"Nash doesn't do more and neither do I."

Roxie hit me with her trademark directness. "I think you want more from him, and I think you're scared to admit it to yourself, let alone to him."

It was exactly what I'd been thinking about all week. I hadn't been able to figure it out though. "I'm so confused about it all," I admitted, "I don't want to want him, and I'm not sure if I just want sex from him or if I actually do want more. But if I do work out that I'm after a relationship with him, then I'm screwed because he doesn't do them."

She nodded thoughtfully. "No, he doesn't, does he? But maybe it's why he's avoiding you, girl. Maybe he does want something with you and is confused about it too. I think you need to go and talk to him."

I sighed. "Trying to talk to Nash about this is hard work."

"Well shit, girl, the potential sex has to make it worth it, right?" She winked at me.

My body tingled just thinking about that. Hell, she had a point.

"Can't get enough of the place?" Griff quizzed me, looking up from the paperwork he was doing.

I dumped my bag on the table and sagged into the chair in front of him. Ignoring his question, I asked, "Why are you doing paperwork? You hate that stuff."

"Cody's busy with staffing problems and Scott asked me to take care of it."

I studied him. Griff was ruggedly sexy and had a commanding presence that you just knew not to fuck with. But if you didn't fuck with him, he was the kind of man who would always be on your side, and I had a deep respect for him. I'd had some of the most amazing and deep conversations with him over the years when he'd let me in; he was a scary guy but he was proof that there was beauty in everyone if you looked hard enough.

Griff was good with silence, and we sat quietly for awhile before he looked up at me and asked, "You after Nash?"

"Huh?" I wasn't sure if he meant tonight or in general.

"Figured you'd come in to see him seems it's your day off and there's no other reason for you to be here. He's out the front somewhere."

"Probably with some skank," I muttered under my breath, jealousy stabbing me with a sharp knife.

"You might be surprised," he murmured, thoughtfully.

"And I might not be."

He put down his pen and gave me his full attention. "You got something going on with him?"

I hesitated for a moment, but then threw caution to the wind. "No. We slept together once, but that's all."

He scowled. "Hell of a way to fuck with a friendship."

"Thanks, Griff. I can always count on you to state the bloody obvious," I grumbled.

"Shit, Velvet, I thought you had your head screwed on better than that. You're a tough bitch on the outside but I know that under all that bullshit, you're just like every other woman."

"What the hell does that mean?"

He leant closer to me. "It means that sex isn't always just sex. For you to give that to a friend, to Nash... fuck, it tells me you want more from him."

Conflicting emotions assaulted me; my stomach was a knot of anxiety at the thought of what he'd said being true. Before I could form a reply, we were interrupted by a voice at the door. "Griff, Cody needs you out the front, brother."

Nash.

I looked up into his eyes. He was talking to Griff but his full concentration was on me. I squirmed under his fierce gaze.

Griff pushed his chair back, and gave me one last piece of advice before leaving, "Keep your fucking legs closed until you work out what the hell you want."

He exited the room, leaving me in a state of inner turmoil. I continued to watch Nash, waiting for him to say something. He didn't take his eyes off me, but he eventually spun around and left without uttering a word.

What the hell?

I jumped up and immediately stalked after him. We were sorting this shit out right now even if I had to tie him to the spot and force him to talk.

He'd made for the front door of the club and I followed him outside before finally catching up to him as he rounded the corner of the building into the carpark.

"Nash!"

He promptly stopped and turned to face me. "Not getting into this with you tonight, Velvet." His voice was savage, and I recoiled.

"When will you get into it with me?" I demanded.

"Do we even have to get into it?"

"You did not just fucking say that, Nash!"

"Yes, I fuckin' did," he threw back at me, hacking into my heart a little more.

He'd knocked the wind out of me and I struggled with where to go from here. "I thought you were different."

"No, Velvet, I'm not. I'm your standard bastard who likes to fuck without further complications. If you thought there was more to this, you were wrong."

My heart ached for my friend; the one I thought was inside him somewhere. I just wanted him back. Instead, he'd disappeared and in his place was this asshole who I didn't want a bar of. "No, I thought you were different because I thought I was your friend. That's all I wanted from you, and you couldn't even give me that."

His eyes flashed with ferocity. "You done?"

"Yes, I'm done. We're done," I spat.

His chest heaved, and he blew out a long breath before saying, "Good."

I watched him turn and leave with the heaviest heart I'd ever had. Not even my ex husband had caused this amount of pain.

Chapter 11.

Do I Wanna Know ~ Arctic Monkeys Nash I woke after a restless night. A night where I'd wrestled with some motherfucking demons. They'd chased me down and knocked my ass flat on the ground, strangling the life out of me. I'd almost hit the point of no return last night. The bottle was begging me to make her my mistress again, and it was taking every fucking ounce of restraint I had not to succumb to her charms.

The one thing that could help me, the release I craved, was the one thing I couldn't make myself do. Sex. Usually I fucked my way out of this black hole, but Velvet had changed all of that. She'd changed everything, and the suffocating pressure I experienced when I thought about her told me that I needed to stay as far from her as I could. The fucking problem was that a need like I'd never known consumed my every waking moment; a need that only she could fill.

Fuck.

My phone buzzed with a text as I was getting ready for the day.

Erika: Thanks very much for assaulting my neighbour.

Me: You're fucking welcome.

Erika: Not what I was aiming for, asshole.

Me: He deserved it.

Erika: I give up.

I shoved my phone in my pocket, choosing to ignore any further messages from her. I'd see her tonight anyway, and had no doubt she'd continue her tirade then. Until then, I had club business that needed taking care of. Griff was meeting me at the clubhouse in half an hour to go over some of it so I pushed everything else to the back of my mind and concentrated on the one part of my life I still felt some control over.

After dealing with morning traffic I'd finally arrived at the clubhouse only to cop shit off Griff after we finished going over club business.

"You talk to Velvet?" He was giving me the look he reserved for men he wanted to use as his personal punching bag.

"It's none of your business, but yes I did."

"And?"

"What the fuck, Griff? I don't stick my nose in your business."

"My business doesn't include Velvet. That woman is a friend and I look out for my friends, brother. You included."

"You can look out for me by leaving this the hell alone."

"Why are you so hell bent on burying this? I thought you and Velvet were good friends."

"We were."

"Were?"

Fuck.

"Screwing her wrecked the friendship if you must know. Just like I knew it would. Women can't mix the two."

"You sure it's all on her?"

"What the fuck?"

"I saw you knock back two chicks last night. Never seen that before, so I've gotta wonder why. And I can't help but think that Velvet's got something to do with it."

"Got a lot of shit going on, brother. Velvet's the least of my fuckin' concerns," I asserted, more than ready for this conversation to be over.

He contemplated what I'd said and then nodded slowly. "I hope Velvet's still there when you're ready to be honest with yourself. You two would be good for each other."

I felt the desperate need to argue with him about that, but I saw Velvet enter the clubhouse and needed to escape the building more than I needed to argue. "I'll catch you later, man," I muttered as I made my hasty exit.

I arrived at Mum's for family dinner that night and Carla grinned at me, raining some sunshine down into my shitty day. "Glad you could make it, big brother," she greeted me with a hug.

I wrapped my arms around her and held on for a little longer than necessary. "Wouldn't miss Mum's cooking, babe," I said as I reluctantly let her go.

She eyed me suspiciously. "What's wrong, Nash?"

"Nothing. I'm good," I said a little too enthusiastically.

"You're forgetting who you're talking to. I'm not one of your biker friends who doesn't know you as well as I do; you can't lie to me, so spill."

I rubbed my face. "It's just been one of those months," I admitted.

Her face was a picture of kindness. "I get it," she said, quietly.

I smiled at her, and reached out to squeeze her hand. "Thank you." She knew exactly what was bothering me and I loved her for not forcing me to talk about it.

"Nash," she whispered, "Next month is going to be bad, isn't it?"

My chest constricted. "Yeah."

The worst fucking hell.

Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked a couple of times and got herself under control. She faltered for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry."

I pulled her to me and hugged her again. We clung to each other for a couple of minutes, neither saying a word, but there was no need for words. Besides, after ten years there were no more words to be said. Words wouldn't bring him back.

Carla moved out of my hold. "You should come into the kitchen. I've got some news to tell everyone." She changed the subject and managed to lighten the mood a little.

"Fuck, I hope you're not going to tell us you're getting married or some shit."

She smacked me on the chest, and poked her tongue at me. "No, smartass, I'm not getting married."

I laughed, and managed to shove some of the shit in my mind to the dark corners again; hidden just enough to be able to function.

She dragged me into the kitchen where the rest of our family was, and they greeted me with the usual Walker hospitality of 'hey, asshole' and 'bout time you got here, dickhead'. I grumbled some shit back at them but my heart was warmed by the love I found in this room. It was a welcome distraction from everything else in my life at the moment.

"So," Carla announced, "I've broken up with Jesse. For good this time."