He stretched out beside me, his hand finding mine. We laced our fingers together and watched the sky grow purple. "Not out here," he said. "I don't want a public concert."

"You'd charm them all," I said. "The whole city would line up and dance at your command, just like the pied piper."

He laughed, the sound as golden as his hair or even the sun itself. "And then what would I do with them?"

"Line them up and send them all away so that we can be alone."

"We are alone," he said, laughing again. "Sort of."

I rolled to my side and leaned over him. Shadows from the surrounding trees enclosed us. "Alone enough."

I brought my lips down and kissed him, surprising both of us. I hadn't meant to do it. We'd never kissed before. I'd held myself back from him, earning all that chastising from Bastien. I could never bring myself to take Luc's energy and shorten his life. Yet, something came over me just then. It might have been my earlier gray mood or the feelings that were eerily like love within me. Whatever it was, being a succubus didn't matter just then.

Well, it didn't until his energy started flowing into me. Our kissing grew more intense, our lips full of demand. His soul shone so brightly that even that one kiss was enough to taste his energy. It was glorious. My whole body thrilled to both it and his touch.

He wrapped his arm around my waist, and without conscious thought, I began unbuttoning his shirt. He rolled me over so that I was the one on my back now and moved his mouth down to my neck. The knee-length skirts of this time gave him easy access to run his hand up my leg, and I pressed myself closer to him, pulling at his clothes while his hungry lips moved farther and farther down. All the while, that beautiful life filled me. I was drowning in it.

When his lips reached the spot between my breasts, something seemed to jolt him to reality. He pulled up from me, running his hand over my hair as he looked down into my eyes.

"Oh God," he said. "We can't do this. Not now." The mantra of moral men everywhere.

"We can," I said, surprised at the pleading in my own voice. It was the affection I felt for him speaking, not any agenda of Hell's. I wanted-needed-him to be closer to me.

He sighed. "Suzette, Suzette. I want to. But I want us to get married. I can't do this-can't do this to you-unless I know you'll be my wife. It isn't right otherwise."

I stared up at him, uncertainty interfering with my desire. "Are you...are you proposing to me?"

Luc thought about it for a moment and then grinned again, giving me another of those radiant smiles that never failed to make my heart race. "Yes. I guess I am. We'd have to wait a little bit-wait until I had more money. But when the war's over, things will get better."

This war's never going to be over, some gloomy part of me thought. But just now, that wasn't the real issue. His wanting to marry me was. It was impossible, of course. I could theoretically shape-shift so that I aged with him, all the while getting succubus sex on the side. Some succubi did that, having countless husbands over the centuries. Most didn't even stick around. They just disappeared. Their marital vows meant nothing.

Looking at him now, at that burning love in his eyes, I felt my heart torn in two. If I said yes, he would wrap me up again and make love to me. If I said no, he wouldn't-not out of spite, but because of what was honorable. This could be so easy. Say yes. Promise I'd marry him and take him now. I could fulfill my heart's longing, my body's longing, and keep my good standing with Hell. I could leave after we were married. Or, easier still, break off the engagement.

All I had to do was give him a dishonest "yes." Sex to him wasn't right without that. Really, it was a wonder he didn't insist on waiting until marriage. The commitment was apparently enough. He believed in me. He believed I was a good, honest person. If I said I loved him and would be true to him forever, then he would accept that. Just say yes.

But the words stuck in my throat. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't let him find out how base I really was. And as his lingering life energy burned inside me, I realized I couldn't steal more from him. The guilt of what I'd done already was hitting me hard. It had only been the barest taste, but it had clipped time off of his life. And if I did back out of marriage after we'd had sex, he'd think what we'd done had been wrong. A sin. A black mark on his soul.

I slid out from under him and sat up. "No," I said. "I can't marry you."

His happy face remained unchanged. "It doesn't have to be now. And it doesn't even have to be...about this." He gestured to where I'd just been lying in the grass. "Like I said, we couldn't get married for a while anyway."

"No," I repeated, my heart sinking. "I can't...I can't marry you. Ever." I can't hurt you. I care about you too much. I can't take your light from the world.

He must have seen something in my face, something that drove home the truth of my words. That smile faded. The sun disappeared behind clouds. My heart broke. I hastily stood up, suddenly unable to look at him. What was wrong with me? I didn't know. All I knew was that I couldn't stay there. I couldn't stay there and see him hurting. If I did, I would start sobbing. As it was, I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes.

"Suzette, wait!"

I hurried away but soon heard him coming behind me. Even after my rejection, he didn't sound angry. He was concerned, worried about me. I hated that even more. I wish I'd driven him into a rage. But, no, even something like this...it would hurt him, yet he would respect both me and my choice.

Which was why I had to stay away from him. Not just now, but always. I knew now that I couldn't be around someone I cared about. I couldn't stand the thought of causing pain to a loved one. I couldn't stand the thought of damning a good soul. Somewhere, somehow, after centuries of blithely harming others, I had gone horribly awry as a succubus. How? When? With Niccol? Was it just the gradual sum of all the lives and souls I'd harmed finally taking a toll on me?

I was headed back for the hat shop. Bastien and I lived above it. I could still hear Luc following me, calling out to me that everything was okay. I knew if I made it inside, he wouldn't come barging in after me. He'd probably knock politely at the door but would go away if Bastien told him to.

I took a shortcut, cutting behind some buildings off the main road. I knew the way well, but it was dark now, limiting my vision enough that I didn't see the soldier until I ran straight into him. He was standing so still and so solidly that it was like I'd accidentally run into one of the building's walls. I bounced back, and he caught me by the shoulder.

"Easy there," he said. His French had a heavy German accent but was articulated well. "You'll hurt yourself."

He was a giant of a man, young and not unattractive. I couldn't quite tell in the fading light, but his uniform made me think he was an officer of some sort. He was smiling down at me and hadn't let go of my shoulder.

"Thank you," I said demurely. I tried to step back gracefully, but his grip was strong.

"You shouldn't be out here at all," he added. "It's dangerous. Especially with curfew coming." Curfew was nowhere near coming, despite the darkening sky. He looked me over as he spoke. My skirt had fallen back into place while running, but several buttons on my blouse had come undone with Luc and hadn't been fixed. It provided a pretty good vantage on my bra and cleavage.

"My house is just over there," I said. "I'll just-I'll just go now."

The hand on my shoulder stayed locked where it was, but his other hand had slipped through the opening in my blouse and was tracing the shape of my breast. Great. After all the deep and traumatic revelations I'd had tonight about the cursed life of a succubus, the last thing I needed was a Nazi feeling me up.

Scratch that. There was something worse.

"Let her go."

Luc's voice rang out behind me, and I winced. I'd hoped I'd lost him in the chase, but if he had seen me coming in this direction, he could have made a pretty good guess about which path I was taking home.

"Walk away," said the officer. "This has nothing to do with you."

Luc's fists were balled up. "Let her go," he repeated. "I won't tell you again."

The officer laughed, but it was a harsh, terrible sound. "You won't tell me anything."

I tried my best to peer at Luc while still in that hard grip. "Go," I told him. "It'll be all right. I'll be okay."

"Smart girl," said the German.

Luc lunged at him, and I was shoved out of the way as the two men grappled with each other. I stared in horror. Everything happened so quickly that my brain barely had time to even register what I was seeing. Luc was strong and fast, but the other guy was huge-and had a knife. I saw it flash briefly in what light was left, and then Luc's body went rigid. The officer stepped back, jerking the blade out of Luc's stomach as he did.

I shrieked and tried to run toward him, but the Nazi's arm stopped me, grabbing hold of me once more. Luc's hands clutched at his stomach as blood flowed from it. He looked down at it in disbelief, like he was waiting for a punch line to reveal itself, and then he collapsed to the ground. I tried again to break free of my captor but couldn't. Luc's eyes gazed up at me, though his lips couldn't form any words as he lay there in that terrible agony, the life pouring out of his body.

"There," said the German officer, pulling me so that I was pressed against his chest. His knife had disappeared to wherever it had come from, and the hand that had held it-the hand that had stabbed Luc-was reaching under my shirt again. "Now there are no more distractions."

I heard Luc make a strangled sound as the officer ripped open the last of my buttons. Enough of my numbed shock wore off that I remembered I could fight back here. I could shape-shift to twice this guy's size and- Thunk. The Nazi's head lurched forward as something struck him from behind. His hold on me released, and he fell to the ground unconscious. Bastien stood behind him holding a hat block: a heavy, rounded wooden object used for constructing hats.

"I'd know your scream anywhere," he said.

I had no time for his joking or to offer thanks. I dropped to my knees beside Luc and pulled off my blazer, frantically trying to use it to stop the bleeding. He was still conscious, and his eyes were on my face, still full of that hope and love that was so characteristic of him. Bastien knelt beside me, face solemn.

"No human medicine can fix this, Fleur," he said quietly.

"I know." I'd known as soon as I'd seen Luc fall. It was why I hadn't sent Bastien to get help. "Oh God. This can't be happening."

"It's...all right." Luc's words were barely audible, and I had a feeling he was choking on blood. "You're safe...all that matters..." He coughed again, and this time I did see blood near his lips.

"No, no," I said. "It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. None of this should have happened!"

It was my fault. All my fault. Luc had come to save me from the German. I'd run into the German because I'd fled from Luc. And I'd fled from Luc because I'd suddenly latched on to a moral high ground and refused to have sex with him. If I'd just given in...if I'd just said I'd marry him and taken him like a succubus should have, this never would have happened. We would have been lying in the grass right now, naked in each other's arms. Instead, he'd died in this alley because of me, because of my weakness. I was a succubus who'd tried to act human-and I'd done a shitty job at both.

Luc was beyond speech now. Everything was said with his eyes as he gazed at me, like I was some angel sent to carry him home. Bastien nudged me.

"Fleur, he's going to stay alive a little while. You know how long stomach wounds take. It's agony."

"I know," I growled, choking off a sob. "You don't need to tell me."

Bastien's voice was grave. "You can stop it. Ease his suffering."

I stared at Bastien incredulously. "What do you expect me to do? Go get that knife and finish him?"

He shook his head. "He's only got a little life left, Fleur. Only a little. You won't need to do much."

I didn't get it right away. When I did, I felt my eyes go wide. "No...I can't..."

"He dies regardless," said Bastien. "You can make it faster...sweeter..."

I was still shaking my head, but Bastien's words had penetrated. He was right. He was right, and I hated him because he was right. Turning from Bastien, I looked back at Luc, whose brow I'd been stroking with my hand. His gaze was still turned upward, still at me. A drop of water fell on his cheek, and I realized it was one of my tears.

"Good-bye, Luc," I said softly. It seemed like I should say a million other things to him, but I couldn't form the words. So, instead, I leaned down and brought my lips to his. I pressed against them, making full contact, though it had none of the animal passion from before. This was gentler. A whisper of a kiss.

But as Bastien had said, it didn't take much. The beautiful, silvery sweetness of his life energy flowed into me. It was just as pure and perfect as before-and it was gone quickly. I took it into me and sat up, just as Luc exhaled his last breath. The eyes that had watched me so adoringly saw nothing now. I sat up and leaned against Bastien.

"I killed him," I said, no longer holding the tears back.

"You brought him peace. You were his angel." It was an eerie echo of my earlier sentiments.

"No, this...I mean, before. He shouldn't have been out here. He's here because...because of me. If I'd slept with him, this wouldn't have happened. But I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt him...didn't want to taint him...and then this happened...."

Bastien put his arm around me. "If it makes you feel better, his soul won't be going to our people."

I buried my face in his shoulder. "This is my fault. My fault...I should have done what I was supposed to do. I was ready to-then he asked me to marry him and-damn it. I should have done it. I should have lied. It would have been better for everyone. I don't know how this happened...."

"It happened because you get too close to them," said Bastien. He was stern but trying hard to be gentle. "Men like this...anyone like this...they enchant you, Fleur. You get attached and then you get hurt."

"Or I hurt them," I murmured.

"You need to stay indifferent."

"It's getting worse," I said. "Every time, it's harder on me. I don't understand. What's happening to me? What's wrong with me?"

"Immortality," he said wisely. "Too many years."

"What do you know? You're younger than me."

Bastien helped me stand, though I was reluctant to let Luc go. "I know that you can't keep doing this. Listen to what I said: don't get attached to these good ones. No matter what you do, it won't end well."

"I won't go near the good ones at all," I said in a small voice. "No more. I'm staying away from them altogether."

Bastien's kindly mien dropped. "That's ridiculous," he scoffed. "Weren't you listening to me earlier? You can't go after immoral men for eternity. You'd get no energy. You'd have to do it every other day."

I looked down at Luc, Luc who had loved me and gotten killed for me. My fault. All my fault.

"Never again," I said. "I won't ever hurt anyone like that again."

When I returned to the box in the dark, I didn't need the Oneroi to enlighten me. All of that dream had been true-except for the last part. It had been a lie. I had continued to hurt people, over and over.

Chapter 16.

Really, when you thought about it, what I was going through wasn't that much different from dying after all. They always said you saw your life flash before your eyes, and that's how it was for me. Dream after dream. I relived the most painful moments of my life, true dreams where I'd done terrible things and seen terrible things done to those I loved. More "realities" that had never happened were shown to me as well. In one, Roman's recent display of affection turned out to be a scam. It was a front to punish me for my role in the death of his sister. Only, he didn't go after me directly. He went after all my friends, mortal and immortal. I watched him kill them one by one as he ignored my pleas to just finish me off instead.

The Oneroi latched onto how I was bothered more by the suffering of those I loved than of myself. They mocked me, claiming that Roman's rampage was a vision of the future that had come through the gate of horn. I didn't believe it...at least, I didn't think I did. Nyx could see the future. Could they? Or were they maybe in contact with her, despite her imprisonment? My higher reasoning was giving way to paranoia as I was stripped further and further of my essence. I even began to dread the true dreams from the mortal world, the ones that showed me my friends. They were no longer a comfort; they only plunged me further into darkness. Because as the Oneroi had predicted, there seemed to be no hope of rescue in sight.

Still, I kept dreaming....

Roman, Hugh, and the vampires were in a van. Peter was driving, and the clock on the dashboard read two o'clock in the morning. No one spoke in the small space, giving me no clue as to what was transpiring. Their headlights illuminated a sign along the freeway that indicated an exit for Idaho State Route 41. Idaho?

"Can you change the station?" asked Hugh. "I hate talk radio."

"Because you might learn something?" asked Peter.

"Because I'm trying to stay awake."

"It's a rule of the road: driver controls the radio."

"What rule book says that?"

"Enough," said Roman. His voice was weary, his face more so. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping much, but considering the time of night, that wasn't a surprise. He unfolded a map and then checked a piece of paper with some notes scrawled on it. "It should be the next exit."

"How'd Carter even find this guy?" asked Cody.

"Because Carter moves in mysterious ways," said Hugh. "Hard-drinking, hard-smoking mysterious ways."

"Yeah, but if he knew, why didn't he tell Jerome?"

"Because Jerome would go into blasting mode if he found out. I guess Carter was keeping it on the down-low as some sort of compassionate act. He's an angel and all."