Paige didn't have time to get desperate. I'll never lie awake for hours the way Mara did.

It's the night thoughts that do a person in.

Besides, I'm coming from a different place."

Her parents were flighty, not rooted to home.

They had considered parenthood a chore. Mara, on the other hand, had come from a home where the bearing of children was revered.

She thought of the words Thomas O'Neill had spoken, standing on the front steps of the funeral parlor. "Having a baby was what her parents wanted."

But she hated her parents. She rejected everything they stood for."

"Outwardly, perhaps. Inside, maybe not so."

"Did she ever say that?"

"No," Paige admitted. "But it makes sense.

Mara loved children, and she was big on motherhood. Speaking of whichnshe turned to Angie, who looked distracted but snapped back under her gaze"Jill Stickley had good reason to see me yesterday.

She's pregnant."

Peter touched his cup to his forehead. "Good Cod, when will these girls ever learn?" He made for the door.

"It takes two to tango," Paige called after him sharply, since she hated sexist comments, even offered in jestthen returned to Angie and told her about Jill. "I talked with her mother this morning, and she'll tell the school that Jill won't be back until September. In the meantime, she'll be my all pair."

Angie nodded. "Sounds good."

"That is, until the adoption agency finds a permanent home for Sami.

She's a sweetie, Angie. She deserves the best."

"Mara would want that. Then again"Angie looked at the ceilingUwho am I to say what Mara would want? I thought I knew her, hut it seems I didn't."

Paige had said the same to herself all too often in the days newly past, and the mystery went on. "Angie? Do you think that Mara and Peter were ever romantically involved?"

"Romantically? " "SexuallY " Angie hesitated. "That's an interesting thought. Why do you ask?"

Paige told her about the suspenders. "If she was hung up on Peter, she never let on to me." iOr me. Then again," Angie said, frowning at her coffee. "maybe she dropped hints that I didn't hear.

l If so, she wasn't the first." She took a drink, burying her face in the cup.

Paige felt a glimmer of unease. "What do you mean?" For all her competence, Angie had never been a braggart. Nor, though, had she ever been one for self-effacement.

She sighed tiredly. "Oh, I don't know." She fingered the rim of her cup, running her thumb back and forth, back and forth.

"Angie?"

She raised her eyes. They were filled with tears. "I think I've messed up," she said slowly.

Paige reached for her arm. "You? Mess up?

No "Yeah, that's what I've always thought," Angie said, "but I was wrong. Ben and I had a huge fight last night." ill don't believe that, either. You and Ben don't fight. He's too peaceful and you're too right."

"Not last night." She pulled a tissue from a nearby box and pressed it to her eyes.

Paige was shaken. She had never seen Angie vulnerable before. "Okay, so you had a fight.

It can't be that bad."

"He's having an affair," Angie said into her tissue Paige was astonished. "Ben?"

Angie nodded. Her voice shot up and went wobbly. With the town librarian."

"Are you kidding?" But Paige knew Angie wouldn't have said it, wouldn't be crying, wouldn't be in the least bit vulnerable, if she were kidding. "Why in the world is he having an affair with anyone?"

It was a minute and several quiet sobs before Angie was composed enough to answer. "He says that I don't listen to him. That I don't see him.

That "So why didn't he tell you?"

"He said that he did tell me, but that I never took it seriously, and I might have thought he was wrong if it hadn't been for Mara. But here Mara commits suicide, and I'm her partner and friend, and I didn't see it coming. So maybe I didn't see what Ben was feeling, either. And when he names the woman, how can I argue? Nora Eaton. My God."

Paige would never have guessed Ben capable of infidelity, which made a sad statement about her own insightfulness. She hadn't been any more perceptive about Mara's state of mind than Angie had been, and she had supposedly been that much closer a friend.

Now she wrapped an arm around Angie and offered what comfort she could.

"I'm sorry, Angie. What can I do?"

"Not much," Angie said through her tears.

"The dirty deed is done."

"What happens now?"

Angie looked utterly bewildered. XI have no idea. I've never been in this situation before."

"But your instincts are good."

"Apparently not, if I missed this. My own husband has been having an affairfor eight years"her voice tripped"and I had no idea.

I'm looking over my life with Ben the way I looked over my life with Mara and wondering where I slipped up. I'm looking for things I didn't see, but, so help me God, I keep coming up blank. There was no lipstick on his collar.

There was no strange perfume on his clothesor on him." She shivered.

Paige could imagine the direction of her thoughts. she asked, "Was there any change in his behavior toward you?"

Angie shot her a self-conscious glance. "Not in bed, no. Our relationship wasn't overwhelmingly physical. We never had timeI never had time," she corrected. "We didn't make love often, but when we did, it was good, and it still was, at least for me. I thought he enjoyed it." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I thought it was okay to have quality over quantity. I feel like a fool."