chapter 2

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Chapter Two

“Indeed, we have done

something wrong.” An old gentleman in a black windbreaker on  gives me an overly friendly smile and then turns to yell at two

figures who are cowering on the ground. “You’ve done this for

tens of thousands of years, and you still commit such an elementary

mistake! I made it exceptionally clear it’s that young master X,

son of the XX, who drives a black BMW. And what do you strike? A

pegreen Chery! Black! Pegreen! Are you colour-blind?! Is a Chery

on the same level as a BMW, you two s.h.i.+theads?!”

Right after I’d arrived, I

howled up a storm and vented all my anger. Seeing that these reapers

appear rather sincere, I loosen my grip on the old gentleman’s

collar and sit with my legs crossed arrogantly on the bridge pier.

“Hey, granddad, since you’ve struck the wrong person, you should

send me back before they push me into the morgue.”

The chief of King Yan’s Divine Retribution Department beams even more charmingly. “My lad,

I’m so sorry about my two useless subordinates here. We are King

Yan’s Divine Retribution Department, and our job is to punish

evildoers who do not receive their rightful punishment in the mortal

world…”

“You already introduced

yourselves when I first got here.”

“We were supposed to strike

that young master X who enticed, raped, and then murdered more than

ten girls. Your car was driving ahead of his, and there was a slight

lapse of judgment…”

“I get it. But we’re cool

as long as you send me back with a little extra luck in the wealth

and women department.”

“Heavenly judgment is the

most serious punishment of our Divine Retribution Department. It’s

equivalent to an execution by firing squad in the human realm. What

makes this punishment so amazing is that it will obliterate every

last piece of flesh and bone…”

“Yes, yes, I know all that,

but time is precious. Just let me go back…” Wait, I think I heard

a keyword… It suddenly hits me, and I shoot to my feet and grab the

chief by his collar. “Every last piece of flesh and bone?!”

The gentleman nods, forcing a

laugh. “Son… I’m so sorry.”

What the h.e.l.l!

A long while later, I sit back

down on the bridge pier, crossing my legs.

The workers of the Divine

Retribution Department, who seem to still have a shred of conscience,

let me take another look at the human world. Only a sc.r.a.p of femur

remains of my body, and police officers use it to identify the

corpse. My pitiful Chery has turned into a pile of burnt carbon. I

cry, I cry for the 28,000 yuan that I earned through working myself

to the bone.

A short while later, the

Ministry of Public Security reports my death to my family. The son

they raised for twenty years has been reduced to a piece of a femur

and finally receives his fifteen minutes of fame by going on the

headlines. Thankfully, they get a huge payout from my life insurance

and still have my little brother, Xiao-s.h.i.+, to carry on the family

name... I wonder if Yan Ni will shed a tear or two for me.

The old chief discusses this

matter with me saying he will send me to be reincarnated and born

into a good life. But I reject him without

a second thought.

d.a.m.n, it hasn’t exactly been

easy for me to grow up from diapers to adulthood. How can I let these

decades of hard work be destroyed so easily?

After negotiating with him,

there remains only one feasible proposal which is to place me in a

good body that has thoroughly enjoyed life yet will die young enough

that it’ll have more mileage for me to take over.

I’m straightforward with my

conditions: rich, handsome, with an ill.u.s.trious family background and

a continuous stream of babes hanging around him.

The chief and his two reapers

flip through a volume and study it carefully.

“Son, this one doesn’t

seem too bad. He’s the chairman of the x.x.x Corporation in the USA

and is known for his good looks. He also has a mistress who is a

Hollywood star!”

I turn the volume around to

take a look. “What! He’s already sixty-nine this year. Are you

sending me back just to

live for three more years?!”

As a result, I add another

important condition— he must be young!

The chief leafs through for a

long while and then sighs, “There’s only one who meets your

requirements.”

I p.r.i.c.k up my ear. “Alright,

give it to me.”

“Prince Tai of the Daxing

Dynasty.”

“Daxing Dynasty? Sounds like

one of those ancient dynasties, but why haven’t I heard of it?”

The chief doesn’t sound too

surprised. “There are many that haven’t been written down in

historical records.”

“Name and age?”

“Chai Rong, twenty-one years

old.”

Pa.s.sable, at best.

“Anything else?”

“He’s exceptionally

handsome and holds great power, and he has dozens of beauties hanging

off him. We only just reaped his soul yesterday, so his body is

fresh. I guarantee you won’t regret taking his body.” The

sincerity on the chief’s wrinkled face is something even the

heavens and earth could attest to.

Mmhmm, that actually sounds

pretty good. The chief throws

an arm around my

shoulder. “Son, this is a great vessel - one in a million. If not

for our grave error, we wouldn’t let anyone use it to return to

life. I can even increase the length of your youth and predestined

life-span. Make a decision quickly. You know the procedures of the

past: once the body enters the coffin, it’s too late. Make your

choice now. Yes or no?”

I consider for a moment and

then give a hesitant nod. Delighted, the chief pulls me up. “Now,

now, hurry along. I’ll send you back myself.”

I stand next to a well and

stick my head out for a look. A blurry scene appears on the surface

of the water with white, the colour of mourning, everywhere, similar

to the funeral I’ve seen in historical dramas. The department chief

makes all sorts of crazy gestures at the water. “Look, look, once

all the joss

paper in the funeral pavilion

is burnt, they’re going to nail the coffin closed. Quickly, get

down there!”

I suddenly thought

of something. “How

did this Prince Tai die?”

The chief responds, mumbling

vaguely, “He committed too many sins and he was … while he was…

”

“Wh?” Alarm

bells go off in my brain,

and I am about to demand more details when I am abruptly given a hard

shove on the back as the old gentleman hollers, “There’s only one

bundle of joss paper left. Hurry!”

I stumble, falling head-first.