"I might be able to," said Rincewind, cautiously. "Why?"

"You could be just the man the Seriph needs for a job in the harem." A couple of slavers sn.i.g.g.e.red.

"It could be a unique unique opportunity," the leader went on, encouraged by this audience appreciation. There was more broadminded approval from behind him. opportunity," the leader went on, encouraged by this audience appreciation. There was more broadminded approval from behind him.

Rincewind backed away. "I don't think so," he said, "thanks all the same. I'm not cut out for that kind of thing."

"Oh, but you could be," said the leader, his eyes bright. "You could be."

"Oh, for goodness sake," muttered Conina. She glanced at the men on either side of her, and then her hands moved. The one stabbed with the scissors was possibly better off than the one she raked with the comb, given the kind of mess a steel comb can make of a face. Then she reached down, s.n.a.t.c.hed up a sword dropped by one of the stricken men, and lunged at the other two.

The leader turned at the screams, and saw the Luggage behind him with its lid open. And then Rincewind cannoned into the back of him, pitching him forward into whatever oblivion lay in the multidimensional depths of the chest.

There was the start of a bellow, abruptly cut off.

Then there was a click like the shooting of the bolt on the gates of h.e.l.l.

Rincewind backed away, trembling. "A unique opportunity," he muttered under his breath, having just got the reference.

At least he had a unique opportunity to watch Conina fight. Not many men ever got to see it twice.

Her opponents started off grinning at the temerity of a slight young girl in attacking them, and then rapidly pa.s.sed through various stages of puzzlement, doubt, concern and abject gibbeting terror as they apparently became the center of a flashing, tightening circle of steel.

She disposed of the last of the leader's bodyguard with a couple of thrusts that made Rincewind's eyes water and, with a sigh, vaulted the rail on the main deck. To Rincewind's annoyance the Luggage barrelled after her, cushioning its fall by dropping heavily onto a slaver, and adding to the sudden panic of the invaders because, while it was bad enough to be attacked with deadly and ferocious accuracy by a rather pretty girl in a white dress with flowers on it, it was even worse for the male ego to be tripped up and bitten by a travel accessory; it was pretty bad for all the rest of the male, too.

Rincewind peered over the railing.

"Showoff," he muttered.

A throwing knife clipped the wood near his chin and ricocheted past his ear. He raised his hand to the sudden stinging pain, and stared at it in horror before gently pa.s.sing out. It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting.

The market in Sator Square, the wide expanse of cobbles outside the black gates of the University, was in full cry.

It was said that everything in Ankh-Morpork was for sale except for the beer and the women, both of which one merely hired. And most of the merchandise was available in Sator market, which over the years had grown, stall by stall, until the newcomers were up against the ancient stones of the University itself; in fact they made a handy display area for bolts of cloth and racks of charms.

No one noticed the gates swing back. But a silence rolled out of the University, spreading out across the noisy, crowded square like the first fresh wavelets of the tide trickling over a brackish swamp. In fact it wasn't true silence at all, but a great roar of anti-noise. Silence isn't the opposite of sound, it is merely its absence. But this was the sound that lies on the far side of silence, anti-noise, its shadowy decibels throttling the market cries like a fall of velvet.

The crowds stared around wildly, mouthing like goldfish and with about as much effect. All heads turned toward the gates.

Something else was flowing out besides that cacophony of hush. The stalls nearest the empty gateway began to grind across the cobbles, shedding merchandise. Their owners dived out of the way as the stalls. .h.i.t the row behind them and sc.r.a.ped relentlessly onward, piling up until a wide avenue of clean, empty stones stretched the whole width of the square.

Ardrothy Longstaff, Purveyor of Pies Full of Personality, peered over the top of the wreckage of his stall in time to see the wizards emerge.

He knew wizards, or up until now he'd always thought he did. They were vague old boys, harmless enough in their way, dressed like ancient sofas, always ready customers for any of his merchandise that happened to be marked down on account of age and rather more personality than a prudent housewife would be prepared to put up with.

But these wizards were something new to Ardrothy. They walked out into Sator Square as if they owned it. Little blue sparks flashed around their feet. They seemed a little taller, somehow.

Or perhaps it was just the way they carried themselves.

Yes, that was it...

Ardrothy had a touch of magic in his genetic makeup, and as he watched the wizards sweep across the square it told him that the very best thing he could do for his health would be to pack his knives, and mincers in his little pack and have it away out of the city at any time in the next ten minutes.

The last wizard in the group lagged behind his colleagues and looked around the square with disdain.

"There used to be fountains out here," he said. "You people-be off."

The traders stared at one another. Wizards normally spoke imperiously, that was to be expected. But there was an edge to the voice that no one had heard before. It had knuckles in it.

Ardrothy's eyes swivelled sideways. Arising out of the ruins of his jellied starfish and clam stall like an avenging angel, dislodging various molluscs from his beard and spitting vinegar, was Miskin Koble, who was said to be able to open oysters with one hand. Years of pulling limpets off rocks and wrestling the giant c.o.c.kles in Ankh Bay had given him the kind of physical development normally a.s.sociated with tectonic plates. He didn't so much stand up as unfold.

Then he thudded his way toward the wizard and pointed a trembling finger at the ruins of his stall, from which half a dozen enterprising lobsters were making a determined bid for freedom. Muscles moved around the edges of his mouth like angry eels.

"Did you do that?" he demanded.

"Stand aside, oaf," said the wizard, three words which in the opinion of Ardrothy gave him the ongoing life expectancy of a gla.s.s cymbal.

"I hates wizards," said Koble. "I really hates wizards. So I am going to hit you, all right?"

He brought his fist back and let fly.

The wizard raised an eyebrow, yellow fire sprang up around the sh.e.l.lfish salesman, there was a noise like tearing silk, and Koble had vanished. All that was left was his boots, standing forlornly on the cobbles with little wisps of smoke coming out of them.

No one knows why smoking boots always remain, no matter how big the explosion. It seems to be just one of those things.

It seemed to the watchful eyes of Ardrothy that the wizard himself was nearly as shocked as the crowd, but he rallied magnificently and gave his staff a flourish.

"You people had better jolly well learn from this," he said. "No one raises their hand to a wizard, do you understand? There are going to be a lot of changes around here. Yes, what do you want?"

This last comment was to Ardrothy, who was trying to sneak past unnoticed. He scrabbled quickly in his pie tray.

"I was just wondering if your honorship would care to purchase one of these finest pies," he said hurriedly. "Full of nourish-"

"Watch closely, pie-selling person," said the wizard. He stretched out his hand, made a strange gesture with his fingers, and produced a pie out of the air.

It was fat, golden-brown and beautifully glazed. Just by looking at it Ardrothy knew it was packed edge to edge with prime lean pork, with none of those s.p.a.cious areas of good fresh air under the lid that represented his own profit margin. It was the kind of pie piglets hope to be when they grew up.

His heart sank. His ruin was floating in front of him with short-crust pastry on it.

"Want a taste?" said the wizard. "There's plenty more where that came from."

"Wherever it came from," said Ardrothy.

He looked past the shiny pastry to the face of the wizard, and in the manic gleam of those eyes he saw the world turning upside down.

He turned away, a broken man, and set out for the nearest city gate.

As if it wasn't bad enough that wizards were killing people, he thought bitterly, they were taking away their livelihood as well.

A bucket of water splashed into Rincewind's face, jerking him out of a dreadful dream in which a hundred masked women were attempting to trim his hair with broadswords and cutting it very fine indeed. Some people, having a nightmare like that, would dismiss it as castration anxiety, but Rincewind's subconscious knew being-cut-to-tiny-bits-mortal-dread when it saw it. It saw it most of the time.

He sat up.

"Are you all right?" said Conina, anxiously.

Rincewind swivelled his eyes around the cluttered deck.

"Not necessarily," he said cautiously. There didn't seem to be any black-clad slavers around, at least vertically. There were a good many crew members, all of them maintaining a respectful distance from Conina. Only the captain stood reasonably close, an inane grin on his face.

"They left," said Conina. "Took what they could and left."

"They b.a.s.t.a.r.ds," said the captain, "but they paddle pretty fast!" Conina winced as he gave her a ringing slap on the back. "She fight real good for a lady," he added. "Yes!"

Rincewind got unsteadily to his feet. The boat was scudding along cheerfully toward a distant smear on the horizon that had to be hubward Klatch. He was totally unharmed. He began to cheer up a bit.

The captain gave them both a hearty nod and hurried off to shout orders connected with sails and ropes and things. Conina sat down on the Luggage, which didn't seem to object.

"He said he's so grateful he'll take us all the way to Al Khali," she said.

"I thought that's what we arranged anyway," said Rincewind. "I saw you give him money, and everything."

"Yes, but he was was planning to overpower us and sell me as a slave when he got there." planning to overpower us and sell me as a slave when he got there."

"What, not sell me?" said Rincewind, and then snorted, "Of course, it's the wizard's robes, he wouldn't dare-"

"Um. Actually, he said he'd have to give you away," said Conina, picking intently at an imaginary splinter on the Luggage's lid.

"Give me away?" me away?"

"Yes. Um. Sort of like, one free wizard with every concubine sold? Um."

"I don't see what vegetables have got to do with it."

Conina gave him a long, hard stare, and when he didn't break into a smile she sighed and said, "Why are you wizards always nervous around women?"

Rincewind bridled at this slur. "I like that!" he said, "I'll have you know that-look, anyway, the point is, I get along very well with women in general, it's just women with swords that upset me." He considered this for a while, and added, "Everyone with swords upset me, if it comes to that."

Conina picked industriously at the splinter. The Luggage gave a contented creak.

"I know something else that'll upset you," she muttered.

"Hmmm?"

"The hat's gone."

"What?"

"I couldn't help it, they just grabbed whatever they could-"

"The slavers have made off with the hat?"

"Don't you take that tone with me! I I wasn't having a quiet sleep at the time-" wasn't having a quiet sleep at the time-"

Rincewind waved his hands frantically. "Nonono, don't get excited, I wasn't taking any tone-I want to think about this..."

"The captain says they'll probably go back to Al Khali," he heard Conina say. "There's a place where the criminal element hang out, and we can soon-"

"I don't see why we have to do anything," said Rincewind. "The hat wanted to keep out the way of the University, and I shouldn't think those slavers ever drop in there for a quick sherry."

"You'll let them run off with it?" said Conina, in genuine astonishment.

"Well, someone's got to do it. The way I see it, why me?"

"But you said it's the symbol of wizardry! What wizards all aspire to! You can't just let it go like that!"

"You watch me." Rincewind sat back. He felt oddly surprised. He was making a decision. It was his. It belonged to him. No-one was forcing him to make it. Sometimes it seemed that his entire life consisted of getting into trouble because of what other people wanted, but this time he'd made a decision and that was that. He'd get off the boat at Al Khali and find some way of going home. Someone else could save the world, and he wished them luck. He'd made a decision.

His brow furrowed. Why didn't he feel happy about it?

Because it's the wrong b.l.o.o.d.y decision, you idiot.

Right, he thought, I've had enough voices in my head. Out.

But I belong here.

You mean you're me?

Your conscience.

Oh.

You can't let the hat be destroyed. It's the symbol...

...all right, I know...

...the symbol of magic under the Lore. Magic under the control of mankind. You don't want to go back to those dark Ians...

...What?...

Ians...