They settled in again. This time, she heard him fall asleep, the way the sound of his breathing changed, deepened, slowed.

Maybe there was a time she would have wanted to be a parent. Had she met the right man earlier. Had she met John earlier and been with him.

Not now, not really. Not after hearing Johns sad history. Not after witnessing her own family ripped apart by divorce.

She could always adopt another tortoise and they could expand Tortoise Town.

Chapter Thirteen.

Eight weeks later, Loren, Tilly, Leah, Cali, Laura, Essie, and Clarisse got together at a restaurant in south St. Pete for lunch on a Wednesday afternoon. Everyone else either had to work, or couldnt make it for some reason.

From the moment Loren spotted Clarisse outside the restaurant, she knew something was up. Tell us, Loren said as they joined her under the covered entrance.

Their friend blushed. What?

Tilly crossed her arms over her chest. Yeah, you look like youve got a confession. Spill it. Her face softened. Unless its something bad, then apologies in advance.

Clarisses face burned even brighter. No, not bad, exactly.

How exactly are we talking? Essie asked. Her baby b.u.mp was even more p.r.o.nounced now, and shed developed a little bit of a waddle to her stride. Theyd confirmed it was a boy, so far totally healthy and no complications.

Tilly threw her hands up. Please, just say it.

Twins, Clarisse whispered.

Loren wasnt sure shed heard her clearly at first. What?

Cali giggled. Oh, boy.

Twin girls. We found out this morning. Clarisse burst into tears. What am I going to do? Do you know how many d.a.m.n boys there are out there in the world? I wanted a girl, not twins.

Loren couldnt help it. She started laughing and was the first to embrace her friend. Honey, its okay.

I think this is the universe getting me back for not telling Sully and Mac I went off the pill, Clarisse said. I really do.

Tilly snickered. It is kind of the ultimate f.u.c.k you, isnt it, when you think about it?

Not helping, Loren said.

Hey, no one said I couldnt mock and help.

They got Clarisse settled down and made their way into the restaurant. Once they were seated at their table, Clarisse let out a sad sigh. We might have to move, she said. I dont want to, but the guys were talking about looking at houses in Tarpon.

Hey, you could move down to Sarasota, Essie said. Relocate. Be closer to us.

No, Uncle Tad is up there. And we have the boat.

You have a guest room, the office, and the play room. Thats three. The girls can share a room, at least for a few years. Or the boys and the girls can share rooms. Then Sully could use the playroom as his office.

I tried that argument. They want something big, multi-story, on the water, if possible. I guess when they saw how much our house has appreciated in value since they bought it, they were ready to put the for sale sign out immediately. Theyve been showing me listings and trying to get me to go look at houses, but I dont want to.

Well, moving can be scary, Loren said, but as someone whos done it a few times in my life, that doesnt mean its a bad thing. This can be a new chapter for you guys.

But I love this house, Clarisse said, bursting into tears again. Sorry, she said as she dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. Hormones. Hitting me really harder than with the boys.

No s.h.i.t, Tilly said. Double trouble.

This was the house where we became a family, Clarisse said. Where they took me inyou know. Everything. Lots of memories.

So you make new memories, Tilly said. Did you think maybe besides the practicality of the matter that perhaps Sully and Mac want to make new memories with you?

Clarisse didnt look convinced. What do you mean?

That was their house when you came into their lives. Now its the three of you. Well, not counting rug rats. You said theyre trying to get you to look at houses with them. With them, key word there.

You know, Loren said to Tilly, sometimes you surprise me. You can think like a girl when you try hard enough.

Tilly grinned, blowing her a kiss. Love you, sis.

Love you, too, sis. They werent related by blood, but by choice. Loren had a front-seat view of Tillys transformation from who she was when Cris first came into her life, then after he left, and then when he returned with Landry. The newer Tilly was harder, more pragmatic, realistic.

Some would say cold.

But not really. Tilly had a crunchy protective sh.e.l.l that, if you knew the secret pa.s.sage into her heart, turned into a gooey, warm, loving center.

By the time theyd finished lunch, theyd gotten Clarisse calmed down and convinced that moving wasnt the worst thing in the world, and that maybe she should be open to what her men were suggesting.

Sully and Mac owe us, Loren thought.

Loren and Tilly had ridden separately from the other four Sarasota women. The two of them wanted to stop by the Ellenton Outlet mall on their way back, and the others werent able to.

Tilly had driven, in her SUV. As they crossed over the Skyway Bridge, Tilly glanced her way. Whatcha thinkin so hard about there, sis?

Well probably be seeing even less of those three now, Loren said. Four kids is a handful.

Yeah, Tilly quietly said.

After a few minutes, she reached over and found Lorens hand, squeezing it, leaving it there.

I sometimes think, Tilly said, softly, slowly, deliberately, about everyone having kids. Does it make me a horrible friend that I wanted to slap the c.r.a.p out of Clarisse at the party that night when she told us she hadnt told Sully and Mac about going off the pill?

Loren squeezed her hand. No, sweetie. It doesnt.

Tilly stopped at the southern rest area on the bridge, pulling into a parking s.p.a.ce far from the building. They stared north into Tampa Bay, a cruise ship taking advantage of high tide and slowly making its way south toward the span.

Loren knew Tilly would speak when she was ready.

When she could actually get the words out.

She has choices, Tilly finally said after a few minutes. They all had and have choices, even if it was accidental. They dont know how f.u.c.king lucky they are to have choices. I never got a choice. You never got a choice. Where were our f.u.c.king choices?

Tilly pounded her hands against the steering wheel, sobbing until Loren finally leaned over and grabbed her, holding on until Tilly went limp in her arms, crying.

Loren stroked her friends hair, back now to its previous length before Cris had first left her years ago. While Loren hated what Cris had done to Tilly then, the hindsight, and the healing with Landry and Cris now in Tillys life, Loren knew it was just one of lifes unexpected story arcs. Tilly was devoted to her men, trusted them, loved them. Either man would kill or die for her.

It had helped her friend heal in many ways, even if Tilly didnt realize it.

Unfortunately, there was one thing their love couldnt heal.

Its been years, Loren gently said. Theyve made advancements since then. Did you think about that? The three of you can go and talk to a fertility doctor.

I did, Tilly whispered. I went a couple of weeks ago.

Loren thought about how to phrase her next words, not wanting to say the wrong thing. You never said anything.

I didnt even tell them, she said. I didnt want to get their hopes up when I didnt even know if there were any hopes to get up.

You didnt tell me.

I didnt know how.

Honey, you can tell me anything. She loved Tilly to death and knew d.a.m.n well why Tilly hadnt said anything. But what happened in her own past wasnt Tillys burden to bear.

Especially since Tilly didnt even know the whole story.

I took all my records, they did ultrasounds and an MRI and said they could probably do surgery, but even then I was looking at maybe a ten percent chance, if I was lucky. She sniffled. My regular OB/Gyn suggested a hysterectomy at my last visit due to my pain getting worse every month and myhistory. I wanted to be really, really sure before I made a decision. Any decision. If there was a reasonable chance She broke down sobbing again. That motherf.u.c.ker took all that from me.

I know, sweetie. She knew Tillys history.

Tilly wasnt talking about Cris or Landry.

Who the h.e.l.l do these f.u.c.king a.s.sholes think they are? Tilly moaned.

Loren knew the only way through this for her friend was through it. Shed long suspected this was something Tilly hadnt finished dealing with, no matter what shed said.

Frankly, Loren was surprised itd taken this long to come to the surface. Things had been going smoothly with Tilly and her men for a couple of years now. Landry had beaten his cancer a second time and there were no signs of it coming back. Tilly had seemed happy, fulfilled.

Mostly.

You guys could adopt.

I thought about it. I really did. I justI cant. That was the only thing Id ever wanted, to be a mom, a wife, and that motherf.u.c.ker took it from me. Maybe it makes me sound like a cold-hearted b.i.t.c.h, but its just how I feel. I wouldnt adopt a dog or a cat if I wasnt sure. Im darn sure not going to adopt a poor baby and then not be able to bond with it. Thats not right.

They sat there for the better part of an hour while Tilly talked and cried it out of her system. Then Loren urged her out, took the keys from her, and walked with her to the restroom. While Tilly was using the bathroom, Loren caught a glimpse of her own face in one of the mirrors over the sinks.

The haunted look never far from the surface.

There were days she was sure shed look in the mirror and see the scared, beaten co-ed looking back at her, the one whod gone to a frat party, and woke up in a park with a dirty sheet wrapped around her and with no clue what had happened.

At first.

Shed met Ross, a friend of her roommates brother, only a few weeks earlier.

Shed immediately felt protected, safe, even though he hadnt made a single romantic move on her and her roommates brother told her Ross was interested in her.

After shed called her roommate to pick her up, and she couldnt convince Loren to call the cops, shed called Ross.

Her roommate had told him what happened. Hed driven her to the hospital and stayed by her side. Hed taken her to talk to the campus cops, where shed sobbed the story out to their less than compa.s.sionate officer.

Hed didnt leave her side. Even when no one else had believed her, when the frat brothers closed ranks and denied anything had happened, when the campus cop told her hed look into it even though he also told her he doubted any charges would be filed, and she really should be more careful about how much she drank at a party.

Exceptshe hadnt had any alcohol. Shed accepted a soda from one of the guys there, and it was the last clear memory shed had of the rest of that evening except for snippets here and there.

And now She startled when Tilly emerged from the stall. Fortunately, her friend was too far out of it, trying to work through her own old-fresh grief, and anger, to catch it.

Itd been years since Loren had consciously thought about those days.

About what had happened.

What had resulted.

About the unexpected midnight visit a few weeks later from Ross, his clothes smelling like gasoline and booze, even though he was sober and hadnt been drinking.

How hed asked if he could wash his clothes there, and if she would be willing to swear hed spent the night there with her, even though he stretched out on the couch and gently rebuffed her efforts to get him to sleep in bed with her.

Shed never left his side since.

Not willingly.

Not after seeing the morning news report on TV just after Ross had left to go to his morning cla.s.ses, about the fiery car crash that killed four drunken frat brothers when they ran off the road and down a hundred-foot embankment.

Tragedy, really. Lives cut short.

Wasnt the only thing cut short. Like her own hopes for motherhood.

After Ross graduated, they got married, moved from Pennsylvania to Florida, and never looked back.

Tilly washed her hands, her face, blew her nose. Then she turned to Loren. So, shopping till were dropping? she asked, forcing the smile.

Loren smiled, slipping an arm around Tillys waist. She was a few years older than Tilly, had more time to come to grips with things.