"Who said I wanted you here?" Jen asked with a too-sweet smile.

"Oh, I know you want me ... here ... there ... everywhere." Hunter teased. Jen's face heated and her mouth hung open with an astonished look slapped across her face.

"That's not ..." Jen sputtered. Matt cut off his laugh with a cough. Very smart man.

"Anyway, I've already ordered pizza, so you don't have a choice. I'm starved." Hunter pulled popcorn out of the box and waved it around. "I even have popcorn." He pulled some more stuff out of his goody box. "Twizzlers? Check. Rootbeers? Check. Movies? Check." He glanced up from his box and looked Jen up and down. "Don't tell me you've got better things to do." Jen huffed.

"What movies did you bring?" she snapped.

"I've got Batman Begins, Beetlejuice, Braveheart, and ... Footloose." I was grinning ear to ear, surely his mom had suggested Footloose. For the first time he looked just a tiny bit uncertain as Jen stood there and stared him down. She final sighed deeply and took the rootbeers from him.

"Alright. I'll put the drinks in the freezer. You can get the show started."

"So, which one first? Footloose?" The look on Hunter's face was priceless, he definitely was not a Kevin Bacon dance-a-thon fan. Jen made a sound of dismissal in the back of her throat.

"Please. As if I'd choose that movie over a half-dressed, Scottish-accented Mel Gibson." Jen's pony tail swung as she spun on her heel and left to go to the kitchen. Hunter just stood there in awe.

"You might wanna ..." I wiped at the corner of my own mouth. "You got a little something on the corner of your mouth." I pointed and Hunter gave me the look of death as he snapped out of his trance and went to get the movie ready. Matt came over and took my hand in his.

"You ready for this?" I gazed up into his eyes and nodded my head. Inside I was a mess though.

"Jen, we're leaving!" I shouted out.

"Okay, be careful and good luck!" she hollered back.

"See ya later, Hunter. Have a good time, but not too good a time." Hunter snorted. When Matt helped me into the truck, I was so very close to running back inside and refusing to ever come out again. I'd been dreading this day since the day I'd left over four years ago. My mom was so shocked that I said I would be coming over that she didn't have a proper reaction to the fact that I said I was bringing a guy with me. This couldn't end well.

The drive was a lot shorter than I remembered and hoped it would be. We pulled onto the gravel road that led to the house and I had to keep telling myself that this had to be done, that I could never really be free if I didn't face my past, if Matt didn't see exactly what he was getting into.

The house was smaller than I remembered. The tiny porch and screen door were exactly the same, the house looked like it might have had a fresh coat of paint at some point in the last four years, but other than that, nothing was different. Same small, wooden framed farm house without a welcome-matt, without any flowers to take away the sterility of the yard, and without any real feelings except dread blossoming in my heart.

Matt came around to open the door for me. I got out and wiped my clammy hands on the long jean skirt I'd worn. I straightened my short sleeve plaid shirt and ran a hand nervously over my hair. Matt took my hand in his and kissed it.

"It's going to be fine. I'm here," he murmured the words against my forehead as he placed a chaste kiss there. I tried to summon a smile in reply, but I'm afraid it just didn't happen. I tightened my grip on my Matt's hand and took a step forward. Let's get this over with, I thought.

We walked up the creaky stairs and stepped up onto the porch. Just as I stepped in front of the front door, it was jerked open. My mother pushed the screen door out and it screeched just as I remembered it doing for so many years. The sound caused the hairs on my arm to raise. Eyes the same color as my own met mine.

"Well, you've grown," my mother said softly. "I see you've let your hair go wild." I ran a hand over my hair. She was right. I'd worn so many braids as a child. As a teen I had to have my hair up or pinned back so it wouldn't serve as a temptation of vanity for myself or as a temptation of l.u.s.t for the opposite s.e.x. When I left, I let it grow out and rarely wore it up unless I did it in a s.e.xy updo when I was going out for the evening. Even though I'd worn my jean skirt out of respect for my parents, to keep the peace, so to speak, I didn't wear my hair up. I didn't want to them thinking they held that much control over me.

"Well, come in Elizabeth, your father is inside and it's almost time for dinner." Matt and I followed my mother into my childhood home. The living room was as dimly lit as it always had been and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The room looked as if I could have been gone only four days, instead of four years. It was the exact same. An old fashioned brown upholstered sofa sat against the wall and two chairs covered in the identical fabric sat across from it. In between them was a large, oak wood coffee table which housed an enormous open Bible, which probably weighed at least twenty pounds. Nothing hung on the walls, except a few photos hanging over the sofa. One picture was of my mother's parents on their wedding day, one was of my father's parents, and one was of our family standing in front of our home when I was very small. My father stepped out of the hallway just as my mom disappeared into the kitchen.

"Elizabeth. It's been a long time," he spoke sharply.

"Yes it has." I answered in clipped tones. "Dad, this is Matthew Wright." Matt stepped forward and held his hand out.

"Please call me Matt." My dad's eyes glinted, their hazel shrewdness sizing him up and finding him wanting in a single glance.

"Matthew." My dad grabbed Matt's hand and shook it. "You're the Pastor's son of that new age church just outside of Salem, ain't you?" Matt nodded.

"New Hope Community Church. And, yes I am." Matt stepped back and clasped my hand in his. I swallowed and waited. My dad's jaw clenched and his hand tightened into a fist. I must have flinched because Matt tightened his grip on my hand just a little. My father refocused his gaze on me and took a step forward. Matt's entire body became rigid, his posture straightening and going on alert.

"You've completely tainted yourself with the world, girl." My father said in disgust. My cheeks burned and my head bowed before I could stop myself. All those years of belittling and shame were not as easily forgotten as I thought. With Matt's hand in mine I found strength though. I raised my chin and viewed my father from an outsider's point of view. He'd never been kind, never had an encouraging word to say, only tore me down, shamed me, and made my life a living h.e.l.l. I didn't need his approval, I didn't need to be afraid of him any longer either.

"I am how G.o.d made me," I said softly.

"G.o.d didn't make you no wh.o.r.e, girl." My dad spat. Matt's breath hissed in through his teeth and his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Don't speak to her like that. She's no wh.o.r.e and I'll not have any man saying she is. I don't care who you are." The muscle in Matt's jaw jumped as he ground his teeth together. My dad took another step forward, standing toe to toe with Matt. Matt towered over him by a couple inches.

"Dinner is ready." My mother spoke from the doorway. My father stared at Matt for another few moments before finally stepping back and walking toward the dining room. I breathed out a relieved breath and took Matt by the hand to go to the dinner table. Just get through dinner, just get through dinner, I repeated over and over like a mantra. Of course, that was asking just a little too much.

After the chicken, potatoes, salad, and rolls were pa.s.sed around, my father prayed over the food. The differences between his prayer and that of Pastor Wright's were as comparable as night and day. I could feel the anger and disgust flowing off of Matt in waves. I placed a hand on his thigh under the table, waiting for my dad to finish his prayer time sermon. When he finally finished, I smiled sadly over at Matt and picked up my fork to try and get the visit over as quickly as possible.

"Well, what have you been doing for the past four years, Elizabeth?" My mother asked as she put b.u.t.ter on her roll. I wiped my mouth and took a sip of water, trying to formulate a reply that wouldn't cause any more strife than necessary.

"I've done a lot of traveling," I said quietly.

"Where did you go?"

"Well, I've been to Texas, Florida, the Carolinas, and several other states," I answered with a shrug. My mom's eyes slipped over to my father's. He had a frown in the middle of his forehead as he ate his food.

"How did you pay your traveling expenses?" she asked as she took a small bite of her roll.

"I used some of the money granddad gave me for my eighteenth birthday, but mostly I found odd jobs wherever I happened to be. Waitressing for tips mostly." I shrugged and took another bite of my chicken and potatoes.

"And you, Matthew? What do you do?" My mother asked conversationally.

"I help my father run his farm through the week," Matt answered carefully.

"And do you have brother and sisters? What do they do?"

"I have two brothers. Daniel is in the army, on leave right now. Hunter is helping on the farm while he's finishing up his degree." I stared at Matt, I hadn't known Hunter was getting a degree. I wondered what he was studying.

"And you own several businesses, don't you?" My dad chimed in, his voice like a whip. Matt stared at my dad, his eyes narrowing into dangerous glints of ice. Matt owned businesses? My head was spinning.

"Yes I do," he answered through gritted teeth.

"You and your family own a lot more land than any one family should be allowed to. It's sinful," my dad hissed. My stomach dropped. I wiped my mouth off on my napkin and glanced over at my mother. Her head was bowed to her plate, her eyes devoid of any emotion. I wanted to shake her, but I knew it wouldn't do any good.

"Maybe we should leave, Matt," I whispered.

"You own one of the largest movie theatre chains in the state of Missouri. How much money do you have sitting in your bank?" my dad asked as he took a sip of his water.

"Dad!" I hissed.

"No, that's alright, Beth." Matt sat his napkin on the table and faced him unflinchingly. "I'm very wealthy. I'm not ashamed of it. I've worked for every dollar I've ever made. I run a good business."

"You're prideful and money is the root of all evil. Guess your daddy didn't teach you to read the Bible when you were growing up. You should ask Elizabeth for a few verses, I'm sure she's still got them all memorized. I made sure of that. Every time she sins, every time she plaits her hair in the mirror, paints her face like a harlot, every time she allows you to defile her body, she has a voice in the back of her mind telling her how wicked she is and a verse etched into her memory to remind her exactly where she is headed because of that wickedness." My dad cut into his chicken and took a bite of potatoes like we'd just discussed the weather. Matt's eyes were wide, his body rigid. I stared down at my plate, but my appet.i.te was gone.

"I'd like to leave now," I whispered. Matt nodded and stood up from the table. He glanced over at my mother. Her face was blank, but her eyes shone just a little with unshed tears. He nodded his head in her direction.

"Ma'am."

She nodded once in return and then returned her eyes to her plate. "Come on, Beth." I stood up on shaky legs and put my hand in Matt's and let him lead me out of the dining room. When I got to the living room and had my hand on the door k.n.o.b I heard my dad's voice from directly behind us. Matt put a hand behind my neck and squeezed lightly.

"Elizabeth, I brought you up better than this," he said with a growl.

I turned around and faced the man I'd had to call father even though he'd never treated me any better than a stray dog that had been thrust upon him to try his sainthood. He stepped closer to me and I thought for just a split second that he was going to be gentle, say something to make me think he had been the way he was because somewhere deep inside he truly did love me, no matter how messed up his ways of showing it.

"He's there for you now when you allowing him between your legs, but will he be there if he puts a b.a.s.t.a.r.d in you? Or will he move on to another wh.o.r.e?" My dad jeered. A crack echoed through the room and mingled with my mother's gasp. It wasn't until I felt the burning in my palm that I realized I'd struck my own father. His face was a mix of shock and rage. His hand swung back and Matt was suddenly there, grabbing him by the arm.

"You won't ever hit her again. Try it and I'll make sure you regret it for the rest of your life." Matt growled as he shoved my father back a step. "Let's go, Beth. Now." I walked out the door in a daze, barely remembering the drive back into town or back to the house. Then, Matt was talking over me, Jen asking a bunch of questions, and Hunter grumbling something about that no good piece of sh-. It wasn't until Matt was tucking me into bed that I let everything really sink in and allowed the pain, humiliation, and anger to surface. I wept. I hadn't wept when I left to go out on my own, barely eighteen and fresh out of high school, I hadn't wept when my parents never called me except to berate me for something, but I wept then. I wept until I had no tears left to shed ... and then I slept.

offee. Must have coffee," I grumbled as I dropped into the chair and plopped my head down on the table in front of me. Jen pulled a mug out of the cabinet and filled it up and then pushed the sugar bowl and almond flavored creamer over to me. I mumbled my thanks before shoveling in an unhealthy amount of both into my cup.

"I'm sorry, Beth." I took a sip and groaned in ecstasy. I pulled my knees up to my chest and glanced over at my best friend.

"What are you sorry about exactly?" I asked once my head wasn't quite so fuzzy.

"I should never have pushed you to go see your parents, I just thought after all this time ..." She waved a hand helplessly in the air in front of her. I swallowed another mouthful of liquid heaven and shook my head.

"Don't. It's not your fault. You were right. I did need to go back there for a lot of different reasons." I grimaced when I suddenly remembered that I hadn't really spoken to Matt since he'd brought me home from my parent's house the night before. No telling what he was thinking right about then. I wouldn't have been surprised to find out he left town and washed his hands of the crazy girl with the crazy a.s.s family. "I didn't think my dad would say such horrible things with Matt there though," I muttered. I might have even held out a teensy bit of hope that he would have been impressed with Matt since he was a pastor's son. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"I've got something I want to give you," Jen said gently. I raised my head from my depressing thoughts and met her gaze. She had her Jen's up to something grin in place and I was immediately intrigued. She didn't have that grin very often. She sat her empty cup in the sink and motioned for me to follow her. "C'mon." I sat my cup beside hers in the sink and followed her up to her room. I plopped down on the corner of her bed.

"Is it a puppy?" I guessed. Jen snorted. "A new pair of boots?" I asked with a dreamy sigh. Jen made a sound of loathing. She wasn't too keen on my love of cowboy boots. She pulled a small box out of her bottom drawer and came over to sit on the bed next to me. She ran her hand over the box gently, her eyes met mine and I could see the happiness shining there behind them. "I kept this for a very long time. I would have given it to you before, but the time wasn't right." She smiled a tiny, secretive smile. "The time is right now, though," she said quietly.

I gasped and smacked a hand over my mouth when I heard the sound of a dozen or more tiny charms tinkling against each other. It wasn't the same bracelet as the one Jen had given when we were children, but it was a more expensive, adult version of it. Strung on a beautiful blue silk cord was a dozen tiny sterling silver stars, tiny, iridescent, Swarovski crystal beads, a sterling heart, guitar, shooting star, and even a sterling silver cowboy boot. Another addition was a sterling silver ribbon in remembrance of Jen's mom. A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek as Jen handed me the bracelet.

"I told you that one day we'd both be able to reach for our dreams. Sometimes that means we have to let go of the people who would trample our souls so we can soar." Jen smiled sadly as she ran a finger over the ribbon charm. "And sometimes that means living in the moment and loving without restraint ... no matter how much time we may have together." I grabbed Jen around her neck and pulled her to me for a hug. No matter what I believed, one thing I knew for sure was that Jen had been a gift from G.o.d and I would never find another friend like her.

"Thank you," I whispered fiercely. Jen hugged me back tighter and for the first time in my life I wasn't sure if I had been talking to her or if it had been a tiny prayer. Jen cleared her throat and stood up.

"Now, let's get dressed. The guys will be here soon. We're barbequing at the river." I jumped up from the bed and my mouth hung open in surprise.

"What?" I asked, unsure if I'd heard her right. Jen grinned and then shrugged.

"It was Matt's idea, so don't give me that look, Elizabeth Michaels." She walked over to her drawer and pulled out a swimsuit. "Besides, you'll get a chance to show off that gorgeous tan of yours." She sighed wistfully. I smiled and picked up her suit and twirled it around.

"Only if you let me borrow a suit," I said slyly. Jen groaned and then shrugged.

"Whatever. They all look better on you than me anyway." I opened up her bathing suit drawer ... no joke, she probably owned a dozen or more of them. I was like a kid in a candy shop picking one out. I ended up choosing a pretty turquoise and black tankini. Jen chose a gorgeous, ruched red polka dot one-piece. We threw on jean shorts and flip flops, grabbed our beach bags and sungla.s.ses and were ready to go in record time. By the time we packed up a cooler of drinks and snacks, the doorbell was ringing.

I sat on my beach towel at the edge of the river rubbing tanning oil into my skin, ready to soak up the sun and dry off from the swim we'd just had. Jen was making the picnic area we'd set up look "just right". I rolled my eyes behind my sungla.s.ses, she couldn't help it, she thrived on her perfectionism and I loved her for it. We were just waiting for the guys to get done with the burgers and hotdogs. The sound of the river flowing at my feet was so relaxing and would have been extremely peaceful, except for a small family who'd also decided to take advantage of the beautiful Sat.u.r.day outdoors. The dad was sitting and cleaning some fish with a huge cast on his propped up leg. I didn't mind the little girl's shrieks as her brother chased her up and down the river bank with a huge lizard, though. I'd always wanted a brother or sister. That is, until it dawned on me one day that I wishing for another child to endure what I had to. I'd been super lucky that Jen had friended me at school. A sister of my own and she would never have to live with my parents. When I was a child and then a teen, I was so thankful for the perfection of our relationship.

"Time for some grub!" Hunter bellowed, interrupting my trip down memory lane. I dipped my hands in the river and then dried them off on my towel. Our river neighbor's little boy skipped up to me and held out a grubby hand, offering me a fistful of weeds with one or two squished wild flowers mixed in there. No more than six, with a headful of red hair, and freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose. The boy looked like mischief incarnate. I smiled and took the offering.

"For me?" I asked. He nodded his head and puffed his chest out. I hid a grin and made a show of smelling the "flowers". "They are just beautiful, you sure do know how to win a girl's heart." He grinned hugely, revealing two missing front teeth.

"You'll marry me now? Dad says mom married him *cause he brought her flowers and candy." He furrowed his brow in thought. "I don't have any candy ... but I can getcha a frog."

"I do like a frog as much as the next girl, but you might want to save it," I said sadly. I knelt down and mock-whispered. "You see that guy over there?" Matt was watching our interaction with a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye.

"The one with big muscles and red swim trunks?" He asked. I nodded and sighed.

"That guy is my boyfriend. I don't think he'd like it if I married you while I'm his girlfriend." I said. The little boy narrowed his eyes and then shrugged.

"I guess not. But I bet I could catch a lot more frogs than him." I smiled and ruffled his hair.

"I bet you could too, but let's not tell him that, *kay?" The boy nodded and turned to run off, his proposal all but forgotten in his haste to run back to his camp site where his mom was promising marshmallows. I sat my flowers and weeds on the table and grabbed a paper plate, trying to ignore Matt's laughing eyes as I put some potato salad on my plate.

"Pretty flowers," he chuckled. I raised a brow and tried to keep a straight face.

"I'll have you know that was my first ever proposal," I said haughtily. Matt's eyes shone as he smiled.

"Should I be worried?" he asked, his voice as serious as possible. I took a bit out of a carrot stick as I piled some fresh veggie on my plate.

"Well, he did question your manly, frog catching abilities," I answered. Matt let out a bark of laughter.

"Did he now? I might have to defend my champion frog catching t.i.tle, then." I began laughing as I added a burger to my plate.

"Don't let Matt fool you, he was afraid of frogs when he was little," Hunter muttered around a mouthful of food. I grinned up into Matt's beet red face.

"Champion frog catcher, huh?" I asked sweetly. He shrugged and sat down in the folding chair next to me.

"Well, champion in the sense that I finally got over my fear after my brothers decided to dump a bucketful of them in my bed one night when I was sleeping. I'd say catching over fifty frogs in my bedroom warrants some kind of t.i.tle," he grumbled. Matt eyed his brother dangerously as Hunter laughed.

"What was Hunter afraid of as a child?" Jen piped in.

"Nothing. Nothing as a child, but as a teen ...." Matt's mouth clamped shut and he glanced down at his plate.

"Water," Hunter whispered. "I was afraid of water for several years." He said. Jen was staring at Hunter, clearly wanting to know how someone could be afraid of water, not as a child, but as a teen.

We all finished our food in relative quiet, enjoying each other's company and the perfection of the day.

"So, I'm stuffed," I said as I patted my stomach. "How about we go and find some perfect marshmallow roasting sticks?" I asked Jen. She smiled up at me and nodded her head.

"Sounds like a plan."

"Hunter's very private," Jen mentioned a few minutes later when we were well away from the picnic spot.

"I think so. Pretty intense too."

"Yeah, I've noticed that." Jen picked up a stick and pulled off the stray leaves. She held it up for inspection. "He doesn't open up. I'd love to know whose initials are next to his on his tattoo," Jen sighed. "But, it's not like we're dating or anything really, so I don't ask."

"You're not?" I asked with a smirk. Jen swatted me with a stick.

"No, we're not," she answered softly. "Not really. What about you and Matt? How are things between you guys?" Jen asked.