The truth was I didn't want to forgive and I couldn't forget. May G.o.d forgive me, but I didn't want to spend my life in a marriage where I would wonder constantly if my husband was doing something I knew him capable of once doing. Mistake or not. So, I needed more. I needed proof, because I knew in my heart that the whole 'only one time' had to be a lie. Just like everything else that fell out of Kevin's mouth...all lies.

I stormed through my apartment on a mission: find proof. I searched through clothes, drawers, receipts, and calendars: nothing. Then I turned on his laptop. The idiot always used the same pa.s.sword for everything: moneyman789.

That was all I needed.

As I scrolled through the countless p.o.r.n and disgusting emails detailing their not only one time affair, my phone buzzed.

Kevin.

"h.e.l.lo," I sung sweetly into the phone. My heart pounded in my chest. My stomach flipped and churned. Screaming at him and crying was all I wanted to do, but I held back, held myself together, and clenched my teeth.

"Babe? My mom said you left the fitting. I thought we we're getting past this. I love you. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better about this situation," he pleaded.

"Okay. I need the truth to make this decision; I want to know all the lies Kevin. No more games." Calm. Deep breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Come on, babe; leave your fact checking for work."

I hate you! I hate you for hurting me you stupid, stupid, stupid fool! Tears trailed down my cheeks.

"Lex, it was just that one time. Only last Wednesday. I swear. I swear on everything. I promise you, baby."

"Really?" Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. I will never forgive you.

"Hey, you know the scene in that famous movie, the one where the guy tells the girl how he feels and he holds up that big radio? Well, it's like that. That's how I feel about you. And I want to marry you so bad."

"You can't even tell me in your own words, can you?" I barked out a laugh.

"I'm not good with words, Lex. You're too good for my silly words. Come on, just forget about this, okay?"

"I don't want to play games, Kevin," I snapped.

"No games, baby. No games. I love you. Now get back to your fitting so you can look hot for me on our wedding day."

As soon as we hung up, I dialed another number and cried while listening to the phone ring, "h.e.l.lo. Dream Wedding Planners. How may I help you?"

"h.e.l.lo? Laura? This is Lexa Novak," I chirped through my tears.

"Hi, Lexa! Are we excited? Only a few more days!" she sang, her words full of joy. I wanted to reach right into the phone and punch her in her cheerful little throat.

"Yeah, about that. I'm going to need to cancel the wedding," I said in an eerily calm voice.

"If this is a joke, Miss Novak, it's not really a funny one," she said in a low voice.

"I really wish I were joking, Laura. But I can't get married now."

"Well, how about a reschedule then? If you cancel now you will lose all your money, but if you reschedule, I might be able to pull some strings and..."

"He cheated on me. I won't be rescheduling any wedding with him," I snapped. She gasped and coughed out an apology.

"Lexa, hun. We can't cancel the wedding. We have five thousand dollars worth of flowers being made, guests are flying in; you need to just take a few days and rethink this," she said hesitantly.

"Cancel it," I said, gritting my teeth.

"Hun, you are going to pay for all of it, whether you cancel or not. It's too late for refunds. You should just go through with the wedding and fix your problems after it," she huffed. "I just spoke on the phone with your mother-in-law this morning and there were no problems then, dear."

"Then she could marry her cheating b.a.s.t.a.r.d of a son," I yelled into the phone.

"Okay. Let's not do anything rash. Take a few days and think this through. You're talking about thousands of dollars."

I hung up on her. I understood completely. I was going to lose a lot of money because of his mistake.

With eyes out of focus from crying, I sat curled into a ball on my couch. I rubbed at my vision, trying to remember anything from the relationship worth holding on to. Nothing came to mind. My eyes roamed the apartment and I smiled to myself. No, nothing came to mind. Sophia could have him.

My phone chirped. I hoped it wasn't Kevin or anyone from my family who would try to persuade me to change my mind, because I had a lot to get done in very little time. I looked down at my phone.

How did James get my number?

My next phone conversation was to my building's superintendent. Within an hour, my locks were changed and a sign was hung on my door. And no more tears would be shed for Trager the Mailroom Guy-ever again.

I stood in front of the note on the door, smiling and feeling a bit better. I knew I made the right choice.

To my EX-fiance, Kevin Trager, Since you still thought our relationship was a game, let's play the last one together... A treasure hunt-romantic, right? Remember, that's how you asked me to marry you? Here's the game: I packed up all your belongings from MY apartment and now you have to find where all your c.r.a.ppy stuff is...Here are the clues! Have fun.

Clue 1: All your clothes are where you first told me you loved me.

Clue 2: All your personal papers and important files are where we first met.

Clue 3: All your pictures and stupid things you left around my house are where we had our first kiss.

Clue 4: Your laptop with everything on it, like naked pictures of you and Sophia, are at the house of the person who gave birth to you. She enjoyed the slide show as much as I did. I believe she understands my side of things a little more now.

What do you win for playing this game? All your stuff (I'm not sorry about your clothes-I had a little accident with scissors). And your freedom. Because I will never be okay with marrying someone who lies and cheats. I wanted a marriage, not a wedding, and you couldn't give me the marriage I deserved.

I hope you have a nice life.

It's just going to have to be without me.

Because I deserve better than this.

Wednesday.

I called into work sick. Ben and Jerry kept me company.

Thursday.

I still couldn't make it to work. There was an important John Hughes marathon on the television. Ben and Jerry left. Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels spent the night. I think Mandy came over too.

Friday.

Rain. I think.

My mother visited with a list of dating websites and chicken soup. She said it's good for the soul. But so was Jack Daniels. I introduced them. We ended up burning all of Kevin's pictures I had left in a pot on the stove. My curtains went up in flames and a fire extinguisher had to be used. That white foam was a pain in the a.s.s to clean up.

Sat.u.r.day and Sunday? Unmemorable-mostly because I truly have no recollection of either of those days.

Monday morning was work.

I sat at my desk-right hand clenched around a huge Caramel Frappuccino, second one of the day, and left hand rummaging through an enormous box of G.o.diva chocolate some anonymous person left on my desk. It was most likely Kevin. I didn't really care, you know, free chocolate and all.

I was so enrapt in my research (and sugary goodies) I barely heard the voices as they entered the office. I glanced up and saw a bright-eyed Mandy bouncing on the b.a.l.l.s of her feet, standing next to a handsome...I scrambled up off the seat. "Mr. Holt."

"Miss Novak," he smiled, "you've missed work. Haven't answered any calls. How were your days off? Is everything okay?"

"Um. Yeah. I just had a rough day on Tuesday. I went um, to bed Tuesday night after getting rid of a rodent infestation I had in my apartment. When I woke up, it was this morning."

"Really?" he smiled, knowingly. G.o.d it feels like he's the only person who gets my snarky jokes.

"Word to the wise, never drink NyQuil with our friend Jack. You might believe it's absolutely delicious at the time and admire the lovely shade of vomit it creates, but it packs a greater knockout than you could ever expect," I said.

James chuckled. In the cubicle next to me Frank, another fact checker, popped his head up. "You seriously drank NyQuil and Jack Daniels? Together?"

I winked at him. "You'd be surprised at how good it is."

"I'm surprised you're not dead," he said, laughing.

I glanced back up at James. He was smiling at me, his gaze lingering on my lips. "So what brings the managing editor all the way down into the bas.e.m.e.nt this morning?" I asked, imagining him kneeling in front of my chair, my knees hooked over his shoulders and his lips against my flesh. A rush of blood heated my cheeks.

"I was hoping you could check on some information for me," he said, giving me one of his crooked smiles that made my heart practically explode.

"We usually use the office phone or email for that," Frank cut in.

"Shush, Frank," Mandy snapped, standing behind James and gesturing for Frank to either slit his own neck or to stop speaking. This was Mandy; it could have been either one.

"Well, I tried actually, but talking to the intern at the research desk is an exercise in patience," James said, still holding my gaze.

"Is it?" I laughed.

"Yeah, the kind that makes you want to throw your patience out the window and repeatedly jam your office phone against someone's head," he said, laughing.

Frank rolled his eyes. "All I'm saying is Mr. Holt didn't need to come all the way down to the sub bas.e.m.e.nt to hand you a file of facts to check." A wadded up piece of paper crashed against the side of Frank's face, and his eyes narrowed at Mandy.

"I don't mind. The scenery is much nicer than upstairs," James said, stepping forward and laying a folder on my desk. My cheeks burned as I watched him stare at me. A stare that pierced my skin and bit intensely through all my senses.

My eyes moved over him. I couldn't help myself. From his strong hands to the top of his head and back down again, really slow. His smile widened as his eyes remained locked on mine. "I'm glad you're okay," he whispered, leaning his hand on my desk, drifting forward, closer to me. A slightly sheepish look in his eyes, smile full of danger. He took a slow, deep breath, "You've been on my mind."

My heart slammed against my chest. His eyes were everywhere: on my face, eyes, lips, and back to my eyes. Heat flooded through my body under his gaze. He is a dangerous, dangerous man, I thought as he leaned closer.

I clenched my hands around my bag of chocolate to keep them from pulling his face to mine. Somehow, without thinking, I unwrapped one and popped it into my mouth.

"Well, then," he said blinking and leaning back, running a hand through his unruly hair. "I'll see you when you finish, yeah?"

I nodded and chewed. Words? I had none.

James spun around and walked out without another word.

What the h.e.l.l just happened?

Mandy stared at the door for a beat then slowly turned her head in my direction. "You slept with that man on that airplane!"

"I did no such thing," I gasped loudly.

"Dry humped?" she asked, looking confused.

"No," I said, shaking my head wildly.

"A feel up?" she squeaked, jamming her hands on her hips.

"No! Stop. Not even a kiss."

"Something happened. He was about to grab you and drag you over your desk and screw you in front of us!" she said way too loudly, pointing her index finger in my direction.

"I agree," Frank piped in from behind his cubicle, "that man looked like he was hungry and remembered you were his favorite meal."

"Trust me, nothing happened. I, um just somehow misplaced a pair of underwear in his presence."

"What?" they asked in unison.

9.

Jameson