chapter 8

(Traditional Chinese cover scanned by Dairytea)

Chapter Eight

My second return to the mortal realm was just as noisy as the first. Just as my eyelids quiver and crack open, I hear this squeaky, androgynous voice that just about sends me back to the Bridge of Hopelessness.

“Quickly now! Deliver the news! His Seventh Highness has awoken!”

“Zhang-gonggong.”

The melodious tone of a female voice nearly brings tears to my eyes. Finally, a

G.o.dd.a.m.n woman around here! “Do not dare fool us now. Our son…has our son truly

awoken?”

I wiggle my fingers and open

my eyes to a beautiful woman in courtly attire bounding toward me. “O my son!”

she bawls. “You’ve finally awoken. Do you know how worried I was?!”

Oh s.h.i.+t, she’s the prince’s

birth mother, the empress dowager herself. I pretend to be weak as I push

myself up in bed. “Empress Mother.”

Before I can finish, I find

myself drawn into her bosom and rubbed endearingly. “What were you trying to

do, scaring me half to death like that?! You must know, I almost left this

world along with you… O you hound! But you had some goodness left in you,

enough to come back… Your brother, His Majesty, asked me to wait a few days for

the yin energy to disperse before I came to see you, but before I could…you

went and….”

Geez, do I feel awkward being stroked

in her arms. At the end of the day, she’s the prince’s mother, not mine. Judging

from her looks, she must have been ‘a real knockout’ in her prime. If she were

twenty years younger, I’d run after her even if I lose both my shoes. Being so

tightly embraced by such an elegant and charming lady feels really awkward,

especially since I haven’t been around women for so long. But what can I do? I

just have to start seeing her as my real mom.

I tighten my jaw as I try to

enjoy the ma.s.sage. The empress dowager’s tears keep gus.h.i.+ng out like the Huai

River when the w.a.n.gjiaba Dam

is opened.

“…I advised you before not to

keep those improper things in the manor. You can play around, but there’s a

limit with everything, all right? If only you had heeded my words, these two

incidents would not have occurred. I have ordered the Ministry of Punishment to

send Pei Ruoshui to death row. That wicked w.a.n.g Rui is imprisoned there as

well, and I specifically ordered men to keep an eye on him so he cannot find

solace in a quick death. There he shall stay until you fully recover, after

which you may ask your brother for an imperial edict to kill him however you

like.”

I wriggle out from her embrace

– it’s time for honour and virtue!

“Empress Mother, why don’t we

let those two go?”

“What was that?” Her

delicately painted brows furrow as she pinches my cheeks. “Dear prince, is

your head still hurting? I shall call the imperial physician to examine

you.”

I brush her hand away and a.s.sume

a solemn face and tone. “I am serious, Empress Mother. After two encounters with

death, we realize our past mistakes. I committed many evils and well deserve to

die. I have decided to change for the better and be a new, better man. Empress Mother, I think you will agree with me when I say that I am at fault with regards to

the tanhua. This time wasn’t Ruoshui’s

fault, either. I hit my head with the pillow of my own accord.”

Her hand clutches at her

chest. “But why, dear child…”

“It was the heavens’

intentions.” I look up towards the sky with a sigh. “I committed too many sins,

enough to be struck down by heavenly judgment, thrown into the pits of h.e.l.l.

Fortunately, heaven gave me a chance to return and lead a new life. But if I were

to commit the same sins, I would hit myself for the smaller offences, and for a

serious offence, I would actually be struck by lightning!”

Thrown into the pits of h.e.l.l…LOL!

Well, it’s too d.a.m.n bad I never tried to bean actor or an insurance salesman!

Her hand tightens around her

collar.

“Empress Mother, please let

those two go for my sake so that I can begin a new life. Not to mention it was I who committed those hideous crimes. If we punished them, it would only smear

the good name of our house and damage the righteous image of my brother, His

Majesty.”

Her eyes begin to water and

then close. Out like a light. I roll out of bed as the throng of eunuchs and

maids rush to fan her and ma.s.sage her head. f.u.c.k me, but these maids are pretty

cute. A short while later, the empress dowager comes to and pulls me close by

the shoulders.

While beating on my torso, she

cries, “O my prince! O poor me! O poor me! To think after fasting

and praying to Buddha for so many years that we would see you change for the

good…”

I nod vigorously while holding

a grin. d.a.m.n, it’s not easy being a good person! Can’t you be a little gentler,

mamadukes? You think you’re hitting your son, but I’m the one who’s hurting!

Gonggong was a suffix

used for high-ranking eunuchs.

A dam on the Huai River, near the eponymous w.a.n.gjiaba Town in Anhui

Province.

The Buddhist fast is

seen as a cleansing ritual. Animal products and alcohol as well as the five

spices (onion, spring onion, garlic, green garlic and chives) are forbidden,

and solid food is forbidden after early afternoon.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dairytea:

Chapter Nine

Spring Once More by is licensed under a .