set some new rules." She pulled out a simple blue gown, one that she could easily put on without help. Lyris and Bria would be returning from their morning lessons soon, but she did not want to wait. Shasta draped the gown over one arm and turned to face Talon. "Whether you are a woman or not, I will still desire my privacy while tending to personal matters."

Talon inclined her head. "Of course, Princess."

"And from now on you will not speak to me unless spoken to. You may still be my guardian, but I no longer consider you a friend. Friends," she emphasized, "don't lie to one another." Stubbornly, she ignored the expression of hurt that flitted across Talon's face. "You will conduct yourself as my servant and nothing more."

"I understand." The deep tones were perfectly neutral.

"And one other thing. You will address me in the future as 'Princess' or 'Highness.' I have allowed lapses in the past, but it is inappropriate for us to be on more familiar terms."

"As you wish, Your Highness."

Shasta gave Talon a sharp look, but could detect no sign of sarcasm in the olive features. "Then prepare the privy chamber so I may dress."

Well, that's done, she mused as she entered the privy a moment later. The hurt in her guardian's eyes brought a twinge of guilt, but she shrugged those feelings away. Talon isn't my friend, and she never was. She stayed with me because of Lyris and Bria and lied to me the entire time, made a fool out of me. But that's fine. She removed her robe and nightdress and struggled into the blue day gown. The dress fastened in the front, and she buttoned it slowly and straightened the bodice. She doesn't have to like me. Talon is a servant in my father's house and I was an idiot to think she would ever be anything more. With that thought buzzing angrily in her head, she picked up a brush and ran it vigorously through her waist-length hair. The famous amber eyes of Rane stared back at her resolutely from the looking glass.

Talon was true to her word and no longer spoke to Shasta at all unless the Princess said something that required a response. The playful, flirtatious little war between them was replaced by cool tension. Talon was now careful to walk several steps behind her, to bow and avoid eye contact as formally as any common guard, though occasionally Shasta would look up and catch her guardian watching her with deep sadness in her black eyes. Talon always looked away immediately, but it was obvious that she was trying to make Shasta feel guilty. It wasn't going to work.

One evening, while Erinda bustled around the chamber, straightening up before leaving for the night, Shasta caught several looks that passed between Talon and her chambermaid. Erinda's sympathetic glances made her irrationally angry, and from her chair by the window she snapped at the maid.

"That's all for tonight, Erinda. You may go."

Erinda curtsied and cast one more longing look at Talon before leaving the room.

"You know," Shasta said to her guardian, "being stuck in bed all day for such a long time gave me a lot of time to think. And something has been bothering me." Talon's head came up but she did not respond. "Erinda. She knows about you, doesn't she?"

Talon's reply was soft. "Yes."

"Yes. Yes, of course she does, how could she not? And still, you and she..." Shasta trailed off, not wanting to say the words aloud, but Talon seemed to understand what she meant.

"Yes."

"But you're both women."

"Yes." Her calm responses were beginning to infuriate Shasta.

"But that's just...How would that even work? Never mind, I don't want to know." Shasta screwed up her nose in distaste. "And you, you actually like it? Being with her, that way?"

Her guardian's face twitched almost imperceptibly, and she nodded. "Yes."

Shasta shook her head, revolted. "You disgust me." Talon did not meet her eyes. "Ugh. You know what I ought to do, I ought to tell my father." After a few moments of silence Shasta said a little indignantly, "Well, aren't you going to try and talk me out of it?"

For the first time in days, Talon actually looked Shasta in the eye. "No."

"He'd probably have you executed, you know."

Talon glanced away. "You are the future Queen of Ithyria, Your Highness. You have to do what your heart tells you is right."

Shasta tightened her lips rebelliously. "Well, I haven't made up my mind quite yet. I'm still so angry with you. I can't decide if I'm just mad or if I really hate you."

"Hate me?" Talon's whisper sounded choked.

The Princess winced slightly at the pain in her guardian's voice. "Yes, well, like I said, I haven't decided yet. You lied to me, and not just a little white lie. That I could forgive, but this is something huge. I thought you and I were close. You were the closest thing I had to a brother since," she blinked back tears, "since Daric was killed. I actually believed you cared about me, then I find out that the only reason you stayed was for the sake of your sisters, and it was never about me at all." Talon's eyes widened. "And to top it off, I realize that I don't have any idea who you really are. You've been by my side for two winters and you're a complete stranger."

Her guardian opened her mouth as if she wanted to reply but then shook her head sadly and remained silent.

Shasta sighed. "Twice you've nearly died saving my life. So I'm not going to tell Father about your...indiscretions. I owe you that much. But I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again." She rose to her feet and blew out the lamp on the table. "I'm going to sleep."

Slowly Talon followed the Princess into the sleeping chamber. Shasta climbed into bed and extinguished the light on her bedside table. The room fell into darkness and heavy silence. If Shasta had looked down at the cot where her guardian lay, she would have seen the single quiet tear that rolled back along Talon's temple until it vanished into her hairline.

Summer passed into autumn, and the trees of the royal garden began to change color in preparation for the coming cold. Talon took up woodcarving, just to have something to do to distract herself from the strange, sullen silence of the evenings. Shasta seemed content to sit curled up in her little chair by the window reading for hours on end, but as Talon had reached an age where her basic studies were relatively complete, she had nothing to do to keep herself occupied. So Captain Vaughn borrowed some carving tools from a cabinetmaker friend who lived in Ardrenn, and Talon spent the evenings chipping away at blocks of wood and sanding edges into glassy curves. She had no real shape in mind, but it felt good to have something to do.

Shasta still had daily lessons. A few were focused on the arts, like music, dance, and painting, but most were of a political nature. Talon continued teaching at the opposite end of the hall, but Shasta had cancelled their joint fencing sessions with Captain Vaughn, and their private matches in the servants' stables had ceased as well. Talon found she missed their good-natured sparring.

Life settled into a steady routine of morning prayers, mealtimes, and lessons, with the occasional court conference, social function, or riding excursion, all of which Talon attended in obedient silence, keeping a respectful distance between herself and the Princess at all times.

She was aware of an increasingly intense feeling of loss. Shasta had withdrawn almost completely, and Talon felt oddly jealous watching Lyris and Bria giggling and chatting with the Princess in a way she no longer could. She hadn't realized how much she'd cherished their friendship until it was gone. Now they lived, studied, ate, and slept side by side, yet it was as if they were strangers. But Talon could not bring herself to resent Shasta for it. She could easily imagine how much the truth had hurt, especially considering the terrible timing of its revelation. Shasta's infatuation with her might have been only a crush, but it was a powerful one and the Princess was unused to disappointment.

She wished, more than anything else, that she could at least find a way to explain that her affection for Shasta was genuine. Once Shasta had learned of the terms of Talon's service, she was convinced that Talon had never cared for her at all, and that stung deeply. But Talon couldn't find the words, or an opportune moment, to rectify that misunderstanding. What was she supposed to say? At first I just wanted a better life for my sisters, but after a while I really did start to love you. Not only did it sound weak, but now that the Princess knew about Talon's particular...preferences...she didn't want to risk being misinterpreted.