I sigh. Because its fun? And I have nothing better to do today.

You could stay home and chat with me. We could go to lunch or a movie or"

No, no, thats okay. Maybe another day. I give her half a smile and she looks back at me as disappointment flickers across her features. It takes her a second to recover. She sets her book on the couch next to her and her hands rest in her lap. Where are you riding today?

I debate on telling her the truth, and that Im going to Park City, but I have a feeling she wont let me go. So I improvise. Ogden. Okay, improvise isnt really the right word. I lie. Enough to make her not question anything and to stop the conversation from delving into stuff I dont want to talk about. And maybe also because she lied to me for so long.

She sits up straighter. Its not one of your races, is it? Id really like to come to one.

No. Technically its not that kind of race.

Youre not going alone, are you?

No. Kelsies going with me. And shes driving, if that makes you feel any better. My eyes flit to the door. I cant look at her. Lying to her feels wrong. But I know she wont let me drive all the way to Park City just to spend money on the ski lift and ride down a hill on a bike.

Dont be gone long. Please.

Okay. Relieved the questions ended, I head toward the door.

Emmy.

I stop and look over my shoulder. Yeah?

I want to talk to you when you get home.

About what?

She gives me a pointed look. You know what Im talking about, Emmy. Ive tried to talk to you several times and you just make excuses or leave the house. Youve avoided me for two weeks now. I want to talk to you about my condition. I want you to know that Im okay. Im going to be okay. I know youre worried and youre dealing with it the best you can right now, but you cant ignore it. Or me. I want to do our girls nights again. We cant stop doing those. Okay?

I close my eyes, trying to fight the headache coming on. Ill talk to you about it when I get home.

Okay. Be careful.

I will.

Kelsies already in the driveway when I open the door. Hey, she says, getting out of her car.

I hand her my bag of gear. Im ready, I just have to grab my bike.

Okay.

After locking up my bike on her rack, we head toward Park City.

The drive is kind of different for us. We dont really talk. I dont bring up Cole. Or the date. Or the sponsorship. The weird feelings I get when Im around him. I dont say anything about how nervous I am to see him today. Nothing.

Until, of course, Kelsie brings it up.

So, have you talked to Cole since the infamous date? Kelsie turns the radio down even though shes humming along with the song.

That would be a no.

Instead of slamming on the brakes or something, she speeds up, almost plowing us into a mailbox.

What? Why?

I dont know. Ive just been busy, I guess.

The corner of her mouth twitches. And?

And what?

You havent tried to call him?

Nope.

He hasnt called you?

He tried a few times.

And you didnt answer because ?

I really dont like where this is going You like him. Thats why. She glances at me and giggles.

I cant help it. I smile back at her, and pretty soon were laughing our heads off.

I knew this would happen. I was hoping it would. You two are meant for each other. Seriously.

I dont know about that. We argue a lot.

The best couples do. As long as they make up quick.

Right. I stare out the window. Im just scared.

Because of Lucas, right?

I shrug. Part of it.

Its okay to move on, Em. I know you loved him, but hes gone. I mean, there will always be a part of him with you, of course, but its good to move on. And seeing how interested Cole is? You should give him a chance.

I sigh. I know. He probably thinks I hate him, though, since I havent called him back. Its been a week. I twist my ring, thinking of what life would be like if Lucas were still here.

Its only been a week. Hes fine. Hes a guy.

What does that even mean?

I dont know.

I chuckle, still twisting my ring. Do you remember when we went skiing with Lucas and Oakley soph.o.m.ore year?

She chuckles. Yeah. You were horrible. She grins at me and I smile.

I really was, wasnt I?

Obviously, since youve never gone again. Bright side, though? You got a lot of tips from Lucas. He didnt leave your side the entire time we were on the mountain.

I wonder if Oakley knew how much I I trail off and shake my head.

She knew. We talked about you two once.

What?

She shrugs. She hated his girlfriend, so we talked about it. She would have been fine if you two would have hooked up. One of her friends dating her brother? It might have been a little awkward sometimes, but she said she would have been cool. Because she liked you. She knew youd treat him well.

I never said anything because of her. I didnt want things to get weird.

Things would have been fine. She sits there a moment, her eyes focused on the road. Im sorry hes gone, Em. Really.

I miss him. I miss Oakley, too. She was never the same after he died. I hope shes doing okay in California. Shes been gone almost six months now.

I hope shed doing okay, too. So, about Cole you really ought to give him a chance, you know. He might help you. Move on, I mean.

I doubt that. After our date he told me he was sponsored. Whitney, too.

Really?

Yeah. I turn back toward her. You didnt know, did you?

No.

That makes me feel a little better. But Im still mad he didnt tell me earlier. I dont know what hes trying to do, Kels. I dont know how I feel about everything.

I think of Lucas again. I dont know if I can ever love someone the way I loved him. And the funny thing is, we werent ever together. We were just friends. He admitted he loved me a week before he died, which felt like it changed my life forever, but now hes gone. And Cole. Coles a great guy. I never saw that before now. Im confused, Kels. I dont date. I cant do relationships. Even relationships that arent real. I stare out the window again.

You dont have to know right now. All you need to do is let it flow. Things happen naturally. If you like him, go with it. Dont just jump into it, though. Play a little hard to get for a bit. If you dont, I havent taught you anything.

I chuckle as I think of all the hearts shes broken. I will. I still dont know if I like him for sure.

She rolls her eyes. Sure.

Im quiet for a while, thinking of Cole, how I feel about him. Why I feel that way. What Im going to do about it.

I have no idea.

So. All boy talk aside. Are you ready to race today?

Yeah, I think so.

You sure you dont want to skip the race and go shopping or something?

I laugh. Only you know how to ruin a girls day.

Totally not ruining material. Shopping is awesome. She sinks down in her seat. Seriously.

We can do it if you want. Ill call a forfeit with Whitney and we can hang out all day.

She laughs, knowing Id never give up a chance at a race. No. I want to see you kick Whitneys skinny b.u.t.t. Thats why were going to Park City, right? But maybe we can go shopping at the outlets on the way back. Shopping makes any day better.

I cant say I agree with the whole shopping thing, but Ill come with you for moral support. And I owe you a shopping day anyway.

Best day ever.

I frown at the prospect of her lugging me around the outlets and making me try stuff on, especially after this race. Shopping is the absolute worst thing she could make me do today. Or any day really. How are we even friends? I ask.

She chuckles. I have no idea.

CHAPTER 18.

The breeze whispers against my skin, and I close my eyes, breathing in the fresh air. I havent been to Deer Valley Ski Resort in forever. Its so beautiful. So green with tons of trees. Even if its a pain in the b.u.t.t to drive here, its worth it. Its such a cozy city. Cute houses and shops everywhere. People out walking dogs or jogging along the little streets.

I especially love it in the winter when the skiers are out and about. Holed up in hotels and hanging out in the lobby, or walking the streets with their trendy coats and scarves, holding mugs of hot cocoa on cold nights. Its like one of those Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel with the quaint inns and fireplaces and love stories unfolding in front of our eyes.

Sigh. Call me a romantic. I dont care. I love it here.

You ready for this?

I look at Kelsie on the ski lift next to me. Yes. Im happy shes here with me. She makes me less nervous and gives me good vibes. And I need all the good vibes I can get today. After not talking to Cole since our date, and knowing that Im going to see him soon, Im all hot and bothered.

And I dont like it. At all.

It looks pretty steep down there.

I glance over the rail. Ill be fine.

Promise me you wont go all crazy and hurt yourself trying to win.

I roll my eyes. Kels. Dont worry. I got this.

You sure?

Absolutely.

We get to the top of the mountain and get off the lift. I wait for my bike to come around on the next bench. The person working the lift stops it, and I unhook my bike and roll it off to the side toward the trail.