"Exactly." She shrugs. "And you're more than that to Gage, too."

It's the truth. No matter what he thinks of me now, I'm not just an acquaintance. I was there when he found out. I held him through the worst of it.

I tilt my head, studying her. "When did you get so wise?"

"Probably while you were off wasting your time on a higher education." But she smiles as she says it, and her usual bite is nowhere around.

"Okay. Enough about me." I want to ask more about her, more about how she's trying to change-and, mostly, about why she feels so angry all the time-but when I open my mouth there's a glint in her eyes telling me I've already gotten more than she wanted to share. So I leave it. For now. Because it's a start, and I have a feeling it's one we'll be able to move forward from. Slowly.

I text Gage at a red light on my way to BackBar. I wish I had the right words, I type, knowing firsthand there are no right words. Just know that I care and that you and Katy are in my thoughts.

He doesn't respond, but I don't expect him to.

The BackBar parking lot is almost empty, just a few scattered cars resting in the sun. I'm arriving well before even the early shift will start. But managers arrive even earlier than this. Jared's gone, so it will be Zach I speak with. Part of me thinks it'd be easier to talk to Jared because I care so much less what he thinks of me.

But I square my shoulders and compose myself, and then I enter through the employee side entrance, which, thankfully, is open. I expect Zach to be in the manager's office, but he's sitting at one of the high-rise cocktail tables in front of the deck stage where Gage usually performs. His back is to me, but Clark is sitting across the table from him and sees me right away.

"Hey, girl." He waves, and Zach turns to look at me, too. I can't read his expression, but at least he isn't scowling the way I'm sure Jared would be.

I stride toward them, trying to force confidence I don't feel into each step, trying to show the remorse I actually do feel in my expression. It's not an easy combination to master, and I'm pretty sure I don't pull it off.

"Hey." When I reach them, I stand awkwardly behind a chair positioned between the two. At least it gives me some place to put my hands. I grip the back of the seat a little harder than necessary. "Zach...may I speak with you for a moment?"

He nods, but Clark laughs and says, "She's come to beg her job back." Then he winks at me and I kind of want to kill him.

Zach raises an eyebrow, questioning if it's true, and I nod, feeling my cheeks flush. "If there's anything I can... I'll do whatever it takes."

"You left without giving notice. Not even a word."

"I'm sorry." I grip the chair harder. "I have no excuse, but if you'll take me back I'll work double shifts. I'll clean the bathrooms every night. I'll do whatever you ask, no complaints."

He doesn't respond. An entire summer passes in the pause, and I know he's going to tell me to get lost.

Then Clark says, "Remember me, with Dave the asshole Montana? And when you broke up with Nicole and she dropped off the grid and went a little crazy? We've all made bad choices-and it's not like this place burned down while Cassidy was gone."

When Zach's expression warms from disappointment to something more contemplative, I change my mind about killing Clark. Instead, I kind of want to kiss him. And...now I get why Zach and Nicole are so secretive about whatever's going on with them. Sounds like the first time they were together it ended horribly.

Zach studies me a second longer, and I wonder if he's remembering that I know his secret. Finally, he sighs. "Fine. Lucky for you, Zoey quit and Gage has the week off. So we're short. But this is a trial, you understand? Don't make me regret it."

"Thank you." I nod, a little stunned that he's actually giving me a chance. Also, Zoey quit? A tiny bit of relief trickles through me. Then I push it aside and look at Clark. "Thank you, too."

He waves it off, though. "You owe me all the dirty details about Luca James. And I mean all of them."

I laugh, but I won't be sharing a thing. Luca James is in my past. That's where he's going to stay.

Still, driving home, I feel lighter than I have in ages. Especially when I glance at my phone and find a text message from Gage. All it says is, Thanks, Cassidy.

Not much, but I'll take it.

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT.

"Huh, I wonder why Zoey quit," Vera says a few days later when she's back from the beach. She leans across the coffee table, holding out her gossip magazine to me on the couch. I take it, trading her for my own. "You think it was too stressful working with you and Gage?"

"There is no me and Gage," I say, leaning back and flipping aimlessly to a page in the middle.

Maybe Zoey found out about Darcy and didn't want to face Gage again. Or maybe she's on another trip with her parents. Either way, I'm glad I won't have to see heartache reflected on her face the rest of the summer. Because every time I look in the mirror, it's there in my own. In the shadows under my eyes. In the listlessness of any smile I attempt. Seeing it on one person is more than enough, thank you very much. "I don't think Zoey leaving will have him running back into my arms. I messed it all up."

"You did run away with Luca James," Vera says, looking at me as if I should know better than to complain. She tosses a piece of popcorn in the air and actually manages to catch it in her mouth. "What did you expect?"

Ouch.

But I deserve it.

"I didn't expect anything. I wasn't thinking anything through enough to have expectations." I close the magazine in my lap. "I'm sorry, Vera. I hope I didn't hurt you, too. I've been making bad decision after bad decision lately. Especially when it comes to guys."

She shrugs. "I told you before you didn't need to keep away from him on my account. I know celebrity crushes aren't the same as real life crushes."

"You sure?"

"Yes, promise."

I take her at her word. And decide on the spot to make a more conscious effort to think outside of myself from now on. "Have you spoken with your mom lately?"

She flings a piece of popcorn at my face. "Are you trying to kill my mood?"

"Just the opposite," I say. "I want to know about your life; we talk so much about mine these days."

"You know whose lives we should talk about? Kylie VanHaven and Justin Hunter! Did you hear they finally admitted they're dating? I hope they come back to BackBar but together next time," she says, and I let her change the subject. I know better than anyone what it's like to want to avoid a sensitive topic.

Jared ignores me at work and barely acknowledges me when he's over to see Vera. Mostly, it's kind of nice. But a few days in, guilt overpowers the relief of not having to deal with him. So at the start of a shift, I ask to speak with him privately. When the door to his office closes behind us, I resist the urge to bolt back out. It's time to make amends.

"Have a seat." He gestures to a chair against the wall and then rolls his own desk chair around to sit across from me. "What do you want?"

His cologne is so strong it's almost bitter in my nostrils, and I wonder if Vera was born without a sense of smell to ever enjoy being this close to him. I wish he'd stay behind his desk, but I'm the one in the wrong here, so I guess I don't get much say. "You seem to be avoiding me."

"I was hoping you'd notice."

"Jared, come on. I'm sorry." I try not to bristle that he's been using a middle school tactic to make sure I feel guilty. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry for letting you down."

"Then make it up to me." Something in his tone sets me on edge, and the sly way he looks at me thrusts a chilly layer of discomfort under my skin.

"With extra shifts?" Please, please, let that be what he's implying. I can't meet his eyes, so I study the corkboard hanging on the wall behind him. Random bits of paper are pinned everywhere. The concert lineup for the next few months. Old notes. Employee roster and phone list. "Are there open spots on the schedule? I'll fill whatever you and Zach need until I leave for school."

"I thought things were getting serious with Gage," he says. My gaze snaps right back to his face, my stomach sinking. "But you left with Luca James. Then you left Luca, too. Did he not measure up in bed?"

Gross. I grip the arms of my chair, my muscles primed to leap out of it. "That's none of your business."

He leans forward-and puts a hand on my thigh. "I thought you might consider leaving with me. Tonight. Try out my bed this time."

Oh. No.

No, no, no.

Rage snaps inside of me and I'm on my feet, clawing the top of his hand, shoving it off of my leg. "Goddamn it, Jared, why are you so scuzzy? Vera adores you-nobody knows why-and you do this? Back. The fuck. Off."

Welts form across the back of his hand where my nails scraped his skin, and small drops of blood rise along the lines. He looks from them to me, fury in his expression. "I waited weeks for you to come around, you know," he says, his tone ice cold. "I've been very patient."

"You have got to be kidding me." I'm so disgusted right now I could vomit.

He stands and, even though he doesn't step toward me, little alarm bells go off in my mind. "What did you think, I just gave you this job because you were a good fit? You have zero bartending experience. You're smarter than that, Cassidy."

"Giving me a job doesn't give you the right to expect something like this." I back up until I feel the office door handle behind me. "What on Earth would ever make you think I'd be into you? God, even if you weren't with Vera. You're revolting."

His eyes narrow. "Watch yourself."

I turn the handle behind me, opening the door, not caring who hears-actually, hoping someone does. "Leave me the hell alone."

"Sure, Cassidy. Whatever." His tone is suddenly light, calm, even, but there's a burning, bitter amusement underneath the words-which makes me even more livid. He wiggles his fingers toward the door. "Go work your shift. You're lucky you still have one."

"And you're lucky I don't sue your stupid ass." I glance behind me, but the area outside of the office is empty. Come on, someone walk by.

"Who would believe you?" he asks. "It's not like you have a responsible track record with your sex life. How many guys have you fucked the last month alone? Four? Five?"

"Oh, Jared. Fuck you." I turn to storm from the office, but he's quick as a snake, grabbing my shirt and dragging me back to him.

"That's exactly what I'm going for." His tongue flickers out between his lips and I'm still so shocked from the force of his action all I can do is think oh, gross before he shoves his mouth against mine. His tongue shoots into my mouth, pushing through my teeth, and I want to cry and gag at the exact same time.

I ram a fist against his chest and kick him in the shin, darting from the office when he drops down to grab his leg.

I flee straight into the bathroom, keeping my back pressed hard against the door, though I can't tell if I'm keeping it closed or if it's keeping me upright. I can't quit shaking.

What the fuck just happened?

I scrape nails down my tongue, needing to erase the memory of his invading my mouth. But it doesn't help. The pungent scent of his cologne has somehow transferred to my skin and into my nose so that each breath makes me feel sicker than the last.

What am I supposed to do?

Go back and freaking kill Jared? Part of the adrenaline causing all the shaking is wild enough for it to sound tempting.

But the other part of the shaking...the part where I can't stop reliving the last few minutes in slow motion? It won't even let me move away from the door.

I'm so grossed out.

And underneath that?

Shame.

But that feeling doesn't get to win right now. I'm too pissed off.

I should quit. I should quit right on the spot.

But...I need the stupid money.

And Zach. I've already screwed him over once this summer. God. Zach. Should I tell him what just happened?

I can't tell him. Would he even believe me after everything else?

I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm too close to throwing up. I stare out into the bathroom, but I can't get my eyes to focus so it's all a line of white brick and a smear of blue stall doors and metallic blobs of sinks.

Somehow I make it out to the bar, keeping my eyes peeled for Jared, but his back is to me-and as the night goes on he avoids looking at me even when it isn't.

It takes over an hour into my shift before I stop trembling. Rage? Fear? A mix of both. I can barely tell up from down right now, and I couldn't list a single drink I've made so far today.

I steal a glance at Vera, whom I've been avoiding eye contact with, and she's waiting tables, smiling and completely oblivious to the monster of the man she's dating. I don't want to go home; I don't want to see her. I don't know what to say. Do I tell her? A good friend would...but...I don't think I can do it.

I have to tell her.

Just...tomorrow. I'll tell her tomorrow. Because right now I can't even make the words form in my mind. Right now the feeling of his tongue is still in my mouth and if I have to talk about it I'm going to throw up.

God, what if she brings Jared home?

Maybe I can stay at Teagan's. I pat my pocket for my phone but it's not there. It's-shit-in the managers' office. I left my bag after storming out. After my shift, I wait until Jared's far away and occupied, talking with Nicole near the food bar, and I sneak into the manager's office to grab my bag.

And then I get the hell out of BackBar.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE.

I call Teagan, but she answers only long enough to whisper that she's on a date before hanging up.

So I spend the night in my car, because there's no one else I want to call.

I have almost a week's worth of tips to pay for a hotel room, but after running out of money so recently, I'm holding on to it way too tightly for that sort of a convenience.

My car's so unbelievably uncomfortable, and I'm still so freaking shaken up, I can't sleep. And my thoughts are racing out of control.

I have the windows open-which, I'm sure, is letting in every bug within a hundred-mile radius-but I'll sweat to death if I roll up the glass. Still, there's hardly any breeze. Every hour I turn the car on for the A/C, but only for a few minutes-and it barely gives any respite.