MRS. H. To amuse you. She'll make an exhibition of you as I've made of him; and people will laugh at you. Oh, Pip, can't you see that? It's as plain as the noonday sun. You'll be trotted about and told lies, and made a fool of like the others. _I_ never made a fool of you, did I?

CAPT. G. (_Aside._) What a clever little woman it is!

MRS. H. Well, what have you to say?

CAPT. G. I feel better.

MRS. H. Yes, I suppose so, after I have come down to your level. I couldn't have done it if I hadn't cared for you so much. I have spoken the truth.

CAPT. G. It doesn't alter the situation.

MRS. H. (_Pa.s.sionately._) Then she _has_ said that she cares for you!

Don't believe her, Pip. It's a lie--as bad as yours to me!

CAPT. G. Ssssteady! I've a notion that a friend of yours is looking at you.

MRS. H. He! I _hate_ him. He introduced you to me.

CAPT. G. (_Aside._) And some people would like women to a.s.sist in making the laws. Introduction to imply condonement. (_Aloud._) Well, you see, if you can remember so far back as that, I couldn't, in common politeness, refuse the offer.

MRS. H. In common politeness! We have got beyond _that!_

CAPT. G. (_Aside._) Old ground means fresh trouble, (_Aloud._) On my honour--

MRS. H. Your _what?_ Ha, ha!

CAPT. G. Dishonour, then. She's not what you imagine. I meant to--

MRS. H. Don't tell me anything about her! She _won't_ care for you, and when you come back, after having made an exhibition of yourself, you'll fine me occupied with--

CAPT. G. (_Insolently._) You couldn't while I am alive. (_Aside._) If that doesn't bring her pride to her rescue, nothing will.

MRS. H. (_Drawing herself up_). Couldn't do it? _I?_ (_Softening._) You're right. I don't believe I could--though you are what you are--a coward and a liar in grain.

CAPT. G. It doesn't hurt so much after your little lecture--with demonstrations.

MRS. H. One ma.s.s of vanity! Will nothing _ever_ touch you in this life?

There must be a Hereafter if it's only for the benefit of---But you will have it all to yourself.

CAPT. G. (_Under his eyebrows._) Are you so certain of that?

MRS. H. I shall have had mine in this life; and it will serve me right.

CAPT. G. But the admiration that you insisted on so strongly a moment ago? (_Aside._) Oh, I _am_ a brute!

MRS. H. (_Fiercely._) Will _that_ console me for knowing that you will go to her with the same words, the same arguments, and the--the same pet names you used to me? And if she cares for you, you two will laugh over my story. Won't that be punishment heavy enough even for me--even for me?--And it's all useless. That's another punishment.

CAPT. G. (_Feebly._) Oh, come! I'm not so low as you think.

MRS. H. Not now, perhaps, but you will be. Oh, Pip, if a woman flatters your vanity, there's nothing on earth that you would not tell her; and no meanness that you would not do. Have I known you so long without knowing that?

CAPT. G. If you can trust me in nothing else--and I don't see why I should be trusted--you can count upon my holding my tongue.

MRS. H. If you denied everything you've said this evening and declared it was all in fun (_a long pause_), I'd trust you. Not otherwise. All I ask is, don't tell her my name. _Please_ don't. A man might forget: a woman never would. (_Looks up table and sees hostess beginning to collect eyes._) So it's all ended, through no fault of mine--Haven't I behaved beautifully? I've accepted your dismissal, and you managed it as cruelly as you could, and I have made you respect my s.e.x, haven't I?

(_Arranging gloves and fan._) I only pray that she'll know you some day as I know you now. I wouldn't be you then, for I think even your conceit will be hurt. I hope she'll pay you back the humiliation you've brought on me. I hope--No. I don't. I _can't_ give you up! I must have something to look forward to or I shall go crazy. When it's all over, come back to me, come back to me, and you'll find that you're my Pip still!

CAPT. G. (_Very clearly._) 'False move, and you pay for it. It's a girl!

MRS. H. (_Rising._) Then it _was_ true! They said--but I wouldn't insult you by asking. A girl! _I_ was a girl not very long ago. Be good to her, Pip. I daresay she believes in you.

_Goes out with an uncertain smile. He watches her through the door, and settles into a chair as the men redistribute themselves._

CAPT. G. Now, if there is any Power who looks after this world, will He kindly tell me what I have done? (_Reaching out for the claret, and half aloud._) What _have_ I done?

WITH ANY AMAZEMENT

And are not afraid with any amazement.--_Marriage service_.

SCENE.--_A bachelor's bedroom--toilet-table arranged with unnatural neatness_. CAPTAIN GADSBY _asleep and snoring heavily._ Time, 10.30 A.

M.--_a glorious autumn day at Simla. Enter delicately_ CAPTAIN MAFFLIM of GADSBY'S regiment. Looks at sleeper, and shakes his head murmuring 'Poor Gaddy.' Performs violent fantasia with hair-brushes on chair-back.

CAPT. M. Wake up, my sleeping beauty! (_Roars_.)

'Uprouse ye, then, my merry merry men!

It is our opening day!

It is our opening da-ay!'

Gaddy, the little d.i.c.ky-birds have been billing and cooing for ever so long; and I'm here!

CAPT. G. (_Sitting up and yawning_.) 'Mornin'. This is awf'ly good of you, old fellow. Most awf'ly good of you. 'Don't know what I should do without you. On my soul, I don't. 'Haven't slept a wink all night.

CAPT. M. I didn't get in till half-past eleven. 'Had a look at you then, and you seemed to be sleeping as soundly as a condemned criminal.

CAPT. G. Jack, if you want to make those disgustingly worn-out jokes, you'd better go away. (With _portentous gravity_.) It's the happiest day in my life.

CAPT. M. (Chuckling grimly.) Not by a very long chalk, my son. You're going through some of the most refined torture you've ever known. But be calm. I am with you. 'Shun! _Dress_!

CAPT. G. Eh! Wha-at?

CAPT. M. DO you suppose that you are your own master for the next twelve hours? If you _do_, of course---(_Makes for the door_.)

CAPT. G. No! For Goodness' sake, old man, don't do that! You'll see me through, won't you? I've been mugging up that beastly drill, and can't remember a line of it.

CAPT. M. (_Overhauling_ G's _uniform_.) Go and tub. Don't bother me.

I'll give you ten minutes to dress in.