Youll do awesome.

Maybe.

Hows your mom?

No idea.

Still havent talked to her?

I shake my head. No.

Sorry.

Its fine. I dont know how to talk to her anymore. Which is stupid. Nothings really changed yet. Im just Scared.

Yeah.

Understandable. She blows on her toes for a second before reaching toward the desk. Hand me those decals?

I throw the pack over to her.

Holy cuteness. She sticks a few on her toes and wiggles them to show me. Were totally cute.

For sure.

A song comes on my iPod then and Kelsies eyes light up. She jumps off the bed and turns it up, blasting it through my room. I love this song!

Kelsies good at everything, but the thing she excels at is dancing. And shes definitely getting her groove on. I would join her, but if anyone saw me dance, theyd tell me to stop trying and sit down. Besides my clogging, I cant dance. Especially hip-hop and stuff. My body doesnt move like that.

So I sit and watch.

And laugh. A lot.

While Kelsies jamming out, Gavin pokes his head in my room. And you know in the movies when the music suddenly stops playing when something embarra.s.sing happens and all eyes find the person being embarra.s.sed?

Totally happened.

The song ends, and Kelsie is standing in a very interesting pose as Gavin watches from the doorway. Her eyes widen as she meets his gaze, and her face turns bright red. But she doesnt miss a beat. Another song starts playing and she grabs Gavins hand. Come jam with us, she says, laughing.

I was just coming to see what all the commotion was about. And if you ask Emmy, I dont dance.

You do now, she yells as she twirls around the room.

Leave it to Kelsie to not care what other people think of her.

I wish I could be like that.

Gavin shoots me a helpless look before she starts teaching him how to swing dance.

As I watch them twist their arms around each other, laughing and making fun of each other, I realize something: Theyd be perfect for one another.

CHAPTER 29.

Sweat trickles down my neck as I push myself harder up the hill. I can feel Coles eyes on me, watching, waiting for me to slow down, but I refuse. I keep moving, making sure Im in the right gear, and when I make it to the top, I let out a whoop, stop my bike, and throw my hands in the air.

That was awesome, Cole says, sliding his bike to a stop next to mine. You beat your time and had some time to spare.

I roll my shoulders and take a swig of water. I did it, huh? I glance at the GPS on his bike and smile, pumping my fist in the air again. Yes!

Cole chuckles. You did great. He takes a drink as well. Lets see how you do on the way back down. He squirts some water down his neck and rests his arms on his hand bars for a second, his eyes searching my face.

I feel the blush creep to my cheeks, but I cant look away.

Its hot, he says, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

Yep. Sweat and all. Hes hot.

You okay? he asks, a smile creeping to his lips.

Uh yes. Yep. Everythings perfect.

Really? He sits up straight and rolls his shoulders. You ready to ride back down?

Bring it. I turn my bike around and look down the trail. A man walking his dog pa.s.ses us, gives us a little wave, and keeps moving. Sometimes its hard riding fast when you know people are running and hiking on the trail.

Even though it says at the bottom Biking Only. People dont pay attention to that tiny detail.

But even so, everyones always so nice in the mountains. Im not sure why. Maybe because its peaceful up here.

You ready?

Cole pulls me out of my weird train of thought, and I nod. Yep.

Okay. Remember, youre allowed to take risks, but dont be stupid.

I sigh. I know.

He laughs. Just making sure you know that.

See you at the bottom. I clip my pedals in and head down the trail.

A bug hits my gla.s.ses, but luckily it doesnt splatter. I keep moving, avoiding a few people along the way. I slide my bike around a sharp turn and brake so I dont fly off the edge, then keep moving.

I maneuver around an old rotted log, hit a pretty big rock while doing so, but stay upright. Im getting better at keeping my bike in control. Which is good.

Dirt flies on either side of me, and as I zoom through a puddle, mud splatters onto my legs. And up my back. I can feel it soaking through my shirt and Im sure its caked onto my spandex.

Oh well.

Faster. Faster. The wind rushes across my face, making my adrenaline pump even harder. A steep hill is up ahead and I shift into fourth, fifth, and finally sixth gear as I approach. I go a little slower, but not much, stand up, lean back, and keep my hands on my back brake. I know from experience to keep my hand off the front brake. If I pull it by accident, Ill flip over my handlebars again.

Not going to happen today. I dont want to get st.i.tches again, especially since I got them out only a few days ago.

Once I make it down that hill, I push myself all the way to the bottom, pa.s.sing a few bikers going up.

I duck under a low-hanging tree branch and almost hug the side of a rocky ledge as I go around a group of bikers heading up.

I can see the parking lot through the trees, so I pedal faster until the trees are behind me, and I let the dust settle as I come to a stop.

Cole joins me seconds after I make it down and pumps a fist in the air. That was awesome!

I know, right? I did so much better than I usually do. I pull out my water again and take a drink as I sit on my bike.

You hit that mud puddle, too?

I try to glance behind me at my b.u.t.t, but cant really see if theres mud there. Its all over my bare legs though. Yep.

Cole wipes some off of his own leg and reaches over to smear a little on my cheek.

What was that for? I say, wiping it off.

I thought youd look cute with a little dirt on your face.

I get a small splatter of mud off my shin and rub it along his jaw, feeling a little bit of stubble there. I smile at my handiwork as Cole sits there, not even attempting to get away. After a second, he grabs my hand and leans over, still on his bike, and kisses me right in front of whoevers watching.

If anyones watching.

And for once I dont care. I kiss him back, reveling in the adrenaline I still feel and the fact that I have a boyfriend who loves biking as much as I do.

I have a boyfriend.

Me.

Im not sure what to do with myself. Or that knowledge.

CHAPTER 30.

A week later, after intense training with Cole, Mom finds me in my room. She doesnt knock, but stands in my doorway until I look up.

Hey, I say. Everything okay?

She nods. Just seeing how youre doing.

I set my racing clothes out on the bed and smooth out my jersey. Ive always loved this jersey. Orange and white. Reminds me of an orange creamsicle. Which sounds really good right now. I wonder if we have any.

You have a race tomorrow?

I look up at her, noticing her pale skin and loose hair falling from her bun. Yep. Tomorrow morning.

Oh. You ready for it?

I think so. I look at the bottom of my shoes and make sure theres not dirt stuck in my clips. I want them perfect. I wont have any blemishes or mistakes tomorrow morning that could make me lose.

What times it at?

Nine.

Where?

Ogden.

Shes quiet for a moment as I dust off my dirty gloves. Cool.

She continues to stand there and watch as I get my stuff ready. I glance at her a few times, hoping shes not having one of her episodes. But she looks fine. Normal. Maybe even a little sad.

I hope you do okay tomorrow.

Me too.

Is anyone taking you or are you going by yourself?

Kelsie and Cole are coming with me.

I still have to meet this Cole.

I hesitate. I know.

I wait for her to tell me to be careful with boys. That theyre only after one thing, but she doesnt. She stares at me a moment longer and sighs. Be safe tomorrow, okay?

Okay. I stand up and we stare at each other for a moment before she turns around and heads back up the stairs.

I used to be so close to Mom. I dont know how Ive managed to push her so far away. Its my fault. I know it. My fault because Im scared to admit she has a problem. Still. Maybe after my race tomorrow, Ill talk to her about it. Im getting used to the idea that shes not going to get better. That sh.e.l.l be a totally different person in the near future. Maybe Ill be okay with it. Maybe its not as bad as I think its going to be.

Or not.

I really dont know.