She surprised the fuck out of me with her next words. "Gabriella called me the other day."

"What the hell? What did she want?"

"She wants to come and see you. To talk about it. I don't think she's coping, and I told her you weren't either."

The blinding rage I'd managed to keep at bay the last couple of weeks roared to life. My ears pounded with it, and my vision blurred. "She isn't fuckin' coping? Fuck, if it wasn't for her, none of this shit would have ever happened. I'm not seeing her; I won't. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to her about me," I thundered.

Mum remained calm, but her voice took on the firm tone she hardly ever used. "Nash, I'm worried about you. Your anger is getting worse, and I'm worried you're going to end up back where you were when you went to jail."

"I'm dealing with this, okay? And I'm not going back to jail."

She kept going, but her voice softened. "I hope not, because I don't want you to go through that again. I don't want any of our family to go through that again. You don't know what it's like for us to watch you do this to yourself; what it was like for us to watch you go to prison." Her voice cracked, and then she continued, her eyes begging me to hear her, "Do you know how hard it is for a parent to watch their child go through what you did? And then to watch their child spend the next ten years struggling with the weight of it?"

My heart pumped furiously in my chest. I tried to control my temper. Tried not to explode at my mother, but I couldn't stop myself. The pain took over. "No, I wouldn't know because I don't have a fuckin' child," I spat at her.

Fuck!

My skin crawled with hurt, anger, pain. The need to rip it all off was overwhelming, but I didn't know how to do that. I'd never worked it out. The only things that eased it were fighting and fucking. But even I knew that I'd come to a point where they weren't working anymore.

She let me hurl my hurt at her. She didn't flinch; rather, she welcomed it. "I know you don't want to see Gabriella, and I understand that. But I truly think it would be good for you. It might start to give you some closure."

I stood there, wearing my brokenness like an old, familiar coat, and I admitted one of my greatest fears to my mother. "I can't see her, can't be in the same room as her. If we got into this in person, I'm worried what I would do." I took a deep breath before I delivered the rest in a rough, distressed voice. "I'm worried my anger would make me do something none of us could come back from."

Mum's hand flew to her throat as she gasped. "You're worried you would kill her?"

I nodded, the despair I'd been living with for ten years rising to the surface. "Yes, a life for a life."

She was worried; I knew she was. It almost made me wish I hadn't told her, but a part of me felt relieved to get it out there. "Nash - " she began.

I cut her off. "I'm not going to see her so there won't be a problem. And now that you know why, I'm hoping you'll stop trying to push me."

She nodded, and was about to say something when my phone buzzed with a text message.

Scott: You and Kick free to meet with Blade today?

Me: When?

Scott: As soon as possible.

Me: Yeah, I'll round Kick up.

I eyed Mum. "I've got club business to take care of. You gonna be okay?"

She reached out to hug me, and then murmured, "I'll never stop worrying about you, baby. I just hope you can stop bottling this up. Maybe Velvet can help you."

I gave her a tight smile, and tried to reassure her. "She's helping."

"Good." She shooed me with her hands. "Go. Take care of your work. And talk to Velvet. Promise me that at least."

I couldn't make promises I wasn't sure I could keep. "I'll tell her you said hi."

I left her to go in search of Kick. The weight I'd been carrying felt a little lighter, and I contemplated talking to Velvet tonight; contemplated telling her what I hadn't told her last night. I'd finally be laying myself bare to her, and I wasn't sure anymore if that scared the shit out of me or made me feel the kind of hope I hadn't felt in a long time.

Nash Blade met Kick and I at Scott's house. Scott had called in Griff and J for this meeting as well, and the mood was sombre. We were fairly sure that Marcus was still spreading lies about Scott to other club members so there was a sense of urgency to this.

Blade listened silently while Kick shared with him what he'd already told Scott and I. I watched Blade; his face was a blank mask. He hid his emotions completely. I'd never met someone as unreadable as him. Griff came close, but perhaps because I'd gotten to know him, I could read him better than Blade.

When Kick finished talking, Blade asked, "Are you in with any cops up here? To ask if they know anything about this."

"Yeah, I spoke with some of them today, but they knew nothing. Said they'd look into it for me, but I'm not holding my breath." Kick looked at Scott, and said, "I spoke with two of your older members today, the two who I know will keep this quiet. They knew nothing either, although one of them said that in the year this happened, there was some club rivalry up here with Black Deeds. And that Marcus had some cops in his pocket who helped him deal with any problems that came from that. I don't know if that ties in at all with the shit in Sydney, but if you've got anyway to look into it, that'd be helpful."

Scott nodded. "Yeah, brother. We'll take a look into it."

Blade also agreed. "I'll get my guys onto it as well."

Scott looked at Blade. "Anything else come up about this guy Marcus is looking for?"

"Blue? No, nothing yet," Blade replied.

"Fuck," Scott muttered. "I've been racking my brain trying to figure that out, and haven't come up with anything either."

I eyed Griff and J. "You two come up with anything?"

"Nothing," Griff said, quietly. He'd been acting strange all week, and even today he was off. I made a mental note to talk to him when I get a chance; to make sure he was alright.

"I called some of the boys in Adelaide to see if they knew anything. Not one fucker seems to have a fucking clue," J said, clearly frustrated.

Kick listened to everyone, and then informed us, "You were right about Marcus wanting back in on the drugs. Our supplier told us that Marcus approached him yesterday. He told the supplier he's got some loose ends in the club to tie up, and then he'll be good to go."

Not what any of us wanted to hear.

"Thanks for that info, Kick," Scott said. I noticed the stress that was clear on his face. This was taking its toll on him, and he'd grown moodier than usual over the last week.

Kick made to leave. He eyed me. "Nash, I'm gonna head home now, brother. Thanks for the bed."

I slapped him on the back. "It was good to see you, man."

He jerked his chin at everyone, and then left us to discuss our plan going forward.

Blade was the first to speak. "This isn't going to be as easy as I first assumed. I've got some of the best guys around working on this, and they're not finding anything. Marcus is smarter than I gave him credit for."

Scott nodded. "Yeah, I'm realising the same thing. I'd really like to know who the fuck this Blue guy is. If Marcus is looking for him, there's a damn good reason."

Blade opened his mouth to speak, but we were interrupted when Madison barged into the house, followed closely by Harlow and Velvet.

J stood as soon as he saw Madison. "What's wrong, baby?"

She pushed her way through us, and pointed at Harlow. "She's sick, and we were close so I brought her here."

Harlow was holding her hand over her mouth and bolted into the bathroom. Scott followed her.

Velvet made her way to me, and I pulled her close, and asked, "What's wrong with Harlow?"

"She started vomiting, no warning, just hung her head out of the car window, the poor thing."

"So, girl's day is off?"

She grinned at me. "Maybe. You got a better option for me?"

"Fuck, yes, I've got a better option for you, sweet thing. I'm always full of better options."

She whispered in my ear, "So long as it involves your favourite body part, I'm down."

I slid my hand over her ass, pulling her even closer to me. "Oh, you'll be going down alright, darlin'."

She moaned, softly. No-one else in the room would have heard it, but I did. And it hit me right in the dick. I looked over at Griff. "We finished here?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, not much more to discuss at this point."

Thank fuck for that. "I'm out of here then, brother."

Velvet gave me a strange look.

"What?" I asked.

"I need to check with Madison first, to make sure she's okay with calling it off."

"Well, hurry that the fuck up, baby," I muttered.

I watched her ass sway as she made her way to Madison. She had those tight fucking jeans on again today, and I couldn't wait to get her home and get them off her.

"What are you thinking?" she asked when she came back to me.

I smirked. "I was just thinking I'd be doing you a service by taking those jeans off."

She raised a brow. "Oh, really? And how's that?"

"They're so fuckin' tight, so I'd be helping you breathe properly again."

"What would I do without you, Nash Walker? You're just too good to me."

Chuckling, I agreed, "I really am. Now get your ass out to my bike so I can make good on my promise to help you breathe again."

Nash I watched Velvet sleep later that night. We'd ended up spending the rest of the day and night together. I'd introduced her to more of my talents in her bed, the shower, and on her dining table. She'd fallen asleep just before eleven pm, and I was left alone with my thoughts. Not a good place to be; not tonight.

I'd tried to talk to Velvet tonight, but the words got trapped and I couldn't force them out. She'd known, too. And the thing I fucking loved about her; she didn't push the point. It was like she instinctively knew that I needed the time and space to sort my shit out. And with each day together, I knew I'd get there. I had that much faith in us.

I brushed a soft kiss across her forehead before laying back on the bed. I placed my hands behind my neck, and settled in for a long night. There would be no sleep tonight; I was fairly sure of that. All there would be were memories. I did it every year; dredged up the memories that should have been the beginning of many more. But we'd fucked it all up. There were no more memories to be had. And all that was left were the ghosts that haunted me.

Chapter 28.

Storm ~ Lifehouse Velvet I rolled over and reached for Nash. The bed was empty though. Sitting up, I listened to see if I could hear him in the house. Nothing.

My feet hit the ground a moment later, and I went in search of him. He'd been off last night, and I was concerned. I found him in the kitchen, leaning against the bench with a coffee in his hand. He turned when he heard me, and I sucked in a breath at the sight of his face.

He looked ravaged.

I started to walk towards him, but he placed his coffee mug down and took a step away from me. I stopped, not sure what was happening. It was big though, whatever it was.

He spoke first. "I've got some club stuff to take care of today, so I'll be busy all day." His voice was off; ragged almost.

"Okay," I said, carefully.

He didn't move though, just stood watching me, warily. I wanted to go to him, to comfort him. But I knew he wouldn't allow that so I didn't move. I waited for him, for his next move.

Taking a step in my direction, he said, "I don't know when I'l be finished, so we shouldn't make any plans for tonight." He took a breath before adding, "I'll call you tomorrow."

That was like a slap in the face, but I knew deep down that he hadn't meant it the way it came out. I also knew he needed me to let him go. I nodded. "Okay."

He blinked, like he hadn't expected that to be so easy. "Okay," he said, and he left without a kiss goodbye. I watched him go, my heart heavy. The worst part was, I had no idea why.

A couple of hours later, I was dressed and at a loose end. Nash was on my mind; I couldn't think about anything else. I'd sent him a text message but he hadn't replied. There was something very wrong with him; I knew it in my gut. And being the kind of woman I was, I couldn't not check in on him so I grabbed my car keys, and made the short drive to the Storm clubhouse.

His bike was out the front, and I entered the clubhouse with a small amount of hesitation. I didn't want him to think I was checking up on him; there was a difference between checking up and checking in, and it was the latter I was doing.

The first thing I noticed was that the clubhouse was pretty empty. Sunday morning; I guess most of the boys were having a quiet day at home. The second thing I noticed, or rather, heard, was yelling coming from the bar area. And it was Nash's voice that I heard. And, holy shit, I'd never heard him so mad.

I hurried in the direction of the yelling, coming to a halt only when I found him. He was yelling at a woman, and his focus was so intently on her that he didn't see me. I could see both their faces from where I was standing, and she had tears streaming down hers. Nash, on the other hand, looked like he was about to explode. He towered over her, and his voice thundered out abuse. I struggled to make out what he was yelling; I was actually more concerned for the woman at this point. He looked like he wanted to kill her.

Finally, I decided to step in, for her safety mostly. "Nash," I said as I moved toward him.

His head spun around to face me, and he stopped yelling. But, it was like he didn't even recognise me. Wild eyes frantically searched my face, as if he was trying to place me.

The woman took the opportunity to yell at Nash now that he'd stopped yelling at her. "I lost him too, Nash; not just you. I've struggled just as much as you - "