Maybe someone in Montpelier who knows how the state courts work. Think he'd give me a name?"

"Of course he'd give you a name. And in any case I m sure he d like to see you. You don't stop over Not since Mara had died. He used to like seeing her there. She had always been more laid-back in a family setting.

And then there was the matter of the trouble between Angie and Ben.

That had started up soon after. Dropping by to see Ben would have been awk "Why don't I mention it to him tonight," Angie I'd appreciate it,"

Peter said, and started to leave She touched his arm. "Are you doing this for He considered that. "Maybe." And maybe a little for Lacey, though she had gone back to Boston, and he was just as glad. He didn't want her back. She had pricked his conscience, was all He shrugged.

"Who knows. Maybe I'm doing it for me. He grinned. "Maybe I want to be a new kind of hero. With you ladies giving me a run for my money on the medical front, I need a new niche. Peter Grace, civic activist.

Sounds impressive, don't you ANGIE SAW THE LAST OF HER PATIENTS shortly before three, left the office soon after that, ] and drove straight home. She was disappointed when 3 Ben's car wasn't there, but not surprised. It was the third day this week that she'd come home early. He . hadn't been there once.

Sometimes she drove around, sometimes she, waited. This time she decided to make use of the time by going to the fish market in Abbotsville. j Fresh fish was trucked there every morning from ] the coast of Maine, and the prices were high But 1 Ben loved lobster.

As she saw it, the expendlture was an investment in her marriage.

Back home again, she waited. With the coming d darkness, she turned on the lights. She did a load s laundry, set the table, put the lobster pot on the stove, ] made a salad, spread garlic butter on bread that was 3 ready for toasting. She read Newsweek. She calledS Dougie and left a message when he wasn't in the dorms It struck her that Ben might have gone to see hilmgz The eighth-grade class was going to Acadia Natior Park that weekend, so Dougie wouldn't be home, b, if hP had called, needing something, Ben might ha Sddes hi for ice cream. No not jcweasce He might have taken schOeOImiAgbht llar. to talk with Dougie about She wondered what he would say about her.< had driven Imlh? marKed in turn THEeVolent grin, each hiding a .m !

ee must have seen [ AHiwhwjlheenagd ynou get home? he asked, ng WhatXreyou mCakXmng?erH Wohw- YOU9ve been I bought them in Abbotsville. f thought they'd be [ We haven't had lobster in ages."

"That's why I bought them."

He studied her. Innocently he asked, Is something wrong?"

Was something wrong? Was something wrong? It was the wrong thing to ask her, in the wrong tone of voice. Something snapped inside, only this time there were no tears. "Is something wrong? You're damn right something's wrong. I came home early to see you. I've come home early three times this week, only you're never here. Where have you been?"

He pursed his lips, seeming defiant for a minute, before shrugging.

"Here and there."

"Where's here and there?" She didn't care if she sounded shrewish.

They had been walking politely around each other, pretending that everything was all right. Only it wasn't.

"You want a rundown?" he asked, defiant indeed.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

He leaned against the counter and started ticking off his stops in a robotic tone. I started off at the post office. George Hicks was there. He suggested we go for coffee. I didn't have anything else to do. As far as I knew, you'd be at work. So we had coffee. Then I went to the hardware store and talked with Marty. While I was there, the Freemans came in. They said they were on their way to an estate sale in White River Junction, so I followed them there."

"An estate sale?" Angie asked. "Since when are you interested in antiques?"

"I'm not," he said in his own voice, looking her in the eye, "but the house the antiques were in was gorgeous. And there were other people looking around just like I was. That means human contact, which is a damn sight better than sitting here all by myself." He braced his hands on the counter behind him.

"If you'd told me you were coming home early, I miqht have made a point to be here."

"You wanted spontaneity. I was trying to surprise "Surprise me? Or check up on me? I told you before, Angie, I go out. I stop in town, I drive around I do whatever I can to keep busy. And don't look at me that way. I wasn't with Nora. I told you that before, too."

"Okay."

Angie held up a hand. "Fine. You weren't with Nora." Her hand fell.

She felt overwhelmingly discouraged. "But this isn't right, Ben.

Something's not working. I wasn't coming home to check up on you. I was coming home to spend time with you. I've been trying to change, really I have. I'm not telling you what to do or think. I'm not orchestrating our lives anymore. So what do we do? Nothing. We don't go places. We don't do things. And we don't talk Not the way we used to. Not honestly. Not impul sively. Certainly not about hopes and dreams, the way we used to when we were younger n He swore softly, let out a long, tired sigh, and j looked away. vI don't know what those hopes and l dreams are anymore. Seems like we should be living them out now, only we're not. And suddenly I'm forty-six. More than half of my life is behind me.

What's ahead? I just don't know."

What do you want to be ahead?" Angie asked with some urgency. Her future lay in the answer "I don't know. That's the problem. If I did, I could S act on it. I just feel this goddamned . . .

inertia. Like I wake up in the morning and see this guy in the mirror who has a successful career and makes lots of money that he's stashing away for a rainy day that may not ever come. I see the same road stretching before me day after day after day. It's so fucking boring."

He pushed a hand through his hair. "So maybe it wasn't yolL Maybe the problem was me after all " "Not completely. The things you said about me made sense. I didn't hear what you were saying. I third. I'm trying to change. But I need help from pragmatist, and that is txoring if it dominates the ,because It was easy, hlifshotubldacckhange once l left New York I surrendered to the inevhittabhlappened took the wind from her saiis and set them back q Rising from the table to stand at the windo h t h wasn't saying He wasn't say went to where he stoa found reassurance in his nearness, she stlll I, was what she had missefdrommo here? You have to give me a clue."

"I wish I could."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't knoza. That's what I'm saying."

"Now," she goaded. "Right now. If you had yo chOice of dingt.>awYhtat Wgould give you a boo What would be exciting enough to pull you outs She knew she was taking a chance. If he said he wanted to see Nora Eaton, shedw,a,G sunmewhere "Me?

"Us. I want us to go somewhere."

Relieved, she asked, "Where7" SheetghroiungnhetdagzYln rWilliamsburgf Virginia.f pm=e always so busy and then we had ay. Her grin faded.

"Let's do it now." e looked surprised. "Right now?" She nodded.

"Right now." What about Dougie?" He's not here." What about work7"

s_< jd now weekendtn Angie said f..uHnOctlonbwithout rne for a long m =ith t sdt thought and a g the opr rating room. mire and iwt ho wasn t.

Barbara DeSinsky made sense. I didn't hear what you were saying.

I was a doctor first, a mother second, and a wife third. I'm trying to change. But I need help from you. You were always the lighthearted one of us. You had the exciting ideas. I was the realist, the pragmatist, and that is boring if it dominates the other all the time."

She paused, then asked in frustration, "So why did you let me do it?"

"Because it was easy," he shot back. "It seemed the thing to do. I knew my life would change once I left New York. I surrendered to the inevitable."

Angie felt a spark of anger. "Then what happened is your fault."

"That's what I'm saying," he answered, which took the wind from her sails and set them back to square one.

Rising from the table to stand at the window, she thought about what he wasn't saying. He wasn't saying that he wanted a divorce. He wasn't saying that he was bored with her.

Taking courage from that, she went to where he stood and, shyly almost, slipped her arm through the crook of his. She had always found reassurance in his nearness, she still did, this was what she had missed most in recent weeks.

"So where do we go from here? You have to give me a clue."